Happy New Year! I've been thinking alot about our relationship as of late. Actually I spent alot of 2008 thinking about you. Wondering what happened, why we don't talk. It's not like I hate you. I don't really miss you either. I don't know you enough to miss you. I've realized that I need to know you. I have to many questions that I think only you can answer. I need a father. I need someone to give me advice. Someone to share life experiences with. I read books that provide me with the knowledge that I'm sure you have. You see I'm bitter. Bitter because your brothers raised me, they were great but they were not my father. I'm bitter because I had to be the man of the house. When mom is sick I'm the one who has to be strong, I'm the one who has to fulfill the oath to god you took to care for her. what happened between you too? I'm bitter you were not there to teach me how to be a man. Why did your brothers and TV have to do it? So many times I could have used some fatherly advice and you weren't there. I needed you to teach me how to be a dad. I had a baby and realized I've never seen a man be a father. I literally had to read books to learn. I needed you.
I realized that I don't even know you. I never heard stories about your youth. how did you grow up? what were you doing at my age? how did you feel when I was born? what life lessons have you learned that you should teach me? I mean I just learned you drove a mustang. I know so little about your life. Nobody talks about you. Your brothers mention you in passing almost like you didn't live in the same house. What happened? How can I tell the baby about her granddad when I don't even know him? I only have a handful of memories of you. How much of me is you? I know I'm not completely like mom but am I more like you? I know I got my love of sci-fi and Japanese culture from you but what else? I just learned I have a knack for cooking. This was amazing to me until I learned your a champion chili cook. I never knew you took cooking so serious, you were on TV? I learn everything about you second hand. Why is that? We had fun when me, Cra and Wade came to visit. Why can't we be closer?
Then what about me? you don't wanna know about my life? I'm your only son don't you care how i'm getting by? Did you know me and your nephew started a cooking show? you can see it here www.cookinwithdave.tv, Did you know all that computer stuff you left in the house birthed my career? How being a military brat changed my life? how the move from Cali to DC molded me? so much I'd like to share. I want you to know me. I was jealous when I heard how much you and Jasmine spoke. Jealous because I never had that with you. You were a being a grandfather to her. I never knew my grandfathers. what was your dad like?
I could go on like this all day. Long story short, it's a new year and I'd like to build our relationship.
Copy of the letter I emailed my dad today. I'm focusing 2009 on improving my life from the roota to the toota... lol