20 February 2010

Friends

This post was requested by a friend of mine. We were chatting about how dating and how having female friends causes issues. As the conversation went from topic to topic she suggested I blog about it just so she could comment. Nevermind she has her own blog for such things lol.

Here's the thing about me, I have lots of female friends. Probably too many, I just seem to make friends all the time. They come and go. I don't have alot of friends that have known me for years and years. I have 1 friend from high school and thats because she refuses to NOT be my friend. She calls me and fuses that I never call her. We agree to see each other at the kids b-day parties lol. She understands that I come and go. She knows I'm here if she needs me even if she doesn't get daily updates from me. Besides that I'm not going to call unless I want something. It's just how I am.

So back to the subject, though out the years I've made many friends. Most are and were women, I like hanging out with women. Say what you want but women are usually more fun to be around. I love shooting the shyt with my boys but I can only hear about wives and kids so much. My female friends are usually single and have crazy single girl stories. It's entertaining, I mean I've never been on a date with a dude and I get a kick out of what some dudes try and pull off. Girls like hearing my stories about women confusing me, it's a give and take/win win situation. Plus I can talk just as much shyt to them. Talking sports with women is fun, esp is they actually have a idea about the game. Long story short, I like women and they like me. Just because we went to the movies or out to dinner don't mean I'm sleeping with her, we just like hanging out. Having platonic friends is completely possible, I know 1st hand.

Lets address the friends you have slept with. I'm sure we all have 1 or 2 people we have slept with and are still friends with. Some people are just better in that friend zone. Some of ya'll have best friends that are ex's. Hell I have family who are better friends after the divorce then they ever were married. Platonic friendships post-relationship are possible. Sometimes they are even better because there is no "what if" questions.

Having female friends causes a problem when dating. It's a known fact women don't trust other women. So if a girl likes you she will assume all the other women you talk to like you too. Especally if they are a girl you have slept with. The girl your with has to both have confidence in herself and trust in you. If you say ya'll just hanging she has to believe you. She should also feel like you'd be silly to leave her for any of them other girls. It's a special balance. Of course as a dude you also have to approach it like you have nothing to hide. If your running into the other room to talk on the phone or storing names as nicknames in your cell then you give your girl reason to suspect.

In the past I usually get around this issue by just ignoring my female friends when I have a girl. I talk to them via IM or text but we never hang out. They complain about it but I explain how it just looks bad. No girl wants her man out with a bunch of other women. They were ok with it since I never had a girl long anyway... lol Honestly this was MY mistake, I should have just explained that these are my friends and continued to hang out with them. I had nothing to hide, yet I acted like I did.

Oh yeah this also led another one of my friends to say "You have attachment issues, you have problems making connections with people. So your friends are interchangeable, Honestly if you could talk to nobody but LMS and your family you would be fine" It was funny till I realized it might be true. That's another blog for another day though.

13 comments:

Strawberry's Corner said...

I'm a firm believer in having friends of the opposite sex. I do why would I stop just because I'm in a new relationship? So I expect the same from a dude but yea the whole hiding it with different names an such would make me suspicious but I'm an open person an expect the same. Great post gave me something to think about

Anonymous said...

I am all for having friends of the opposite sex but I lose contact and don't associate w/ the ones I've slept with once I'm in a new relationship and I'd hope my bf would do the same thing. Its funny that you point out that all your female friends are single. I bet they disappear when they find someone. Who ever is feeding you this bs probably wants to keep the door open for themselves imho.

12kyle said...

I feel you, man. I've always had a ton of female friends. Straight plutonic, too. And they are always cool to hang out with

Tha Management said...

I agree with your point about hiding female friendships from your mate causing issues. Transparency is important in any relationship. If you are transparent and honest in everything you do (which you are) then a strong woman should not feel intimidated. If a woman tells you that you can not have any female friends than she is too controlling imo and shouldn't *clap* be *clap* anything *clap* more *clap* than *clap* a *clap* friend *clap* herself *clap*.

Boom *clap*

Young woman on a journey said...

i feel like this is a topic people generally have strong feelings about. but i think there should obviously be boundaries. when i'm in a relationship, i don't go to the movies of have solo date-ish type hang outs with anyone who questions could even arise about. but what i won't be doing is being in a relationship where i can't even text someone "have a safe trip" or recieve a "happy new year" phone call. that's the extreme. in the end though, i think the boundaries should be agreed upon by both individuals and if they can't come to an agreement they should go there seperate ways. but nothing irks me more than people who want to insist on rules for someone else that they won't follow themselves. or even worst, people who are like "you can't have friends of the opposite sex becasue they might try to get with you" when all the while they are the ones trying to get with their friends of the opposite sex or they are the ones still in love with someone from their past.

these things all get tricky though the older you get and the harder it is to completely seperate your worlds.

Anonymous said...

I think having friendships with the opposite sex is healthy. THe only reason it becomes an issue if its hidden and then it appears that it aint really a friendship. I have always had male friends and never hid that from whoever I was dealing with because relationships come and go REAL Friends are forever so I make that clear from the door.

Everybody cant handle it tho when someone they are dealing with have friends of the opposite sex. It's a sticky topic and always will be. Just don't hide your friends and don't stop hanging out with them when you get a new squeeze.(that aint right)

Towanna

Kingsmomma said...

I think people shouldn't drop friends because of a relationship. For me that signals insecurity and I'm not certain I'd appreciate that characteristic in a partner. I could see someone asking a partner to drop the ones that they know they can call for a quickie or have the tendacy to push boundaries with but for the most part one should be able to trust their partner. If you can't, you should rethink the situation.

Thoughts of a Southern gal said...

I love my plutonic male friendships. My ex swore up and down my males wanted me. He just didn't get it because he didn't have any 'true' plutonic relationships with females. I always say a person who has never experienced a plutonic relationship with someone of the opposite sex will not understand.

Jazz Kat said...

Like someone pointed out...there has to be boundaries. But...if these are TRUE friends (whether they are in a relationship doesn't matter) and not just some women you have flirted with the idea of "dating", then it shouldn't be a problem.

I think it's a problem for women, if THEY were one of those friends you were hanging out with when you were in the last relationship. They're scared of the karma.

sunnydelyte21 said...

First I want to say this and this is just keeping it real.

Most women don't trust other women becuz we know women can be sneaky.

I have no problem with my man having female(s) friends, if he keeps it real from the jump.

I don't like it he trys to keep her from hanging around me or meeting me for that matter.

I've been in that situation before. And he didn't like the fact that I have a male bff, that I have NOT had sex with.

Go figure.

sunnydelyte21 said...

First I want to say this and this is just keeping it real.

Most women don't trust other women becuz we know women can be sneaky.

I have no problem with my man having female(s) friends, if he keeps it real from the jump.

I don't like it he trys to keep her from hanging around me or meeting me for that matter.

I've been in that situation before. And he didn't like the fact that I have a male bff, that I have NOT had sex with.

Go figure.

Caspar608 said...

I'm going to let Whodini handle this one for me...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vxni-FM-UVA

Anonymous said...

Well... that's quiet interessting but frankly i have a hard time seeing it... I'm wondering what others have to say....