31 August 2010

The waiting game

I feel like this blog has gotten depressing as of late... really if I had more funny stuff happening in my life I'd blog about it. Thing is my life is the equilvlent of sitting in a waiting room.

When you in a waiting room you look around, you might read a book do some people watching or even spark up a convo with the people around you. You just want to pass the time while you wait. Thats me, I'm just sitting and waiting. I've done winter, spring and summer cleaning. I've painted rooms, moved around furniture I even created a idea folder. All in the interest of passing the time.

I'm not here alone though, naw I brought people close to me into the waiting room, so they are forced to wait too. My mom wants to spoil her grandbaby, so she's waiting. My sister wants to spoil her only niece (she bought LMS a b-day gift that she still hasn't been able to give her) so she waits. My girl wants to open a new chapter in our relationship but I can't because I'm not done writing this one, so she waits. Hell even this blog is waiting, I'm sure ya'll want me to get back to funny random stories. So everything in my life is on hold.

While waiting I've realized something, waiting sucks! really who is happy in the waiting room? Oh its fine when you first walk in, maybe after 5 min you grab something to read. After 10 min you start looking around to get a idea of what going on. After 30 you start getting mad, if your forced to wait over a hour your ready to curse someone out. Now imagine waiting over a year... it zaps the life out of you. All of 2010 has been a blur, I look up and it's september. I have more gray hair and for the last week I've waken up sore, and my body aches for no real reason. My body just wants to lay in bed or on the couch but my mind won't allow it. I find myself not wanting to talk to people and just being in a bad mood. I try and force myself out of it most days but some days I just want to be a asshole. I'm suprised people even deal with me lol.... In short I'm tired of this waiting room.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Keep the faith. Please don't give up. God will never ever lead you somewhere and leave you caught out there. Just know that He has equipped you with what you need to endure these trials and to win this race and what you feel you can't do ask HIM. Praying for you. . .

The Jaded NYer said...

I know all about the body aches for no reason... and was told it's the physical manifestation of you sad/bad feelings AKA depression.

If you can, speak to someone and clear your mind as best you can in this terrible situation. The last thing you want is for your health to suffer during this ordeal, too.

Here's hoping everything gets better for you and your baby and family real soon!

12kyle said...

Time flies. It truly does. But it drags on when you're away from your loved ones. I can't imagine what you're going thru. No man should have to endure being away from their child. Hang in there fam and keep praying.

Alovelydai said...

Love the waiting room metaphor.

GorgeousPuddin said...

Beautifully written! It does sound like you're depressed. Remember that commercial Depression hurts? The mental stress is manifesting as physical pain. Keep praying! Are you able to talk to someone? There is no shame in needing a neutral party to vent to. It always gets darkest and heaviest right before the BLESSING! You are almost there!
Everything you said is so true! I hate waiting!

Anonymous said...

Good post Dave!!! Keep the faith and remember this to shall pass!!! It's great that you have people in your life that are as you say waiting with you, although it doesn't make it easier for you it's always good to have the support around you.

It may help to go and talk to someone outside of the situation(therapist). It may help to relieve some of those aches and pains you have been experiencing. Your LMS waits to so you have to keep yourself strong and healthy for her because as I said this to shall pass. I know it seems like things are moving in slow motion but things will work out in your favor I truly believe that!!!!

Towanna

buttahflychronicles said...

One thing I always try to remember in the waiting room is that I'm closer to my goal than I was 5 minutes ago.

Ms. Camile said...

the great things about change is that the bad things will get better. it's inevitable. So of course you dont want to forget LMS but do something that will bring back the LIFE into your life. When you DO get LMS back, you dont want to be starting the rebuilding process. Start now so you can be the best for her. Positivity flocks to positivity. Change this situation by seeing around it and seeing the victory!

~Cam

QB said...

Okay so i really have to ask... why dont you stop waiting and do something about it? i read your post about your child support and i keep up on the blog occasionally so i know you are fed up with whatever so do something about it. Get custody of your daughter! why are you paying child support and having all these people in your life waiting to be a part of your beautiful daughters life when its clear that her mom isnt taking care of her correctly? instead of waiting and instead of spending 2011 in a blur again, spend it fighting to be with your daughter.

just a thought.

Ms. Camile said...

i think he"s doing all he can but court is a waiting game especially when one of the parents lies. they tend to side with the mother so he is doing what he can ans right now he has to wait. but he can still have joy in the waiting.

Redbonegirl97 said...

Don't psych yourself out. Just relax, it'll come when the time is right for it.

Tiffany
Peace, Love and Chocolate