20 November 2008

Help Wanted

Hi, how have you been? .....Oh, well I'm sorry to hear that, Maybe you can find a cream or something to clear it up. Me? Oh I've been kinda busy with this thing I like to call work. Apparently they pay me to actually get stuff done and not to blog all day. Who knew? Well My boss that's who... lol Our weekly meeting sounded like a "What all the stuff Dave has to do" meeting and since he is also working on my review I figured I should do something.

So between me actually doing work and dealing with some family issues I haven't had time for my lil slice of the internet. I did however have time to realize I need a lil help. Soooo, you guessed it I'm putting out a help wanted add for a:

I just love that shirt... lol so much I might actually make one for my wife. So yeah I need a partner to help with the washing, cooking, cleaning and all that other stuff I'm not trying to do. Here are the details:

- Health plan (sure I'll add you to my policy)
- Place to live (we can even share the bed)
- SOME home cooked meals (if you think dave cooking 100% of the time you crazy)
- Occasional gifts (I have a heart, this not no TI video but I can hook you up with something)
- Always having someone around to fix stuff(you know you don't want to change them light bulbs)
- The gratitude of me (lmao, that's not worth much)
- I'll pay the bills, you pay for vacations and fun (I think that's a good deal)

Duties: (in no kind of order)
- Washing clothes (I spend like 5 hours a week doing laundry)
- Cleaning rooms (I leave clothes on all 3 floors)
- Be Attractive (not to be confused with acceptable, decent or Handsome... lol)
- Cooking meals (no boxed meals either real stuff)
- Have a sense of humor (if your offended by that shirt above no need to apply)
- Have my son (actually this should read "next child" because I'll be damned if I have 4 girls waiting on a boy)
- Assist my daughter with learning "girly things" (because really I don't know about them)
- Encourage my pursuits (even if they seem crazy and far fetched)
- Seem genuinely happy when I'm around (this seems simple till you see how some married couples interact)
- Resist the urge to want me to go shopping with you (really nobody wins if I have to go)
- Other duties as assigned (because I need to leave the door open to more shyt)

That's a pretty simple list right? Please apply within.. lol

I'm only half joking about this, I do need a wife but I'll admit putting a craigslist style ad might not be the best way to go.


Alexandria said...

Thats so funny. Good luck with the wifey thing.It's a lot harder than most people could ever imagine.

RunningMom said...

I need a wife too, mind if I peruse your applications? Thanks.

soshallitbea said...

if nothing else ur list gives single woman and idea on what a man wants/needs to be happy.
Good luck on that search.

QB said...

oh dear has it come down to this? haha.

dont know if i said anything yet but i love the new layout.

The Jaded NYer said...

you know I'm still looking for my wife, too, right? lol

savvy said...

LOL. I'm a woman and I've often said that I wish I had a wife. What I settled for was having a housekeeper come in every once in a while. She handles the heavy cleaning but I don't like just anyone cooking my food or handling my clothes.

Opinionated Diva said...

LOL...good luck!

Kayos said...

WOW!!! I am even surprised you went there.

Great t-shirt though.

Well, I can do all those things but you forgot one important detail... she needs to be within driving distance.

Ieisha said...

I was wrong.

I thought you were going to get 12 people saying that they wanted to take you up on your offer.

I did peep one say that.

I'm throwing my hat in the ring. One question though, do you offer a relocation package?

and I'm digging the 'you pay the bills and I pay for vacations' thang....I like. Might snatch that from you if I don't get the job, lol.

Great post. Glad you did it.

Sweet KeiKei said...

lol too funny

shyt i could use a wife too.

Ms. Behaving said...

Well...for whatever it's worth, I applaud you and not only for a hilarious post but for putting in words what I'm willing to bet my left pinky toe a large number of men want but just don't have the cahones to come right out and say.


contagiouslyCRANKY said...

yEAA... im thinking that I might wanna wife a man up myself!!!

RealHustla said...

I know you're dead serious about this post.

Don't trip, I know what ya mean. I'd apply, but was already rejected the last time you posted something like this because of my "baggage," or was it the inadequacy of our vehicle situations, LOL.

Anyway. She can't be far. You just have to have these convos more with people who you actually see face to face on a regular. Go to church, try it for a month. Bet you get at least 5 new prospects.

Sha Boogie said...

You are such a damn trip, lol. You just reminded me I need to do laundry -- shoot! Our pile is the size of a little midget.

kayellejaye said...

I'd update my resume, but you're not offering nights & weekends off or any stock options. Oh well...

Darius T. Williams said...

Hilarious - really!

One Man’s Opinion said...

Now you know this advertisement is not farfetched, right? And it is a simple and reasonable list. And plus, I believe that you are underestimating the price of gratitude my brother.

T. Michelle Theus said...

lmao @ that shirt! but yeah...that pretty much sums it up =p Good luck! lol

btw - first time visiting...nice blog :)

girlfriend said...

You are too funny! This post is hella cute though.

And yeah... no craiglist style ads, please.

Jewelry Rockstar said...

I am a wife and this list doesn't sound bad at all, but believe me it's the OTHER SHYT that causes all the problems. LOL!!!

The Black Russian said...

great list and fair... totally agree... hey u can find one on a mail order bride site... remember the Eddie Murphy joke on that one lol...un fuu she wants half lol... now whats wrong with a handsome woman??? lol j/k...you will find her....

The Dreamy One said...

you are so picky is all I am gonna say!!

good luck wit your quest!!

pink said...

lmao!!!! you needa be slapped. But actually you dont sound that bad! lmao...except the pickin up clothes on all 3 floors. wtf...do you just take off one piece off clothing for all the floors in your house??!?!