08 November 2010

A Support Issue

I think today I'll pose a qustion to the readers, Should I go for child support?

Its not really that easy of a question. On one hand my baby momma doesn't work so it's not like I'll be getting anything. It would be more about the principal. She lives off the govt and I'm pretty sure if you owe child support all those benifits stop. If she did get a job I'm sure I won't get much since I'd make more then her. I don't "need" the money, sure I could use it. Free money is free money right? I could use it for one of the baby's activites or even just put it in her college fund. In talking to my cousin (the only other person I actually know who has custody of his son) he says I should take her for support just because she would and did take me. There shouldn't be a double standard.

On the other hand I don't want anything from that woman, not even cash. I want to just delete her from my life and move on, receiving support will just create another link between us. Another reason to go to court, another reason for her to contact me. Even though I know we don't HAVE to talk for her to pay support it will be a reason for her to talk to me. Its another reason for her to be bitter and upset about life, another thing she will blame on me. Honestly I can do without it, I want to let her be and go about living my life. I'm trying to cut ties not create them.


So what do you think?

on another note, just when you think I'm the only dude on earth going thru this I'm introduced to Foshead who runs http://notthehuxtables.blogspot.com/ go check it out and see that there are more single dads doing good then the media would let you think.

20 comments:

Shawn Smith said...

I think you should let it go. All you'll end up doing is going back to court over and over for nothing.

Your best bet is to be the bigger man and just move on.

In the end as LMS gets older, she'll see everything for herself.

Kingsmomma said...

I agree with Shawn. Be the bigger person and move on. There are lot of things your daughter's mother did to you just to make your life miserable, you could return teh favor but why?

Yes you are entitled to get money from her and if she were a different person I'd say go for it. I just fear this will do more harm than anything to your daughter. This person is probably not going to get a job and i'm pretty sure within the next couple of years some unsuspecting idiot will be her sole source of income again.

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't bother with it if I were you Dave. It will be nothing but more of a headache for you and like you said you don't need the money. You have your daughter thats reward enuff!!!

Towanna

Shelly said...

I agree with the readers above. At the end of the day its not worth it fighting for money that you probably will never see. The tit fot tat has to stop somewhere.

Lena said...

I have to join the crowd. If you take her to court for support, she'll just get more bitter. It still won't press her to get a damn job, and she'll probably end up in jail. How does that play out for LMS?

It's just not worth it.

Monique said...

Leave it be. Think about it: would you want to drag LMS through another painful situation for a few dollars? If you can manage on your own, then continue as you have. It's one less headache with her involved.

Alovelydai said...

I say go for it. We forget the money isn't about us as parents it's about the child. If you can afford all of her expenses and entertainment then great...put every cent you get from her mom in the bank. It is about the principle and the principle here is LMS.

Anonymous said...

I disagree with everybody...Dave I do not care if it is a dime..Go for childsupport...let us evaluate this..Is the child support your money? Should you not be responsible for the well being of your child which include finances? Many people mistakenly look at child support as their money, not true. The money is your daughters money..Let us say when ready to exit at 18 and go on their own (college, or not going to college) why can't she be comfortable.. If you do not need the money I am sure your child will by the age of exit. Why can't you start a fund for her only? This is because you have the nerve to say that child do not need her mom money.You may not neeed it but she will know that her mother attributed something to her aside from bull. It will show that grown ups need to take responsibility for their child rather they have custody or not..If you were a woman others would say go after him. Now the shoe is on the other foot the child needs financial support...The knowledge of support is a teaching moment for your child(take care of what you bring into this world, handle your business) She did not ask for this situation to occur and girls need money also..Give it to her, sice you do not want it..In fact you should not want it because it is not for you or about you. Can I hear a amen for children, it is not about the adults..I am so sick of people delaying responsibility and think that life is a free ride, just pass it on to someone else..I gurantee that the mom is wanting input or have her own agenda..Yes for the children everywhere getting their support whether with father or mother...You must put aside you and think about her. Yes she needs her money...Turn it over to her at 18 since this is a problem for you to accept money for her use...If you are going to be sole parent, then do it the right way looking out for your child in everyway possible..She may need therapy when older let this money pay for that..People wake up, it is so selfish for parents to turn the finance of the kid away because they do not want to go through the hassle.What hassle? Go get her money..It is her money and she needs it now! Break the cycle so that if this occurs in her life it is not ok to allow the father not to take responsibility for their child.(hopefully this will not happen)This is down right disgraceful and trifle that you would do this or even think about no support..So what if she is on the system, time for her to get a job and get off system, if she is getting ssi then the child gets a check also.(for all you know this maybe that she has her name on government benefits and not telling you)Do me a tax payer a favor allow her other parent to pay her part?OK ..You asked the que3stion, did you really want the answer or input?I am telling the truth, a aaha moment for you, just get this done.....blessings

chele said...

Go for it. It's not even about the money. It's about a parent being responsible for their child. I don't need my ex's money either but I'm not going to stop taking it. WE have a child together. I don't have a child by myself, therefore he should take some responsibility. And so should LM's mom. Whether you like it or not, that is one tie that won't be broken until your baby is grown. I'm amazed that so many people are telling you to leave it alone. If you were a woman, people would be screaming from the rooftops for you to get that money.

Carolyn (cmarie12) said...

No - be the bigger man and leave well enough alone.

If it was just about child support and the money going to your daughter it would be a different subject but to get the money you are opening Pandora's box and allowing an assortment of issues, trials, tribulations and troubles to come into your life. Is all of that worth it for a few dollars or the principal?

Or is giving LMS a stable, secure place to grow up more important? You've already swatted at her once (the car episode) and remember the troubles that arose from that situation...she will be twice as mean and nasty this time.

I believe you are a good man and can rise above this...it has nuthin to do with a double standard AT ALL!

Ieisha said...

I didn't read the other comments before posting mine.

Child support is for the child. And every child has an inherent right to be supported by BOTH parents. If the parent doesn't want to physically or emotionally support the child, a system has been designed to financially support the child.

You can file for child support without involving LMS and with little time in court. In comparison, you spent over a year getting custody. Child support orders will be a breeze.

The amount doesn't matter as much as the principle. LMS deserves to have the support of both parents. If BM doesn't want to support her emotionally, she can support her financially. Take whatever little money you get and put it up for her college fund, first car, prom, senior photos, etc. It will eventually add up to something.

KayC, The Quiet Storm said...

I did not read the other comments but with everything you have chronicled here (and I am sure there is much more you did not) there are a few questions only you can answer.

What would it accomplish?

Do you need the support?

And the biggest one...do you want to go through more headaches that it is surely to cause?

I understand why you would think about it and bring it up. But sometimes we have to learn and NEED to learn to let sleeping monsters lie. I don't believe this is a double standard, I would say the same thing if you were the mother int he situation.

whetheryoulikeitornot said...

I know that as much as you want you can't won't cut ties, if for no other reason than you want to give LMS a chance to decide about how she feels about her mother.

About the child support:

If you aren't going to get anything...is it worth it?

I mean., echoing some of the other readers..you are likely to get some headache about it...but not much else.

...and I remember you mentioning that she has some other kids.If you DID get it...would you be taking food out of their mouths?

EmberRose said...

On one hand I'd say she needs to learn responsibility. And a lesson about doing right by your kids and just not being a douchy bitch. But that could also be taught with a swift kick in the ass. Or a sock full of nickels.

But on the other hand it's gonna cause you strife and you don't wanna deal with her ass no way.

I'm as stuck as you are.

foshead said...

I appreciate the love, bro. I dig what some of the other bloggers are saying about being the bigger person but sometimes it's just about principle. I don't need anything from my baby mama and what I get (or supposed to get) ain't worth a flip but it's the principle. I don't know what else to say other than that. Hey, Kid Rock got his baby mama for $27 a month. If he can do it, why not us?

BorednTalkative said...

It's a hard decision and only you can make it.

I would say go for the child support. I understand that it may cause more problems but she needs to support her child as well. If you were a woman and your baby daddy was acting a fool like your BM, people wouldn't hesitate to tell you to take his ass to court.

LMS deserves to be supported by both parents. You can put aside whatever money you do get, if any, for LMS' future.

I'll pray that you come to a conclusion that you can live with. This parenting stuff is tough as hell, but we wouldn't change it for the world. I wish you the best of luck.

Amazing Love said...

I think that in this case you should just let it rest. You have been through so much dealing with this entire situation. Sure the extra money will help, but from where exactly is it going to come? And if you do it only to stop the mother from receiving her government benefits then you're wrong. Flat out. Despite her antics, etc she's human and she should be covered. At the end of the day she'll realize that she has nothing anyway. Do you. And before you take any great steps to defend your own honor, remember that God has already defended you. He has a major plan for your life and your daughters. Your daughter's mother will get it together in due time. Allow your anger to fall to the side. It won't make you feel better by holding onto it... I'm just sayin...

Tami Sawyer said...

Hey Dave
Free money isn't free money. I say don't go for it. Cut the ties that bind.

Colleen said...

Dave

Drag her ass into Court kicking and screaming if you have to and get LMS her support. It was fine and dandy when a WOMAN was taking a MAN to court, wasn't it? You can still cut ties, but she will be cutting you a check. Crazy Baby Mama will be forced to GET A JOB to pay child support...and if she cannot find a job she will be picking up garbage in an orange vest on the side of the road. I don't care if it's 5 dollars a week. You had to pay 100x more than that little 5 dollars that you may or may not see.

One of my favorite quotes that you have posted on your blog is:

"Carry the battle to them. Don't let them bring it to you. Put them on the defensive. And don't ever apologize for anything.
- Harry S Truman"

Let's stop making excuses and allowances for irresponsible, opportunistic lazy women. There as just as many bad mothers as there are bad fathers. We both know too many women use that support money for themselves while the children wear hand me downs and rags, eat unhealthy food and participate in no extra curricular activities because their money grubbing mothers are pieces of shit. If Baby Mama is certifiably nuts then LMS will get an SSDI check.

I am a true believer in Justice as Fairness. LMS deserves nothing but the best and her mother should contribute to that just as you did. It is only fair - only RIGHT - that the same woman who gladly snatched the lint from your wallet when she already took all that you could give should have to deal with the karmic repurcussions of her diabolical ways.

I stand for REAL WOMEN. The ones with jobs, holding down the fort, taking care of home, doing everything in their power to ensure the health, safety, and well being of their children is never compromised. I find it unsavory for a woman to sit around waiting for a support check every month as a means to handle HER business. Its one thing to expect a man to support his children and have to force him to do so through the courts when he refuses; its another thing all together when a female refuses to get up off of her ass and get a job because she feels entitled to a life of leisure when her man is no longer living in the same home. Do something with your life and set a good example for your children other than be a do nothing nobody.

That car episode was a direct result of her lazy do nothing ass doing nothing about doing the right thing. You repeatedly asked her to transfer the car to her name and get car insurance...she refused so you had to take back YOUR property to protect your assets. If she killed somebody with that car while you were the registered and insured owner of the vehicle YOU might have lost everything you worked hard for because YOU would have been sued.

Fuck her and everything her grimey ass stands for. I'll be honest with you too, I would let the Court know I was serious by moving to seek custody of her son as well. That boy is going to be a gottdamn mess when he grows up.

JESUS CHRIST would agree with me.


Best,
Colleen

p.s. my word verificaion is "killcycle".

Sha Boogie said...

Go.FOR.IT.
Yes get the support. If you don't use it now, put it away. But you didn't create LMS by yourself, so you shouldn't take care of her alone -- no matter what madness you've been through with her mother, she still needs to be responsible for her child. Its not about 'tit for tat' its about responsibility. Can you raise LMS alone without it? Sure. But should you? NO.