18 November 2009

HER

I don't think I ever really really touched on my baby momma and our story. I know I teased a few times on twitter about airing her out but never did. Honestly it was just my temper trying to get the best of me. But today I'm in a different mind set so I'll try and touch on it without showing my dislike of her.

We got together in June of 03, I met her at old part time job. I worked in a computer lab at this community college. Till this day I'm not really sure what I saw in her. My lil cousin was attracted to her and I started talking to her just based off that. Kinda just to prove to him I could get her. She didn't have the biggest ass, wasn't a freak, hell to quote chris rock she was a betamax. Logically I should have passed, she's 4 years older then me, had been a student full-time student for a couple years had a 8 year old son, no car, no cell phone. Really on a normal day I would have just smiled and waved.

I was on top of the world, I had just bought my house earlier that year, was working 2 jobs just because I wanted to. Had stacks on deck! my serial dating game was on point. Basically life was as good as it gets for a 23y/o.

We started dating and after a few months she was staying over my house on a nightly basis. We did more screwing then anything. I learned how sex can hide problems that you would normally discover if you were talking.

Fast forward to Nov 03, it was my b-day party and I was having a dinner at some Italian restaurant. My whole family was there and future BM had bought me a gift. I forgot said gift in the trunk, I didn't think this was a big deal since we were leaving together. Plus it's not like everyone had brought me gifts. No big unwrapping was going to happen. Future BM was heated about it though. She took it as a sign of disrespect. Like I could care less about her gift. This was a sign of things to come, So on the ride home we didn't speak much. Did I mention it was my birthday? yeah I was pissed too. So me being me I called the whole thing off. I was going back to my single comfort zone.

Then on Dec 7, 2003 (yes I remember the exact day) future BM pulled me aside at work and handed me a positive pregnancy test. Great, just my luck right? so we end up back together.

side note and maybe TMI... No I wasn't wearing a condom I was using the pull out method and the 1 time her ass doesn't get off me she gets preggers. Keep a nigga baby game on point. anyway....

So while she was preggers I try to be the best BF/future dad I can be. I give her a cell phone and bought a new car so she could drive my old one. My reasoning was she had dr's appts to get to and nobody should be driving around without a phone. Wait.. before all that she asks if she should get a abortion. I say I'll support whatever decision you make and it's your body... blah blah blah. Truth is I kinda wanted her to get one, I never wanted a baby momma I wanted a wife. I had no intention of marrying her and I knew it. That said I don't know what kind of asshole I would have become be if my baby had not entered my life and forced me to be a better man.

So now she's running around in my car talking on my phone but it's cool. I'm supporting my unborn baby. We have a couple arguments, normal stuff. things are looking good. I'm hoping to get thru this and work things out like adults.

Baby is born in July, her parents refuse to the hospital and visit. Actually their exact words to me were "well not everyone gets what they want" that's the moment I knew they were shady ass people. How you tell your daughter that? My mom comes to the hospital a lil before birth and BM refuses to let her see my first born. Let me say that again. This chick refused to let MY mom see MY baby girl. She didn't want my mom to be the first person to visit. She wanted her son to be the first. What kind of BS is that? You have no idea how heartbroke I was turning my mom away. I had no choice, when it comes to newborns the mom have all the say. On top of that since her parents refused to come visit I had to drive 30 miles one way to pick up her son so he could see his new sister. So I had to leave my new baby to pick someone else's kid up. Yeah it was a extremely bittersweet day.

We break up a few months after the baby is born. She asks for child support, I ask her how much she wants and give it to her. Mind you at this point I'm still paying for her phone and she still has my car. I'm thinking she HAS to see how good she has it. No baby daddy drama from me I just want to see my baby. I could care less who she sees or where she goes. Time after time we still have issues. She just lacks common sense and I just can't seem to believe that anybody is this slow. I end up canceling the cell phone, thinking that she might smarten up. Nope, same shyt. Tell her she can HAVE the car, just register it in her name. NOPE she don't want to pay insurance. All my friends just tell me to get custody and be done with it. I don't want to take a daughter from her mom, meanwhile I'm getting dicked over.

Lather, Rinse repeat. we've been like that for the last 5 years. Me trying to be the nice guy and at the same time getting punked. When my baby gets older she will know I ate years of shyt to try and keep the peace with her mom. Sad part all she understands is dysfunction. 6 years later and she is in pretty much the same position she was at when I met her.

15 comments:

Kingsmomma said...

"side note and maybe TMI... No I wasn't wearing a condom I was using the pull out method and the 1 time her ass doesn't get off me she gets preggers. Keep a nigga baby game on point. anyway....
"

yeah Extremly too much info there yo... Thought this was a PG blog..

anyway I feel for you (even though you saw some glaring stop signs and ran through them anyway)
I just hope she smartens up for the sake of her kids.

keep doing the right thing by your daughter, she will know (as she does already) how much you love and are trying for her

Ieisha said...

Love the "lather, rinse, repeat." line. Might have to use that.

The best part of it all is that you've learned invaluable lessons from all this and you've become a better person as a result and a better dad for the little Diva. So even through all the bullsh!t, it's still a win-win situation.

Ms. Insatiable said...

First let me just give you a big ol' hug and a kiss on the cheek for being an AWESOME man and father. Never forget that, ok?

I have SO many things to say about this "baby carrier of yours" but I won't. What I will say is she is NEVER going to change. NEVER. Like you said, keep doing right by your little princess and teach her to be a better woman than her mother is. I'm sure she knows what and who a better man is.

Ms. Behaving said...

Damn man...That "pull out method" will get a brotha EVERY time!!!

6 years and the same sh*t?!?!?!
Yeah...it sounds like you can forget about seeing any change.

Sucks but at least you got a beautiful blessing out of the deal.

♥PrettyPacino♥ said...

That's a shame...it's rare that you see guys these days willing to put up with BM's crap because "all they want to do is see their child" and in the cases where this does happen, you get BMs who take advantage. She could have gotten knocked up by some no-good, triflin' deadbeat who'd let her walk around with no form of communication, riding the same public transportation she was probably already used to! SMH...

I digress...

Keep up the good work! The generation needs more real men raising kids...

Dopelikelouboutins said...

Wow...at the whole post. Your daughter's mother sounds like...she doesn't want to do or be better for herself or for her kids. I commend you for being a role model and being there for your child and continuing to be the nice guy and dealing with her b.s.

crys said...

this is interesting....i'm just curious about what HER perspective is about ya'lls situation...
do you have any idea?

and there is NO SUCH THING as TMI - lol

keep up the good work, i read this blog all the time

Anonymous said...

First I just want to commend you on being a great father. It's unfortunate that you BM doesn't want more for herself and that she is the example of a woman that the baby has to see. Just continue to do your part and as you said the baby will understand when she gets older.

LOL at the TMI !!!!! U can find humor in any situation!!!!!

JACK said...

wow. What a story. I bet it's the stuff you've left OUT that is really gripping, huh?

And re: that ONE time and then preggers ... tell me about it!

Creative1k said...

Take it from someone, who's constantly pulling the weight all the time with no assistance. I understand about always being the good person for the sake of your child.
I just don't get your BM though, hell if you're supplying child support not to mention a cell and transportation. Some type of appreciation should be shown. Your BM doesn't understand how good she's got it.Maybe in the next lifetime, we should be each others baby donors.

In conclusion, all I can say is sometimes that's the way the cookie crumbles!!! Just keep your head up Super Dave, Lil Ms. Diva appreciates all of what her daddy does for her in spite of all the drama!

BorednTalkative said...

I love that you aren't one of those guys that use their crazy BM as an excuse not to see their kid.

Your BM is ungrateful, you gave her a car and phone what more did she want? Blood? I would love to see how she would cope if she had my daughter's father as her BD.

Like everyone else has said, keep doing what you're doing. Children are smarter that we give them credit for and the baby knows that you love her. When she's older she will realise just how much ish you went through.

I pray that your BM gets a wake up call and starts to do better for herself and her kids.

Anonymous said...

Not to play devils advocate or be the bad guy. But this story also shows/tells a lot about you as a person or the people you pick. I mean you dated a girl with no phone, no job, no car. How did you contact her for a date? Pay phone? And then to have sex with her with no condom. You definitely get what you ask or settle for but I'm glad you seem to be in your daughters life despite it all

Super Dave Van Buren said...

Crys - I'm sure her story would involve me being petty deadbeat asshole who didn't support her. Everyone has their own take on things. this was just mine.

Anonymous - Your right, my selection process was completely f*cked. I should have just passed on her. I'm not blaming anyone but myself. Oh she had a house phone just no cell.

Caspar608 said...

you know dave, every rose does have its thorns...the baby is the best part of the story.

your babies mama sounds like a real piece of work. did you ever find out what happened with her first babies daddy? ever sit down and have a beer with him?

like I said with the whole homeschooling thing...honey sounds like a lazy jackass who will be a student until the end of time to avoid getting a real job and being a productive member of society. your precious daughter is another source of income, and surely she is getting some form of support for the other kid. why get up off your ass, buy your own home, buy your own phone, buy your own car, get your own job if someone will do it for you?

and to keep your Mom away from the baby???

if I was your sister, I would have waited 6 weeks and beat her ass for disrespecting my Mother.

SincerelyGo said...

Oh wow, I don't think you are one of my readers but had you been before my dad passed away then you would know how much he meant to me. I loved loved loved being daddy's little girl.

I said all this to say hang in there you and she both will be glad you did.

Unlike one of my brother-in-laws he just sends the checks and doesn't want anything to do with the baby mama or the kids..his other kids that is. Oh and btw..23 must be like THE BEST I enjoyed that year mah-self!

Sincerely,

Go