27 January 2010

The Growth - Idle Time

By know you should know that the growth is as much about reflecting as anything. In the past couple months I've had more free time on my hands then I have had in years. This has been both a good and bad thing...

You see when LMS was first born I was working 2 jobs and I didn't really see her much. It wasn't till she was a couple months old that I quit the PT job and really spent quality time with her. Even with that I can't think of a time I didn't see her for a week straight. I picked her up every afternoon to hang out. These past couple months I have seen her less then any time in her life. This made me realize I need her just as much as she needs me. I can't focus when she is not around. There is a void in my life when I'm not with her. A void that simply can't be filled.

In the back of my head I knew this might happen, I just hoped it wouldn't. I knew my BM would want to lash out at me, try and hurt me. See while we have joint legal custody we don't have a set visitation schedule. So legally I don't have a set time to see the baby. This was my mistake, but at the time I didn't have any problems seeing LMS. It was all about child support. So I knew if we ever started beefing she would use visitation against me. Honestly I just felt like 2 grown adults should be able to work out visitation without a court. Oh how silly I was.

So with the BM still ignoring my calls and texts, I have not seen the baby since Jan 15th. 12 days... doesn't seem like a long time but trust me its a VERY long time in my world. Couple that will a call yesterday that I might not be able to see her for 60 days (I might explain that one later, lets just say my BM is on some other world shyt) I feel like I'm going to see my daughter and not recognize her. Not only that but when she's not around I don't think straight. I just do silly things, things that make me double guess myself. It's like I just try different things to fill that void. Even when I know they won't, I lose my direction and focus. Basically all other parts of my life suffer. She's the glue that keeps me together. Its a sad time for me and I have no answers, no solutions. I can't think of any positive ideas on how to fix it, all I want to do is crawl in a hole and wait for it to be over. I can't do that though, gotta keep pushing moving forward.

Long story short I miss my baby and it might be a while before I see her again.

20 comments:

12kyle said...

Wow! Sorry to hear that, fam. I don't think any brutha should have to go without seeing their child. We all know a TON of cats who won't spend 3 mins with their kids. I'm not sure why your BM is insisting on being an asshole.

Keep ya head up, bruh. And pray!

Not so single mama said...

My brother has been going through a very similar situation with his ex wife. He hasn't seen his girls in months. I hate to hear about situations with men who want to be with their kids and the mothers are so ignorant that they don't realize that they are hurting their own children more than anything! Are you going to go through the court system at this point? I wish the best of luck!

BorednTalkative said...

Damn your BM pisses me off!!! She is being unreasonable and spiteful for no damn reason. Is there nothing you can do? Speak to your lawyer or something? We can see how this is affecting you, I can only imagine what it's doing to LMS. I hope something good happens soon.

jaila said...

It pains me to see men go through this, while someone like me PRAYED for BD to want to spend time with his daughters and he wouldnt.

I have no encouraging words to offer that you have not already heard or that will ease that empty spot that you wrote about.

I will however use your energy to move in my own community to change the way we as parents think about child support and visitation. Our children are suffering from our selfishness and it needs to stop.

Caspar608 said...

BM is a dumb, hateful, spiteful piece of work...not to mention honey is irresponsible and plain old dumb too.

Man, look...I can feel your pain just by reading your words. My BD was MIA for almost four years...then I decided to pray...simply...and asked God to right all the wrongs in my life...I didnt say his wrongs, I didnt say my wrongs, I said THE WRONGS. Brother, there seems to be a bit wrong going on in your life. Like my BD, its obvious who the person in the WRONG is in this situation. I know you are hurting...that little girl is your life.

I want you to go somewhere quiet...and I want you to open your heart...and ask God for his help in righting all the wrong in your life. Take a deep breath and just open your heart and thank him in advance. You'll believe in miracles when you stand back and let love do the work.

My life has been far removed from easy. I took the long, treacherous road...it still gets bumpy from time to time....but it gets easier to walk the road when you have a little faith.

It will all work out. Just ask for help and you will receive it.

Peace and love.
Cas

Remnants of U said...

I hate to hear that you are going through this. BM is crazy.
Hopefully, BM will find some sense and realize that she is hurting LMS.

Ieisha said...

Have you talked to your attorney? The legal system needs to work in your favor right about now. Cuz she is some otha!

LC said...

It saddens me to hear that a father wants to do the right thing by spending time with his children and the mother is playing games. I will be sure to keep you and yours in my prayers.

Veroncia said...

I have not visited you in while Dave, and I am sadden to read this. You are such an awesome dad. So many men, including my DD's father, could learn so much from you. I pray that you get to see your baby very soon and you BM will finally realize what a gem she picked in a father for her child. And please rest assured that your baby missed her daddy too. Hang in there brother.

Sha Boogie said...

That makes me SO mad!!! The BM is hurting LMS the MOST. She needs her dad just as much as you need her and I bet she asks for you every.single.day.

There really isn't anything legal you can do? Why don't you take her to court to set visitation?

The Jaded NYer said...

Mannnnnn, I know people. Say the word, Dave, just say. the. word.

I HATE people who use kids as pawns in a split-up. She needs to be taught a lesson...and that is all I'm going to say about that.

(hope you see your baby soon!)

Monique said...

You know I really hate this. Like, really hate this. You are such an awesome dad and should not have to go through something like this. I won't speak ill towards BM (but you know what i want to say) but I will say that LMS knows you love her and is fighting to get her back in your life full time. It will happen. I pray the judge sees how crazy this chick is and grants your full custody.

buttahflychronicles said...

Dave, unless you're leaving major maaajor details out you believe that this will pass, right? And you know now to get the visitation in place which may take some time.

About that last paragraph? I'mma need you to snap out of it. Regardless if she's in your presence or not you are still LMS' daddy and she's gonna need you to be on point during this time. How do you think SHE feels. Totally confused, abandoned, lied to, etc etc. I know I'm probably making you angry but believe it or not it still aint about you. Yes your feelings are valid and real but lets keep on keeping on now.

Leave her gifts and notes at school to let her know she is still on your mind constantly. And do what you gotta do in the mean time.

Anonymous said...

I second buttaflychronicles. Be creative my brother, do you what you can to let the baby know she is on your mind. Your BM can only do so much. See women complaining their BDs are not active and here's this broad acting crazy. Your baby will grow up to know the truth (children are not stupid). We are praying for you my dude.

contagiouslyCRANKY said...

Judgment modification is definitely in order... can't stand vindictive women like BM. She is full of ignorance and all this will come back to her in the end. Keep your head up.

Nikki said...

You need to talk to your lawyer ASAP, quick, fast and in a hurry AND GET A SET VISITIATION SCHEDULE!!!

Highly favored said...

You need to get the courts involved. If you are paying child support than you are paying for time with your child.Some women aren't ready to put there children first. Sadly ya BM hasn't reached that level of maturity.

EmberRose said...

This is some fucked up shit. I am SO sorry and I hope it's resolved soon. *hugs*

dnyree said...

this is terrible to hear, but i trust that your God will move on your situation and the hearts of all those involved that they will see what's right.

I read your blog here and there, but have never commented. it's heartbreaking to read that someone would use their child as a pawn. its a dangerous emotional game - not so much for the parents, but to the children.

Ms. Lyssa said...

I know I'm all late - but i am surely sending prayers your way! Your BM is being ridiculous.

I wold spend good money to have my father sit with me for 5 mins let alone fight for the right to see me. God has it under control.

Use this time to listen to him and he will give you peace that surpasses all understanding.