03 June 2010

Blah.... part duex

I'd like to blame twitter for my lack of posting but the truth is I have not been on there much either. Honestly I just haven't been feeling very social. Besides hanging with my lady friend and LMS I have not been doing much. I left facebook months ago, right after I realized my aunt was stalking me and my cousins profiles for updates about our lives info lol. Alas don't worry this is not a post about me taking a break, I won't be leaving blogging or twitter anytime soon i just recognize I'm in a funk.

While the temp is rising and the sun is shining I'm back to just wanting to chill in my basement. Maybe its depression but this whole custody thing is definitely taking its toll on me. It's financially and emotionally draining, It feels like everyday something about it needs my attention. Life is stressful and this has been both a learning and growth experience, If a divorce is half this stressful you can bet I'll never get one lol. Actually as I write this I think I have blogged about it before, no matter.

While I'm happy that now I get to see LMS every week I can't wait for this to be over. I want my life back, I want to get back to feeling normal. Even if I don't win custody at least there will be some resolution. Although if I don't win I'm sure I'll be depressed for the rest of the summer.

My latest focus is on a psychological evaluation. I'm pretty sure my baby momma is bi-polar or something, some days we can talk like normal people and other days she is coming from left field on me. I can't even explain it. After my lawyer met her he suggested the eval, it's sad that you can spend 1 hour with someone you have never met before and think they're crazy lol. Thing about the evaluation is that we both have to get one. So I have to pay $1000 for a shrink to ask me questions. She has to pay it too but since she's unemployed I'm sure she qualifies for a wavier. Anyway I'm just hoping I'm not really crazy lol. I mean this could completely backfire on me. What happens if I just breakdown in the office? I've never been to a Psychologist before, I have no idea what kind of deep down issues she might uncover.

Anyway this is going to be a interesting summer between court, being broke and my mini stretches of depression. Regardless of how it all plays out I'll be a better and stronger man for it.


Strawberry's Corner said...

I wish I could say everything going to turn out great. If you do breakdown with the person evaluating you it wouldn't nessesary be bad it shows emotion and caring. Now if you started running around screaming for no reason after you breakdown that's when they would see a problem. The just want to see a human person you shows healthy emotions :)

Caspar608 said...


Just be honest with your emotions. Tell the shrink how it felt when you weren't allowed to see the baby after birth. Tell the shrink everything. And if you cry, cry.

Alice Walker said tears are the natural counter-balance to laughter. You are human. You love that little girl. She is the dot on your horizon. Keep looking. You'll get there.

Love, Cas

P.S. Get outta that funk. You have work to do. Be the champion I know you are...


Remnants of U said...

Doesn't your benefits package include Employee Assistance Program? Which typically allows x# of visits to a therapist. The # of visits would depend on your benefits package. So maybe you wouldn't have to pay the entire $1,000.

It's great that other people see that your ex is a lunatic. It should work in your favor.

Anonymous said...

Damn Dave this custody thing has really taken a life of its own. A Psych eval!! WOW!!! I know your pockets are screaming for this to be over. THere could be some positives tho!!! BM could finally get the meds she needs and you guys can actually have a normal relationship and raise LMS. Keep your head up tho. I know this is a lot on you emotionally and finacially. It will be alright and don't be depressed!!! Get out the basement and off the couch!!!


Kingsmomma said...

There aren't any words that I could say to lighten your mood or perspective on the matter. I truly hope what you seek is what will occur but I know in the end everything will turn out well, even if it doesn't seem that way.

Get out yuor basement, get a milkshake, have a morning jog and think about the time you spend with LMS.
you'll remain in my thoughts

Reed is a character in her own story said...

You go through sooo much. Trust me when I say I understand!

I agree with the above comment re: employee assistance program. And if you do break down, that would be a normal response given everything you've been dealing with. It only works more in your favor anyway to go. Your BM is done for in that area either way--she doesn't go you have a one up, she does go, I'm quite sure somebody is gonna see how off she is. SMH.

Alovelydai said...

Write when you can & even when you don't feel like it. It's often just as theraputic.

Redbonegirl97 said...

Hope things turn the corner for you in a good way and that you get to be with your daughter the way you want. I know it may be hard but don't let it pull you down any farther. Your daughter needs to see her daddy strong and happy. I am sure the Little Miss is loving her time with you and so make the most of it, whether you do or don't get custody of her.

Peace, Love and Chocolate

Jazzy said...

big hugs homie