12 February 2008

The Dream Killer

My lil cousins have nicknamed me the dream killer. Basically anything they come to me with an idea they say I shoot it down. Well not only shoot it down but crush it, burn it and use the ashes as flavor for my grill... lol I simply tell them the truth. I keep it real, they are like my lil bothers and I want the best for them. So when they tell me an idea I simply tell them EVERYTHING they need to consider. I figure if I give you all the facts and your still interested in it then go for it. It's not my fault they lose interest after I talk to them.

This brings me to my latest call. My cousin calls me and says he is about to take out a student loan to go to Washington Art Institute. Now he already dropped out of a University without consulting me. I would have talked him into staying and at least finishing the semester, this fool just stopped going to class. He already paid for the class and just stopped going, so then he was out the school credits and his money. I cursed his ass out for that one. So anyway he decides to get my opinion on this new school. In talking to him I discover that he wants to be a Sound bard engineer and the average salary is 40k. In order to finish the degree he will need about 80k in student loans. Now that doesn't really add up to me so I tell him as such. I say if you really want that career then know that you will be paying back a loan for a LONG time and you better love your job to make it worth it. To me you can make 40k at a security job without a degree, SO if your going to make that AND be in debt you better love what your doing. Plus i'm not for going to trade schools for degrees a bachelors should come from somewhere with University in the name. He says this is a good school and he will be learning what he wants to learn in a hands on environment. I try to be supportive but in the end he still says I'm crushing another dream and I'm being too real with him about the situation. He wants me to sugar coat life and that's not what I'm about. I love the dude and I feel responsible for showing him what adulthood is about. I just don't want him making a mistake he will be paying for a long time. It's hard to tell the truth and not crush his dream.


Sha Boogie said...

Fugg sugar coating! Life is real - kudos on killing the fairy tales..lol

NikkiJ said...

My dad used to use the term "sugar coat" all the time and it enraged me. I thought he was trying to hold me down. I knew he only wanted the best for me, but did he have to piss me off to achieve this?

In a preschool environment, when a child does something wrong, the teachers in CA aren't allowed to use negativity. A kid socks another out, and they can't say "stop, you heathen", but must instead say "we love our friends, gentle touches Suzy." Can't say "stop dropping stuff on the floor", but must say "put your trash in the trash can." This is hard to do at home because you think kids ought to know what to do instead, but youngsters need guidance in the form of reassurance more often than experienced adults.

One Man’s Opinion said...

Wow, you got to be a pretty good shot to shoot down a dream. I am with you though. I have the same problem with a lot of my family members. The problem is that they make snap decisions that come back to bite them in the ass. I'm not dream killer, I am just a realist. What I tell them is out of love, but if they are doing something that makes since, I will totally stand by their side.

Eb the Celeb said...

For some people its about following your heart... and not about the money... so you have to let him make his own decisions... you gave him the info he needs but ultimately he is going to have to learn on his own...

your a good big cuz though

Opinionated Diva said...

You're a realist. Whether people like what you have to say or not, they'll respect it.

Shazza Nakim said...

There is no one who is more REAL than I but I also learned that REALNESS is SELF EVIDENT. Meaning the truth in one's reality is self-made and the energy that comes with one's reality grounds you where you are at that particular SPACE AND TIME. So when people come to you, looking for or asking for advice, the goal isn't to remove a person from one's REALITY but to include them in it so that they can see some of the barriers or limitations so that they can go back and MAKE the appropriate changes.

As an ex-teacher and now peer-consultant for urban youth I get all kinds of OFF THE WALL IDEAS but a Mentor would tell you that NO IDEA or GOAL is far fetched. Ideas, Like DREAMS are like malleable. They can be molded like clay. As a Mentor, (and this is a distinct difference between Black Children and other ethnic cultures) we try not to limit possibilities even if it sounds straight out of a science fiction movie. It is in those ideas, dreams, possibilities; the Millionaires, the Scientist, the Artist, etc come from. Granted your family member wanted to go BACK to school ... and although he "messed up" the first time ... what is past is past. NOW instead of deterring him from going back or using loan money, He/She can use GRANT MONEY which would require them to actually research and or WORK to get the funds. By encouraging as sense of WORTH to the education develops a pattern of growth, development and foundation for setting goals. Its call step making, something that our CHILDREN have a serious disconnect with.

DREAN KILLING is something that we have inherited from Slavery. We do not want to accept as part of our psyche but when children are told by society that YOU CAN'T DREAM and then have family tell you can't without including constructive criticism (opposite to destructive criticism), it sets up a pattern of following what they see as limited achievement. Often what they see as the highest level of achievement within their community is far short of their TRUE ABILITY.

Your cousin may have entered as a SOUND ENGINEER but may eventually became a patten owner of a WHOLE NEW WAY TO PRODUCE SOUND or work on a project to improve sound quality from sound from outer space or even own his own Studio or create opportunities to help develop alternative Internet radio. He was correct, you can make 40K being a security guard (the result of a DREAM KILLER) but if your cousin is successful he may start out with 40K and end up 40 Million and 40K per year.

Homer is My Co-pilot said...

Shazza - This post may have seemed like I was deterring him from going to school, that's not the case. I want him to follow his dream, I just want him to realize what he is doing at the same time. My real issue was the debt part of the equation, going 80k into debt doesn't make sense to me. I wouldn't be nearly as hard on him if he applied for grants and scholarships. I suggested this to him before but he doesn't want to do that. He doesn't think he would get one (ignorant I know, it doesn't hurt to try) He just wants to go to school and get a job. He doesn't want to look for internships, scholarships, mentors or anything. So if he's going into debt just to get this job I just want it to be his dream job. If your a teacher and you love teaching them that student loan would be worth it because you love what your doing, I just hope he will love what he'll be doing.

Ieisha said...

Part of pursuing dreams means that when you share the vision with others, they may not share the same passion as you.

The other people may embrace your dream and then there are us. We are the ones who put the dreams into perspective and try to get them to see the bigger picture.

I am biased cuz I've been told my whole life that my words are harsh and that I should "sprinkle some sugar" when I talk to others.

To me, the truth needs no chaser. You simple gave him some food for thought. That's all. And if he's convinced that sound bard engineering is his desire, he'll make it happen regardless.

Stay real and true.