I have a discussion with myself weekly and sometimes daily on whether I really want to get married or not. It's an important question because it determines how I interact with the opposite sex. For example if I feel like I'm not trying to get married and I'll just roll single the rest of my days I might not trip if a girl has a couple issues or things I don't care for, why? because I'm not planning on keeping her anyway. Now if I'm in a "I need a wife" kinda mood I look at the whole package and what she could bring to my life. I always view dates as interviews, you meet ask a couple questions get a feel for one another and if it seems good you get a call back. The question is what job are you applying for? girlfriend, wife or jumpoff. There are very different questions you ask for those positions.
I also have the issue weather I would even want to be married. My family has a horrible track record. with marriage and honestly I only know 2 young people who are happily married. Within my family all 10 of my uncles and aunts are divorced and a high percentage of my cousins are either divorced or in unhappy marriages. So on one hand it seems in the cards for me to fail at marriage but on the other they have nothing to do with me and how I do things. I have a chance to break the cycle.
So I have my family history on my back but I also have my daughter. Most people get married to have kids. I skipped a step lol. But really there is a reason you are supposed to find someone to spend your life with before you have kids. See if your married then you should love that person and want to do anything for them so when you have kids your love for that person should grow because you have that biological bond.(granted all this applies to a perfect world that doesn't exist) When your married there shouldn't be a question of who comes first? your wife or your kids? Hopefully you and your wife will both want the best for you children. So you don't have to make that choice. Now as a single dad I have to put my baby first. It's unreasonable for me to expect a woman to put my baby before her and I know plenty women who have bitterness towards their boyfriend/husbands kids. So then I'll be married and constantly wondering how she really feels about my daughter. Then what happens when my daughter gets older. What if her and my future wife butt heads all the time. I'll be living in a war zone between people I love. Let me get to the positives of marriage because I'm starting to talk myself out of it.
Have you ever seen 2 people who really love each other? it's sicking they all happy and shyt, I want that lol I want to make people sick. I remember going to my buddies wedding and seeing just how happy his wife was. I couldn't shake the feeling that I want to make someone that happy, she was the first bride I'd even seen who was just glowing, she couldn't stop smiling it was crazy. When a marriage works it's great, I feel like I'd be cheating myself if I didn't give it a shot. I see my uncles and as much as I could see myself being just like them I don't want to be like them. My uncle was cooking a whole chicken one sunday and begged me to take some because he couldn't eat it all. I don't want to be old cooking more than I can eat.
Plus I think I want another child. I wanna know how the who married with kids thing feels. I've been single so there is a whole nother part of life I'm missing out on. Some days I feel like my children deserve to at least know what a happy married household should look like. Now that could turn horribly wrong on me and jack my kids up by having them in a war zone between their parents. See there are alot of things to consider lmao. Today I'm feeling the love and I'm thinking about Mrs Right, tomorrow who knows. As I'm writing this I'm thinking that I'll stop thinking about it and just go about my daily life, Someone told me that your only single till that person comes along who changes your outlook. Anyway it's food for thought, you do the dishes lol