08 April 2008

Daddy Issues

So I was getting on my daughter about lying to me (she stole an extra piece of salmon after I told her no more) and I got to thinking what kind of memories she will have of me when she got older. Basically I wondered what kind of father she would think I was when she gets older. That along with The Jaded NYer's post about her grandfather made me want to ask the question. What makes a good father? See I'm not the kind of guy who claims to know everything or is afraid of advice. Fatherhood is still pretty new to me and since my daughter didn't come with an instruction manual I basically learn as I go. I grew up around a bunch of women. My dad was gone and I never met either of my grandfathers so I never really had a steady male influence. I had no real examples of how to be a dad. I became a man because of my mom and uncles, but that's no substitute for a father, so hopefully some of you in blog land have fond memories of your dad, stepdad, grandpa or whoever was that fatherly person in your life. So I ask

What makes a good father?

Really I need all the help I can get... lol

12 comments:

BorednTalkative said...

I guess there are a lot of components to being a good father. You sound like you already are. I mean you play an active role in the raising of your daughter. You obviously love her. You're teaching her right from wrong. I'd say you are a good father. I believe as long as you are there for your child and show them love, support and respect, then you are a good parent.

I wish kids did come with an instruction manual, life would definitely be easier.

Opinionated Diva said...

I don't think you need nearly as much as help as you think you do, but I think it's cute that you asked. You seem to be doing a pretty good job, even though your poney tails might still need a little work! lol

What makes a good father? Simply put...I think it's someone who is always willing to put in the work to improve/maintain his relationship with his child.

The Jaded NYer said...

Papi and I never had any "talks" or anything like that. He was a good father because his actions oozed with goodness: he worked hard to provide for us, he loved my grandmother and showed it, he loved US and showed it, and he was there.

Even if we never spoke a word to one another, I'd sit next to him on the sofa and he'd put his arm around me... or, even after we were grown, he'd walk us everywhere if it was dark outside- to the bus stop, to the store, and kept a machete by the door and a butcher knife by his bead ready to cut any mo-fo who would dare to break in... stuff like that. it helps to make your baby feel loved and protected. Once you do that you're golden :)

PS- thanks for the shout out!

Ms. Behaving said...

I'm no know-it-all myself...
[Hell my oldest is going to be 19 in three more months and I'm still trying to figure her out] but I do know that being there/in your child's life and loving her unconditionally plays and important part.

NikkiJ said...

One thing that I notice about my dad is that he's soooo patient when talking to the kids about things they've done wrong. I yell sometimes and use threatening looks and tones. He speaks to them in a calm voice and I think it makes them really feel guilty for doing something they know they shouldn't have. Thinking back to when he was raising me, I wish that he would have allowed me to have boyfriends. He just didn't want to deal with it at all, and because of this when going out there to love land, I had to learn from bad experiences mostly. This doesn't make sense to me since I had a loving father right there the whole time.

Ieisha said...

A good father is involved.

A good father inspects what he expects. Since you're raising a daughter, a good father will peep her to the game all those snotty-nosed little boys will try to run on her. A good father will show her that she is a Queen and should expect nothing less than the royal treatment. You are her first example of how a lady should be treated. Give them little boys something to strive for in trying to win her over.

A good father is involved. It bears repeating because it is the most important to me. When she gets older, she won't remember the particular pair of shoes you brought her when she was 7 or the jacked-up hair do she had on August 15th, 2008. But she will remember that you tried to at least comb her hair and make her presentable. She will remember that you liked to take her to the park and show her how to cook french toast. Those are the priceless memories that will take her far.

Eb the Celeb said...

I think you are a great father. Just you realizing certain things and previous posts that I have read... your daughter adores you... and when she is older she will realize why you told her that she could not have anymore salmon.

I honestly cant speak on what a good father is. My father has always been in my life but really didnt know what to do with me. I made excuses for him all my life that he just needed a son, I still use that excuse for him not stepping up and being more of a father. My recollection of a good father comes from watching the Cosby show.

No matter what I did my father wouldnt whoop me, if I did need a spanking he would take me to my grandparents and tell them what I did so that they whooped me. That's the thing that resonates with me most about growing up with my father.

Homer is My Co-pilot said...

Thanks to everyone saying I'm a good father. Just for fun I'm going to combine everyones answers into a super dad if you will.

Dad's should Show your child love and find their instruction manual, maintain a relationship with them, Love them unconditionally, be patient and allow them to have boyfriends, oooz goodness, peep them to game, treat her like a queen and show them how to make french toast, emulate Heathcliff and beat their ass. And finally carry a big knife when walking them around at night to ward off the hoodlums. I think I got it, Thanks!!! lol

Sha Boogie said...

From your posts, it seems like your doing a banging job already!..lol.. But my best memories are really just of my dad spending time with me. Making me feel important, talking to me...little stuff like that. I hardly remember the gifts, I was spoiled as hell! But, I do remember and cherish the quality time.

AquariusDaisy said...

Hi! AquariusDaisy stopping by.

Your post forced my mind to think of my dad, I remember him, calling him,... dad,... daddy, he was my father, the only real male rock I believe I will have ever encountered in this lifetime. He smelled of Muslim oils often mixed with sweat from working in warehousing. I remember him clearly.

He called me Daisy and alas you can see I still love it. He and only he told me that "the boys are a pain on the heart, watchout for them." He was my dad, the man who's voice, either gentle or snid always said "I love you" in the right tone.

No matter what you say to your daughter as a father, say it with love and authority and she will respect and cherish it even when you are not around.

Bless.

p.s. you're already a great dad, shoot salmon is fattening:-)

Keith said...

We definitely have some things in common...

I think a good father is all about the love (corny, I know). A child that feels love and knows she is loved is a child that will feel secure and content. If you do everything, and make every decision from a place of true love, it will always work out. You seem to be doing that and because of that you are a good father. (At least that's what I tell myself.)

One Man’s Opinion said...

What makes a great father is the same thing that makes a good uncle. Being there and loving them unconditionally. Hating to displine them, but knowing that you have to. Giving them an understand of why they are being displined, if the need arises. Always being there with a smile or a word of encouragement. That and a whole hell of a lot more. Well, that's what I think makes a great father, but what do I know. I don't even know who my father is. I don't even know his name, let alone what he looks like.