10 July 2009

Deja Vu

So if you follow me on twitter you might know that me and my daughters mom are going back to court. Apparently the child support i give her is not enough anymore and she wants more. this go around I'ma consult a lawyer and get professional help. I was in my car thinking about the whole situation and had a feeling that I had not had in years. The feeling that me and her can't both be happy....

See when we were together I realized that I can't make her happy and be happy at the same time. It was always one or the other. In the end it was better for us to just part ways, I figured we are grown people we can both be happy living separate lives and raising our daughter. Here's the problem though... she's not happy. I think she doesn't like what her life has become. She's unable to unwilling to take care of herself. Most of her life she has relied on other people. In her mind I have a responsibility to take care of her. She regularly mentions how I "owe" her as if Her and our daughter are a package deal. I disagree so when ever she calls and asks for something that I decline she throws a fit. I get hate mail about how I'm this and that. It used to bother me, I really wanted us to get along. Id much rather be her friend. Now I see that's just not possible, she wants me to take care for her and my daughter. She wants me to be the man in her life and I can't do that.

Our arguments regularly involve stuff from 4-5 years ago, she can't let go of the past and move forward. Maybe she can't see her future, maybe the past is when she was happy. I don't know but when I refuse to discuss stuff in the past that we have already discussed it just fuels her hate.

So when the court papers came I was kinda surprised. Surprised that she would want to go back. Surprised that it was really just about money, not what our daughter needs. Surprised that she would rather take me back to court then get some real income. Then I got sad, I knew that this would be war. I couldn't be the nice guy anymore, she doesn't respond to that. She wants me to be an asshole, she wants to argue. I tried to work it out with her but just like when we were together I can't be happy and make her happy.

14 comments:

Insatiable One said...

Your BM (because that's what she's acting like) needs to grow up. it is not about her and I guess she doesn't see that. Obviously you know who she's putting first. Definitely seek legal counsel this time around to make sure all of your bases are covered. Her laziness is unacceptable.

KnitFloozy said...

Sorry to hear that a GAW cannot get herself together. Hopefully the judge will see what she is up to. And if she is granted more money - ask for receipts to be provided monthly on where she spent it on your daughter. She may back down when she hears that is the requirement.

QB said...

Damn. i cant come up with anything else to say but damn.

phoenixlike said...

Unfortunately the situation is what it is but the best thing you have is YOUR perspective and by you continuing to hold on to that, to build your happiness, you build on being a good father to your daughter... this woman is going to have to grow up on her own, there is nothing you can do about her actions BUT to make sure it does not impede on your life.

Keep your head up!

Brandon said...

supaman dat hoe cousin....





..no jk, that sucks man.. u did seem a bit calmer today, but its all for the greater good im sure(God reference).. Keep ya head up, life always balances itself out in the end..

Caspar608 said...

I dont know you. You seem like a nice man who adores his daughter. Have you ever thought of seeking full custody of the baby? Since you have the ends and the means to do so...I mean, you own your home, have a good job. Who says she has to have custody? Why not petition for full custody and make this an all out war. If she isnt happy, she isnt happy. Nothing you can do about that...but you can try to keep the baby happy : )
On the other hand, in our society, broken families seem to be the norm. Back in the day, when a dude knocked up a woman he married her. Yeah, she may make his life miserable, but families stuck it out for the sake of the kids. Not sure what her deal is, but, like I said, you seem like a reasonable productive dude. No reason for you not to get full custody of the baby.

I know a couple of dudes, with a couple of kids with a couple of broads. I know a couple of broads with a couple of kids from a couple of dudes. Holidays suck for all parties involved because this one goes with that Daddy, and that one stays with her Mommy, and the other one stays with Daddy...and you get the idea right?

We can do better than broken homes in our society. Takes a lot of work. Takes a lot of compromise. Gotta bite your tongue sometimes too. But it keeps us together.

As for me and mine...their Dad is a royal fuck up with pathological tendencies. I didnt drag his ass into court because the 50 bucks a week the MAN would squeeze out of him wouldnt be work the aggravation. Further, he isnt fit to spend time with my kids. Never denied him, he just doesnt care.

So I applaud you BD. Your a good dude. Dont let anyone see you sweat. Just get whats YOURS and keep it movin.

That all I got.

Cas

Krissy said...

That was gonna be my question as well. Why don't you seek full custody of your child? I think if it "gets ugly" the time you spend with your child will be limited and the only person hurt in it all will be your child. It's not a good situation.

Anonymous said...

As usual good post dave. I must say this situation really saddens me. I am not gonna past judgement on your daughter's mom because we are hearing this from your perspective without any input from her. But I will say a few things. You really seem like a decent dude with your priorities in check. You appear to love your daughter with all your heart and that's all you need to continue to do. It's unfortunate that your daughter mom's feel the need to take you back to court for more money because what you give your daughter has no dollar value and that's love. I am not sure what you guys relationship was like when you were involved, but it may be hard for her to move on because your daughter looks so much like you and she serves as a constant reminder of what you guys had at one time. Not saying this is an acceptable excuse but just a thought. It could also be coming at a time when you appear to be happy in a relationship even if you didn't tell her directly I am sure she knows and we all know misery loves company. I could go on and on naming reasons why your daughter's mom feel necessary to take you back to court but I wont. I will say keep your head up and just keep being the good dad you are!!! I hope everything turns out as it should.

FLAMBOYANTchiq said...

Everyone gets shafted in this situation.

The babydaddi may get played moneywise.

Or the babymama may never receive financial support from the father.

If both parents are mature about everything, the kids still live in a home without both of their parents. Which hurts more than anything else.

No one ever gets out of the situation a winner.

I think its punishment for picking the wrong person.

Anonymous said...

Is this woman really refusing to take care of herself or is she really having a hard time financially? If she is having such a hard time either way, then maybe the child would be better off with you as the custodial parent. That sounds like a better situation than fighting her on giving your child money she may actually need. I just have a problem with child support always being looked at as money that the woman uses to take care of herself. The fact of the matter is that any custodial home the child is in, has to have some financial support from the other parent. If you have custody, she would have to do the same based on her income.

buttahflychronicles said...

It will all work out. One day at a time, right?

Ms. Behaving said...

Some folks just don't realize how good they got it... Sadly, your BM sounds like one of em'!

Hope things work out in your favor @ the end.

Kelly Nina Kiyyah said...

Oh wow... I am speechless. I wish you the best of luck with it all. It's crazy how selfish some people can be... they make issues that aren't about them ALL about them..smh. Isn't this all supossed to be about ur daughter? I hope she finds that happiness she's so desperately searching for.

~Nina of *AF*
www.theafgirls.com

Rochelle Spencer said...

I feel so bad for you...She seems as though she's not concerned with the best interest of your child.