27 December 2010

My Chritsmas

Merry Christmas folks... I hope you had a good one. Heres my christmas adventure.

This was the first christmas where LMS would wake up at my house. This meant I had to hide gifts and wrap them after hours. It was cool, I never really got to experience christmas morning thru her eyes before.

Before I get to that though let me touch on my tree. Now I have a beautiful fake tree. it's pre-lit and wonderful. This year I let my sister borrow my beautiful fake tree and decided to go all out and buy a real one. As a adult I've never had a real tree but thats no reason LMS can't enjoy it. So one cold windy day we went to the tree lot to see what they had. After walking the lot and explaining to LMS that a 15ft tree simply would not fit in the house we settled on a 8 ft tree. I think it was 8ft I don't know for sure, it was definitely too big to be straped to the top of my car. Wanna see? Here you go:




Yeah I know I need a truck... So As they were tieing the tree to the roof I realized that I might need some help getting it in the house. So I called my lil cousin and told him to meet me at home. After driving 10mph all the way home I was able to carry the tree to the door. For whatever reason I didnt realize how wide the tree was, I swear it didn't look that big in the lot. Maybe because the lot didn't have doors and a celing. Anyway cuzzo gets there and we carried it in the house. We propped it up against the wall while we set up the stand.



Once the tree was in the stand the damn thing would not stay up... it kept tilting over so we put it in the corner till I could figure out a solution. I was perplexed as to why it wouldnt stay striaght till I realized the tree was crooked. Not put in the stand crooked but the trunk was crooked! I ended up shimming the bottom of the stand to the damn thing would stand straight. So now I had a tree in front of the window but no lights. Remember my fake tree was prelit so I never worried about lights. I bought a box of 100 LED lights, they were cool looking but 100 lights isn't enough to really do anything. I bought another 100 and was still not happy with my trees brightness. By this time I had spent $150 a tree and tree extras and I refused to spend another dime. 200 lights would have to do. Besides LMS didn't care she just wanted candy canes.



Then there were the pine needles.... I've been sweeping up needles for weeks. I can't stand it, I cut the bottom of the tree and it has plenty of water but the damn thing keeps dropping needles. I can't wait till I can take it down just so I can shake the shyt out of it and watch the needles fall. I'm happy it lasted till x-mas and if I get another real one next year I'll do a better picking one.

A couple days before christmas I was talking to my sister and asked where we were having dinner. She said that my mom said dinner was at my house.... oh really?? well I'm glad someone told me... smh thats family for you. So I quickly put together a menu: Hickory Smoked Ham, mac and cheese, brussel sprouts, cornbread stuffing and mashed potatoes. I suck at managing my time when cooking for large groups so the mashed potatoes got shelved, everything else came out really good though. I used a Neely recipe for the ham that involved smoking on the grill it and making a glaze with Jack Daniels. Anytime I can get on my grill and put liquor in my food I'm happy.



Christmas morning was fun, LMS woke me up around 7am and we went downstairs. She got lots of barbie stuff and some girly legos. My mom got her Just Dance Kids for the wii.... I got my neice the MJ experience so the rest of the day was spent playing dancing games. Overall it was a great time.

I hope everyone enjoyed the holiday as much as I did!

20 December 2010

That Love thing...

Yesterday my cousin paid me a visit. This was odd because he lives in NC and I had no idea he was in town. It was a welcome surprise though, so as our kids were running around playing ee were chatting about family, parenting and me moving to NC. Then the convo went to everyones favorite subject.... Love.

I'm sure I've mentioned it before but Love is the one thing us Van Burens suck at. He like me just recently broke up with his girl so we shared stories about love and love lost. Its funny because I could see in his face the feeling I get in my stomach everytime I talk about my ex. We all get the same feelings, its hard to know if its you who has the problem and you want too much or do you just keep choosing the wrong women. Either way its your problem right? breakups always involve a period of reflection. Everyone handles it different, last time I bounced to another girl. That didn't work out too well. This time I'm chillin... I don't have the time or energy to start a new relationship, so many other things require my attention.

Anyway heres the thing about love. Nobody gets it. Nobody really understands it and how it works, we just know that you either want it, have it or miss it. We fall in love with imperfect people and ignore their flaws. Love is blind in the sense that it makes the positives shine brighter then the negatives. Honestly life is easier if you don't have love. Well its easier if you JUST have the love of your family and friends, That love is easy and satisfying. The love of a mate is harder to get and maintain. See over time love lets you see more and more of that person, your eyes adjust to the brightness. You see the person for who they are, sometimes the brightness didn't do the person justice and once your eyes adjusted you realize they are even better. Other times you needed that brightness to keep loving the person.

My point is that love is a fickle beast that nobody truly understands and no book, TV show or movie will be able to explain how it will effect you or who you will fall for. Its one of the few things in life you just have to roll with.

14 December 2010

Thats Not Cool....

So my buddy sends me this video and says that it remindes her of her ex boyfriend:



I instantly laugh because it's a funny video about overbearing people and I like the name of the website "thatsnotcool.com" I just want to say that to people when they do stupid shyt... "Thats not cool". Instead I'd parcial to saying "Seriously?? thats how we going?"

Anyway I always find it funny when people stalk/harrass people they care about. I've never been the back-to-back calling type but I've defintly been with girls who were. I usually just call, leave a message and let it be. You have to let yourself go a little to be SO concerned about another person. Shouldn't you be busy living YOUR life and not have time to harrass your mate? Maybe I'm selfish but if someone tells me they are going to the club I say ok and leave them alone the rest of the night. I might check to see if they got home ok but thats about it. I don't need to send countless texts and calls to make sure they are where they say they are. Hell I don't even call out people when I know they are lying to me. If you wanna lie to me about something thats more your issue then mine. Usually its not even a big enough deal to be lying. So I just say "ok" and go back to living my life.

If you care so much about someone you should be able to respect thier space. Even in a age where everyone has a facebook, twitter or blog you have to repect peoples privacy. I usually don't follow people I date on twitter or if they have a blog I don't read it... why? because you can easily read something and misunderstand it or twist it to mean way more then it was intented to. I figure if your close to someone and they want you to know something they will tell you. Nothing worse then letting your online life disrupt your real life.

I saw all that to say stop harrassing your girlfriends/boyfriends, thats not cool.

12 December 2010

Good Cop/Bad Cop

I'm a patient person. I've learned how to sit and wait my turn, wait for the sun to shine my way. My daughter isn't patient. I'm not sure if it's because she's 6 or just that shes a girl or maybe she inherited it from me or her mom. I'm not sure but this lil girl has zero patience. On top of that shes lazy. how are you lazy and have no patience? I mean being lazy should make you able to wait for anything right?

Anyway her lack of patience eats away at mine, usually when I encounter someone who is lazy or impatient I laugh and ignore them. It's thier issue not mine, except when it's me being lazy or impatient. This time it is my issue though. I have to mold this lil girl into a functional member of society, I refuse to let her be lazy and expect that life is just given and she doesn't have to work for anything. So while I'm usually laid back and relax when dealing with her I have to be proactive. Shes learned that crying and complaining are a effective ways of getting whats he wants. So I'm fighting a daily battle to change her habits and re-mold her.

Its a balance of having fun and rewarding good behavior and punishing bad. I'm not a fusing/yelling kind of person but I find myself doing it more because its effective. It seems to be the only thing she responds too. So until she realizes that things can go smooth if she just listens to what I say and does her part I have to be a drill seargent.

06 December 2010

My day

They say one of the important things to do with kids is create a schedule. Little did I know that my daughters schedule would dictate my life. Heres a average week day in my life:

5am: alarm goes off. They allows me 2 options, wake up or BS in bed and think about life for 30min. Usually I BS in bed.

5:30am: I wake Baby up. This begins a "who can get dressed the fastest" game. I don't care who wins as long as she is dressed lol

6am: breakfast, not for me but for the baby. I can't eat that early it throws my system off.

6:15am: Hair, unless her hair magically surived the day before or somebody else put it into a style that I can't duplicate I redo her hair.

6:30am: leave house.

6:40am: aftercare dropoff (it's still dark outside)

7:30am - 4pm: A little place I like to call the corner.

5pm - aftercare Pickup (it's dark out, in the winter I don't really see her while the sun is out)

5:10pm - 6pm: cook/eat dinner

6pm - 7pm: homework/play time, depends on if baby finished her homework at aftercare or not

7pm: bathtime

7:30: bedtime

The rest of the night consists of laying out the next days clothes, packing lunch, excerising and watching sports. Its all really repetive and while I like order and things to happen on schedule it gets SUPER boring lol. Thing is if I change the schedule nothing else works. When LMS was taking tennis classes it was a rush to get her to bed by 8 and if she's not sleep by then waking up in the morning is a pain. The whole thing is like a row of dominios.

Biggest problem with this schedule is the weekend. Since the baby is used to the schedule she is wide awake at 6am and worn out by 7pm. This means I don't really stay out late or get to sleep in. I've taught her how to go get her own breakfast on the weekends though because there is no way I'm getting out of bed before 8am on a saturday unless it involes money or fishing.

29 November 2010

The Growth... pt 31

Well hello there... Today is my 31st b-day. Give me a minute to let that soak in, 31.... geez I joke alot about how I'm old but truth be told I don't feel that old. I actually feel pretty good.

I have no idea what will be consided my "prime" or when a man hits his "prime", actually let me google it real quick....Ok according to this TIME magazine article a mans prime is 33. So I'm right in that range.

I'm at a age where I have a good mix of youth and wisdom, I feel like I'm old enough to have learned from my mistakes but young enough to know I will make more. I'm young enough to know all the games but old enough to know I don't have to play them. I can see the angles in situations because I have been there before. I don't panic when things go wrong because I know i can work it out. I'm just at a point where I know when take life as it comes and know when I need to press the issue. I feel like the guys in that Viagra commercial, Like I'm in the Age of knowing how to get thing done. Of course I'm not at a age where I need viagra lol

I'm sure I've mentioned it before but this year went by pretty fast, I think I improved as a person over the past year. I'm better at applying lessons and challenging my comfort zones. I've always been good at adapting but now I'm better at adapting and improving.

Anyway, 31 should be fun. I'm looking forward to new adventures and seeing whats next for my crazy life. Hopefully it will be drama free but even if its not I know I can handle what ever gets thrown at me. Lifes not perfect but I know how to enjoy the bright spots while I tend to the dark ones.

23 November 2010

Victory Lap

I was talking to the baby's therapist and she asked if all the court drama was over, I said yeah there is nothing on the horizon. A little later i was thinking about it and realized that for the frist time in a long time I have nothing circled on my calender (besides birthdays and such). I free to focus on other aspects of life. The natural question is whats next? All year I was going to treat 2011 as my victory lap, a year where I progress to make up for the last 5 years of sitting still. So what will I be doing?

- A Book: like 5 people have said I should write a book about this whole experience. Even my lawyer said I was going to be the first chapter in HIS book lol. So I just may gather my thoughts and get to writing, don't worry if I end up on oprah I'll be sure to thank all of you.

- BBQ Sauce: My BBQ sauce is awesome, I've sold a couple bottles of it and I plan on moving that into full drive. I got a name and logo worked out, next year I'll hit up some BBQ fests and get the word out. Hell I might even be able to sell it in whole foods as a local product. I don't know how it will all work but I know I'm tired of watching talent sit on the shelf. It's about time to put it to work.

- A new house: I love my house, its a town house thats close to the school and it has enough space for me and LMS. My thought was that I would stay in it till I get married then move into something me and my wife picked together so it would be "Our" house instead of "My" house. Thing is the woman I want to marry doesnt want to marry me so that plan would have to be put on hold. Instead of waiting till I get married I might just spend 2011 stacking my money for a single family home, it will be more space then we need but I want a yard and a garage plus LMS wants a dog.

- New Car: I don't NEED a new car but I want a truck. This will happen in the spring or so.

- Get in Shape: I've been doing a good job losing weight, I'm going to continue to keep it up. No real goal weight I just wanna keep working at it.

- New Job: So if ya'll remember I was about to be laid off a couple of weeks ago. A new company won my contract and gave me a raise so I'm not as active looking for a new job now. My job is pretty cushy and affords me the time and opprotunity to do other things. It's also a low stress enviorment which I've learned counts for alot. Unless I find a gig where I can work from home or not have to commute into DC I'll stay where I'm at.

Point of all this is I have a little freedom that I haven't had in a long time. Even with a kid to raise I have a chance to do great things.

18 November 2010

Ms. Mush

So lets see, last we left My Baby momma had supervised visitation. I'm not sure if I mentioned how that works or if I talked about that experience so I'm going to take a minute and explain how it all has played out.

When I first got custody my BM (I decided I'll call her Ms. Mush because everything she touches turns to mush... see Bronx Tale) wanted to do supervised visitation at playgrounds and Chuck E cheese. The only problem I had with this was that there wouldn't be a neutral party there to ensure nothing crazy happened. I ended up finding a center that handles visitation, the place was cool because I could drop LMS off 15min before Ms. Mush got there and come back 15min after she left. No chance would have any interaction with her and the whole visit would be supervised by a consoler to ensure Ms. Mush didn't ask LMS questions about anything she shouldn't.

Only issue with the place was it cost money. When I first met the director I had to pay a $35 intake fee and she explained Ms Mush would have to do the same. In addition Ms. Mush would have to pay for the visits which could range between $25 - $54 depending on your income. So I figured if we did visits every other weekend it would cost Ms. Mush $50. Thats not unreasonable right? I know she is unemployed but she is renting a townhouse, paying bills and feeding herself so she has income from somewhere. $50 shouldn't be a problem, if all else fails her parents could pay it.

So Ms. Mush meets with the Director and we agree on a date and time frame. 1st visit would be for 5 hours. I droppped LMS off, everyone was nice and welcoming. When I came to pick her up the Director informed me how Ms. Mush refused to pay. Ms. Mush claims I should have to pay since she has no income and since I set all this up.....

Lets rewind for a minute, I didn't HAVE to do shyt. I could have gotten custody and completly ignore any and everything about this woman. Her visitation didn't have a schedule so if she never got it nobody could have said anything. I put in the effort so LMS could see her mom in a positive enviorment. The last thing I was going to do is pay for her visitation, thats money I could spend on LMS. I was already making time in my schedule for it, giving time and money wasn't going to happen.

So the Director says that this visit will be free but the next one won't be. I explain that I understand and me and LMS leave. About a week and a half later we are coming up on the 2nd visit. I call Ms. Mush's mom and ask if she knew if the visit was going to happen, she says she thought it was and that she was going to pay for it. Cool so I tell her LMS will be there. I don't talk to Ms. Mush on the phone because it never ends well, we email each other and even those end badly. Anyway later that day I get a email from Ms Mush saying that she refused to pay for the visit and wasn't going... Since her mom agreed to pay for it I was a little confused but I just said ok and explained that if she had a better location that provided the same service to let me know and we could do the visitations there.

Long story short my baby momma just can't work with anything that isn't 100% under her control. Since most of life is about working with other people I just don't know how she can be productive. All this happened weeks ago and I have yet to hear anything new about places for visiation. Currently LMS only sees her mom for about a hour at school 1-2 times a month. While I feel bad for my baby, I know I tried to make it happen and if her mom ever gains some senses she can be a bigger part of her life.

14 November 2010

Random Thoughts Sunday

All my posts been random lately huh... on well welcome to my life lol. This is just going to be random thoughts that I'm not going to expand on *shurgs*

- I didn't realize I have the BMW of health care till now... I'ma miss it.

- Its had to be the only happy person in a group of upset people. Even harder when you can't tell them why your happy.

- I would have been lost it, if I didn't have so much to lose.

- Its hard to force someone to see your vision, I wish I could do inception.

- As a naturally lazy person, when I give my all I expect others to do the same

- I don't have all the answers... but I have taken the test a couple times.

- Looking back at my life, I've done pretty good for myself. Things could have turned out very different

- My problems are mine because I was built to handle them, you know the saying... your never given more then you can handle.

- Baby I love you but if you ask me 1 more question I'm going to lock you in your room... with love

- I've shown you all the water I know... your going to have to drink on your own.

10 November 2010

Double Life...

I was thinking about what I could blog about. See I have plenty of topics in my head I just don't feel like typing them out. I could blog about my relationship, I could blog about how my baby momma got my daughter kicked out of aftercare or how the school pulled out a no trespassing order against her. I could even blog about my job and how I might be laid off come monday. See I COULD blog about all of that but I wont. Why? because this is about ME and not of that other stuff lol.

I was talking to my cousin about going out and he plainly reminded me "But dude you don't like people"... this got me thinking about who am I? what happened to old Dave? Maybe the biggest change that happens when you have kids is you start to lose yourself. You lose a sense of who and what you are. You get consumed with being a parent and it begins to define you.

So I was sitting and thinking about what exactly I did for fun before all the drama. I've been so focused on LMS and creating a positive environment for her that I've sacrificed my own fun. I need to create Dave time thats not daddy time. Kinda like how married people need to still date each other. I need to keep having non-kid fun. The past 2 weekends me and LMS have looked at each other all weekend. I think its driving her crazy lol. She needs a break from me as much as I need one from her.

I know women whos whole life is being a mom. It's a easy trap to fall into, your spend most your day caring for someone that you forget about yourself. Some parents are living thru the kids and forget that they have a life to live too. Of course there are the other people who forget they are parents but we wont mention them.

I guess my point is that I need to remember that I was Dave long before I was Daddy and just because I'm a dad doesn't mean Dave is dead.

08 November 2010

A Support Issue

I think today I'll pose a qustion to the readers, Should I go for child support?

Its not really that easy of a question. On one hand my baby momma doesn't work so it's not like I'll be getting anything. It would be more about the principal. She lives off the govt and I'm pretty sure if you owe child support all those benifits stop. If she did get a job I'm sure I won't get much since I'd make more then her. I don't "need" the money, sure I could use it. Free money is free money right? I could use it for one of the baby's activites or even just put it in her college fund. In talking to my cousin (the only other person I actually know who has custody of his son) he says I should take her for support just because she would and did take me. There shouldn't be a double standard.

On the other hand I don't want anything from that woman, not even cash. I want to just delete her from my life and move on, receiving support will just create another link between us. Another reason to go to court, another reason for her to contact me. Even though I know we don't HAVE to talk for her to pay support it will be a reason for her to talk to me. Its another reason for her to be bitter and upset about life, another thing she will blame on me. Honestly I can do without it, I want to let her be and go about living my life. I'm trying to cut ties not create them.


So what do you think?

on another note, just when you think I'm the only dude on earth going thru this I'm introduced to Foshead who runs http://notthehuxtables.blogspot.com/ go check it out and see that there are more single dads doing good then the media would let you think.

03 November 2010

Halloween wrap up

Sooo I had my first halloween with the baby in a long time. Last time I went trick or treating with her she couldn't walk and me and her mom were together lol. Instead of hitting up my neighborhood I decided to take her to the mall. My neighborhood is wack when it comes to giving out candy and I knew my boy's bike club was at the mall giving out candy. Since LMS knows the Bike club Prez she was sure to get plenty of candy lol.

We went to Forestville mall, I know most of ya'll don't know where or what that is but trust me when I say it's HOOD! so hood I was ready to leave after we hit the bikers up. LMS wanted to walk to all the stores and collect candy. I saw plenty of horrible, lazy costumes. We stayed for about 20min got half a bucket of candy and rolled out.

btw... if your sending your kid out with a plastic bag to collect candy just stop. a orange pumpkin bucket is like $1. You can do better

Next Stop was a churches "Hallowed One's Day" festival. It was my co-workers church and everyone was really nice. Only down side was its location. It was in Woodbrige, VA. About 40min from my house in that place we call the commonwealth. We all know how I feel about visiting VA lol... Even though it was in VA we had a good time and LMS got to play on the moon bounces, get a bag of candy, make some friends and run around. Then the sun went down and it got cold. That was our cue to leave. By the time we got home the kids in my neighborhood were out and I let LMS go to a couple houses.

In the end she got a bunch of candy and had a good time. She even made it to bed ontime. Here is her in the Princess Tiana costume my mom made.

28 October 2010

Random ish...

Whats good people, I feel like I never blog anymore. Not because I don't have time but because everything I want to talk about is stuff I don't want to blog about lol. Its one of the Side effects of your blog being so open. Anyway heres a little update...

- Currently the hardest part about being a full-time dad is dealing with LMS crying for her mom. I'm sure I mentioned before I'm not the best when it comes to empathy and when she cries how she wants her mom I'm perplexed on how to handle it. I console her, tell her it's ok but part of me wants to tell her the truth. That her mom is bat shit crazy and she's better off not living with her. I try real hard not to talk negitive about her mom in front of her though.

- I enrolled LMS in a tennis class. I'm not sure if she likes it or not. Everytime I mention is she says she doesn't want to go, but when it's time to go she is excited. I think we'll do swimming next.

- I need a vactaion in the worse possible way. Like I need a couple days where I don't do anything. Hell someplace with no clocks would be perfect.

- Speaking of clocks I feel like my whole life is being governed by it. Keeping a child on schedule means you have to be on the same schedule. So I'm constantly looking at the clock figuring out how much time I have to get stuff done. Funny thing is once LMS is in bed and I have "free" time I don't even know what to do. I'm so tired I just want to go to sleep myself.

- I've had LMS a little over a month, it feels like so much longer though. Over all I think i'm doing a good job, nothing spectactular but I'm managing it. In football terms I'm a QB who manages the game well, but not a superstar.

- I realized I get stressed the most over money. Women, BM drama and LMS crying I can deal with. Looking at my bank account when I'm broke depresses me like nothing else. I need to be able to provide, feeling like I can't puts me in a bad mood that carries over to everything I do.

- My b-day is a month away... I'm not even excited about it, I'll be 31. No parties planned and since it's on a monday I'll probably just come to work like any other day.

- In good news I started losing weight again. Eating with LMS makes me eat healthier and in smaller portions. So I dropped a good 10lbs. LMS has maintained her weight but she looks slimmer, overall eating and excerise are going well.

- My mom has been a huge blessing thru all this. She made LMS a princess dress for halloween in like 3 days. I'll post a pic after halloween.


Ummm, thats about it. I'll try and post more but in the mean time go check out www.cookinwithdave.com I've posted a couple things over there.

20 October 2010

The Love Triangle

I was going to post some serious stuff but I figured I'd give ya'll a daddy tale...

I was playing barbies with the baby. She has a boy barbie who is dancing with a girl barbie.. I'm holding a girl one when the baby wants me to tap the boy barbie (ken) on the shoulder and ask him why he is dancing with this other chick. I proceed and the baby makes ken say "I'm not with you anymore, I'm with her"....

This plays out as my barbie getting mad and proceeding to dance with another dude. Then Ken getting jealous and storming over to start a fight. I play along for a minute because I don't get to watch Maury and this is as close to this kinda drama as I get. Finally I stop playing and ask "Where did you see this?" The baby looks at me then answers "At grandma's in the Disney movie".

hhhmmm I'm not sure when Disney started putting this kind of drama into movies but Ill be sure to pay more attention to what message they are sending the youth lol

Needless to say barbie playtime was over and I went back to watching ESPN.

09 October 2010

Being The Bad Guy

First let me apologize... I had like a million lurkers come out and congratulate me on getting custody of LMS and I didn't even acknowledge it... Thank you for your kind words and support! I'm still amazed that so many people read my little slice of the internet.

I find myself feeling like the bad guy. See it's like I'm the last one to really realize that LMS's mom is crazy. I don't mean regular "unstable creature" woman crazy, I mean "the lady who did our psych exams even said she had issues" crazy. I continue to give her the benefit of the doubt even though she continues to show that she is unreasonable and unstable. Case in point....

I have sole custody of LMS, and her mom has supervised visitation. Only that visitation is not scheduled so really she has NO visitation until one of us schedules it. She also has no real rights to how and were LMS is schooled. When I registered LMS for school I gave the school a copy of our custody order and I told them to let me know if her mom ever showed up. One day LMS's mom called and LMS was crying how she missed her. So my BM told her she would come up and visit her at school. When the school called and informed me she was there I told them that it was ok if she visits with her but she could not take LMS anywhere. My thoughts were that if her mom sees her there that is a controlled environment and everyone is happy. This was my mistake because what I didn't consider was my BM is crazy and would show up at her school EVERYDAY!

So on wedensday LMS's teacher says that we should limit visits to 1-2 days a week so she could have a good idea of how LMS was doing in class. After all its hard to grade a kid who has thier mother sitting next to them as they do school work. So I agree, let my BM know that she can't show up everyday via email. She replies with a email about how I'm bitter that SHE doesn't want to be with ME??? I mean I really, really wish I could just post some of our emails because they are so crazy it's just silly.

So on thurday my BM shows up again at LMS's school... Both the principal can teacher call me and say that it's getting out of hand. So I tell them I'll just stop it all together.

I take Friday off and go down to my local police station. I show them my court order and ask what would happen if I banned BM from LMS school... They say it shouldn't be a problem. So I call the school and tell them if she shows again call the police.

Now, at this point I'm thinking about LMS and her schooling. She's not going to learn if her mom shows up in class everyday. I mean who does that? people who have absoloutly nothing else to do thats who! even stay at home moms don't go sit in thier childs class 4 days a week.

So Friday afternoon I get the call... BM came up to the school, told the staff that she had rights and stormed off into LMS's class. They called me then the police. Since I was off and I live around the corner I came up to the school and waited with the principal in her office for the police. The principal calls thier lawyers just to double check that what I'm saying is true and my BM has no right to be up at the school. They agree and once the police show up the school staff lets LMS come into the office, the police suggest I leave before a scene is caused and I heed their suggestion. As me and LMS are walking out my BM follows us.. I ignore her keep walking and leave it to the police and the school.

LMS didn't really react to any of it, she was excited to see police officers and was worried that I wasn't going to let her go play at after care.

The reality is that I'm stuck trying to figure out whats the best situation for LMS to visit with her mom. I've called the county visitation centers but I couldn't get in touch with a person who I could actually schedule the visitation through. I've also looked into therapy for LMS. I'm sure she has plenty of emotions about all of this and she needs to learn how to deal with them. Her mom could possibly visit her during therapy that way they both can get some help.

My other option is to just cut her mom out of her life, Not that I want too but I don't think her mom brings any positives to her. She is self absorbed and needs professional help. LMS seems to have issues whenever she is around. That said she still is her mom and I'd hate for LMS to grow up not having a relationship with her. I just don't want her to be exposed to crazy anymore then she has too.

So while I figure it all out her mom is call and sending rants via email. She called while LMS was hanging with my mom, I didn't answer. When I picked LMS up I asked her if she wanted to call her mom back.. she said NO. So I didn't push it and we went about our business. When she does talk to her mom, LMS makes up reasons to get off the phone. She tells her mom that I have to use the phone or she is about to eat dinner. I mean she just doesn't seem interested in really talking to her mom anymore.

So while we settle into a schedule we also need a schedule on how I'm going to deal with my BM. She's stuck on that I'm bitter and playing games because she doesn't want to be with me and I have no desire to try and explain that I want nothing to do with her and I'm trying to create a better life for LMS.

04 October 2010

As the smoke clears

So now that the baby lives with me I have several issues that need addressed:

Her Mom - lets see it's been about 12 days since the court date and her mom has called 2x. Every now and then LMS cries how she misses her mom but says she loves living with me. Her mom has yet to ask to see LMS though she just calls to talk to her. Reality is I have no idea how this will play out, part of me wishes my BM would just disappear but that's unfair to LMS. Her mom is still her mom and she's going to miss her and want to see her. Mommy is mommy even if her mom was messing her up. LMS told her mom she wanted to see her, so I'll leave it up to my BM to schedule something with me.

The Basics - When I went to LMS's old school to get her transfer papers her teacher told me how she was having problems wiping herself after she used the bathroom and how she often had accidents on herself. Her teacher felt this was a cry for attention and she used it as a way for her mom to come pick her up from school. The first day LMS was with me she used the bathroom on herself. She was also peeing the bed. So she needed help with basic potty training, she had regressed in basic skills. I sat her down and explained that it had to stop, she was just being lazy and I wasn't going for it. She knew when she had to use the bathroom and she should just go instead of trying to hold it till the last second. I also spent 10min in the bathroom re-educating her on how to whip herself clean. I didn't want her starting a new school and having basic problems, kids are mean and she is already overweight. No reason to be smelly too. After 2 days she was fine, no accidents, no problems at school and once she adjusted to her schedule she stopped peeing in the bed at night. Score one for consistency.

Health - LMS is overweight, she has been most her life. I went to see a nutritionist a couple years ago but it was pointless because while I made changes, they were negated by what her mom was feeding her. Not to completely blame my BM for her weight because when LMS was young I had my fair part in feeding her junk, but I changed my habits and started eating better, her mom didn't. She didn't create a schedule for LMS or make sure she got all the sleep she needed. Her weight got out of control. So with her under my wing I'm in control on her diet and exercise. Luckily she loves veggies, so I cut back on her snacks and sweets, limited portion size and started giving her dinner before 6. This lets LMS get to bed before 8 and get 9-10 hours of sleep. In just 1 week she lost 5lbs, She's not starving and she's not complaining about missing anything. It's working out well.

Behavior - This one will be the long term battle, LMS talks to much in class. She's friendly and likes to play even when it's work time. I've talked about it to her repeatedly but I know it will be a issue. while i'm happy she is being interactive and not a recluse given all that's been going on she still needs to learn how to focus on schoolwork and not the bad kids making jokes.

So it's like I'm starting from scratch with a lot of things, I have to mold her into the child I expect her to be and set the foundation that she should have had all along. She is responding better then I could have imagined, She adapts to change like I do. which is good, it's not going to be easy or quick but it will be worth it once everything settles.

29 September 2010

All Dad All Day

So where were we? ummmm I was granted custody and leaving the courthouse. My lawyer explained that the order needed to be signed to be official and that should happen in the morning. He also said I could get the police to help me get LMS. He gave me a couple numbers to the shierff's office and sent me on my way. As I walked to my car I made a couple calls to spread the good news, then went home and let it all soak in.

I was chilling at home with my girlfriend around 8pm when I get a call. It's my Babymomma, she says I can pick up LMS right now. I was taken off guard and said "ok" and hung up. After I think about it for a minute I decided that it's better for me to wait till I have the signed order in my hand just to avoid anymore drama. I call her back and say I will pick LMS up the next day. She replies "No, this is your game, if you want her you can have her... I will just drop her off" click. Fast forward 20min later and my doorbell rings. I ignore it, it continues to ring, I continue to ignore it. Then I hear the door open! I left it unlocked!!! I run upstairs and LMS is standing there with her grandfather, she runs in and gives me a hug and he leaves.

At this point my mind is mush, what just happened. I woke up that morning hoping I would get custody and thinking I would have some transition period till I had LMS full time. Now I'm standing in my living room at 9pm looking at LMS in her granddads shirt and some underwear. I tried to gather my thoughts and figure out what happens next. My girlfriend headed home and I put LMS in the shower and made a plan for the next day.

The next morning I planned to go buy LMS a new backpack and some shoes then take her to school then try and track down my signed order. (remember she was dropped off with nothing, no clothes, no backpack, just her beat up torn up shoes) Then my BM emails me and says she is going to withdraw LMS from school.

sidebar *LMS was in a school about 20min from my house, I had every intention to keep her there so she didn't have to deal with even more change in her life. Even though I have a school 1 min from my house.*

So once my BM said she was going to withdraw her from school I figured I'd try and talk to the school to see if she could stay. Otherwise I would have to transfer her the school near my house. Also if I was ever unsure that my BM didn't care about LMS this confirmed it. This only hurt LMS, I have no clue why she did it but I'm assuming she felt like she was getting back at me. Creating more work for me to get LMS settled. Either way LMS was now not in school.

Thursday... We went up to her school and they explained that she couldn't continue to go there. I lived outside the schools zone and she had already been withdrawn. Also school was closed on friday. So I a day to get her enrolled in a new school and figure out what I was going to do for aftercare. I spent the day running all over town, dragging the poor baby in and out of the car getting court docs, enrolling her in school, buying new shoes and groceries. Plus we went to like 5 aftercare places, None of them would work. Either they don't pick up from her school or they had a waitlist. Just when I was about to say f*ck it and be a stay at home dad selling weed brownies out my house like the chick on WEEDS I found a lady in the neighborhood that does daycare. We went over there to check it out and it seemed to be ok. It wasn't perfect but LMS like it and instantly started playing with the kids. Plus the hours are good and they do homework with the kids. It's a good place.

Luckily the school I put her in is the same one she was in last year until her mom withdrew her. When we walked in everyone remembered her. Its good that even though its a different school it's not a brand new one and she seemed excited to be back. Besides being tired from me dragging her around all day.

Friday... My sister agreed to watch LMS while I ran more errands. The new school requires everyone to wear uniforms. I had none, so I had to go shopping. I swear I came home with more bags over the weekend then I have all year. I found GAP uniform shirts on sale for $3.46 a piece, I cleaned them out then went to find some pants and jumpers. I found pants but they were all too long. I was tired of shopping, I HATE shopping, I just like new stuff, I want it to magically appear in my house. The whole process of shopping is overrated. Reason #25785 why I need a wife.

So after I spent a bunch of money, I went to go pick up LMS from my sisters house. luckily my sis cooked dinner and she had eaten, we headed home and went to sleep.

Saturday... I promised LMS we would do fun stuff since the we had not done anything but run around. We went to buy some play shoes, a raincoat and ran around chuck e cheese for a while. Then we got some frozen yogurt and life was good. I still had problems finding uniform jumpers but I figured I'd do that on sunday, my mom agreed to watch LMS for a lil while and hem her uniform pants. I also had a long back to school list of supplies I had to fill. I ended the day taking out LMS's braids... this took me like 2 hours to do half her head, she was tired and so was I.

Sunday... We woke up, ate breakfast and I finished taking out her braids. I knew I had to wash her hair and my GF gave me instructions on how to condition it. She offered to come over and blow dry it for me. LMS had never had her hair blow dried before so after some crying and negotiations it got done. My mom came over and took LMS out for ice cream, me and the GF went uniform and school supply shopping. I finally found a spot that sells jumpers and bought a bunch of them. LMS officially has more clothes then me. now she needs hangers for them all.

In the end the weekend was kind of a blur, LMS got everything she needed to start school on monday. While I felt a bit overwhelmed with how quickly it all happened I'm lucky to have a support system of people who love me and LMS enough to help. She's been with me a week today and we are starting to settle into a rhythm that can work. Besides she seems to be really happy to be with dad.

27 September 2010

Then it All Changed

Last week I went back to court to conclude my custody hearing. I had a billion things on my mind. I had no idea how it was going to turn out or how the outcome would change my life. All day I ran scenarios thru my mind and none of them ended with Busta Rhymes lol.

I was worried my baby momma wouldn't show, that she would find a way to drag this out longer. That I wouldn't get custody, That I would get custody and not be able to handle it, That I would get custody and it would ruin my relationship. Basiclly I was worried about everything. when I get nervous I just kinda zone out, I prepped for that day and I need to just stop thinking and live in the moment.

When I got to the courthouse I had to wait... we waited over a hour before our case was called. The judge took us last because he knew we were going to take a while. If you remember the last time we were in his courtroom things didn't end so well, he was in a bad mood and was having a horrible day. Thankfully he reconigzed that and apologized for it. He explained his actions and we progressed on with the case.

After about 4 hours of talking and testomony the judge went into his ruling. As I sat there I had no idea how it was going to go, the more he talked the more unsure I was. I sat and tried to figure out what I was feeling, I was sacred, happy and worried all at the same time. It wasn't till towards the end that I had a idea where he was leaning....

He mentioned how me and my baby momma could not agree on anything and it's like we are coming from different planets. Due to that he said Joint legal custody was impossible

*sidebar: Legal custody is who has the rights to make life choices for the child. Like school, doctors, church. Things like that. Most people have joint legal which means the parents have to agree on choices. Physical custody is who the child lives with a majority of the time.*

So with joint legal custody off the table he began to talk about physical custody. He mentioned how if things didn't change LMS would lose her relationship with me. Her mother had no interest in making sure I was a part of her life. I should mention that my Baby momma interupted the judge like 3 times while he was talking. If you have ever been in court this is a big no no. Anyway the judge mentioned that uprooting a child from one home and moving them to another is a huge decision and not something he liked to do personally or professionally.

After all that he said "I grant sole legal and physical custody to the plantiff (thats me!)" then he proceed to lay out a visitation schedule for my baby momma. *Here's when the drama starts* As the judge is saying she would get every other saturday - sunday she stands up and yells "That will never happen!! I gave birth to her!" and proceeds to storms out of the courtroom. Once she stood up, the judge adjusts his ruling and says she can have supervised visitation and he was going to forgo the exception period and make the order offical first thing in the morning. It was a crazy couple minutes and it took me a minute to realize what happened. I walked out the courtroom and everyone was gone. We were there till 6pm and court ends at 4:30pm. I mean the only people in the halls were cleaning folks. I hugged my mom and my lawyer (which might have made him uncomfortable lol) I held back tears of joy and tried to focus on what he was telling me.

So what happened? I got sole custody of my baby and her mom basiclly has no visitation. In order for her to visit with LMS she has to schedule it with a approved visitation center. No overnights, no trips anywhere. Just meet and play in a monitored place. Its like a complete 180 from everything that was happening. I went from no kid around to kid all the time.

I can't explain how excited I was, I got a sense of releif that finally I could move on to the next chapter of life. I knew my work was far from over but this was a huge step in creating a better life for me and LMS. Let me end it here, I'll continue the story of my first weekend as full-time dad later.

Thanks to everyone for your kind words and prayers, God is good and prayer works. You just have to be patient and realize things workout in thier own time not yours.

21 September 2010

On The Radio pt2

So ya'll remember when I said I was going to be on the radio? Well I actually did the interview and it went well. If your interested in listening head on over to

http://www.wrightontheedge.com/archives.php and click on the Sept 11th show. I'm on for the 1st 40 minutes or so. I only got 1 caller but he was great, honestly in my love of all things random I could not have asked for a better caller. It's not till the end but it's worth it. I was dying laughing on the inside.

If you listen to the interview and have any additional questions or comments please feel free to leave them and I will actually respond. Either in the comment thread or in a seprate post. I know I suck at responding to comments. I did a ask me anything post a while back and kinda regretted it but I figure while I'm answering questions I might as well give everyone a chance to ask.

Thanks to Wendy Wright for having me on, I had a good time and I wasnt nearly as nervous as I thought I would be.

20 September 2010

Cooking with Dave

In a effort to expand my empire and better use my talents I'm starting my cooking blog back up. No videos this time though, just pictures of good food and recipes for them. Hopefully it will inspire people to cook. So if your into food (who isn't?) you can check me out at www.cookinwithdave.com Also I kept my old videos just in case you missed them from before or wanted to watch them again.

14 September 2010

Dinner with the parents

So friday was my uncle's birthday. My uncle helpped raised me so he's more like a dad then uncle. That said I went over his house to wish him a happy birthday. I kikcked it for a while when my aunt(his ex-wife) showed up. Even though they are not married anymore they are like best friends. By best friends I mean the argue ALL the time, it's both funny and annoying. They might as well just stayed married.

So i'm riding with them to the resturant, chillin in the backseat like I'm 5. The last time I rode in the backseat of a car it was because my mom refused to let me drive (actually it's a funny story). I had a brief glimpse into what life as a loser must be like. Spending your friday night riding in the backseat going out to dinner with your parents smh. Anyway dinner was cool but the best part of the night was this convo....

Aunt: What happened to Tommy?
Uncle: He's dead.
Aunt: What?!? You piece of shyt! why didn't you tell me!
Uncle: He died a couple weeks ago I thought you knew.
Aunt: How would I know! if I woulda known I would have went to his funeral
Uncle: They buried him way out Virgina somewhere
Aunt: You aint shyt!
Uncle: Well next time he dies I'll let you know.
Me: *dead*

No really I was quiet until then, at that moment I busted out laughing. Every now and then I forget where I get my sense of humor from and moments like this remind me.

08 September 2010

On the Radio

Have you ever wanted to hear what I sound like?

Don't remember my voice from the cooking show?

Want to know why my NY readers think I'm from Philly or the country with a K?

Want to ask me some random question hoping I'll actually answer?

Well here's your chance!

This Saturday at 1pm I'll be doing a interview on the radio show "Wright on the Edge". I'll be discussing all things baby Daddy related and answering as many questions as I can. So if your free please tune in. In DC is going to be on WOL AM1450 or you can listen live online at http://www.wrightontheedge.com/listen_live.php Of course I'll post a link to the archive.

31 August 2010

The waiting game

I feel like this blog has gotten depressing as of late... really if I had more funny stuff happening in my life I'd blog about it. Thing is my life is the equilvlent of sitting in a waiting room.

When you in a waiting room you look around, you might read a book do some people watching or even spark up a convo with the people around you. You just want to pass the time while you wait. Thats me, I'm just sitting and waiting. I've done winter, spring and summer cleaning. I've painted rooms, moved around furniture I even created a idea folder. All in the interest of passing the time.

I'm not here alone though, naw I brought people close to me into the waiting room, so they are forced to wait too. My mom wants to spoil her grandbaby, so she's waiting. My sister wants to spoil her only niece (she bought LMS a b-day gift that she still hasn't been able to give her) so she waits. My girl wants to open a new chapter in our relationship but I can't because I'm not done writing this one, so she waits. Hell even this blog is waiting, I'm sure ya'll want me to get back to funny random stories. So everything in my life is on hold.

While waiting I've realized something, waiting sucks! really who is happy in the waiting room? Oh its fine when you first walk in, maybe after 5 min you grab something to read. After 10 min you start looking around to get a idea of what going on. After 30 you start getting mad, if your forced to wait over a hour your ready to curse someone out. Now imagine waiting over a year... it zaps the life out of you. All of 2010 has been a blur, I look up and it's september. I have more gray hair and for the last week I've waken up sore, and my body aches for no real reason. My body just wants to lay in bed or on the couch but my mind won't allow it. I find myself not wanting to talk to people and just being in a bad mood. I try and force myself out of it most days but some days I just want to be a asshole. I'm suprised people even deal with me lol.... In short I'm tired of this waiting room.

24 August 2010

1st day

As a flip side to my venting post every now and then my BM can put in some effort to making LMS look nice. She just needs a reason, like the 1st day of school. This week LMS started 1st grade and she was more then happy to be there!



I had to fight crowds of parents and park 2 blocks away from the school but I was able to see LMS off on her first day.

20 August 2010

Venting

I realize a good 80% of the people who read this blog are single mothers and another 15% are women. So when I feel like blogging about things like child support and how children are treated I know I'll get some backlash. That said this blog is about my point of view which isn't a mom, a single mom or even a woman. I'd like to think ya'll read this blog exactly for that view.

That said I just feel like my baby momma doesn't care about LMS. I truly think she is selfish and only focused on herself and how she can get over. She looks at my baby is her source of income. For example, I took this pic last week and this is typically what LMS looks like on a day she's with her mom.



granted she is and always be beautiful to me but when I look at the picture all I see is how she has on clothes that I bought last summer, her hair is never done, how her mom buys the cheapest shoes she can find and she has gained something like 10 pounds in 9 months (but thats a whole different post). To me she just looks dare I say dirty and uncared for... she just isn't thriving like she used to. I can't stand how I pay child support and watch it not go to my daughter. This year I have paid over 5g's in support this year and when I see my baby she looks a mess. (before ya'll get on me about how much kids cost understand that LMS doesn't go to daycare or a summer camp. without childcare costs the least a kid should have is new clothes) I can't think of a woman besides my BM who wouldn't do their daughters hair. Even if I get past the clothes thing and knowing my money is being mismanaged fact is that doing a child's hair has nothing to do with money and everything to do with patience and effort. She doesn't have any patience for children and she only shows effort in finding ways to get money out of me.

I just want whats best for my little girl and it's heartbreaking to know that she's not getting it.

12 August 2010

Quotes for life

I have this file full of quotes that I like. I browse it for gchat statues or when I need some inspiration. I was looking thru it and came across a couple:

"One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." -- Andre Gide

This actually describes how I've been feeling. I left my comfort zone in search of a better less stressful, more functional life. Me deciding to try and get custody of LMS was like looking out into the ocean and imagining some new land somewhere. A land where I was free to make better choices for both me and my daughter. I had no idea if it was possible but I knew I couldn't stay on the shore of that land anymore.

The shoreline of that world is long gone, I couldn't go back even if I wanted too. At times I miss it, it was familiar even if it was ripe with dysfunction. It wasn't till I realized that I wanted to be married that I really knew how dysfunctional it was. When it's just you living your life you kind of make excuses for how things are. When you think about bringing someone else into your world you have to do a line by line audit of your life. You have to really see if you can combine your life with someone elses. I knew I needed to do better, my life then wasn't conducive to growth and expansion. I need to make some changes in order to move my life to a different level.

"I’m leaving all those grudges behind me, Throwing fear out the window, So when these blessings come to find me, They will have room to breathe and grow" - Lyfe Jennings

This has been a long year. I've had plenty of time to second guess just about everything about my life. I have a mental list of countless things I did both right and wrong. I found new faults in myself that I might have never realized. So as I continue to go thru this custody battle I know it's something that I needed to do for my growth as a person. I'll be a better person after this is over. I needed to get knocked down so I could better appreciate getting up. i took for granted so much stuff in my life. I forgot what feeling helpless felt like, I needed this reminder. I've grown alot the last 12 months and I Luckily I've been blessed to have awesome, supportive, patient people around me. Without them I'd probably would have snapped by now.

#sidebar: I should update ya'll on some things. My court ordered visitation was only until july 9th. So currently I have none. when I asked the judge to extend it on the 9th his exact words were "ya'll need to work it out" did I mention he was in a horrible no good mood that day? My BM refuses to let LMS go anywhere with me. She wants "supervised visitation" even though 2 judges have told her that there is no reason for it. She's grasping to have control of something. So I've only seen LMS twice in the last month. I didn't even get to throw her a proper b-day party #endsidebar

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win." -Mahatma Gandhi

Oddly this is exactly how I think this will all play out. Last year when I first filed my BM ignored the court papers. For months she didn't read them, thought they were just for visitation and not custody. Then when she realized what I wanted she laughed, called me names. Then she fought back, lied on me, Tried to ruin my name. Now all I need is to win.

02 August 2010

When A.D.D goes wrong...

Let me share my weekend story. See it started on a quiet saturday afternoon. I was chilling with my lady friend, watching TV when I mentioned how I need to go to the grocery store. She says "ok, lets go" and away we went.

Before stopping at the store I wanted to go look at dishwashers, you see my dishwasher has been broken over a year and I was considering finally buying a new one. After leaving the applience place we headed up the road. She mentions how it's a beautiful day and it would be nice to go to the beach, I say the beach is 20min away and we could go. Away we went.

While chilling at the beach (mind you we had NO beach stuff so we just walked the pier) we get some ice cream look at the water then hopped back in the car. Away we went.

Finally we arrive at the grocery store, maybe 1.5 hours after we left my house. I'm picking up some fruit and trying to decide if I want to make lemonade with fresh lemons or lemon juice in the bottle when my mind begins to work...

lemonade.... didn't I just make sweet tea? wait I was GOING to make sweet tea, put the sugar and water on the stove... wait... did I? oh shyt!!!!!

I LEFT A POT OF BOILING SUGAR WATER ON THE STOVE!!!!

you see before we left I had started to make sweet tea, we both completely forgot that the pot was on the stove and just left out. I had to get back home asap... Away we went..

About 20min later when I got home I was relieved not to see a firetruck in front of my house. I also noticed my neighbor sitting on the porch like it was a normal day and didn't hear any smoke alarms blaring. All signs looked normal. It wasn't until I got to the door that I knew something bad was inside. The smell was like burnt candy and I could smell it from outside the front door. Once I got inside I saw something that can only be described as a lava rock... I survey the damage and decide that everything is just too hot to handle. I also notice we left the TV on, i mean how excited about going to the store were we?? anyway I cut the stove off and head back to the car, after all I STILL needed to go grocery shopping lol... Away we went.

When I got back I was re-greeted with this:



It was SOLID!!


Thank god my house, stove and even the pot survived. The lesson as always is don't let your A.D.D get the better of you.

21 July 2010

Freecycle

Have you heard of freecycle? It's like craigslist but for free stuff. You canpost ads offering things or requesting stuff. I signed up a couple weeks ago in the hopes I would come across something amazing that some fool wanted to give away. While I have yet to find anything worth picking up, I have been amazed by the amount of crap people decide to try and give away. A few examples are:

- Large sturdy lawn mower box. Usually you throw away the box that stuff came in. especially a lawn mower, This guy felt the box was too nice to throw away.... sad part is someone picked it up lol.

- Egg shells. Some lady wanted egg shells to complete some craptastic project. who keeps egg shells around? I mean I can understand saving them if your going to use them but just having a bag ready to give away? #hoarder!

- 3 pampers swimmers. really? you want to give away 3 diapers? would you really drive somewhere for 3 diapers?

- 2 bags of chips. 8.5 oz bags of chips, not even name brand but Food Lion brand. I don't even have a joke for this....

- Digital camera. someone requested this and I was amazed. granted I'm sure someone has a camera they don't use anymore but damn why just give it away? you can try and sell it on craigslist. even sell it for $10 thats still a couple drinks at happy hour.

Those are just a few... Now I can say that if you want free kittens, fabric or old couches this is the place for you. Also there are lots of baby products. I've yet to see anything I want but if you like free stuff you might want to check it out.

16 July 2010

Tagged again... Versatile Blogger award


You may remember a LONG time back the big thing in blogging was to tag everyone. Back then I refused to participate in such mess and actually I'ma continue to not tag other bloggers. That said Kingsmomma tagged me as a Versatile Blogger. In honor of this award I have to list 7 random facts about me. I feel like I have mentioned millions of random things (well at least 100) about me but I'll list 7 more. If theses are repeats forgive me.

1. I rarely check facebook... I've grown out of my addiction to read people's statuses and view they pictures. My aunt told us she stalks me and my cousins pages, hearing that made me not want to update anything lol

2. When I'm truly upset about something I work. I do odd projects, doing manual labor enables my mind to clear and focus. When I feel like I can't control things I focus on the stuff I can.

3. I have several physical "tells" that I know about AND know when I do. I yawn when I don't want to talk about stuff, scratch my head when I'm gathering my thoughts, etc. That said I make no attempt to hide them.

4. I'm not good with empathy, if you have a problem and just want to talk about it without hearing a solution then i'm not the guy you should call. Case in point my cousin called me to complain about getting a speeding ticket, I talked to him for 3 min then suggested he call one of his women and bitch about it to them. lol

5. I don't eat mushrooms, bell peppers, avocados or sour cream. I will just pick around them.

6. I talk in my sleep, or i've been told I talk in my sleep. Sometimes I pat the person next to me, I have yet to get up and walk around though

7. I hate walking around barefoot. idk why but I like having slippers, flip flops or shoes on even when I'm in the house.

*this list of 7 things took me 3 days to compile. Please don't expect any more lists from me lol

14 July 2010

Random pics..

I was going to write up a recap on my non-court adventures then I remembered I have a ton of pics!! so yeah this is a pic post in no real order settle in and enjoy (fyi if you follow me on twitter you might have seen some of these)

I've been grilling:

Damn right I put bacon on the grill! bacon cheeseburgers 4life lol

Steaks, corn and grilled green tomatoes (the tomatoes are on the plate with the corn)

pork chops, corn and brocollini (google it bamma)

As well as cooking inside:

Lamb and black bean chili

yes I grind my own chili powder...

Working on home improvement projects:

Kitchen sink sprung a leak and flooded my basement ceiling, I had to rip out a bunch of wet drywall

Cut my leg in the process

Almost like new

I've been going out:

it's spring so you know I went crabbing

Me and her went to....

Baltimore Oriole game... FYI they let you bring your own cooler into the park, I wish I knew this before I got there lol


Thats just a lil bit of what I've been up too...





09 July 2010

All In... pt 2

My day at court didn't go as I expected, I didn't lose but I didn't win either. At best it could be described as delayed. Long day and story short the judge didn't have time to hear the whole case and was more interested in starting his vacation than deciding custody. A case that was scheduled for 3 hours was given 1.5 hours. He stopped the hearing short and decided to continue it in September...

Thanks to everyone for your well wishes, while I'm sad as I type this I'm not discouraged. All good things come in time, I've been waiting a a year And as usual "nobody said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it"

Anyway its going to be a LONG 3 months...

All In

Today I go to court to find out if I get custody of LMS... Just about 11 months after I started this process I'll finally get some resolution. Sooo much of LMS and my future depends on this decision, I feel like I'm shoving all my chips on the table at a poker tournament. If I lose I'll be crushed, if I win I can't even explain how happy and relieved I will be. While I'm 90% sure I will win custody I still ask that ya'll send up a prayer for me. Win or lose Thanks to everyone who reads this blog an provides kind and encouraging words, Ya'll are really the best readers ever.

06 July 2010

Hood Flashback

Did I ever post a pic of my neighbors yard? The ones I think are hoarders I know I posted it on twitter but I'm not sure if I mentioned it here... anyway these are my neighbors....



notice the fridge, mattress and other random crap? yeah they have lived there a lil over a year. HOARDERS!!! I mention this not because my neighbors provided me a funny story this weekend.

See I was minding my business in my room watching TV when I heard alot of talking outside, at first I ignored it but after someone says "that's crazy" 20 times you kinda get curious. So I peep out the window and notice 2 police cars in the parking lot. I also hear a police officer saying "You can either apologize or go to jail" he was talking to my neighbors son/cousin/brother (some young dude that lives there,I should mention that like 8 people live in this 3br house). Anyway his parents/guardians were out there too, The kid (he's 19) finally apologizes and they all head back in the house. As the parents lecture him on how dumb he is and how he was about to be locked up I'm left confused.. I had no idea what just happened or why he was apologizing or even WHO he was apologizing too, I just couldn't see the whole situation from my window. I shrug my shoulders and go back to bed.

The next day... I'm outside wrapping up some yard work and the mom/guardian asks me if I noticed drug traffic in and out her house... I mention that I see lots of teens but I never noticed a drug sale. She mentions how her son/dependent went out to a party, got so white boy wasted that he passed out in the back of our neighbors car. not HIS car, not even his parents car. NO out neighbors car! she must have left it unlocked and dude felt like the backseat was comfy. Our neighbor came out in the morning saw a strange 5'10 black man with dreads sleep in the back seat of her car and called the police lol hell I don't even blame her.... So that's what all the apologizing was about, dumbass.

So that was my #hoodflashback moment of the weekend....

30 June 2010

Random but Not

I've been kinda uninspired to blog. Its not that I don't have stuff to talk about it's just that I don't want to mention it here. I have this low level fear that my BM will discover my blog and try to use it against me. It might be unfounded since I don't really talk bad about her. Plus I've been blogging 2+ years and she hasn't discovered it yet, plus she is not much of a innanet person. Anyway so much goes on that I don't wanna blog about maybe one day I will actually write a book about all of this and include the extra stuff that doesn't make it to a post. Really my life is crazy.

I was telling my co-worker about the custody stuff and he offered to say a prayer with me. He had been praying for my daughter all year, he knew something was bothering me but didn't know the extent. So I chatted and prayed with him and he prayed that I receive patience and guidance. This was crazy because thats all I ever pray for, patience and guidance.

I'm way more religious then I realize, all the principles I live are things you learn reading the bible. When people are foul and petty to me I just let it go, it's not my job to judge them or exact revenge. I just know it will come back in some way or form. Karma levels the world, you reap what you sow, I believe all that. Carrying that hate in your heart will only block you from growing and being successful. In the end I realize that even though I don't like my BM no part of me wants to get "payback" for some of the stuff she has pulled. I just want whats best for LMS and to put all this behind us. I'm not a petty person, see i care HOW i win or achieve things. It's nice to get it but I care that I was honorable and achieved it with my head held high. I have faith I don't have to stoop to doing low things to have favor. Above all I have faith that it will all work out.

Thru all this I've been trying to figure out what exactly is the lesson I need to learn (besides not to sleep with crazy women). I'm one of those "there is a lesson in everything" kinda people. I've settled that I needed to learn that I'm not a island and I really should share more of myself with people. I have family and friends who love me and sometimes I shut them out, I need to be more open with my life.

Let me end this with something funny. I was outside my job minding my business when I noticed some Federal Police locking up 2 gentlemen. Now seeing the real feds is not unusual since I work in a federal building and they like to hang out around here. 4 suburbans with all black tint surrounded these 2 dudes and a delivery van. Then I realized that they were locking up were the dudes who deliver the printer toner. They had them pushed up on the van and taking off they shoes, it was a sad sight. I watched for a couple minutes then headed back to work. As soon as I walk in the office I see someone with a invoice from the same company that just got locked up. I ask if they were planning on meeting the dudes because they might be busy lol. Turns out they had just left them. So between delivering toner and getting back to the van they committed a federal crime. I have no idea what they did but I'm sure they will not be making anymore deliveries anytime soon.

Also let me mention the BET "awards". First this can barely be called a award show since I watched it for 2 hours and saw them give away 3 awards. They should just call it a annual concert and consider the awards giveaways lol. Hell you could raffle them off. Anyway the best part was seeing Wacka Flacka!! what? you missed him? He was out there with Diddy! how could you not notice him? They were the only 2 people on the stage! ooohhhhh maybe it was because he was engulfed in smoke! Say what you want about Diddy but dude knows how to steal the spotlight while making you think he's helping If you missed Wacka playing ghostly hype man you can check it here

18 June 2010

Group Sessions

So I made it thru the therapy sessions. My solo one was cool, I sat with the Dr for about 40 min then answered a personality test that was 300+ questions. I didn't break down in tears or anything... all in all it was a pretty easy session. The group session was a different story....

I got to the appointment 1/2 a hour early, I'm usually early to things it's just how I was raised. I was prepared to wait a lil while in the car but I noticed BM's car in the parking lot. Now she is NEVER early to anything so I was curious as to why she was there. My first thought was the dr wanted to talk with LMS.

I'm already nervous, anytime I have to be in the same room as BM I get nervous, I just don't expect it to end well. I walk in the office and neither BM or LMS are there, now I'm sure that LMS is being interviewed. I take my seat and start praying. The Dr walks past and confirms that they are talking to LMS and she will be with me shortly. At this point I feel bad for my little girl, she has been exposed to alot thru all this. Despite that she is always happy, kids are amazing.

About 10 min later as I'm playing a game on my phone and trying to calm my nerves my BM walks around the corner. She looks at me and gives me the most stankiest of stank faces! for some reason this relieved all my nerves, It was like as soon as I realized it was time to go all my worries left I was calm, cool and collected, ready for anything. I couldn't help but smirk, It was funny to me. She spends so much energy hating me not realizing that it's pointless. As we walked towards the stairs I tried to let her go first, you know trying to be a gentleman and let ladies first and all that, she insisted that I go ahead of her. She don't even want to accept that small token of nice from me. Once we sat down it was a huge back and forth. Actually it wasn't that huge she did most the talking, I spent my time shaking my head and pointing out untruths. My BM has a habit of being long winded, the best example of her is that Crazy chick on Real Housewives of NYC (Yes I've seen way more episodes then I should have) In the end the Dr seemed to get frustrated and said we were done. I was in and out in less then a hour, So combined I spent about 1.5 hours with the Dr. I'm not sure if it was worth the $1000 but I guess I'll know when I get a chance to read her evaluation.

I want to thank everyone on who sent a prayer up for me. It was definitely appreciated. Unless something new happens I just have to sit and wait for July.
I hope all the dads out there have a Happy Fathers Day!

16 June 2010

Party Time...

No big stories today, I actually just have a question for ya'll. LMS b-day is coming up and I want to throw her a party. Is it wrong for me to have a separate party from whatever her mom is planning? Honestly I don't want to be in the same space as my BM and I think any joint party we throw would have more tension then fun.

Considering everything thats going on I think this would be a good time to start a 2 party tradition. I don't think LMS would object to having 2 parties a year, provided her mom throws her one. So what do ya'll think? anyone out there already do this? how does it work out?

Thanks

10 June 2010

Provider

I've been thinking alot about what happened. Like how did I get here. At some point in the last 5 years I changed. When before I would fight and work harder then everyone to get the life I wanted. Lately I realized I lost my desire to fight for it.

When I was like 17 I remember going to places like cheesecake factory and thinking "people eat in places like this all the time" see I didn't, I had never been to a restaurant that nice before. My mom just couldn't afford it. It wasn't until I started making my own money that I was exposed to how the other side live. It was a side of life that loved. It's not even that they were rich they were just middle class and I wanted it. I worked hard to get a middle class life that I was proud of and I just got lazy. Maybe you wanna call it comfortable, I lost that drive that got me to the middle, not even to the top lol. Worse part of all this is I feel like i'm not providing like I used to, Like I fell off. Men need to provide, it's our job. I feel like a sucky ass provider right now. That might be whats bothering me the most. The idea that I failed to really provide everything my daughter and family needed.

When someone I love needs something I feel obligated to provide it. I'm the man of the house, if something is needed I need to get it. As of late i just feel like I've been unable to do that. My mind has been all over the place and my finances are in the shyt hole. I should have BEEN handled all this mess years ago but I was just too lazy. I lost my fight. I just wanna apologize to people for letting them down, for it taking me this long to get back to the man I once was. I know I didn't really really let them down but Its just how I feel.

I usually handle problems head on. In this custody case I just waited and waited, kept digging my own hole instead of attacking the issue and doing what needed to be done. Anyway I'm glad it clicked for me and I found my drive, I love my middle class life but now I realize I still have to work like hell to keep and improve on it. As usual nobody said it would be easy just that it would be worth it.

07 June 2010

Keeping it in your pants


I know a couple people either complaining about not getting any action or just giving it up to anyone. I even know some women who choose to be celibate and receive flack for it. Like they are letting a prized wine go to waste. Truth is I've been on both sides of that coin. I went to a phase where I slept with some women I'll never claim and I went thru a phase where I didn't sleep with anyone at all. Yup I was celibate.

After LMS was born and I broke up with my BM I was celibate for like 2-3 years. I didn't even count the months/days. It didn't even bother me, I didn't miss sex, I wasn't complaining about not being able to get any booty. I still went out on dates I just didn't have any desire to have sex. Its not that they weren't attractive I was just focused on being a dad. Going on dates was just a hobby, not something I was serious about. Plus I was a little shook from getting a girl preggers. I never wanted 1 baby momma much less 2! Some dudes are controlled by the power U, the idea of not having a girl on deck drives them crazy. Hell even some women are consumed by the D and having a "maintenance" man. While it may seem like I'm always dating someone trust me it's not because I have to. The time I spent celibate was productive and I learned alot about me and about women. When your not trying to get in someone's pants you can actually learn alot about them. It forces you to have a real conversation. Trust me when I say if you take a moment to listen, people will tell you everything you need to know about them. Plus when your not focused on sex you put that energy into other things. Just don't trade sex for drugs for liquor.

Short story short, anybody who says you need to be getting some is lying to you. Any dude who's acting like you not giving him some is the end of the world is a lame-O and your better off without him. nobody should be using the lack of sex in their life as a excuse for anything. Being celibate is perfectly fine and now a days it might just save your life.

03 June 2010

Blah.... part duex

I'd like to blame twitter for my lack of posting but the truth is I have not been on there much either. Honestly I just haven't been feeling very social. Besides hanging with my lady friend and LMS I have not been doing much. I left facebook months ago, right after I realized my aunt was stalking me and my cousins profiles for updates about our lives info lol. Alas don't worry this is not a post about me taking a break, I won't be leaving blogging or twitter anytime soon i just recognize I'm in a funk.

While the temp is rising and the sun is shining I'm back to just wanting to chill in my basement. Maybe its depression but this whole custody thing is definitely taking its toll on me. It's financially and emotionally draining, It feels like everyday something about it needs my attention. Life is stressful and this has been both a learning and growth experience, If a divorce is half this stressful you can bet I'll never get one lol. Actually as I write this I think I have blogged about it before, no matter.

While I'm happy that now I get to see LMS every week I can't wait for this to be over. I want my life back, I want to get back to feeling normal. Even if I don't win custody at least there will be some resolution. Although if I don't win I'm sure I'll be depressed for the rest of the summer.

My latest focus is on a psychological evaluation. I'm pretty sure my baby momma is bi-polar or something, some days we can talk like normal people and other days she is coming from left field on me. I can't even explain it. After my lawyer met her he suggested the eval, it's sad that you can spend 1 hour with someone you have never met before and think they're crazy lol. Thing about the evaluation is that we both have to get one. So I have to pay $1000 for a shrink to ask me questions. She has to pay it too but since she's unemployed I'm sure she qualifies for a wavier. Anyway I'm just hoping I'm not really crazy lol. I mean this could completely backfire on me. What happens if I just breakdown in the office? I've never been to a Psychologist before, I have no idea what kind of deep down issues she might uncover.

Anyway this is going to be a interesting summer between court, being broke and my mini stretches of depression. Regardless of how it all plays out I'll be a better and stronger man for it.

26 May 2010

Randomness


• I finally got some court ordered visitation. Of course the first day of it BM was 2 hours late. At least she showed, I was expecting her to ignore the court order. So me and the baby hung out some this weekend, we had fun she finally got to play with that barbie I bought her from NY. Remember last post when I mentioned her having on basketball shoes? on here is what I mean:


They are P Miller's... MASTER P!! does he even make shoes anymore? I doubt it because LMS mentioned she got them from her brother. Her brother is 8 years older then her so again these are just old ass shoes. Notice the one on the left doesn't even have a tounge.... After I dropped LMS off to her mom I went and picked her up some girls shoes.

• I beginning to like musicals. My Neice asked me to take her to see Susical the musical.


She's all into preforming arts and a couple of her friends were in the play. I'm not going to lie I liked it! it was put on by a local preforming arts group and they did a pretty good job. granted it wasn't perfect and they messed up a couple times but I enjoyed it. Between that and being forced to watch Glee, I'm starting to come around to the whole musical thing. LMS will be in preforming arts in the fall.

• I was on a closet cleaning kick this weekend. I cleaned 2 of my closets and ended up with 4 30 gallon trash bags full of trash and a 30 gallon bag stuffed with clothes to donate. Yup I'm a hoarder! The amount of clothes that I have that both fit and I'd still wear is small. I ended up donating half my clothes, I need to go shopping.

• Speaking of hoarding I saw on the news this black couple was trapped in their house for weeks after rubbish fell on them. They were 70 y/o hoarders and when the trash fell on the wife her husband tried to help. Only to have it fall on him too. Thing is they are still alive! weeks stuck under trash and they lived. I need to hear how they did that.

• I smoked some brisket not long ago. Came out pretty good, I might try it again this summer and see if I can't perfect it. I know it looks like a burnt chunk of meat but trust me it was good.


Be on the lookout for Dave's BBQ truck on a corner near you!

• My plants are growing pretty good. I used miracle grow on them and that stuff works wonders. Only thing is my mint plant (bottom left) is in a crappy pot so I might need to move it.