On saturday I went to my uncles wedding. This is a uncle I'm not that close to, I have not spoken to him in months and I was shocked to hear he was getting married. I've never seen or met his soon to be wife. I would have skipped the whole thing but I had to go so my mom would be happy. Also my sister mentioned that the church was paying for the whole wedding, I've never heard of this and I needed to see what a church paid wedding was like.
Before the wedding I have to figure out what the baby was going to wear to this thing, I looked for a dress for all of 20min but only found christmas dresses, I ended up getting a outfit from target and complained to anyone who would listen that shopping for weddings was womans work... lol. Then I forgot to get him a gift, so I had to swing past the grocery store and pickup a card. They were not registered anywhere and wanted "monetary" gifts *borrows someones side eye* now I understand when you get older you might not need as many gifts but damn how you just going to ask for cash? btw this was my uncle's 2nd wedding and his new wifes 3rd. I did mention how my family sucks at marriage right? anyway....
So Saturday morning I get dressed (I'm wearing slacks a button up and a sweater, I look good to be at a wedding, trust me this is important) As soon as me and the baby walked in the door I thought, "wow this place is small" it was a storefront church which I'm sure was nice on sundays but seemed small for a wedding. Anyway I get my seating assignment and walk in. I see my uncle and go to greet him, no sooner then he says "hi" he tells the pastor "he's the one who will be lighting the candle"
excuse me? nobody told me I was going to be IN the wedding. I was looking forward to attending a wedding and not having to do anything but crack jokes. This fool signed me up to play with fire!! so now I'm lighting 1 of the unity candles. So now I'm under dressed. I don't even have a tie on! It's ok I'm a wedding pro, I can handle this. So after taking a couple pictures where the photographer thoug I was the baby's brother I take her to the restroom.
Once out of the restroom I see my mom and sister, only problem they are sitting at a table on the their side of the room from me??? I call a audible and go sit next to them, plus they were closer to the front and If I had to approach the alter I should be as close as possible right?
Now I'm starting to notice some things, first my uncle has a BROWN suit on, who gets married in a brown suit? and he has brown patent leather shoes on. I didn't even know they made those. His suit fits him horribly, my mom being a seamstress is upset by this. I think it' funny. Then I notice the women....
I forgot how many women were at church, most of the ones there were married or not my type but none the less I was considering joining a church. Shyt I can find a wife and let the church pay for it! you can't beat that... lmao.
So then the wedding starts, I'm sitting next to my mom and she is cracking hella jokes. I have to tap her and tell her to "be nice" it's safe to say she doesn't approve of this wedding. So the Pastor gets to talking and talking and talking, he says everything except the wedding vows I'm expecting. He's talking about roses and lilies and my uncle looks bored. His wife is crying and he looks like his feet hurt lol. This is the same uncle who yawned at his moms funeral so I'm not really surprised. Then I notice the bride's brother sleep in the front row... classy.
My unity candle moment comes and goes and the pastor almost forgets to tell them to kiss. This was going to upset the baby as all she wanted was for them to kiss and to get cake. She is going to be a hopeless romantic I can already tell. She was way too excited to be at a actual wedding.
So the wedding is over and the bride and groom leave, only thing is the reception is in the same place. Yep there is a buffet is in the back, they leave for 5 min and come right back in... lol Were waiting to eat and my uncle calls me up to the head table. Turns out that's where my seat was??? how did I end up there? everyone is rocking shades of brown and I'm in all gray lol. I'm sitting next to the best man and being served a plate of food I didn't ask for. I look over to my baby and she is PISSED!!! I have food and she doesn't. I wave for her to come up but it's too late. She throwing all kinds of eye darts at me. My niece and sister are laughing. My baby is the nicest person until she gets mad, then she gets evil lol. It's funny to see a child mad at you. She didn't understand that I would have rather been down there with her. instead I'm making small talk with a dude I've never seen in my life. I'm being served by random women (side note... I don't like being served, I'd much rather go get my own plate, I mean my legs work. Being served and cared for by women makes me uncomfortable)
So I'm sitting at the head table and I notice my place card....
*record scratch again*
All my grandparents are gone, I'm nobody's grandson, what has he been telling these folks? So then I decide I've spent enough time at the head table and I'm going back to my fam to have fun. I go back to MY seat and the baby says "you think your a king but your not!" I laugh and ask her what she is talking about. Turns out my niece made a joke about me being so special and getting served like a king, of course the baby ran with that. After some laughing and cake we were all good.
So another wedding down and I'm still looking forward to going to a wedding and not actually being IN a wedding.