This is kinda a continuation of 2 other Growth posts I did here and here.
I went to my homeowners annual meeting last night and saw a good 30 people there. Mind you our usual homeowners meeting has like 6 people. If you come to the Annual one you get 1 month of dues free. Free money brings people out everytime.
I was in there listening to people complain about crap and thinking about life and in particular my life and where I want to go. My daughter was playing with a barbie and whispering her dinner order in my ear (she wanted chicken nuggets, french fries and milk, she got spagatti) And I realized that my life has become a constant to do list. Not so much routine but a constant list of things I need to do. To the point I feel bad when I sit and do nothing. All I can think about is dinner, dishes, laundry, designs, homework or cleaning. There is always something that I should be doing. I read during my commute because I can't possibly waste time like that when I'm home. Today I went to lunch with a new friend and I had a moment when I realized I had nothing to to. I didn't HAVE to get back to work, I could afford to do nothing for a minute. It was refreshing. I always realize these moments and take a min to enjoy them. Like when I go crabbing, I make it a point to take a deep breath of the cool fresh bay air. It's those moments that keep me grinding. In hope that I can have them more often.
I guess this Growth moment is about taking the time to enjoy life. Even if it's once a day. Laugh at a joke, smile at a child do something to remind yourself that life is not all about work and money and stress. Honestly the things I remember most are not the things I bought but the moments I had. The laughs out weigh the sadness in my memories. I really miss my brother. He moved to Houston eariler this year. We super close, anytime we together it's not only a party but a funny party. Just typing this I'm remembering all the times we were crying laughing at something silly. I miss those days. Even inbetween all the stresses of life having fun was the top priority.
My other thoughts focused on change. How I've changed just this year. I'm more composed then every before. I think my confidence has grown. I doubt myself less and just go with my decisions. Good or bad I make them and roll with it. I think I'm becoming comfortable with this whole fatherhood thing. I realized that it doesn't have to define me but it does describe me. I'm not only a father but I am father first. I hope that made sense. Anyway this is getting long, you can thank Diva for suggesting I write another growth post.
Have a good weekend!!!