29 January 2008

I Luv NY

I got a story to tell. Take a seat, get something to drink we might be here a while. See somehow I was talked into drivng my godmother, godsister thier friend to New York so they could do some shopping. At the time it didn't seem like a big deal till I realized was driving 4 hours to go shopping with 3 women, what the hell was I thinking? They caught me at a weak moment. So we leave out around 5:30am. By 6:30 everyone but me was sleep. Whats with women and sleeping in cars? dudes would have stayed up and kept me company, these women had pillows and blankets. So I was alone for 75% of the trip. I and no music to listen to because I didn't know what the out of town radio stations were and I forgot to bring some CD's. So in this quiet boredom I figured I might as well drive as fast as possible.

Here's some tips for shopping with women. Never leave them... if you go off to do something else they think your having fun and take even longer. Never smile for this same reason. Every 10 min complain about something, doesn't matter what just remind them that you are not happy and this counts as quality time together. If you see a chair, go ahead and sit down but don't look like your enjoying it and Don't sit somewhere you can't see them, they might think you took a nap and will take forever. Try and avoid buying anything, they will use this against you the next time. They say things like "Remember you got that nice shirt last time we went shopping" and you will forget that you spend 5 hours holding bags and waiting around to get that shirt. As you read this story you will see I didn't take any of my own advise. Learn from my mistakes.

We finally get to NY around 8:30 (that's right 3 hours baby!!!) Turns out they want to look for some purses on Canal st. Now I've done my fair share of bootleg purse shopping on Canal but that was years ago. It's completly different now, for 1 there is not nearly as much fake shyt as there used to be. I remember you could find anything out there, now it's just purses, watches and glasses. They don't even have the good stuff out anymore, in order to get a designer purse you have to follow someone to a secret room at the top of some stairs behind a bunch on unmarked doors in an unmarked building. It's alot like doing a drug deal... lol Needless to say the first time we went to one of these places I was nervous, following strangers into strange buildings behind self-locking doors is not my idea of a good thing. So we follow a couple people into these buildings all around Canal st, the girls find some stuff and now they want to hit the fashion district.

I don't know NY that well so it took me a min to find the fashion district but I asked a couple New Yorkers which way to go and figured it out. Now I should point out that I never appreciated how big the damn buildings in NY were till my Navigation keep losing signal. Every building is like 30 floors, I drove past the empire state building and it looked just like the rest of them from the ground. So we make it to the fashion district and I can't find parking for shyt. I finally find a place and ask an police officer where I can get change to feed the meter. He says "You can't park there... well you can but your car will be gone when you come back" I'm like huh? and he explains that this parking is for commercial vehicles only. So I drop the women off to shop and continue to search for parking. I drive around for 30 min and find another spot. I get out and see a meter maid driving past. I stop him and ask if I can park here... of course he says "No, that's a $115 fine" and then gives me a speech about how to read the street signs. So now I know how to read the signs and where I can park and where I can't. I drive around for another 30 min (1 hour total) before I say fukk it and just park in a garage.

Now I have to find the girls... they are like 7 blocks away at some fur store. Did I mention it's freezing outside? no? well yeah I can't feel my face... lol . I finally meet them and my god mother give me a bag with 2 dresses to carry. We walk around to a couple other stores and stop to get some pizza. The pizza was good, I have no idea the name of the place but they had like 30 different kinds even some with fried chicken on it. Yes fried chicken pizza, I stuck with cheese.

After eating we end up at some store called "Conway" no this spot is really hood, the best way I could describe it is a low budget Marshalls. It was like a warehouse with clothes in it. Didn't even have a finished ceiling, you could see the duct work and all. So they are in there having a ball, low prices and plenty of crap. Women love it. I finally decide to go look in the mens section, that was kinda depressing, all they had was bootleg fubu looking stuff. I saw 2 plain jackets that looked to be worth buying but I passed. I didn't trust the place with my credit card... lol The girls buy a rack of stuff and come back with pink sales bags... PINK!!! what kind of place has pink bags? I'm glad I didn't buy anything now, there was noway I was walking down Broadway with a pink bag.

After Conway we hit the "Worlds Biggest Macys" now normally I talk shyt on things that claim to be the "worlds greatest" or "worlds biggest" I had a stripper give me the "Best lapdance in the world" one time and she lied, but this Macys is HUGE, this damn thing is a mall by it's self. It's 8 floors, I've never seen anything like it. I took the escalator to the 4th and the lady said "oh that's on the 8th floor" I was stuck for a second like 8 floors in 1 store. It was amazing (i'm easily amazed) They even had a cleaning person going around the store sweeping up trash. It was like a stadium. The escalators are really old like they were the first ones installed. I mean they are wooden, it's interesting. So I visited around 6 floors of this building and didn't see 1 mens section. I finally looked at the map and saw the mens section was on the 2nd floor. I didn't bother looking for it I was just curious how 7 floors could be devoted to womens clothes. This reminds me of one of my many grips about department stores. Go to your local macys and I promise there is a womens restroom on every floor, BUT there is only a mens room in the mens department, like it's the only place we could be. Women just drop us off there and go shopping thru the rest of the store. Anyway back to the story.

So we finally leave the Mall of Macys and go across the street to some place called "Daffies" which is like 4 floors but there is an express elevator to the 7th floor of the building. we get off the elevator and BAM!!! a mens section.. only it sucks. It's actually worse that Conway's I'm depressed. I take a seat on a bench and decide to play with my phone while I wait for the women to shop. They proceed to put their bags around me and walk off. Now I'm sitting on a bench with like 10 bags surrounding me like a homeless person. People are walking past me, guys are giving me that "I feel you brother" look. Then just when it can't get worse, 4 15 year old girls sit down next to me. I know they were 15 because they were talking about their sweet 16 parties and going to their schools graduation. Some dude told them about a teenage club in the area where which they are going to hit up later that night. I'm in hell, and I can't leave because I can't carry all these damn bags. The girls are nowhere in sight and I'm alone with teenagers.

After Daffies we go outside and they decide to go to Vikki's across the street, that's where i draw the line and say tell them I'm hitting the Gap and foot locker. I run thru gap and find nothing. So I'm off to foot locker and I get stopped by this dude who wants to sell me his CD. He says he is from the Bronx and says something else read quick, I wasn't really paying attention till he says he will autograph it for me. That's something I can appreciate, a man who goes the extra mile to sell some crap to me. So he asks my name and where I'm from, I tell him Dave from DC, and he signs the CD. Here is a pic of it.....
What? you can't read it? oh me either but I'm told it says "D-Money aka DC's PIMP" Where he got D-Money from is beyond me, I guess Dave was not gangsta enough to be on his CD... lol Dude's name was Shotime and here is his myspace. I think I like it more because I can't read it. Not everyone can scribble on a CD and make you buy it. If he ever makes it big I can put this on ebay or something. So after getting my new nickname I go into footlocker and see the same crap I've seen in the footlocker back home. So I pass on buying anything there and go to meet the girls in Vikki's.

After Vikki's we go on a search for some jewelry store one of the girls remembers from her last visit. we go about 2 blocks down from Macys and find the store, another place that has nothing for me. We stay there for about 40 min, then they decide to head back to the car and go home. Now I've been walking a good 5 miles so far and I still have to drive home. I'm tired. They stop in a couple more stores to look around. we Finally make it back to the car. Parking fee.. $31. I'm a lil pissed about that since I though it was going to be $20 max. We hop in the car and they say they want to look to see of this store was still open. So we drive past it, it's closed but we pasted another store they wanted to look at. So I pull over let them get out and I hang out in the car while they search some more. Finally they get back and we get on the road.

Before we even leave NY they need to use the restroom. So I stop at the first rest stop on the NJ turnpike. I go get some food and as I'm sitting there waiting on my fish sandwich who do I see? No other than DJ Clue. Here is the entire convo me and Clue had.

Me: Clue!!
Clue: Sup Fam
Me: Sup Man

And there me and DJ Clue sat, waiting on the rest stop lady to make some fries and a fish sandwhich. By the way Clue had on the ugly ass Pelle Pelle jacket, what's with the dude's in NY loving Pelle Pelle? Anyway we ate and used the bathroom. Then we hit the road again. NJ turnpike is the most boringest stretch of road I have ever driven, All the girls were asleep again so I was alone in silence on a boring ass road. It was almost as bad as sitting with the teenagers....almost. I made it back to DC in about 3 1/2 hours, but we had to stop at another rest stop so they could use the bathroom again. So lets see I left at 5:30am, got back at 10:00 pm and got a total of 1 crappy CD on my "shopping" trip to NY. Next trip one of the other men is driving, I've done my time and I'm rehabilitated... lol


Eb the Celeb said...

Daaanng... CLue be everywhere... thats my dude tho.. he cool peeps... and I have no idea why dudes up here wear that whack PELLE PELLE mess... Clue prolly got it for free or getting paid to wear that mess... not too many black dudes wear it... its more latinos that anyone...

Eb the Celeb said...

Oh and homer... sorry... but I may have to cancel our valentine joint... I will be just getting in town the afternoon before... and will be leaving at a 7am flight the morning of valentines day... so I cant be sitting up until past midnight doing a post... So sorry... please dont hate me

Ms. Behaving said...

Those are some great shopping tips. Just make sure you actually take heed to em' the next time around okay?!?! [LOL].

[All those women...combined with being subjected to making all those stops @ all those stores HAD to be pure torture!!]

Reads like you were a good sport about it tho' :-)

WrkNProgress said...

I wish I had been there, I love to shop and love shopping in NY, One good thing--You had a CD to listen to on the way home, :P

Homer is My Co-pilot said...

Eb - No Prob... I'll catch up with my new girlfriend Sleep. She is always there for me.. lol

Ms Behaving - I'm used to it I've grown up around all women my whole life. It just sucked to drive all that way to go thru it.

Wrkn - That CD was GARBAGE!!! it wasn't even new. It was from '06. Plus I knew he would be cursing up a storm so I couldn't listen to it with my Godmom in the car.

Sha Boogie said...

OMG! How did I feel bad for you and find that hilariously funny all at the same time, amazing..I mean dang, when are you taking ME shopping, I'll even carry my own bags, ha!

-Q. said...

Sup Fam!! hahahaa.. Man this story's hilarious(and hilariously true to so many). I rmember that same trip from uptown to 34th Macy's, Daffies, Conway.. My mom's Fur storage is ablock away. At 16 you got no choice to do that shit lol!!! You took me back- i miss home. AND YO, NYC cats still got a thing for PellePelle cuzz they made really good quality jeans [AT ONE TIME] before some we got out of control and started wearing $300+ to get the "quality"- I'm talking even before Sean Jean came out.. My nig, I feel for ya.
One Question thogh - Why you aint play Shotime's joint on the way back(or buy some last minute bootlegs, i mean it is NYC, 2 for 5?) . I would clown about the situation cuzz it is funny but I'll just give you my "i feel for you brotha look" -Q.

Opinionated Diva said...

You were very nice and exremely brave to go shopping with the women folk. As a women...even I hate to shop with other women!

Next time take the train here! Parking in Manhattan is ALWAYS sucky!

NikkiJ said...

I really want to feel sorry for you, but I can't stop thinking how fun this must have been for the ladies. I'm jealous. For next time, remember to go to the children's section if you can't find anything in the men's. It never hearts to get kids clothes (even in larger sizes for the future) at a huge discount. You know there's going to be a next time ;)

Eb the Celeb said...

LOL!!! Your new girlfriend "sleep"