17 December 2008

Exit Interviews

Have you ever been on an exit interview? you know when you leave a job and they interview you to see what went wrong and how they can improve the company?

Wouldn't that be cool to have exit interviews with people we date? Like after it was over you can sit down and calmly discuss why it wasn't working strictly for the purpose of growing? Most relationships end in an argument or with 1 party going missing. You usually don't get a chance to really discuss what went wrong. I got to thinking about this because a couple folks I know are getting out of relationships and one of my past ones hit me back up. I'll use her as an example.

Bridesmaid (that link also includes a pic of me in a tux... you know you wanna see it.. lol) hit me up on thanksgiving day asking if she could come past... I didn't answer the phone because I'm pretty much done with her. I was raised on Biggie, I don't chase them I replace them.. lol. Her calling did get me thinking about how we could have worked if she wasn't so flaky. For my new readers and those that forgot Bridesmaid was a chick I met at my god-sisters wedding earlier in the year. We dated over the summer and kinda fell off because she is a lil too flaky. By flaky I mean we would make plans and it would go something like this:

Her: ok I'm about to leave, I'll be there in 15min
Me: ok
*1.5 hours later*
Me: You ok?
Her: yeah I'm still in the house, something came up, I'ma leave in a few
Me: ok
*2hours later*
Me: ????
Her: I'm leaving now.

And so on. This became her habit. Meaning I knew she was going to do it before it even happened. Now at first I just figured she was dating another dude and was creeping with me. Then I got to talking to my god-sister about it and it turns out she does the exact same thing when they go out. So it's just how she is, nothing personal against me. That's cool but I'm not going to deal with it. So I got M.I.A and just went about my life.

Then she calls me up. I keep thinking if she can not be flaky we could be cool. It's not like I don't like her, I just can't deal with the BS. See that's something I would say in an exit interview. Maybe it could help her in a future relationship. Maybe she can tell me some stuff I need to improve. I think it can be a productive thing, provided you can keep you feelings out of it.


The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

Good luck with that.
I doubt I would want someone telling me anything after I dump them.
Notice the I dump part.

Let me stop.

Besides I don't know if she needs an exit interview or a watch.

Oh wait a minute. . .she had you by the phone/door waiting. . .oh snap!!

And guess what I am tagging you.

Creative1k said...

Well I will say Bridesmaid has a time management complex. I definitely dig the Exit Interview, if it's based on you helping the individual grow and not to tear them down.

This could however end very badly if used in an hostile ending relationship. I would say keep this strictly for the mature audiences.

Just O said...

Seems like she just dont value anyones time, whether dates or friends.

But a flake is the worst ever.

Cannot stand a person that doesnt value my time, thats worse than tossing shoes at me, lol.

Ms. Behaving said...

Perhaps I've just got issues BUT when it's over, [IT'S OVER].

I don't want to talk about $h!T!

Jewelry Rockstar said...

You know when I started dating my husband 17 years ago I used to do the same thing. Say I was coming at one time, and come a couple of hours later. The reason was because previous to him I had always dated hustler type guys (u know what I mean) and they would never show up on time for anything (because they needed a little more time to make a run or whatever), and I too developed that habit. I was used to no hard and fast rules in a relationship.

Well, my man at the time (husband now) sat me down and told me he wasn't haven't it at all. I'd better be on time, etc, etc. I instantly realized that he was a totally different type of guy and that I had better step my game up, so I did.

Moral to this story is, maybe u need to have a talk with her about it if you like her.

sweet kei kei said...

i agree with the above comment. maybe if you talk to a person about habits you don't like before dumping them, they will try to make it better. if they don't, then dump them. communication is key.

kayellejaye said...

An exit interview is a great idea. You can even go as far as asking an ex to be a relationship reference. You know...was I good in bed? Am I honest, lovable, caring? Do I give nice gifts and good head? If so, tell a friend.

Just a thought.


Kayos said...

They do have exit interviews on relationships...it's called closure.

The problem is one of ya'll doesn't care to get it which leaves the other out in the cold.

The Jaded NYer said...

There are exit interviews for relationships... they're called "divorce proceedings" lol

I had mine with my ex and told him point blank- I needed about 80% or your attention and got like 30%, and on top of that you kept shit from me. He said I never supported him in his time of need.

So now, hopefully he's more attentive and honest, and *I* know that men care about support n shit. lol

Ieisha said...

Exit interviews would be great.

Just make sure it's in a public, well-lit place with plenty of witnesses. Lol.

I've asked a couple guys before what the hang up was. It provides good insight.

You gonna set up an exit interview with Bridesmaid?

Just O said...

And in thinkng more on it, to have an exit interview with her, you'd have to schedule time with her...she'd prob flake out on that too....

i wouldnt give no more of my time to that chick....thats just me though

clnmike said...

lol, I cant see that working out.

RealHustla said...

I've requested exit interviews on several occasions. Here are some of the responses I got.

-When you walk down the street you don't look or act like you need nothing or nobody.
-You want another baby, and I don't (this was before my daughter). Otherwise you'd be perfect.
-I'm actually seeing someone else and I'm trying to be in a comited relationship(but he still wanted to keep calling me off and on)
-You disrespected me by talking to that waiter even though you knew he was looking at your breasts.

I think the exit interview seems like a good idea, but it never helped me to grow. Just confirmed that most men are full of shit.

Not you, Dave, just most men. =)

Caspar608 said...

Maybe its something in the air...or all of that bottled water we've been drinking...but I have noticed over the course of ten years, integrity and honor are two traits BOTH sexes are lacking now a days. Its sad. Its frustrating, and its EXACTLY why I keep my ass in the house with my children. I no longer have the patience to deal withpeople who are full of bs, rolling in bs or carrying around a lot of bs. My time is valuable, more valuable than the car I drive, the home I live in, or the currency in my bank account. Two hours on a date with someone who only talks about themselves or the problems they created for themselves is a bt much for me.
As for the Bridesmaid, she lacks integrity, honor and respect. Its all about HER. SOmething might have "come up", thats understandable...but respect would have made her pick up the phone and call you.
Exit interviews would help people grow/evolve. But how many people out there love themselves enough to want to grow/evolve.
The right one is out there. Be patient...: )

Cherish said...

you know what thats actually a really good idea now that i think about it. so many times relationships end and at least 1party doesnt get the proper closure. i think the problem would be paying attention and actually applying what u learned to your next relationship, especially on his part. In my last relationship I tried so hard to discuss what was going wrong and what we both could do to make things better but i became such a nag to him cuz i could no longer tolerate his unambitious nature. i already knew my downfalls(really i have none since im so perfect lol) but wasnt gonna be the only one changing. The bottom line is unless you apply what you learn then whats the point...

Brothers Blog said...

When me and my ex were on the brink of breaking up over a course of however long that was she always used to do that shit to me. Honestly, as true as it was I wasn't trying to hear it. She was on some next person you with do this don't do that. Blah blah.

Funny thing is that it's been 4 years since we were together and when I see how I am now I can kinda thank her for her advice cuz I have never let another chick play me like her ass did. lol

mrs.tj said...

Being flaky is not good in any situation... i would go ahead and tell her. Hell she might not even realize she does it that bad. Unless she is all that to be waiting for. LOL!

memphiz said...

man i feel you on the flaky stuff somebody was doing the same thing to me and i just got tired of it.

FREEDOM said...

@Davey....that would be cool to do an exit interview

Darius T. Williams said...

Great idea...maybe I need to start instituting exit interviews - lol.

Super Dave Van Buren said...

@Sharon - Yeah she had me waiting, it happens to the best of us.

@Creative1k - Yeah it only works if everyone is being positive

@Big O - lol.. tossing shoes is worse, that's high disrespect.

@Ms Behaving - lol.. that's petty

@Rockstar - You saying I need to jack her up? that might work.. lol

@Kei Kei - I guess you have a point, I'm not big on talking...lmao

@KGB - I'm just trying to add you to my list of references lol

@Kayos - Who gets closure? most people are still waiting for it.

@Jaded - "support n shit".. lmao your the best!

@Ieisha - lol@witnesses, that's only if they crazy exes

@Big O - I agree man, that's exactly why I ignore her calls

@clnmike - You gotta have faith man

@Hustla - girl I'm completely full of shit.. lol

@Caspar608 - I agree that things are not how they used to be, I swear I should have been born in a different decade

@Cherish - lol.. all women are perfect *ducks lighting bolt*

@Bothers Blog - See that's proof that men grow!! lol

@Mrs.TJ - I don't know if she is all that to wait for.

@Memphiz - you did the right thing

@Freedom - I would even dress up for it.. lol

@DTW - if you do let me know how it works out.

RunningMom said...

ok - late to this one too (where the heck have I been?)

Anyway - spend your time on the initial interview instead of the exit interview - ol' girl should have never been hired in the first place.

Kenya Says said...

Interesting concept- might have to do a post about that! Fo' Real!

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