27 August 2008

Make Me Better

PSA: I have proof read this and honestly I don't think anyone should be offended. It should be common knowledge, plus I was also instructed by my lawyer and the pyt to write it. As usual when talking about women someone is bound to catch a feeling or two. So let me start by saying this is not about anyone in particular and if you think this is about you maybe you just need to do some soul searching and get your shyt together. Thanks for you time now back to the program.

Alot of woman complain about the lack of "quality" black men. I always find this funny because I regularly run into women who wouldn't even date themselves. Everyone has standards and that's perfectly fine, but some people need to get realistic about their situation. It just might be that the "quality" men don't want to date you because you have nothing going for you. For example lets say you met a dude who was 25, unemployed and still lived at home with his moms and had 3 kids by 3 different women. You would be real hesitant to date him, you might even have a couple red flags go up. Especially if you had a job and your own place and no kids. The same goes for dudes, there are some situations you just avoid. We have red flags too. These situations vary from dude to dude. An example being that I'd be wrong to say I don't date women with kids when I have one but when a woman with no kids tells me that they won't date me because I have a kid I can't do anything but respect it. So the situations you avoid greatly depend on what situation your in. When men meet women we think what do they bring to the party? often times the best quality a women bring is simply sex. Women always say "I can do bad all by myself" guess what? so can we. Nothing contributes to a man's downfall quicker than a woman. We all know this so it's just good practice to evaluate the situation before you dive in with some new girl. I don't get women who seem to think that just because they have a nice "personality" and give good head that men should want to wife them up. That's shyt men look for in a jumpoff/side chick not a wife. Alot of thought goes into the wife process and sure good head helps but why would you want a girl who might pull you down? I can't speak for all men but I know I worked damn hard for the lil bit of stuff that I have. Why do I want a girl who might come in and mess it up? Why would a dude take a chance on someone he might have to support? Sure a man is supposed to provide for his family but you have to bring more than looks to the party. Nothing is sexier than a independent woman who is focused and committed to something. Something more than shopping that is. Shyt even Ne-Yo has a song about it and he might be gay. Sure you can say "I was supporting myself before you came along" and that would be true but lets be honest, if you have a boyfriend and run into some trouble you'll expect him to help out. That's just the nature of a serious relationship. Now the odds of a independent woman running into trouble are far less and an unemployed chick. So if your playing the odds you wife the former not the latter. If your a grown woman with kids and you can't even maintain employment than something is wrong. Actually if you choose to be unemployed and live at home with your moms than that's cool. really I don't have a problem with it, just don't talk bad about a dude who is in the same situation as you.

"I'm a movement by myself but I'm a force when we’re together" -Fabolous ft Ne-yo "make me better"

Michelle Obama gave a speech the other night and honestly I saw 5 min of it and turned it off. Not because I wasn't interested I just hate watching speeches. But take a look around blog world and you can see plenty of posts about how inspirational it was and how everyone loves Michelle and Barack's relationship. Here's the thing, their relationship works so well because Michelle can stand on her own. She's not necessarily relying on Barrack to carry her. Hell do a google search on her. She graduated Princeton and Harvard plus she has done just as much to help people as he has. He respects her not because she runs a million dollar company but because she's a strong person. She brings something to the table, they don't need each other but they want each other. They make each other better. They say your wife is a representation of you even when your not around. So as a dude wouldn't you want a woman who can earn respect not based on who you are or what you have done but on who she is and what she has done.


Ieisha said...

Let the church say Amen!

We cannot hold others to a higher expectation than we hold ourselves.

And men should have that same mantra of "doing bad by myself." Women been killing that for so long.

Equal opportunity, baby!

Opinionated Diva said...

wow...what sparked this??? honestly all of this is just plain ole common sense...but then again...common sense aint all that common these days.

it's funny (not in a ha ha kind of way) that you say men want women who bring more to the table. why is it funny you ask? well...seems to me that the more a woman has (financially, educationally, asset-wise, etc.) the less she seems to appeal to black men.

Kayos said...

Can I get an Amen?

You are so right. I think many women get really naive in the fact there are men who use the phrase, "I can do bad by myself." Men are just as finicky as women which I wouldn't have any other way.

Both genders should have standards. I grade men by how well they stand behind theirs.

Great post.

Super Dave Van Buren said...

@Ieisha - Please pass the collection plate, daddy got bills to pay... lol

@Diva - I've never had a problem dating successful black women, Being treated to dinner is not a bad thing, them dudes who get intimidated are fools.

@Kayos - Dudes really need to raise they standards but that's another post for another day.

Young woman on a journey said...

Amen to this. Now if only i was convinced it was true...(crickets). I agree with Diva. Those of us who are independent run the risk of being too intimidating to supposed real men (not to freeloaders though). Seems like the dependent women are the ones who get wifed-up...I wish it was how you say it is (i wouldn't have to worry then!)

sweet keikei said...

this is an excellent post.

i run into men who aren't independent all the time. they're either emotionally insecure, financially unstable or both but wanna try n run my life. yeah okay.....2da left 2da left. lol

i dont know..... i just pray that i find someone who has good morals, some goals he's working on and can at least take care of himself and any children he has. i got me n minez

pink said...

see Dave! That wasnt that bad. Let me go head and say it: I TOLDJA SO!! YOu made it sound like the women who read your blog were gonna burn you at the stake. i told you that the ones with sense aint like that =/

GOOD JOB!! and yeah im siced bout my shout out...lmao!

MP said...

I love this post and hope the people that needed to read this did! I have long said that I would never ask of a man something that i was not willing to give as well. I'm tired of women talking about wanting this and that and having nothing to offer.

CocaColaCutie said...

Honestly I think people, myself included, say they want certain things in a mate but get caught up in the wrapping. People let good people pass them by all the time because their circumstances make it hard to be with them. It's all a game of chance. Chance that his baby mama won't be crazy, chance that he won't make you his next baby mama and not his wife, chance that he won't cheat...chance that she won't slash your tires, chance that she won't poke holes in the condom...

Super Dave Van Buren said...

@young woman (i really need a different name for you, yours is too long..lol) - See i don;t know any dudes who don;t like independent women. so i'll take your word for it.

@Kei Kei - You need to run from them dependent dudes... lol

@Pink - ok ok ok, you were right.

@MP - I'm glad women understand what 'm saying, I thought for sure I was going to get thrown to the fire.. lol

@Cola Cutie - You just made me sacred to have a girl hand me a condom, I'll pack my own from now on... lol

MarriedToIt said...

I've never met a man how had a problem with what I have. I think alot of womens standards focus on the wrong thing and that's why you end up with knuckle heads who take issue with where you are.

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

Your point was well presented.

I think everyone should bring something to the table in a relationship.

The Jaded NYer said...

damn super dave, you got all serious on me... I don't really know what to say... lol

I think ppl who end up with partners they don't really want, aren't serious about having a "partner" and need to own up to that before they start saying that there aren't any good men/women out there.

That's my two point five cents! ;)

Designer Qui said...

I couldn't agree with you more!

RealHustla said...

Yeah, what they said!

contagiouslyCRANKY said...


The Dreamy One said...

i totally understand where you are coming from with this, vice versa can be said for a woman!!!

equal opportunity employer,lol

JACK said...

And what exactly am I supposed to do with this? LOL - jus playing. I agree that the people who talk about there being no good men around, need to figure out why all the good men pass them by ... you might just be a Macy's window display. That's all - carry on.

Sexxy Luv said...

Very good points made inthis post as a woman i have to agree, no offense taken on my end.

I always say i would never date a man who does not have kids seeing that i have 3 and not willing to give more, i make sure i do my research when i'm soul searching.

nice blog!

Sexxy Luv said...

lol @ jack!

FREEDOM said...

i agree!

Ms. Behaving said...


This is a great post mister...T'was very well written.
Oh and you're absolutely right :-).

Eb the Celeb said...

OMG... that last paragraph speaks volumes... you dont even know how much that meant to me to hear a man say that... that's all we really mean by the term independent woman... and so many men are intimidated by that... Barack is showing that those types of women are the best ones to have... and I'm glad you see the strength and love and bond in that

MysTery said...

That's why people say be the change your want to see in the world. Or have the attributes you would want in your partner.

Good post.

iCandy21 said...

I'm sorry for probably being the only person who found something hilariously funny...

Shyt even Ne-Yo has a song about it and he might be gay.

I should slap you for this lmaoooo. But in all seriousness, this is a good post, and you had all valid points. kudos and props mr. super dave.

One Man’s Opinion said...

First, love the Public Service Announcement....If I wasn't going to read the post before, that bad boy drew me in.

Even Ne-Yo has a song about it and he might be gay. Soooo funny and wrong all at the same time. I didn't know that was Ne-Yo who song that. That too is my favorite line in a song, because I consider myself a movement by myself, but I'd love for someone to make me into a force.

"just because they have a nice "personality" and give good head" Once again, funny and wrong all at the same time.

You said this brother and yet there were so much more you could have spoke about and this post could hit any relationship of any sexual perference. I should post on some of the things that I see, both men and women who are doing great finincially, but letting other people bring them down.

Don't you love all the educated women that read you post, bruh. That took the message for what it was and gave you your props. I love Blog World. Can I live here?

RunningMom said...

Career - Check
House - Check
Brains - Check
Debt Free - Check
Good looking - Check
Car - Check
Savings Account - Check
401k - Check
Drama Free - Check
Healthy - Check

Good man to share it with - oh. nope. Why? Who knows. I always get the sorry ass negro who says "I don't know what I was thinking, I should have stayed with you, or I should have never married her, or I should have never let you go"

Me: Rolling eyes. Yeah ok. But you did, (and thank God you did) so what do you want?

At the end of the day, I'm good with me, I'm keeping it moving & have great friends. If a good man comes along so be it - otherwise, I can do good all by myself ;)

Sha Boogie said...

You are so right! I know several chics that have this rediculously high standards for the men they want to date, but they are barely peeking over the gutter they live in.

I be like, girl, bye! How you you looking for a millionaire and you wearing lee press on nails?

mrs.tj said...

first of all this your blog...who cares if you offend anyone...LOL! Write ON!

As a strong black woman, with a husband is and was a two time felon before I married him...I agree with you. I KNOW I am doing the damn thing I know I will make it with or without him. In my mind my job is to put into this realtionship what ever I think will make it successful. His job is the same...You get out of it what you give. I wonder what a woman expects out of a man when she is not giving anything...

brran1 said...

I think if people were more realistic with themselves, then they'd be able see what they bring to the table and then find someone that compliments them.

The F$%K it List said...

I know I am all late but the DNC was calling the last few nights.

Anyway This was an awesome blog, and any woman that would have tried to come at you the wrong way has a problem with the WOman in the mirror.

I lucked out and found my guy in H.S and we always had similar goals. Even at the tough times we agreed to support each other. So when I hear the no good black men left from my single friends, I let it be known they are the problem.

Again Great post!

JEM said...

Good job! I think it's excellent post and very true.

A king always rules better with a queen.

Especially when she's got her own.