12 February 2009

Venting

Last night I kinda got into it with my daughters mom. See she seems to think that I should give her an extra $500 in child support just because she asked me for it. I don't think I have to pay anymore then I've been paying the last 3 years or so. see when we went to our custody hearing I didn't fight for joint custody (which I now know was a dumbass move) I just wanted to give her 1 less thing to threaten me with. Before that I paid her what she asked for, as in "How much do you want?" She said $$$ and I said ok. I figured that was the adult way to handle things. Custody court was just to get it in writing. We even told the judge that we already agreed on an amount. It was all nice and easy, were 2 adults we should be able to work these things out.

Then she started hitting a rough patch, her bills started adding up, the car had some problems (it's my car by the way, I let her drive it all she has to do is gas and maintenance) that she didn't have the cash to fix. I refuse to fix them because I have my own shyt to worry about. So she gets mad and starts talking about she wants more money. I tell her I don't have it, she doesn't seems to care. She's out for herself. It's not like my daughter needs anything, I buy shoes and clothes and feed her dinner most nights. The baby is a spoiled child. In her eyes I owe her the money and I should just give it up because she has been being nice to me all these years. I don't wanna get into the whole story but her being nice and me owing her anything are definitely not the case. So anyway last night she tells me I have till 9am to give her $200...... I kinda chuckle and say well i'm not going to have it so she doesn't have to wait. My guess is this morning she will be heading to the courthouse to file some papers to get more child support. This time around I think I'ma go ahead and go for joint custody. 2009 is shaping up to be an ugly year, I hate court.. it gives me anxiety.

23 comments:

RunningMom said...

You are a good dad, a really good dad. Most of us single moms wish we had someone putting that type of effort toward our kids.

The courts usually decide an amount based on a formula. She may be surprised by the results.

Even though we can't really be with you when you go, we'll all be with you in spirit. Let us know how it goes!

StarzGazR said...

wow-it's crazy how SOME single moms take advantage when their kids father wants to be around..

I'm currently dealing with that situation with my partner.. they got together while him and I were broken up after a 2 year relationship... she shoulda known it was a JO and he shoulda wrapped it.. but it's done.. the baby is here and she is TRIPPIN....

he is trying to be nice and AVOID the whole court thing and be adults about it-- but she is acting like she's going on 21 instead on her late 20's

I wish you notice but the best in this situation and now you are more prepared when it comes to the court system!!

Carolyn (cmarie12) said...

Make sure when you go that you have documentation of all the things you provide for your daughter and her mother...including the fact that the car is registered in your name (it is, isn't it?). The formula thing is true and varies from state to state...you can even look it up on the internet and have an idea of what you are up against before going into court.

Definitely ask for Joint Custody, you do a lot for your daughter and there should be some legal proof of it!

Good luck!

kayellejaye said...

Two words:
Paper trail

pink said...

i hate HATE females like this. thats all im gonna say bc ill get mad...*ugh*

Opinionated Diva said...

It was only a matter of time before this happened.

Lmao @ her ultimatum...personally, I think she's NOT going to court.

She seems to get off on harassing you herself.

Opinionated Diva said...

Oh...and I think you need to get some legal advice.

Otis said...

Thats......insane. I second Diva on you getting legal advice.

The Jaded NYer said...

PLEASE listen to the others who advised you to get a lawyer... I know it's an added expense but it is worth it since it seems you are dealing with someone who is not playing fair.

good luck!!

Kayos said...

Man! Get you a damn lawyer! If you went to court and you got it in writing then you ain't gotta pay a damn thing. She just wanna get over on folks.

I say be careful and try and be positive about it.

brran1 said...

Good Luck with everything man.

Amber-Alert said...

i cant believe she got full custody...if u gonna try to get joint custody this time around u def need a lawyer. she prob aint gonna do nothin but u never kno...good luck!!

buttahflychronicles said...

Nope not and ugly year! Don't give the devil any more play.

In California, they use a formula called the dissomaster. It compares the income of each parent and the time the child spends with each parent to calculate the amount the non custodial parent gets. Ya'll seem like at least 50/50 parents. I have to say that I think the dissomaster formula is fair. Maybe she's gotten some calculations and knows that she can get more money if she just takes you back to court. I know that anybody asking for more money from your budget is hard but try to find positives just in case it doesn't work out in your favor.

For example, it's unlikely (maybe) that she has a sugar daddy or is taking care of another child. She probably just wants to get her hair done or go out to dinner or a movie every once in a while without having to stress about it. Maybe she wants to buy a better brand of toilet paper or wants fresh fruit instead of canned. All these things take more money, and when you don't have them your irritation grows.

Just believe that she's not using the money irresponsibly and move on with your life. Don't let the situation steal your joy.

Sha Boogie said...

Dayum! I thought you already had joint custody? Yup - go for it. You will look good, home owner, stable job.. AND (not that this is about money) but--you'll be giving her LESS since the baby will legally be with you half time time..since it seems that way now any how.

Creative1k said...

Personally, I think ur a wonderful father and that's from just reading how u describe ur feelings for baby girl. Definitely get a lawyer and get everything squared away. You're bound to get 50/50 custody.

Ole girl, needs to be checked. I mean my BD, spends time but doesn't contribute any monetary value to my son's day to day expenses. I'd say she's got a winner for a BD!!!

Ieisha said...

I can't stand baby mommas and she's acting like the textbook character BM. Stankin'.

Makes we want to practice family law and protect father's rights.

What her ignorant ass doesn't realize is that it's not about the money when it comes to the well-being of your daughter. She is being shaped by your presence in her life and there is NO price that can be put on that.

Ugh.....some people are alive only because it's against the law to shoot them.

Katrice said...

Dave,
You did not just tell me she has sole custody of baby girl yet you share the responsibility behind closed doors? *sigh*

Ok heads up that entire episode about you hitting baby girl is going to come up again. I agree with a lot of the other comments seek a lawyer fast. Stay focused, you want to continue to be the great father you are to your child so you are going to need to be swift and humble in your actions. Do not settle for being kind this time. Settle for being fair. Fairness is something she will not comprehend or look for. If by chance she brings up her money issues make sure you suggest that baby girl come live with you for a while. Make sure that you also let your lawyer know. I really believe your BM is just bitter so don’t be surprised with anything she might do or say. I pray that you don’t let it get you down or sway your actions. I can not say this enough MOVE SWIFTLY!! We live in the same area trust me when I say you need a lawyer do not delay. Even if she has not been down to the courthouse you might want to make that move before she does. This will settle things there will be no more idle threats and you can seek the joint custody that you already share.

clnmike said...

Man trust me when I say you need a lawyer ASAP!

I have to many homeboys who do the right thing and still got screwed.

Ms. Behaving said...

It would do her some good to be a little more satisfied that she's getting any support @ all.

Especially so when there are plenty of women out there who can't say the same.

BorednTalkative said...

Damn. I hate chicks like that. But I agree with everyone else. Definitely see a lawyer.

CocaColaCutie said...

Ugh! I hate hearing these stories about your BM. She's such a character. Anyway, get the lawyer and I hope everything works out for the best.

kisz4tj said...

I have two male friends who were awarded full custody. Joint custody should be a breeze, but you definitely need a lawyer.

shauna said...

I can't stand chicks like her. Someone who actually has a man who does right by his kid and she wants to put you through the ringer. Reminds me of my brother's triflin baby mother who uses my neice against him when he doesn't do what she wants him to do