06 May 2009

It aint tricking if you got it

So we all know I'm a lil different. I was reminded of this when chatting with my friend. See she just got into a relationship with a dude. When dude asked her if she wanted to be his girl he presented her with some earings... I was amazed by this. I'd never even heard of giving a gift for that. Then she was telling me how he wanted to pay to get her hair and nails done and take her shopping. While I had heard of dudes doing this I don't think I have seen it happen. I took my baby momma shopping for maternity clothes, that was my 1 time i've taken a chick shopping. I've never paid for a new weave, nails or random bill. I was raised that all that was trickin. I'll treat you to 15 $30 a plate dinners before I give you $20 for your nails. If I met you and your hairs and nails were done then apparently you didn't need me to get them that way. Plus I'm not a picky dude.. I won't complain about your hair being less then perfect. If i was one to complain then that's reason to pay for the upkeep. You never buy affection, that's just how I was brought up. Sure you can give gifts but unless it's a holiday you not getting jewelry or anything really expensive. Besides you really want a low maintenance girl anyway. Who wants to look at their girl as another bill? I've been around too many girls who liked nothing better then to have some dude trick off on them. 1 dude paying for her hair and another getting her some new shoes. Dudes spend money on women trying to impress them when the truth is they just wasting money. If a girl likes you she will like you regardless of which bills your willing or able to pay.

btw: Never in the history of the world have I heard of a girl paying for a dudes haircut or better yet paying for a dude to get his head corn rolled which I hear isn't cheap... i'm just saying.

23 comments:

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

You are a mess but I agree! (Guess I'm different too) If you want to give a gift it should be out of the kindness of your heart. I appreciate any gift, but you giving me money to get my hair done? WHY? You liked it when we met, LOL!

Kingsmomma said...

Can I just say this is an epic post right here. Lol I love it.

"Sure you can give gifts but unless it's a holiday you not getting jewelry or anything really expensive"

That's my favorite line.

While I disagree with teh presentation of earrings for simply accepting the role of girlfriend, I do think gifts should be a regular occurence. They don't have to be very expensive and they don't have to be something materialistic, in fact the gifts that I valued the most were homemade. I like to know that I'm being appreciated and adored and loved and all that mushy stuff you're not comfortable with
I also don't agree that women should be the sole receipents of gifts.

i've done my fair share of tricking without reciprocity and It does make you quite bitter.

Kayos said...

The fact I am a female and the fact that I totally agree with every point in mentioned in this post just goes to show that I am a betrayer to the female gender.

WTF?!?! Why in thehell would dude give her earrings for making that commitment? Like you it sounds like he's buyin affection. She better watch out because men who do that are the ones who tend to put so much into the relationship that they will most likely go on a murder suicide rampage if that shit doesn't work out.

Well, I also agree I don't need my man to pay for my upkeep. It's called grooming and that isn't his responsibility. Now will I turn the money down, yeah at first but if he keeps insisting then I'll take the money to spend it on somethin else. That's just me though.

Tiffany Nicole said...

Earrings for being his #1 ummm..I dunno bout that! Sounds a little fishy to me! But I'm a giver have always been and will always be. I don't mind giving to my guy--a new fit, some nice shoes, and if I fill like it, I'll pay for that crispy lining! I might even pay his cell phone bill, if needed! But all gifts dont have to be monetary. If my guy wants to pay for me to keep my locs twisted and hands and feet looking nice why not! Women say I dont need a man to do this and do that..well I dont BUT it sure feels good to have someone think of me and bring in a few extra dollas my way!

Otis said...

When i was with my current ex, i gave her a ring (promise ring, hey, im old fashion lol ). She was self sufficient, so it was no need for me to pay her bills or get her nails done..ect. but i did treat her out alot and bought her things..just cuz i wanted to. if we were in her car going out, and she was low on gas, i'd fill up her tank. Not cuz she asked or needed it, just cuz i wanted to. Guess its all in what you feel you want to do for a person.

i met a chick a couple weeks ago and every time i saw her out, she was always talking about me treating her out, or me buying her a drink...total turnoff...and the chick was BAD...had to leave her alone. If i wanna do something for you, let it be cuz i wanted to, not cuz you askin me.

I know thats not all women, so im not on a women-hater spree..just a few dummies , lol.

Ms. Behaving said...

Otis is right...

If you're gonna do ANYTHING for the person you're with it should be done because you WANT to do it NOT because you're made to feel obligated to.

Besides, it is my opinion that you shouldn't want/expect anyone to do anything for you that you're not willing to do for them in return.

Just my two cents is all...

SacredAngel said...

Gift giving isn't bad...but it can be when done like you've written.

I like gifts. :shrug:

There's no way to not be insulted when someone pays to get your hair or nails done.

Anonymous said...

I guess I am the only one that doesn't see anything negative in dude giving her earrings while asking her to be his girl. I actually thought it was a sweet gesture and that he was trying to show her he was really serious. It is to many single females out here for a guy to go out of his way to give her something nice when he can just go snatch up another chick for free. (just like you did super dave)I give the dude props actually because he did something he didn't have to do but he went out of his way to make sure she felt special and to make the moment memorable. Also if he wants to treat her to getting her hair and nails done what is wrong with that. You never said it was going to be an on going thing so every once in a while is sweet. Now don't get me wrong I am not saying that this is something that men should be doing but I think if we all took the time to cater to each other and doing nice things for one another along with some honesty relationships would last a lot longer.

I am sorry you haven't experienced it but there are plenty of men that get treated on a regular basis. It's so many women out here that are hungry for a man that they will take a man with no job and take care of him just to have someone to lay up with me.

I am one that feel men deserved to be treated to a gift from time to time, to be able to have a night off from digging in his wallet, but he also has to be a stand up dude as well and the dude you talked about in your blog seems to be a stand up dude!!

Caspar608 said...

I know chicks who'll give nothing for free - and I mean NOTHING - unless the dude du jour is paying for the acrylics, the toes and the weave or blow-out.

I say, pay for your own acrylics, toes and weave/blow-out!!!! Its part of showing everyone - including the person you are dating - that you can take care of yourself and that it is a priority. That you like to feel good, and look good, and you aren't going to wait for anyone to fund your endeavor to do so.

The earrings were a sweet gesture.
Its not like she asked for them. Maybe old boy is just taken by your friend. Maybe he finds her to be precious and worth lavishing gifts on. But the hair and nails...thats a no-no.

My daughter will have her OWN, and if any dude treats her to the salon or a manicure and pedicure it will be either one of or both of her brothers. And I expect her to also reciprocate whenever someone treats her to dinner and or a movie. There are few things worse than a woman who expects a man to do everything for her.

buttahflychronicles said...

Hmm, the earings gift was a little strange, but I can't say I would have turned them down.

If dude wants his woman to have high maintenance characteristics, that's his business. I think it's great that he's setting the standard and paying for them up front. Now she can eliminate money as the excuse for why she doesn't get these things done. Many of my friends have gotten complaints from their men about how they "used to look" but very few of those complaining men came back with hair and nail money. You guys don't pay attention to those things until their gone.

However, I don't like giving the idea that I need a man's guidance and finances to keep those things up. But they aren't cheap, and during tough times, hair and nail appts are the first to go.

I hope this new relationship has open communication about such things.

buttahflychronicles said...

And oh yeah. Otis, will you be my boyfriend, or is me asking you that a turn off?

Otis said...

lol, @ buttahfly. thats funny.

Carolyn (cmarie12) said...

I agree with anonymous on the gift of the earrings...it was a sweet gesture meant to mark a memorable occasion. It's obvious the entire process was important to him and he wanted her to cherish the event.

Now about nails and hair...this is always something that people both male and female take sides on and boy did you open a can of worms with that one!

But giving the gift...that was kewl and special...

RunningMom said...

I've never allowed a man to pay for anything for me that I should be paying myself.

It's one thing to get a spa day or something similar as a gift for your birthday or something like that, but having a man straight pay for your hair and nails.. I don't know about that.

Ieisha said...

"Never in the history of...." quoting Katt Williams....classic. See you cleaned it up a bit though, lol.

I see it as, if I want you to have it, I'll get it for you. Period.

And what I require from a mate cannot be purchased at any department store. Gifts are cool but I don't see a guy for his potential buying power. That's trifling. Plain & simple.

True2me said...

To each his/her own. I've never been a big fan of gifts or giving them. I like time and affection and action lol. Appreciation.

most of the men I have been with aren't into that video model everything fake look, so they appreciate that I am a natural beauty with little salon influence

but what works for that man and chick dont work for the next. Can't knock the hustle

Insatiable One said...

Didn't you hear? Buying love is the "in" thing these days. LOL

I agree, you shouldn't have to buy someone's affection but folks don't get that. It's supposed to be about the person right? And low maintenance does not mean less worthy; it means you got more priorities in row other than rocking the newest skinny jeans. Um, how about a man/woman that is worth actually listening to because the stuff they say makes sense? I'm just saying...

dopelikelouboutins said...

It aint tricking if u got itttt

Nah seriously at times when I hear bout dudes be all ready to spend bread on dinner movies shopping sprees hair nails I give the side eye cuz it's not too many that r doing it out the kindness of their heart u know...unless you're my dude and u have offered My pride (and the risk of being seen as a gold digger) will for the most part prevent me from asking for bills or luxury items to be paid for lol, maybe I'm weird

Ms. Lovely said...

Ok, I see I stumbled on this post at the right time.

Today a guy gave me some money. He is not my b/f and this is the first time I can recall a man giving me some money that he didn't owe me..I never asked for the money he just gave it too me. I tried to give it back (several times) but he wouldn't take it. I have a LOT of pride so this is really bothering me. It was a blessing but still. I didn't ask for it!

Dave, Is he tricking? lol

QB said...

i've paid for a dude to get his nails manicured before...

it should have been a sign...

Sugee Andersyn said...

You sound like a stand up guy.

Mocha Dad said...

Blame Beyonce. Can you pay my bills. Can you pay my telephone bill. Can you pay my automobile.

KIM said...

Hey brand new to your site! The thing is if he doesn't do little things here and there someone else will and he knows this. I don't believe that he should be paying bills and handing over cash money for her upkeep but a token gift here and there is nice. He knows that she is the one he wants so he has to step up and make sure she knows he is serious cause the next man will out spend him just to get her. She's not the nasty after 12am chick cause he is treating her like she's the one and he asked her to be his. It's all good with the gifts just not the hair money then it's something else.

Kim

http://www.kimdom-come.blogspot.com/