03 March 2010

Keeping the Peace

A couple posts ago a anonymous commenter mentioned how I should try and "keep the peace" with my BM. Reffering to it as a way to get along with her and avoid the drama.

That phrase "keep the peace" was something I lived by for 5 years with my BM. I igorned my better judgement and tried to get along with her. All the while thinking it would be best for LMS. I wanted LMS's childhood to be as drama free as possible. Then one day I realized it just couldn't happen, something had to give.

I was talking to my cousin one day and he was telling me about some problems he was having with his wife. He mentioned how she can unleash a shyt storm and he didn't really want to deal with it so he was just going to "keep the peace". I replied "keeping the peace only works if the other person wants peace". Now every now and then I say really profound stuff. Mostly it's to other people. The moment I said that I realized I was actually talking to myself. I went on to tell my cousin "would you rather live with a thunderstom everyday or weather a hurricane knowing the sun would shine after it was over?" I realized then that my BM didn't want peace with me. At no point had she done anything to "help" me. This was about her and what she felt I owed her. We were not a team, as much as I tried to work WITH her, she only cared what I could do FOR her. It wasn't even about LMS, it was about her and her ego.

So the idea of "keeping the peace" is great if you have someone who wants peace with you. If thats the case then by all means bite your tounge, ignore pettyness and work at live a happy life. However If you have someone who could care less about your happiness and just wants to use you as a doormat then you might just have to weather that hurricane.

Just grab your shades and a beach chair, once the storm passes and the sun shines you'll need them.