20 May 2010

Standard Of Living

Ever since my baby has been born I've been responsible for 90% of her clothes and shoes. I'm not complaining about this because I know it just comes with being a parent. If she needed it I just went out and got it, her mom got used to it and expected me too. I did this on top of paying child support again it's part of being a parent.

Fast forward to end of last year. Her mom starts calling me a dead beat and mentions how LMS new needs shoes. I was broke and mentioned that she should just go get some with the child support money. Mind you I pay $700+ a month, a $40 pair of shoes should not be a big deal. Apparently to her mom it was.... she flips on me and insists that I don't support LMS. A little later I noticed LMS had on new shoes. That was great except they were boys shoes and were too big. Which got me thinking if they were bought or given. Usually by now i would have just bought her some new ones but since I have not really seen her I have not had a chance to even see what size she wears now.

Since January the last 3 times I have seen LMS she had on old clothes (clothes I bought last spring/summer) and old shoes. Shoes that either are boys shoes or simply no longer fit. During our latest court hearing my BM brought LMS with her, I was excited to see her and I could tell she was happy to see me. Here's what bothered me though, it was a rainy day and LMS had on a superman rain jacket. A rain jacket that I remember belonged to my BM's older son when he was a kid. That jacket has to be around 8 years old. And she had some run down boys basketball shoes on. All I could think was all that money and you can't buy some shoes and a $15 rain jacket at target? it don't have to be GUCCI or even GAP just something nice and from the girls section.

I'm not sure what my child support money goes too since LMS doesn't go to aftercare and she apparently isn't getting new clothes/shoes. I doubt she eats $700 worth of food a month. Actually I do know where is goes, it's my BM's lone source of income so it goes to household bills. I wouldn't have a problem with this if LMS was taken care of first. I understand that bills are apart of a childs expenses. I just expect that the child's basic needs would come before the household bills. To me clothing and shoes are more important than cable. Child support shouldn't cover rent because you would be paying rent even if you didn't have a kid. The whole "roof over their head" idea should account for the roof I provide too. A child doesn't really use up any extra electricity, maybe more water but thats about it.

Long story short when you hear people complain about child support it's not always because they don't wanna pay it. It's just the idea that we can't control what it gets spent on. If the court said you have to spend X amount of dollars a month on your child I'm sure more people wouldn't complain about it. If I could just buy clothes, food, give LMS some spending money and put whatever's left in her college fund I'd be alot happier.

13 comments:

BorednTalkative said...

That is a damn shame. I have no words for your BM. Well I do but I won't disrespect your page like that.

I just pray that this court hearing comes quick and you get your daughter back.

Ms. Camile said...

I agree with you. Now some men take it to far and refuse to pay and quit their jobs (my dad) when they don't like how the money is being spent, but if she is letting LMS look all rundown, that just is NOT cool. And then is she bringing her to court trying to use her appearance against you?*roles eyes* I would question every act this woman does. I'm going to keep praying for you and I'm going to start praying for your child's mother. I didn't before because she made me so MAD! Arrgggggh...

This will come to an end. Things will get better, brighter, lighter.

~Cam

Anonymous said...

WOW!!! The more I hear about your BM it becomes more and more apparent that she need meds!! It saddens me that she would have LMS go without. Her azz need to get a damn job so that the money you provide for your daughter can be used for her.

Keep your head up Dave!!!

Towanna

KnitFloozy said...

It would be worth the time to speak to a lawyer to find out if it's possible for her to either provide reciepts for what she spent it on. Or ask the judge if you can provide receipts for what you've spent it on and give her the difference including her college fund. I'm sure she would not agree. It I've seen wealthy men demand it because of the amounts they are paying. 700 is not chump change and she is not a glorified paid babysitter of her child. Check it out

12kyle said...

I've asked the same question that you asked...where does the money go? I don't pay child support but I'd like to see where the money goes. When I hear stories about these celebs like NaS and Puffy paying 20k a month for child support, it's crazy to me. Why would a 8 month old child need 20k?

I guess you could say that they can afford it but what about dudes like you and my boys that pay it. Y'all ain't millionares. If she's getting $700 a month, your child should NOT be wearing ANYBODY eles clothes. Period. Maybe you're gonna have to get her clothes on TOP of the $700 that you kick out each month.

SMDH!

Alovelydai said...

Keep ya head up Dave.

Sha Boogie said...

Totally feeling you!!! My husband is paying child support for his 6 year old daughter and the mother is always asking for money on the side... uhm...how about NO?! lol a mess! I feel for you..nothing sucks more than dealing with an irrational person.

buttahflychronicles said...

Alright. I've got some answers for you. First off let me say that BM should get a damn job already. When are the courts gonna tell her this?!

Anyway, the first thing that popped in my mind was hell yes they do use more electricity. The TV got to stay on and they leave lights in the house on all the dam time. If I was alone I'd warm up by snuggling under a blanket and cool down by walking around naked, but no, I have to have the ambient temp just right to make everyone comfy and keep immune systems up.

In my case we have 3 different eating styles. My son eats more than everyone, and then there are the kiddy snacks that I probably wouldn't buy if I didn't have kids. And the juice consumption, whew. And MY kids drink water too.

Moving on, the extra toilet paper, and luandry supplies for their dirty school clothes and/or pee pee sheets.

Hmmm, let's see, trips to the barber shop, activities like movies, and bounce houses. Oh, we just had a book fair at school, picture day right before that.

Lol, on Monday I bought a bag of oranges, and a bag of apples. Gone!

Copays for doctor visits and medicines. Hair accessories, extra toiletries or special toiletries for special people. We have to keep expensive ass Aquaphor in our house like $7+ for jar.

Oh, Puah keeps loosing her dry erase marker for class.

See, I haven't mentioned shoes and clothes yet, or daycare yet, and you can probably tell that I could go on forever. So, yes, all your money is going towards household bills. And yes BM has it all wrong that you should pay for EVERYTHING and she should be a kept woman.

But now that things are transitioning, LMSs wardrobe is suffering. Try to take hope in the idea that all other needs are being met. Take a picture next time, and it may help you custody case.

Caspar608 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Caspar608 said...

I realized there were a bunch of typos in my comment... I got a new ergo keyboard and its making my life miserable. Sooooo I am going to post again and hopefully correct all of the typos...

I've said before and will say it again...
Your babies mama is using you as a meal ticket. She wants to be one of those scam artist people who are in school all of their lives so they dont have to get a job. Do you really think yours is the ONLY money she lives off of? HELL NO. She is getting financial aid and grant money and food stamps and all kind of nifty freebies from the gubment so she can have HER standard of living, such that, she would probably put her older sons drawls on LMS if she could get away with it.
BM is a lazy, good for nothing posing as a stay at home mom...stunt needs to get a J-O-B and you need to get your daughter B-A-C-K ASAP. She is disrespecting me by being a member of the female gender. Strong women stand up and do what they must to support their children. You will never find me waiting on someone else to get my children what they need or want for that matter. Its not happening. If you don't want to be a parent, if you don't feel like being a parent...bye bi--h...I got this, I was born to do this and you'll never catch my kids wearing each others clothes because they are all four years apart. I GIVE their stuff away to people who need it...I dont accumulate more and more laundry and junk...and their gear isnt cheaply made rocawear or applebottoms or enyce or garbage type clothes. I buy quality EVERYTHING for mine. Baby Mama Broad really offends me...I work hard, full time job and full time student with three full time kids. Everything I do, 90% of every dollar I spend is for their well being.

I hope you got pics of the baby when she was wearing her brothers clothes. I believe the courts use a certain formula to come up with how much she'll need for housing, clothing, food, medical etc. If she isnt already on your medical, you should put her on there and that might get you a reduction if you arent awareded custody.

Keep your head up my friend. What goes on in the dark will most certainly come to light...she'll be found out like the rest of the two-bit trollops who try to make a living out of having babies.

EmberRose said...

Same story, different cast.

DH's son's mama lives off of the support she gets for their son. Doesn't work and then had the balls to get married to someone who can't keep a job and dropped out of school. It's despicable. She'd have $0 every month without their son. Zero. His needs are met by his grandparents and us. The money she gets for their son is spent on rent, insurance for the car, phone and credit card bills that she runs up on shit also not for their son.

It's fucking bananas and the system is skewed towards mother. And shit mothers take advantage of that. Keep your head up man. Keep your head up.

BigmacInPittsburgh said...

Sad situation but reality for so many lives today.
So I suggest that maybe we pay closer attention to the details of the people we lay down with.

Caspar608 said...

^^^^^^
agreed...
but once its done, its done, and you have to fight for the best interests of the child. Appeals are a great tool to use in Court...and since this is a Civil matter in Family Court, Super Dave must do all he can to ensure that the preponderance of evidence is so compelling that the Judge will deliver LMS to the safe and loving arms of her Dad.
If he were my son...let's just say BM would be a non issue...suffice to say, I am grateful she is not a crack head, but certainly qualifies as the worst type of BM..one who uses the system for gain at the expense of an innocent child...