04 October 2010

As the smoke clears

So now that the baby lives with me I have several issues that need addressed:

Her Mom - lets see it's been about 12 days since the court date and her mom has called 2x. Every now and then LMS cries how she misses her mom but says she loves living with me. Her mom has yet to ask to see LMS though she just calls to talk to her. Reality is I have no idea how this will play out, part of me wishes my BM would just disappear but that's unfair to LMS. Her mom is still her mom and she's going to miss her and want to see her. Mommy is mommy even if her mom was messing her up. LMS told her mom she wanted to see her, so I'll leave it up to my BM to schedule something with me.

The Basics - When I went to LMS's old school to get her transfer papers her teacher told me how she was having problems wiping herself after she used the bathroom and how she often had accidents on herself. Her teacher felt this was a cry for attention and she used it as a way for her mom to come pick her up from school. The first day LMS was with me she used the bathroom on herself. She was also peeing the bed. So she needed help with basic potty training, she had regressed in basic skills. I sat her down and explained that it had to stop, she was just being lazy and I wasn't going for it. She knew when she had to use the bathroom and she should just go instead of trying to hold it till the last second. I also spent 10min in the bathroom re-educating her on how to whip herself clean. I didn't want her starting a new school and having basic problems, kids are mean and she is already overweight. No reason to be smelly too. After 2 days she was fine, no accidents, no problems at school and once she adjusted to her schedule she stopped peeing in the bed at night. Score one for consistency.

Health - LMS is overweight, she has been most her life. I went to see a nutritionist a couple years ago but it was pointless because while I made changes, they were negated by what her mom was feeding her. Not to completely blame my BM for her weight because when LMS was young I had my fair part in feeding her junk, but I changed my habits and started eating better, her mom didn't. She didn't create a schedule for LMS or make sure she got all the sleep she needed. Her weight got out of control. So with her under my wing I'm in control on her diet and exercise. Luckily she loves veggies, so I cut back on her snacks and sweets, limited portion size and started giving her dinner before 6. This lets LMS get to bed before 8 and get 9-10 hours of sleep. In just 1 week she lost 5lbs, She's not starving and she's not complaining about missing anything. It's working out well.

Behavior - This one will be the long term battle, LMS talks to much in class. She's friendly and likes to play even when it's work time. I've talked about it to her repeatedly but I know it will be a issue. while i'm happy she is being interactive and not a recluse given all that's been going on she still needs to learn how to focus on schoolwork and not the bad kids making jokes.

So it's like I'm starting from scratch with a lot of things, I have to mold her into the child I expect her to be and set the foundation that she should have had all along. She is responding better then I could have imagined, She adapts to change like I do. which is good, it's not going to be easy or quick but it will be worth it once everything settles.


Serenity3-0 said...

I'm glad things are going well. I think the best thing I ever did for my son was to be consistent and establish a routine and discipline for him. In kindegarten and first grade he was misbehaving at school, partially b/c he was bored, but I cried, prayed and read some things and talked to some other parents and finally decided he needed more structure and discpline all around. He has a strict 830 bedtime. I also stopped allowing him to eat cereal, honey buns, donuts, basically sweet things in the morning. I replaced that with things like oatmeal, grits with bacon bits in them, toast, etc. I also stopped putting sweet snacks in his lunches. I noticed a big difference in his behavior and excitement and I'm sure his teachers were thanking me for it. Now when he gets in from school, he knows it is homework time and snack time. It's ok to have cookies or something sweet then b/c it's just me and him and he has plenty of time to play around. In the mornings he knows the routine as well. He wakes up and his clothes are already out for him and once he's dressed his book bag and breakfast and lunch are already out. Kind of like a robot. That leaves less time for getting distracted, being late, etc. Great start with establishing the basics!

Kingsmomma said...

WoooHOO 5 lbs in one week. Dave come put me on a schedule

I'm sooo happy. I know LMS is going to be a much better adjusted and happy child as a result of the move. I just hope her mom comes around.
keep up the good work..
What about her hair?

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you are off to a great start with LMS!!! Keep up the good work!


Angel said...

Sounds like you have a plan! Good for LMS and her 5 lbs! You can also put her in sports....swimming is best, and the weight will fall off.

Keep up the good work!

chele said...

Transitions can be difficult but it seems like the two of you are doing very well with this one. Keep it up!

Shelly said...

You are such an amazing Dad. LMS is lucky to have a father who actually cares.

Otis said...

Man, im soooo not ready to be a parent. Good job bruh.

Alovelydai said...

LMS is so gonna benefit from your more structured, no nonsense approach to parenting. Believe that. You're doing awesome already & 5lbs in a wk...my address is....LOL!

NinaMM said...

Consistency is essential to the responsible development of human being. It's refreshing to read of a parent who isn't delusional, or in denial about their child's weaknesses, balanced out by the determination of said parent to make those areas into strengths. I was raised by a single father, and there's no other love like it. You're my hero today.

buttahflychronicles said...

Hey! You've kidnapped my babeeeeeee!

No seriously. Although I think I'm a VERY attentive mother I've experienced these same things with my daughter. Not my son so much (he had his own set of issues), but with my daughter.

Her mom will come around. She's still in that trying to prove HER point mode and she doesn't care who it hurts. She will figure out a way to make that your fault too. This may take years. I tell the kids, no, it's not right. But we are going to still be happy no matter how daddy acts? We can't tell him what to do. The part I hate is when he finally does come around EVERY OFFENSE is instantly forgiven. Hey, kids. They teach you how to love.

Potty training. The teacher was spot on. Much of it is laziness. Puah doesn't want to miss anything and doesn't potty at the appointed times. She figures if she just acts real desperate when she can't hold it anymore the teacher will let her go. It doesn't always go as planned for her. Bed wetting however is a little different. You're approach is perfect. Oh, whenever I change an environment like daycare provider, even if she goes with dad, instant piss. She has to feel socially comfortable as well. She just won't walk into a strange potty without discussing it with something first.

Regarding the weight. Don't forget that black women are shaped differently than any other women. Because you know this, she'll probably still be what science considers to be overweight once she gets to a weight that YOU are comfortable with. But yeah. When I got Puah back from my mom that Summer the weight fell off like feathers. Even with my careful meal planning, she's still bigger than many other girls her age. But no one I ask thinks she looks overweight. I'm not worrying too much about it. But I am paying attention. She'll be 7 this month and is 62 lbs and is about the same height as everyone else her age whatever that is. And your mom sews right, lol.

You on your own with that last one. Now that I'm sure that you don't have MY baby I'll go back to minding my own business.

cyn said...

LMS is one lucky little girl.

Caspar608 said...

get her in some swimming classes and perhaps the local pee-wee soccer league

she'll be fine : )

Monique said...

Consistency is key. My son is two and i swear the best advice my mother ever gave me before he took his first breath was to set a routine. I'm so proud of you, Dave. LMS will adjust just fine and you the BM will work out visitation stuff. Don't worry yourself silly.

EmberRose said...

Yay Dave!!!! I'm so happy for you. I hope for LMS's sake that her momma swallows some get right.

Highly favored said...

I'm glad you have LMS. Parenting is probably one of the hardest yet rewarding jobs you'll ever have.

God's Favorite Shoes! said...

I am reading your blog posts and I swear this is mirroring my fiance's current situation!

I'm sitting here going, dang...do they have the same baby mama!

Here's his blog link:)


I'm not his rep...just saying that I think you see yall have alot in common...:)

Good luck with LMS!