23 May 2008

Live from the Corner pt. Tha Carter

Aight so you may remember me complaining that I couldn't eat lunch at my new desk. It was too open and I didn't feel comfortable. Well one of my co-workers, asks me if I want to join them for lunch. These the same co-workers who punked dude in a parked car. I say yeah and we head to "Tha Carter" as they called it. Turns out this is just a section of the back of the cafeteria where these dudes push 4 tables together and scope out women. Now damn if EVERY fine women in my building didn't wave and say hi to them. I learned a couple things from this.
1. The cafeteria is alot like a high school cafeteria.
2. The dudes in my crew know all the women in my building.

Knowing this there is no way I could holla at any girl in my building. I've heard them talk about the girls but actually seeing how these dudes get down I'ma have to keep my pleasure outside the building. Besides that Tha Carter was great, sitting up here is alot more like the neighborhood corner. And the beauty of it all is they do completely different work than me so when they boss says something I can just walk away.

That said I'm going to forward an email my Vice President/Lawyer sent me about office workers. I have plenty of these people in my office.

1. BLAMESTORMING
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

2.SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

3.ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

4.SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

5. CUBE FARM : An office filled with cubicles.

6.PRAIRIE DOGGING : When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

7. MOUSE POTATO : The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

8.SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

9.STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

10.SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

11.XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

12.IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.

13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

14. ADMINISPHERE : The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

15. 404 : Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message '404 Not Found,' meaning that the requested site could not be located.

16. GENERICA : Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

17.OHNOSECOND : That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake).

18.WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.

19. CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.

8 comments:

Ieisha said...

404 is my favorite one. Glad you found some use for the list, lol.

Crop Dusting is hilarious and have witnessed that one happening.

You could write an entire series on the people in your office who fit these. Hmmmm....new post idea for you.

Have a safe holiday weekend!

Opinionated Diva said...

#19 is just nasty and mean! yuck!

lmao @ your co-workers...they sound really young!

Enjoy your weekend...saw your email, but can't reply from work! Of course I disagree with you because...I so want them to win! I'm keeping hope alive dammit!

Homer is My Co-pilot said...

@Ieisha - Oh I can use any random list lol

@OD - who said they young? I'm the youngest dude there. They all 30+ They just act like the 30 is the new 20 lol

DreamCop08 said...

Hey Homer: wow with ther crop dusting that is just nasty. I have some nasty mofo's at my job that are just ridiculous and they will let you know that they are doing it. Aint that something

i like prairie dogging, when i used to work in the cubicles at my old job that happened alot

One lady passed out and had a heart attack. she was a pretty big lady and when she hit the ground it sounded like a damn earthquake. that was some horrific stuff right there. It was so messed up because I had never seen anyone just drop like that. I felt so bad for the lady, hell i thought she had died.

good post honey, have a great weekend

Brittany said...

That does sound like high school.

Ms. Behaving said...

I can't tell you how many iPod's I've had to wave my good-byes on account of percussive maintenance.

LMAO @ crop dusting...[Nasty bastids!!!]

I'm diggin' #15...
I'm sure that before this week is out at least two dozen of the people I work will fall into that category.

Tha BossMack TopSoil said...

Assmosis, it works like a muthafucka.

Tha BossMack TopSoil said...

Assmosis, it works like a muthafucka.