14 April 2009

Zombie Jesus Day

Before you ban me to hell for the title of this post let me explain it. My boss came past my desk and mentioned zombie jesus day (meaning easter) and then explained that Jesus rose from the dead, you eat his flesh and drink his blood with the promise of eternal life. Yep just like zombie. I mean who thinks of stuff like that? I work with corrupt people.... Anyway on to my weekend.

Speaking of easter I went to church on saturday. My God Baby Momma (GBM) was getting confirmed at her church and I agreed to go along to support/babysit the kids. She's catholic, I always enjoyed catholic churches. They have so much detail in the architecture. They have crowd participation and those cool kneel things for when you pray. Anyway my GBM seats us behind where she will be seated when the group of people being confirmed come in. then she leaves.

So there we are me and 2 kids. The lil girl (my god daughter, 5) is chillin, her lil brother on the other had will be a problem. He's just too active and kinda loud. he wants to play. Service has not started yet but I still get the feeling that people are looking at me. I mean the dude down the pew from us is trying to pray. We sat there for like the longest 30 min in my life. i tried to bribe him with chips, juice and the zoo. I pulled out all my daddy tricks. I even let him play solitare on my phone. Then finally GBM came and sat down. All was better for a minute.

Then the lights went out.

Turns out it was a candle light visual. Why would you give children fire? I mean really... I sat there staring at this lil boys candle praying that it wouldn't burn him. Then he got bored with the fire and handed it to me. So now I have 2 candles. So i blew 1 out, then wondered if that was a sin. God would just have to understand... the lil boy is still a lil restless, did I mention that this was a saturday night? yeah he was sleepy too.

Then my GBM goes up to the alter to get confirmed. we are all standing and I feel the boy crawling behind me in the pew (he's like 4 I think)... This bamma tried to crawl UNDER the pew to get to his momma. I had to drag him from under the pew. Then came the waterworks. I did everything in my power to calm him down until I hear the pastor (do catholics call them pastors?) say "he can just come up it he wants" So now I KNOW all eyes are on me. I release the kid and he runs up to mommy. The rest of service goes off without incident.

Best believe I will make a mental note of the time this lil boy turned on me... lol we were so cool until then. After that he wanna talk about how he's not my friend.... NO NO buddy I'M not YOUR friend. How he going to try and embarrass me in front of a bunch of strangers? then an hour later he wants to play with me. That used to be my lil buddy... I'ma remember this forever!!

Who am I kidding I had a ball, that's my boy, we play karate together.

In a God Daddy note, I learned that I was the first person to change my god daughters poopy diaper. Have you ever seen a baby's first poop? it's black like tar and just nasty looking. I had blocked the whole thing out of my memory but now that I remember that lil girls owes me... lol

Anyway after the church service I heading to the club... what? is that wrong? whatever. It was my boy's b-day and he was having a big party. I'm not a club goer but I wanted to show my face, give daps and hugs you know do all that stuff. So I went and was reminded why I don't club. Although the place was full of beautiful women it was too loud to talk to any of them and too dark be sure they were beautiful. So yeah I had 1 drink listened to the band a lil and bounced. Just your average day in the life of a super hero.

13 comments:

Kayos said...

Okay I'mma need your boss to get off the stuff and do his job. regardless of the literal meaning he goin straight to hell with gasoline draws on.

Go on then Super Dave. Save us!

Candles said...

My cousin kept calling it Zombie day too. It's good to know he's not the only crazy one that would think of something like that. It seems so very wrong...

Creative1k said...

Super Dave,

I can always count on you to share something so hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Too Funny.

Ms. Lyssa said...

My God-son stay saying 'You're not my friend!" when I don't let him ge this way . . . lil kids are so funny.

Scorned Woman said...

You really have a way with words. That was funny.

Sha Boogie said...

thank you for the tar poop visual..

The Dreamy One said...

see that is why i am happy that i dont have kids cause i would have took his little tail outside and wore him out,lol

lord i hope that i dont be that way with my lil sis son or daughter. i know that i am a very strict person so I am kind of gettin scrared.

i dont do the whole club thing either. its just not for me. then in louisiana we have the ghetto clubs where someone ends being shot or they end up fighting.

buttahflychronicles said...

very funny. I know it's not funny when you're living it but...

I remember the tar like poop well. My daughter did her first poop while she was still in me and came out looking gross from the waist down. What's more, she kept letting it out after her first few hours of being born. Gross.

Ms. Behaving said...

If there's anything I've learned --- it's that kids [and especially ones that aren't yours] will embarrass the hell outta you!! LOL

girlfriend said...

"NO NO buddy I'M not YOUR friend."

LOL! So true. It's like, "Hey kid, you embarrassed me!"

My nephew and I went back and forth all last week with the "I'm not you friend".... especially when his mom and dad came to pick him up, he tried to get brand new in front of them like I was going to be nicer to him just because-
psssshhhh... he still got his feelings hurt when I told him I'm not his auntie and his brother is my favorite nephew. Of course, all was well again when I pulled out the Easter candy. *smh* KIDS!

crys said...

candlelight VISUAL - huh?

man - the catholic church is progressive

lmao

ninamm said...

After that he wanna talk about how he's not my friend.... NO NO buddy I'M not YOUR friend.I'on know WHEN I'm going to stop laughing at this. That's hilarious, dude.