I've been kinda uninspired to blog. Its not that I don't have stuff to talk about it's just that I don't want to mention it here. I have this low level fear that my BM will discover my blog and try to use it against me. It might be unfounded since I don't really talk bad about her. Plus I've been blogging 2+ years and she hasn't discovered it yet, plus she is not much of a innanet person. Anyway so much goes on that I don't wanna blog about maybe one day I will actually write a book about all of this and include the extra stuff that doesn't make it to a post. Really my life is crazy.
I was telling my co-worker about the custody stuff and he offered to say a prayer with me. He had been praying for my daughter all year, he knew something was bothering me but didn't know the extent. So I chatted and prayed with him and he prayed that I receive patience and guidance. This was crazy because thats all I ever pray for, patience and guidance.
I'm way more religious then I realize, all the principles I live are things you learn reading the bible. When people are foul and petty to me I just let it go, it's not my job to judge them or exact revenge. I just know it will come back in some way or form. Karma levels the world, you reap what you sow, I believe all that. Carrying that hate in your heart will only block you from growing and being successful. In the end I realize that even though I don't like my BM no part of me wants to get "payback" for some of the stuff she has pulled. I just want whats best for LMS and to put all this behind us. I'm not a petty person, see i care HOW i win or achieve things. It's nice to get it but I care that I was honorable and achieved it with my head held high. I have faith I don't have to stoop to doing low things to have favor. Above all I have faith that it will all work out.
Thru all this I've been trying to figure out what exactly is the lesson I need to learn (besides not to sleep with crazy women). I'm one of those "there is a lesson in everything" kinda people. I've settled that I needed to learn that I'm not a island and I really should share more of myself with people. I have family and friends who love me and sometimes I shut them out, I need to be more open with my life.
Let me end this with something funny. I was outside my job minding my business when I noticed some Federal Police locking up 2 gentlemen. Now seeing the real feds is not unusual since I work in a federal building and they like to hang out around here. 4 suburbans with all black tint surrounded these 2 dudes and a delivery van. Then I realized that they were locking up were the dudes who deliver the printer toner. They had them pushed up on the van and taking off they shoes, it was a sad sight. I watched for a couple minutes then headed back to work. As soon as I walk in the office I see someone with a invoice from the same company that just got locked up. I ask if they were planning on meeting the dudes because they might be busy lol. Turns out they had just left them. So between delivering toner and getting back to the van they committed a federal crime. I have no idea what they did but I'm sure they will not be making anymore deliveries anytime soon.
Also let me mention the BET "awards". First this can barely be called a award show since I watched it for 2 hours and saw them give away 3 awards. They should just call it a annual concert and consider the awards giveaways lol. Hell you could raffle them off. Anyway the best part was seeing Wacka Flacka!! what? you missed him? He was out there with Diddy! how could you not notice him? They were the only 2 people on the stage! ooohhhhh maybe it was because he was engulfed in smoke! Say what you want about Diddy but dude knows how to steal the spotlight while making you think he's helping If you missed Wacka playing ghostly hype man you can check it here