08 June 2009

Wifey Material

I feel like I've been slippin on this lil blog. So I'm going to try real hard to think of stuff to talk about. One thing on my mind is how we as men go about selecting women.

Being with my baby momma taught me alot about the kind of woman I wanted. I learned alot about myself and who I am from that whole experience. You see me an her were not together long maybe 4 months before she got preggers but before that I was never forced to deal with someone. I've always been the love'em and leave'em type. As soon as I got bored I was gone (I'm sure my regular readers know this about me). In dealing with my BM I got a glimpse of how a marriage would be. When there is no walking away. You have to work thru problems, learn HOW to argue, all things that I never really learned.

These are skills that I think alot of people never learn. we never learn how to function in a relationship. So we have dysfunctional relationships with our spouses. Alot of this could be avoid if we just learned to look for what you wanted in a mate. Some dudes focus on the pretty face and phat ass and forget that your going to have to deal with her personality for a very long time. Well after the ass sags and her face wrinkles. Some women feel like they HAVE to have a man so they settle for go-nowhere dudes in hopes that they will get it together and change. Then they realize that a man is who he is and you just wasted 3-4 years of your life.

I'm not saying you should search for that perfect person abut you should look for someone who you don't mind being around. Who does the things you expect a man/woman to do, whatever that may be, basically you should be choosing people that you can see yourself dealing with for the rest of your life because you just might be. Weather you want to or not.

Thinking back, I needed to go thru the drama with my BM because I needed to learn those lessons and build my character. I needed that experience to focus on what I really wanted from a woman.

*before you all start planning trips to my wedding know this was unrelated to my girl friend and more related to interacting with my daughters mom and seeing other people deal with their husbands/wives and mates.


Ieisha said...

Agreed....most folks don't think of those things.

We should definitely be more cognizant of the traits that we desire before we go setting up shop with folks.

Honestly, before that, we should know what it is we're looking for BEFORE we start looking. That's half the problem right there.

Kingsmomma said...

Damn your disclaimer, I was all packed and ready to hit the road for that wedding. I KNOW the food was going to be good.

But I agree,
We have not truly mastered how to be aprt of someone's life for eternity and when we are thrust in these situations (such as having children with) we then learn how to deal with teh circumstances. Only then do we learn how to be civil to one another (in most mature cases anyway). I believe that is why divorce rates are so high, we have settled for good enough for the time being and didn't spend enough time knowing ourselves and what we truly want from our spouses and end up hating what we ended up with.

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

LOL, I was waiting on the invitation and engagement story!

As a divorced woman I had to change me before I could change what/who I attracted. The physical is nice, but looks do fade on a person (if it still looks the same) when you see them everyday for a number of years. There must be something there to keep you interested.

Have you heard of the three types of love? Very interesting and very true in my opinion.

Creative1k said...

I'm going through the very same situation, and it has allowed me to do a daily self evaluation to see how functional my relationships are.
Why is it that we have to experience the dysfunctional to make pull out the greater in us in order to find what we really want in other individuals?

My BD allowed me to see exactly what I didn't want my husband to be, however, I am stuck with him in my life because I had his offspring.

Insatiable One said...

This was a good post, Dave. I'm quoting you on my next entry. There appears to be a theme to relationships and companionships lately.

Anonymous said...

I just want to jump right in and say that it is very important to take the time to get to know someone because they may just end up in your life forever. I didn't know my bd long before he donated sperm to me. THe only difference I am not forced to deal with him on a day to day basis like you because he is no longer around, but when he was (whew,exhausting!!). Also when dating take the time to get to know the person especially if it is a person you could possibly consider a mate because people be hiding the real them. I am one who bores pretty quickly so if I can't just sit around and do nothing and still enjoy you My attention and focus will wonder off. Also be honest with who you are tell folks what works for you instead of telling them all about your past relationships because I happen to think thats a big mistake because people will only tell you what they want you to know. Trust me it will eventually come out.

Kayos said...

I'm glad you know now what it means to search for the right material in a woman.

I also believe that if you want marriage and not a wedding then folks need to open their eyes and realize the wedding is just a day and a costly event. It's really messed up if you want that day and not take everything that comes with it!

Love the post.

Ms. Behaving said...

Juuuuust in case it wasn't said ENOUGH, this is an excellent post Dave.

Very well put!

Craigjc said...

Great post. Perfection is a long way off.


Krissy said...

This is a really good post and its always nice to get a mans perspective on things.

I personally think when people are raised around working and loving relationships, they want them for themselves. They take notes on what makes a good relationship(like I have) and they don't settle.

I think people are really quick to rush into relationships and even quicker to bust off raw without thinking " what if we make a child?" We as human beings tend to lead with emotion and less with rationality. The sanctity of marriage has been compromised because of this. The vows are just words and the rings are just symbols to show others that you're taken. They don't mean shit seeing how its so easy to end a marriage that was suppose to be until death.

Get to know the ones u date. Make sure you're friends and lovers. Make sure lust doesn't cloud the reality of life in a relationship. Think as WE and not just ME and maybe, just maybe . . .we'd really find pieces of ourselves in the partners we pick.