20 February 2010

Friends

This post was requested by a friend of mine. We were chatting about how dating and how having female friends causes issues. As the conversation went from topic to topic she suggested I blog about it just so she could comment. Nevermind she has her own blog for such things lol.

Here's the thing about me, I have lots of female friends. Probably too many, I just seem to make friends all the time. They come and go. I don't have alot of friends that have known me for years and years. I have 1 friend from high school and thats because she refuses to NOT be my friend. She calls me and fuses that I never call her. We agree to see each other at the kids b-day parties lol. She understands that I come and go. She knows I'm here if she needs me even if she doesn't get daily updates from me. Besides that I'm not going to call unless I want something. It's just how I am.

So back to the subject, though out the years I've made many friends. Most are and were women, I like hanging out with women. Say what you want but women are usually more fun to be around. I love shooting the shyt with my boys but I can only hear about wives and kids so much. My female friends are usually single and have crazy single girl stories. It's entertaining, I mean I've never been on a date with a dude and I get a kick out of what some dudes try and pull off. Girls like hearing my stories about women confusing me, it's a give and take/win win situation. Plus I can talk just as much shyt to them. Talking sports with women is fun, esp is they actually have a idea about the game. Long story short, I like women and they like me. Just because we went to the movies or out to dinner don't mean I'm sleeping with her, we just like hanging out. Having platonic friends is completely possible, I know 1st hand.

Lets address the friends you have slept with. I'm sure we all have 1 or 2 people we have slept with and are still friends with. Some people are just better in that friend zone. Some of ya'll have best friends that are ex's. Hell I have family who are better friends after the divorce then they ever were married. Platonic friendships post-relationship are possible. Sometimes they are even better because there is no "what if" questions.

Having female friends causes a problem when dating. It's a known fact women don't trust other women. So if a girl likes you she will assume all the other women you talk to like you too. Especally if they are a girl you have slept with. The girl your with has to both have confidence in herself and trust in you. If you say ya'll just hanging she has to believe you. She should also feel like you'd be silly to leave her for any of them other girls. It's a special balance. Of course as a dude you also have to approach it like you have nothing to hide. If your running into the other room to talk on the phone or storing names as nicknames in your cell then you give your girl reason to suspect.

In the past I usually get around this issue by just ignoring my female friends when I have a girl. I talk to them via IM or text but we never hang out. They complain about it but I explain how it just looks bad. No girl wants her man out with a bunch of other women. They were ok with it since I never had a girl long anyway... lol Honestly this was MY mistake, I should have just explained that these are my friends and continued to hang out with them. I had nothing to hide, yet I acted like I did.

Oh yeah this also led another one of my friends to say "You have attachment issues, you have problems making connections with people. So your friends are interchangeable, Honestly if you could talk to nobody but LMS and your family you would be fine" It was funny till I realized it might be true. That's another blog for another day though.

15 February 2010

Idle Time pt 2

So it's been a month since I've seen LMS. Baby Moms still ignoring my calls and honestly everything I can do isn't what I want to do. My lawyer is on it though. Last few weeks have been rough. Way more then I really want to discuss.

So what have I been up too? Honestly I'm kinda depressed. I've been doing whatever I can to stay distracted. Whatever it takes to not actually think about LMS no being around. I've drank more liquor this last month then I did all of last year. I've been soo close to just breaking down crying more times then I can count. Let me tell you it sucks to want to cry and can't. The tears just wont come, I just shake my head and move on. Tears don't solve anything, blame my military childhood. So my life is a weird mix of laughs and sadness. Sometimes within a couple minutes. I actually entertained a couple thoughts of packing up and just moving to a new city. Saying fuck it, changing my name to Carlito and learning Spanish lol

So besides drinking and sitting in my man cave watching seasons of the wire I've been surrounding myself with people to help distract me. See when I'm around people I tend to think about my "real" life less. I get a chance to laugh and crack jokes. I feel like my old self, even if it's only for a little while. That said even my distractions find a way to cause stress.

So I've been hanging with my ex. The ex from this spring/summer, I refuse to give women nicknames anymore so your just going to have to keep up. So we been talking about us and life... See she LOVES me, like really really loves me. I'm not really sure how to handle it, she wants us to be back together but honestly my head isn't there. I know I can't focus on a relationship right now, Even if it's with someone who I was already in a relationship with, Even if it's with someone I love. She's a great person and is really good both too and for me. I just can't right now, I explained this too her but I don't think she really really understands. She's pushing for what her heart desires and I can't blame her for that, problem is all my heart wants is my little girl.

Then there is my recent ex, the one week one. She's fun to be around and good friend. A nice distraction from my "real" life. Problem is I feel incredibly guilty about what happened. Like I used her to help deal with my jacked up situation. Even though she says she understands and it's fine, I still feel bad. She's a nice person and didn't deserve it. I should have just left well enough alone. I'm usually hard on myself when it comes to women. I know way too many women who have been done wrong by dudes not to be. This whole situation just made me feel like another random ass shiftless negro, I wanna make it right but really there is nothing to make right, whats done is done.

So yeah I'm going to cut back on the liquor and try to focus on productive things... I've gain like 5 pounds since the snow storm hit. Between the snow and court I have not been to work in over a week, I miss the corner lol. I need to get back on my grind. On a bright note even though I gained some weight I still can't fit my old sweat pants lol....