29 November 2011

The Growth... All Good Things

Today is my birthday! I'm 32 years old. Also this is my last blog on baby daddy diaries. I started this blog back in October 2007. I started blogging just like I start most things in my life, because of a girl. I was dating a girl who had starting to blog and I got interested. She quit long long ago (or at least I think she did, we don't talk anymore) but I kept at it. Before I knew it here we are. I'm still suprised I stuck with it as long as this. I tend to lose interest in stuff quickly.

I never really considered myself a blogger but blogging has been extremely good to me. It provided me a place to vent and tell amusing stories about my life. It literally chronicled my life and growth for the last 4 years. I've made friends, fell in love and received great advice all from this little slice of cyberspace. I'm truly grateful for my time here and the connections I've made. I never really promoted this blog yet I still managed to get around 300+ people subscribing via RSS and 170+ google friends. I didn't even have that many people on my personal facebook page lol. I have no idea how many of you found my blog but I'm happy you did and you liked it enough to continue reading.

So why stop? mostly because I've lost my desire to blog, more so my desire to share. I have lots to blog about but I don't feel like sharing anymore. The idea of posting my life to the internet isn't near as appealing as it used to be. Maybe I'll just write a journal or something. I'm ready to close this chapter of my life and see whats next. Also my domain subscription is up lol

Lastly THANK YOU all for reading and all of your kind words of encouragement. I hope you enjoyed reading and were able to gain something from my posts. Even if it was just a laugh.

You can catch me on the twitter,yes THE twitter @davevanb

my other blog www.cookinwithdave.com

or you can email me at dave@cookinwithdave.com

17 November 2011

Dating Life

I had lunch with Sha Boogie last week and all she wanted to talk about was my dating like lol. Apparently I don't talk about it enough and she felt left out.

here's the thing about my dating life, its relatively boring and repetitive. See I was using my female friends as a distraction until they all got scooped up in Choosing Season. So then I had to actually go out on real dates. At first I completely hated them. I used to love first dates and all the sudden I wasn't looking forward to them. They were boring and I wasn't engaged at all.

After a while I started enjoying dating again but I was still just going through the motions. I just wasn't excited about any of the women I was meeting. Like I knew within the first couple days of knowing them that it wasn't going anywhere. That old saying "When a man knows he knows" is true. When I meet a girl I really like I'm all over it, there is no doubt about what I want. I don't have to force myself to have conversations or talk myself into liking her because she is a good woman. Lately I have been doing a lot of talking myself into women.

My whole dating life is just distractions, something to do when I'm bored. It gets me out the house and keeps my phone filled with lewd pics. Women come and go and I don't even care. Sometimes I wait to see just how long I can BS around with a girl before she realizes I'm not interested and moves on. You know the worst part? I can actually see myself doing this for a while, its kind of a comfort zone for me. It allows me the free time to raise LMS and still have female company when I want it. I don't have loads of free time anyway so it works. I don't have anyone I'm accountable to. I get to live life fairly selfishly and not think about "Us" or keeping another person happy. With Christmas coming up I don't have to buy anything for anyone I mean this could be considered an awesome situation. So for right now I'm chilling, no marriage talk. I'm enjoying the moment.

In other news I realized I hate the whole 21 questions thing that happens when you meet people. Or maybe I just hate when this one girl asks me questions. I tend to answer them with wild silly answers because its funny to me then I realize that she is sizing me up based on the questions. I'd much rather you get to know me by being around me than judging what kind of music I listen to. I actually don't like talking about myself, You kind just have to live a little life with me and either you get it or you don't.

I don't know if I'm growing or regressing.....

07 November 2011

School House Adventures

Its been a minute and honestly the though of quiting blogging crossed my mind a couple times. i don't have the same feeling towards it like I used to. I'm still around though. Let me share a couple parenting stories....

1. I get a call from aftercare that LMS stole 2 kids Halloween candy. I remember coming home with some candy but she said a little girl gave it to her. so now she stole AND lied. When I went to pick her up I explained how she was punished and I made her give the kids some candy from her Halloween haul. Then I threw out the rest (ok I saved the good stuff for me but she didn't get anymore). She was sad for like 15minutes then she went about life. My daughter is so much like me its scary, we both adapt to things crazy fast. Its hard to punish her because she isn't attached to anything.

2. I get a call from her teacher, apparently she pushed some kid into a wall. This is a kid she has been having problems with all year from what I gather the little boy has bigger problems than LMS so Ive just been telling her to ignore him. Well this day there were in line next to each other and I guess she didn't want him there so she pushed him. I'm not sure if I was mad or not, before I could decide a punishment....

3. In the same phone conversation the teacher mentioned that LMS was threatening another little girl in her class. telling the child that she was going to beat her up and then after her dad came to class to talk to the teacher about it LMS tells the little girl that she will get her AND her dad. And she will follow her to 3rd grade. The teacher wants to meet with me, LMS, the little girl and her parents. I agree and start thinking. I've never known LMS to threaten anyone, in general she is a happy kid. She's hit kids but that's just what happens on the playground. It just seemed out of character for her. So when I pick her up I ask her what happened. Ok actually I grill her on both the little girl and pushing the little boy. She confesses to pushing the boy but is fairly adamant that she didn't threaten the girl. Adamant to the point she starts crying and saying the little girl is lying. I believe her and decide to wait till after the conference when I can hear the full story.

Next morning we are at the conference and the little girl is talking, only she isn't mentioning anything about threats. She is talking about LMS stealing pencils and telling her to shut up (LMS is a smiling gangsta). In general its normal kids stuff. Then the dad interjects, he asks LMS whole name and says she is not the right girl. Apparently some other girl in another class was making threats and LMS got blamed. Just one of those things that happens when your acting up in class, EVERYTHING gets blamed on you. The counselor apologized, I spoke to the teacher we left.

I tell LMS that I'm proud she told the truth and stuck with it. Sometimes you just know your kids and what they are capable of. LMS might steal pencils and candy but she doesn't look for drama and confrontation. She just makes bad choices in the heat of the moment. Just one of the many things we work on.

Nobody said this was going to be easy....

24 October 2011

Convos With LMS

LMS: Daddy is Ask a bad word?

Me: Huh?

LMS: Like if I say "Can I ask you a question" is that a bad word?

Me *thinking REAL hard*

Me: OOOHHH, no baby ASS is a bad word Not ASK...

My poor baby is getting confused by you bammas not enunciating your words....

17 October 2011

Rant Over

1st I want to thank those of you who called/email/texted/@ me on twitter in regards to my last post. I realize it may have read like I was typing it on the edge of a building but I wasn't that bad off.

I've over it for the moment though. A couple things happened that changed my outlook. 1st I came across this picture:

I stared at if for a good 10 minutes in awe of how simple and awesome it was. Sometimes life is just that simple. Decide to be awesome.

Then I was chatting with someone and I mentioned this quote:

"It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something." - Theodore Roosevelt

Its actually one of my favorite quotes but I didn't apply it to my current position until I told it to someone else. Funny how things work like that. point of the quote is don't sit around dwelling on what didn't work. Admit it was wrong and move on. Most importantly do something. I decided that how I was dealing with my Baby Momma was wrong, I needed a different approach. We were in a different situation and I needed to address it as such.

Next my cousin read my post and said i might be going thru a mid-life crisis.... MID LIFE!!! like I'm dying at 62. Yo I read that in the middle of the night and got pissed. If this is Mid Life I can't wait till I'm 50. Corvettes and 25 year old strippers all around!

Then I decided to go to church. Yup, after 8 years I returned to a service that didn't include someone getting married, buried or someones kid getting baptised. I went just to listen to the message and I'm glad I went. The pastor was talking about what is your fight and what is God's fight. In short don't waste your energy on something that is out of your control. Let God fight them battles. In my case I'ma let God deal with my baby momma. I already won that battle no need to continue to fight and let it mess up my life. Its no longer my fight. He also mentioned the minute you let someone else control your happiness that person becomes your God. It was interesting and helpful, I might just go back.

So all that combined got me out of my funk. Back to our regularly scheduled randomness. Not to say I won't be down again but when/if I am i'ma look back and remember my life is awesome.... starting with a picture I took while crabbing with my buddy.

08 October 2011

The Rant

Settle in this is going to be a long post. Only because I'm going to cover a lot of stuff.

So whats up? I can't really explain it. I'm just uninspired to do anything. All I want to do is sleep all day and I refuse to do that because sleeping all day is lame. Does that even make sense? I force myself to do stuff just so I'm productive but my heart really isn't in it.

Examples?? Sure! Lets see it took me 2 days to clean 1 level of my house. I'd like to say I live in a house that's huge and it just takes that long but honestly its like a 2 hour job. I was just being lazy. My room has been a mess for 3 weeks, I don't even care. I'd much rather sit on my couch and watch TV. I forced myself to blog only because it had been a while. you can tell that Vegas pt3 post was mailed in. I go to work and just BS on gchat, I got a new project and I forced myself to dive into it not because I was so exciting but because I needed the distraction.

What else.... LMS has been acting a fool at school. I don't even know why, maybe she is acting out but she has been disrespectful to her teachers and just on some other shit. On friday she came home with a bad behavior grade, no shoe laces and a cut strap on her book bag. Like seriously was she just in jail?? She hasn't seen TV in 3 days and she don't seem to care. When we got home she asked if she could got to bed after dinner. she was sleep by 6:30pm. I don't even know what else I can use to discipline her. Other odd thing? shes getting all A's and B's on her school work. She just doesn't want to listen to any adults, she wants to do what she wants. I was talking to her therapist about it and she suggested telling her mom since LMS respects her moms opinion. I figured it was worth a shot so I told her she was having problems. Her response? "You have to consider her adjustment but of course you wouldn't" Now I agree this has been an adjustment for everyone but its been a year and I refuse to let LMS use it as an excuse for acting up in school. If I let her start making excuses now she will be making them forever. I wasn't really mad at her comment but I was mad that she didn't even ask LMS to do better. It was like it was all my fault and my problem, it just made me shake my head.

Speaking of my BM I'm pretty sure we will be back in court in the next week or 2. Why? because she decided she wanted to switch weekends so she could have both her kids on the same weekend. This made sense to me so I agreed. I wanted LMS to spend time with her brother. We switch weekends then my BM realizes that she would have had LMS on X-mas morning under the previous schedule. So 2 weeks after we switch she wants to switch back, I decline because I didn't want to have her keep switching whenever she felt like it. Instead suggest we work out a schedule for the holidays. I even sent a schedule that would give her more time with LMS then the court order currently provides (our court order has no mentions for holidays or summer breaks). I guess she figured she would force me to switch weekends by not showing up for her scheduled pickup. So last friday me and LMS waited for her and she never showed. We called and no answered. Cue crying baby and pissed daddy, so I took LMS out to dinner and to get some ice cream. We went home and my thoughts went from "I hate that bitch" to "Maybe something happened to her and she had a real reason". Then around 2pm on saturday she calls, LMS tells her she didn't show and she offers to pick her up in 30min. I agree to meet her since LMS was looking forward to it. Then LMS got super excited she was singing a song excited. I don't know why but this upset me, like the night before her heart was broken about and she was mad but now all is forgiven. LMS forgives but I don't.... so I meet my BM at the drop of location and she didn't offer any explanation as to why she was a no show the night before. Then 20min later I get a text saying that even though she picked LMS up that she wasn't giving up HER upcoming weekend . I calmly explained that this current weekend was hers and next was mine, this lead to her saying that the court order said different and she would have it enforced. So to recap SHE asked me to switch the weekends on the court order and then she wants to use that same order to switch them back. In the end this is what I get for trying to be reasonable with a unreasonable person. Lesson learned.... again

Back to being uninspired... so I realized that I don't even have the motivation to purse women. Like the allure of pussy ain't what it used to be. Whats wrong with me?? I have no desire to court and build anything with anyone. I just want to chill in the house. I went out a couple times and just got bored. Like with everything else my heart wasn't in it. I was just going through the motions. Motions I had been through countless times before. Do you know how repetitive it all is? I used to love that repetitiveness, now not so much. I was telling my friend that I didn't even like first dates anymore. Like I used to LOVE them. I'm sure its more then getting old, My mind is just trying to focus on other things. I have no idea what though, its all a blur. Have I mention this before? I have thought about it a lot but I don't know if I blogged about it.

Then there is work. I love the people I work with but I hardly feel challenged. I haven't put a real effort into finding a new job. I need to move on, just haven't felt like looking. I had a couple phone interviews but nothing serious. I'm not learning anything or expanding my skill set where I'm at. I've been there 11 years and the only promotion left is into management. I don't want to manage people, I've had a taste of it and I didn't like it. I enjoy being a worker bee. I'd rather just work at a place that challenges me.

Anyway I think there is something I'm supposed to be learning but I don't know what it is. Sometimes growth is hard.

ps... I didn't really proof read this, didn't feel like doing that either lol.

06 October 2011

Vegas pt 3

So I really wasn't going to write this post. My A.D.D had kicked in and I got bored with the topic. Then I started thinking about everything that happened on the 3rd trip and decided I should at least mention the highlights of the trip

So for my 3rd trip it was me Cousin (from pt2) and our other cousin who is like my brother so we will call him Brother. It was Brothers first time in Vegas.

- First night Cousin went to sleep at 9pm, I was annoyed with him early on lol

- After Cousin went to sleep me and Brother drunk way too much liquor, didn't eat and hit a couple strip clubs. If you have to swipe your card at many clubs it will show up as a restaurant on your bill. You know just in case someone else is checking it.

-first morning in Vegas we were awaken by what surely was a bear in the bathroom. Turns out it was Brother was sick and expelling liquids from everyplace possible. No way to wake up let me tell you.

-Brother spent his first day in Vegas in bed. He probably has alcohol poisoning but there was no way we were going to the hospital

- Me and Cousin left Brother in the room and went about our day. We came back to find him on the phone with prostitutes

- We decided to drive to CA to visit my dad. This was a great Idea till we realized it was a 4 hour drive across Death Valley. Death Valley is empty as you might imagine. On another note its a beautiful drive

- Had some amazing Mexican food at my dads house. Also learned how to play poker, one of the few things my dad taught me.

- Last night in Vegas Brother fell in love with this stripper who claimed that she was in the military and lived in Alaska..... ALASKA!!! I didn't believe her until Brother had us walking her to he car after her shift and she has Alaska tags and a DOD sticker *shrugs*

- Yes we walked a stripper to her car after her shift, brother was convinced she was going to give him some ass later on.

- We passed out in the hotel room and missed our flight back.

I said next time I go to Vegas I'll go with a girl. I'm sure at the very least I'll experience more touristy stuff.

25 September 2011

A Year Later

I know I was telling my vegas stories but I wanted to take a break to mention some current life stuff.

Its been a year since I got custody of my daughter. In some ways it feels like the year flew by but when I sit an think about everything that has happened since that day in court I realize its been a LONG year. I have to take a moment and remind myself of all the events.

So what have I learned? The most recurring lesson I have learned is that GOD is good. Every one I encountered was brought into my life exactly when I needed them and they were all wonderful. From the court clerks and social workers to my lawyer, my ex and my family. Hell even the readers of this blog. Everyone was really supportive and positive even when I was down. It could have all turned out very different. I was blessed to have those people come into my life exactly when they did.

I've also learned that I don't have to do it all, I have a support system who is happy to help. I was planning to go back to school shopping and my sister calls up and volunteers. My mom buys and makes LMS clothes. My friends offer to do her hair even though I've gotten pretty good at it. In short people love me and LMS and are happy to help. Once I opened up and let people in my life got easier.

I learn how to deal with my baby momma. Before every interaction would stress me out, I would try to rationalize with her so she could understand. Now? I ignore her, she emails me and I don't reply, I barely even speak to her. There is no need, she is who she is and I can't do anything about that. Truth is she is still bitter about our relationship, not about the custody stuff but our relationship that ended 5 years ago. That's her issue though. I've learned that you tell someone something over and over but you can't make then understand. I wish we could work together to address problems that LMS has but she isn't interested in that. She wants to point blame and call names. I'm over all of that. I've grown up.

Lastly I've learned that I went thru all this because I was able to. It sounds weird but if I wasn't who I am I would have gone crazy in all this. There are days I am stressed out and wonder if I actually did the right thing, if I am built to raise a little girl full time. Then I remember that I have been through plenty adversity even before I had a kid. This is just another chapter in my book. I went through all that stuff to prepare me for this and I go through this to prepare me for whats next in life.

So its been 1 year and I'm still here, my daughter is doing great. I'm grateful for everything I've been through and I'm looking forward to whatever adventures await us in life.

20 September 2011

Vegas pt 2

I know this story is hella late but I got busy with life and I didn't feel like typing this up. With that said here is my 2nd trip to vegas....

My second time in Vegas I went with my lil cousin. It was his 21st b-day and I figured he should have the same experience I did. Now this is my cousin who is also the photographer for www.cookinwithdave.com. For the sake of this story we will just call him cousin.

So this trip was just me and him, it was actually our first time going out of town together, it was also my first time seeing him drunk. In retrospect I should have known this trip was going to be interesting.

My goal this trip was to create more memories. Last trip I was drunk 90% of the time and really can’t remember huge chunks of time. I also wanted to make sure I ate something. It sounds silly but I swear my 1st trip i ate like 3 times in 4 days. Lastly I wanted some kind of souvenir. like I said it was about memories.

The first night there we hit up a huge souvenir store. Got some big foam cowboy hats and a bunch of other crap. We caught a cab to the store and ended up having to walk back to the strip. let me tell you something about Vegas. the strip is mad cool but about 3 blocks away is the hood. You don’t want to be wandering around too much. After we made it back to the strip we got some drinks and decided to hit up a strip club.

In Vegas they have all nude clubs and topless clubs. The nude clubs don’t sell liquor. the topless ones do. you have to decide whats more important, liquor or seeing vagina. For me? its liquor, I don;t really need to see vagina i aint having sex with. I’d rather have vodka.

Since it was my cousins bday i went to a nude club, I’m not sure he had ever been to a strip club before. So we asked a cab driver for a recommendation and headed out. By the way cab drivers in Vegas are crazy. always remember that. We end up at some club I can’t remember chilling in really comfy seats drinking juice and watching some flat woman dance on stage. I was highly bored. I’m used to black clubs where there is ass and bullet wounds. This was far from that AND I was sobering up. Not a good look. Just when I was about to order an O’Douls in hopes of killing myself the DJ announces that they have a sister topless club and were offering free shuttle rides to it. DING!!! were outta here.

I should mention that earlier when we were souvenir shopping cousin picked up some mardi gras beads that he was wearing around. So we hop in the “shuttle” which was actually an Esclade and head to this other club. While in the truck we get to chatting to the driver and he tells us how the old Vegas mayor wanted to chop peoples hands off for stealing or something like that. I mention its cousins bday and the driver hands me a folder and begins to try and sell us “the perfect bday gift”. In the folder was information for a bunny ranch (a ranch you can go have sex with women at). At this point this is the best cab ride I have ever had. Like seriously this guy is awesome in my book.

We decline the bunny ranch offer and arrive at topless club. As soon as we walk in we are greeted by a girl swimming in a giant martini class. Daddy’s home!!! this place was already 10x better then the last place. So we go in find a seat and get a couple drinks. I end up talking to this Asian chick who worked part-time at the GAP and was in school of course. As were there the first moments of what happened to by me and cousins downfall happened. A dancer walked up to him to see if he wanted a dance, he proceeded to tell the dancer that she could dance for beads. the same beads he bought earlier in the day. once again I was in Vegas, at a strip club with some fool trying to pay for lap dances with something other then cash. Only this time the stripper stands up and says “Aint nobody dancing for no beads!” I bust out laughing because hell shes right. Number 1 rule of strip clubs is the women are there to make money. Everyone should realize this.

So after that me and my Asian chick go off and leave cousin to do whatever him and his beads were going to do. I can back after an hour or so and hes still at the table. I proceed to clown him about the beads for the rest of the night. Good times

Next day we get some breakfast with mimosas and decide that neither of us were ready for liquor just yet. While we sobered up we went shopping. As we were walking thru the shops my cousin sees this shirt he has to have. I’m not sure what the shirt is called but its the same type of shirt that the dude in last dragon wore. Then it has this on the back

This lead me to call him Bruce Leroy for the rest of the day.

After I shamed him into taking the shirt off we decided to start drinking again... I got a ½ yard frozen margarita and cousin decides he wants to walk around with this....

That's a yard margarita, yes you can bring open liquor in the malls. Needless to say he wasn’t drinking anything else the rest of the day.

That night we decided to hit another all nude club because cousin figured that was the best. I was already drunk so I agreed. Once in the club I start to sober up. Its kinda empty and I realize there is no liquor. I find a seat near the stage and get some cranberry juice and a bottle of water. I’m not going to lie this one dancer was on her shit. She made sitting near the stage worth it. cousin found some dancer he liked and went off to get a couple dances. I got a couple and went back to our table only to find that cousin was not back yet. he was still in the back with the dancer. So I’m chilling at the table slowly sobering up and realizing that this place isn’t as nice as i thought it was. I actually got bored watching these naked women, Just when I was getting restless and ready to leave cousin walks up and tells me that hes going to wait for the girl he was just with to get on stage. When I ask why he explains that she wants him to put his number on a dollar and give it to her.


He continues to explain that she is from DC and blah blah blah. I’m like dude if she wanted your number you could have given it to her while she was sitting in your lap! by this time its like 2am, I’m sober and ready to leave. He wants to stay so I do what any normal person would do. I left him. Yep I told him good luck with all that and that I’ll meet him back at the hotel.

Next morning I decided I needed so space and headed out alone. He was getting on my nerves about stuff before the whole stripper thing so we needed a break. I went and drove a sports car around a race track, a hummer off road and ate at Emeril’s restaurant. I did a little gambling and had a overall great time. Might have been the most fun i had during the day ever in Vegas. Cousin had fun too he went to a gun range and did some other stuff.

By the time we left he had so many souvenirs that he had to buy a extra suitcase to carry them all. I have a couple but nothing like him. By this time LMS was born so I brought her back some stuff. Overall it was a good time and I learned that spending too much time with cousin isn’t a good thing.

03 September 2011

Vegas pt 1

So My homie Moe mentioned she was going to Vegas on twitter and asked for some suggestions on what to do. I offered some and she said I should blog about it so yeah, blame her for the next couple posts. 1 disclaimer though, none of these stories will be complete accounts. Just random events. I have to protect the innocent, mainly me.

I’ve been to Vegas 3 times. 1st trip was to celebrate my 21st birthday.

I went with one of my college buddies and a childhood friend who I had not seen in a while. My childhood buddy, lets call him “stretch” because he’s like 7ft, lived in North Dakota or somewhere so he just met us out there. We’ll call my college buddy “Shorty” because hes like 5’4. By the way I’m 5’8 so yeah we were an interesting group.

We arrived on my birthday and got settled, walked around got some drinks and what not. Pretty normal stuff. Let me say this your undoing in vegas is the frozen margarita. Them things are everywhere! you can’t be walking around and not drinking one. plus they are allowed in all the buildings (except some strips clubs, more on that next post). So after walking around and getting fairly drunk we decide to hit up a strip club. Stretch wanted to go to “Cheetahs” the place where the filmed “Striptease” you might remember that movie from years ago. It was a horrible movie and had zero on players club but whatever. We hop in the cab and go.

Lost of people have rules for travel and specifically rules for Vegas. Going into the trip I had none, I just wanted to enjoy my b-day. Then I had a moment of drunk clarity where I established my 1 rule for a vegas trip. Be very careful who you go with. See before I knew it my boy Stretch was getting shots from the dancers, not in glasses but having the dancers pouring liquor down his throat from the bottle. Then they were taking shots the same way. Now I was drunk but I KNEW that these girls were going to charge him for THEIR drinks. If there is anything you should never do in a strip club its pay for a dancers drinks. Honestly watching this dude get taken advantage of was better than watching the naked women. So after he had bought several shots and lap dances her utters the 1 phrase that has banned him from ever going to vegas with me again.

“Do ya’ll take travelers checks?”

Now if he was joking it would have be awesome, but he wasn’t. You see Stretch had decided to leave his ATM card in North Dakota and travel with ONLY travelers checks. Like Vegas was some 3rd world country and shit. It was at that moment I realized I might have made a mistake in picking traveling buddies.

Besides that our first night there was cool, the club was OK, I think I found a girl or 2 to mess with and everyone had a good time.

I’m going to skip what I did during the day because I have no idea what I did besides tour casinos. I don’t even remember eating, just drinking.

So the next night we decided to hit up some other strip club, this one was recommended to us by a local and turned out to be a co-ed club. One that had male dances on 1 side and female on the other. So while we were in there chilling Shorty finds an asian girl that he LOVES. He hits the ATM and goes back to the “Chamange room”. Stretch learned his lesson from the night before and was taking it easy, I was messing with random dancers. Everyone was happy.

After that club we end up on Freemont St, which is like ole town Vegas. We get some cigars and yard stick frozen margaritas and hang out. At one point Shorty mentions he can FEEL the liquor stopping in his throat because he was so full. Full on frozen Margarita because he hadn’t eaten. 10 min later he ad drank a good 20oz more of the liquor so I think nothing of it. At this point he had drunk more than ½ his height in liquor, I mean he could have been dying for all I know but he kept drinking so who cares right?

So sometime in the middle of the night when were sleep I hear Shorty throwing up. Only hes in the room not the bathroom. He throws up all over his cell phone and clothes and the chair in the room. Then This fool says “It smells like strawberries”

Word homie??? you explaining to me what your vomit smells like?? He was still drunk.

At this point its like 5am. I’m up and sober so I decide to do the only logical thing. Gamble! down to the blackjack table i went. After winning some cash I head back to the room and rest.

One of the days we decided to go see the Stratosphere Hotel. Its like a huge space needle where you can see all of vegas and it even has a roller coaster at the top. When me and Shorty mention going Stretch says hes scared of heights.... DUDE IS 7ft!! his whole life is heights! So me and shorty left him and went. That roller coaster is scary as shit let me tell you

Towards the end of the trip Stretch ran out of travelers checks. So when we finally decided to see a famous vegas show he says we should find a free one. By this point I knew bringing him was a mistake.

One the way back me and Shorty had a layover in some city. Only the layover was on the same plane so when we got off we left all our stuff on the plane. We hit up the food court and get to talking, before we know it the flight is leaving. We have to RUN to the plane and get there just after the closed the doors. Luckily the re-opened them for us.

In the end I came home with a bag of M&Ms and a M&M shirt and a Scarface drawing

This was my most boring trip.

29 August 2011



I feel like I'm always the last to know when you're dating someone! Are you dating someone now? How long did you date LMS' mom? Do you want to get married one day?

Dammit Sha thats none of your business!!!!! lmao just kidding. I’m trying to stick to my word and not talk about women on the blog. At least not in a serious way, I’ll be sure to make light of my dating escapades. That said this blog would be the last to know if I was dating someone.

As far marriage i’d love to get married one day.


Will she dislike her mother off the basis of what you have said, showed frustration in or the latter?

LMS Loves her mom and I wouldn’t expect her not to. I’m not expecting any real issues until the teenage years, her frustration comes more from being stuck in the middle of 2 people who can’t agree.

Do you think LMS will know how to love a man and be the helpmate of the household?

uuummm shes 7, she barely knows how to tie her shoes and add double digit numbers. I don’t think those are lessons she needs to learn just yet.

You are a great father but what have you taught her about being equally yoked in a relationship with a man?

Thank you, again she is 7 I have not taught her anything about being in a relationship. I’m trying to get chores down.

Would she actually know how to love herself or better yet love in general?

Knowing how to love yourself comes from self confidence. She has that in abundance, I don’t think it will be a problem. Plus she shows love to everyone, she is surrounded by more love then drama.


What do you think about the black male psyche and his relationship to all things material based.

Its cool, I like stuff. You should too. I think the youth (me included) in general is too materialistic and I hate throwing labels like that on 1 segment when its a much wider group that’s effected. Its more of a generational issue then it is a racial/gender one.

Let's hear what you think is going to be good investment at under $30 and getting normally non investors investing.

Lets see, I’d take that $30 and buy 6 bottles of my BBQ sauce. That’s an investment in good eating.


Let's hear about Cooking with Dave and the future direction of that.

Let me tell you about Cooking with Dave, every time I start working on it my cousin comes thru wanting to take professional pictures. We gather all this material and then I get stuck waiting on him to send it to me. Its hard work having a partner. My future plans are to sell BBQ sauce from the site, get rich and forget all about you bammas lol. Till then I’ll continue to post random things I cook. You might have t deal with some camera phone pics instead of DSLR ones though.

The Jaded NYer:

Who's this commentor Bri? Is that him in his avi? If so, HAWT! Tell him to check out my blog sometime *raised eyebrow*

*smacks nose with newspaper* Down girl!!! down!!! just once keep it in your pants, geez.

Jasmin...I mean...Anonymous:

After last year's Flaker debacle, are you still a fan? If so what in the world for?

Lakers for life bamma!!!! and last I checked the Celtics lost to a Model, A Cry Baby and an Ostrich so you shouldn’t talk. At least the Lakers got beat by the future champs. The real question is when will you jump on the lakers bandwagon? I’ll hold a seat for you.


Do I have any questions......eh...... here's one. If you HAD to be on a reality tv show NOT about cooking, which one would you be on?

Jersey Shore, they party and make up crazy acronyms. I can get down with that. A close 2nd is Big Brother, I was forced to watch it last year and it seems like an interesting way to spend a couple weeks

What was your favorite cartoon as a kid? Did you ever want to be a Ninja Turtle?

G.I Joe and transformers. Ninja turtles were cool but I think i was too old to actually want to be one. I may or may not have ran around a military base in full fatigues with a hat that said “born to kill” though.

What's the last concert you've been to?

John Mayer.... I only knew like 2 of the songs lol

When will you allow LMS to get a cell phone?

I’m thinking 13... maybe sooner if she needs one. If anything I’d get her a simple one so she can call her mom.

Did you have a pager as a teenager?

Of course! I didn’t use codes though, nobody was that important that they needed a code.

What fashion trend did you join that you look back on and ask yourself what you were thinking?

I used to wear rayon shirts that my mom made me when I was a kid. Oh and I wore a lot of Hawaiian shirts in the early 2000s smh. Then their was the Ice Berg cartoon character phase, you know what lets stop there.


When you start dating someone new how long before you let them meet LMS? Once LMS does meet them do you think it's appropriate for her to spend the night?

LMS kinda indirectly meets people I’m dating, I never introduce them as my “girlfriend” but she sees them at BBQ’s or when they come over. Its really no different then any of my friends coming over. Its not like we are bunned up on the couch. I don’t think its a huge deal unless you are explaining that this is daddy’s girlfriend. Otherwise they are just friends and she has met a bunch of my friends both male and female.

As far as spending the night, i’m not sure how long into the relationship I would think it was ok. In general I don’t see it as a problem as long as its not a different girl every week. The girl would have to be my official girlfriend. Hell LMS has invited women to stay the night before, I don’t think it would bother her. I haven't had to deal with it yet.

Does LMS have any other female influences in her life besides her mom?

She has 2 grandmothers that she is close to and my sister. Also my niece is 18 so I guess she counts.



Never!!!! I’m off that shaving life! ok backstory, I have not been clean shaven all year. It started with me being lazy over the winter and growing a beard. Then a friend of mine said it was cute and I should keep it. So I did, and it grew. Then I got bored and trimmed it but didn’t shave. I cut it down to stubble and let it grown back. I have repeated this cycle all year lol.

25 August 2011


I’ve been uninspired as far as this blog goes. I can’t think of anything I want to post about. I feel like I’d just be repeating topics I already covered. I like writing but not enough to babble on and on about the same things.

That said I’ll take this chance to ask ya’ll if you have any questions for me. Leave a question in the comment section and I’ll reply to them on monday. Just like last time I did this I promise to answer all questions. What I don’t promise is to give you the answer you’re looking for. Please ask away, maybe one of the questions will spark an idea for a post.

Also an anonymous commenter mentioned I suck at grammar and using “then” and “than”. Ok they didn’t I suck at it but you get the idea. I really do proof read my posts and I try to catch such things. Thanks for reminding me that I need to be better about it. I would hide behind the “I’m not a writer” excuse but I’m semi college educated and I know the difference in words. I can do better.

16 August 2011

Bad Guy

So I had a plan to blog about the car show I went to 2 Saturdays but I kinda lost interest in talking about it, plus my cousin took forever to send me the pictures so yeah.... maybe later

What I did want to talk about is my new title as "A Miserable Person"... at least thats what my baby momma likes to call me. Not to my face but when shes on the phone with LMS. I know this because LMS likes talking with the speaker phone on. Thing is I'm pretty happy. I have no idea where she gets the idea that I’m miserable from. Well that’s not true because when she is around I get stone faced and quiet. I’ve taken to policy to only speak when I have to. Its actually helped a lot, I’m over arguing with her over stuff, I’m working on moving on. I’m sure it seems like I’m always unhappy though. Anyway Lets ignore the whole “don’t talk bad about the other parent to the kids” rule and focus on the bigger issue.

I’m stuck being the bad guy. Answering questions like “Why can’t you be nice to mommy?” What hurts is watching your daughter cry and having no way to console her. I swear nothing makes me feel worse then thinking I’m causing LMS to cry. Not like “I want some candy and daddy said no” crying but the broken hearted crying. Crying because she wants to see her mom and I’m the reason she can’t. The other day was bad because when her mom came to drop her off she cried and cried how she did'nt want to leave her. Really if you would have been watching it was heartbreaking. A kid being taken from her mom and being forced to go with the mean man. I almost felt bad. This can’t be my life right? For the next hour I was consoling a little girl and I had no real response for her besides that she is better off with me. The truth is shes 7 and has no idea what I mean, I get that. All she knows is moms house is more fun and dad has all these rules. She doesn't understand how the rules help her function and how I'm teaching her how to be a responsible, functioning person. I understand why LMS’s gets sad... shes just a kid who wants her mom. I really feel for her but I have to do whats best for her.

Added to that is how my BM uses this as a way to make me look bad. She'll ask LMS questions she KNOWS i'ma say no too. She'll ask LMS to ask me even after I've told her no, like having LMS ask me will change my mind. So then I look like the asshole. Thing is I don't feel bad about it. I’m comfortable in the asshole role. It sounds bad but I honestly believe the less interaction she has with her mom the better.

One of my favorite quotes is “"I'm not telling you it is going to be easy - I'm telling you it's going to be worth it" by Art Williams. I often repeat it to myself and friends when they are going thru tough times. I have to remind myself that the happy times with LMS way out number the sad ones and even though I have to be the bad guy at times it will all be worth it.

09 August 2011

Weekend Wrapup

I haven't done a weekend wrap up in ages... mostly because my weekends have been a boring mix of kids activities and cleaning. Baby girl was with her mom this weekend so I decided I needed to get out and have some fun. Originally I was going see planet of the apes solo on saturday and sneak into Captain America. Yes SNEAK in have you been watching the Stock Markets?? shits about to get extra real in these streets I'm saving money where ever possible.

So I was discussing my plan with my friend The Cosmopolite and she suggested we go to the movies on friday. Only instead of seeing Planet of the Apes OR Captian America we ended up seeing "Stupid, Crazy, Love". I have to say this movie was WAY funnier then I was expecting and I actually enjoyed it for a number of reasons. 1 it made me miss dating, the whole awkwardness of getting to know someone. I miss it. Also it properly showcases what love does to you and how people try to move on from love or get over it and how hard it is. Oh and its just funny, I cant remember the last time I laughed out loud during the first 10 min of a movie.

So after the movie we hit up outback steakhouse for some dinner. Mind you I'm fresh off seeing the beauty of the dating scene in a movie, that high was quickly gone upon walking into this place on a friday night. We got a booth next to the bar, perfect people watching location. I mention to my friend how I wouldn't talk to anyone at the bar. I mean anyone! they were all unfortunate looking. granted they all seemed to be having a good time, just nobody I would consider my type. there was even this girl who could be best described as John Goodman looking. no really she looked like a female version of John Goodman, only shorter. She was sitting at the bar when this dude came up and sat next to her, it was obvious that he knew her. I don;t know if it was a date or just a "meet me at the bar" kinda thing but she was clearly flirting with him and he seemed open to it. My friend said they were going to hook up later. This same dude was eyeing this girl sitting in the next booth. Now the girl in the next booth looked horrible. Like super ugly... Jay-Z (not how Jay-Z looks but because he made a song called super ugly... nevermind). The whole scene concerned me, like is THIS whats left in the dating pool? is it so bad that this dude had to eye one bad looking girl while flirting with another one? I mean both these girls together would make a 5. And dude wasn't bad looking, Cosmopolite assured me he could have done better. There is a very real chance this guy just makes bad life choices. I mean I've been there before, I wouldn't flaunt my baby momma around as a dime so maybe hes just down on his luck.

So I'm explaining to my friend how this whole scene is disconcerting. I also said when she sees me with a rollie pollie john goodman look alike she should know I just gave up. She calmly replies "What about us? women are playing against these women and losing!" she also used the analogy of playing in the superbowl and constantly losing to the underdog. Which was classic in my book.

So in short "Crazy, Stupid, Love" was good, the dating pool in MD sucks, some guys make bad life choices and the underdogs stay winning at the superbowl.

On and this was just Friday... I'll blog about saturday and sunday next time.

03 August 2011

Is 1 enough?

I often get asked the question "do you want more kids?" and its an interesting question because depending on when I'm asked my answer changes. Some days I swear I want a son, You know someone to carry on my name and what not. Plus I know my mom would love a grandson and it doesn't look like my sister is having anymore kids.

Other days I think I'm good. I could see myself with another baby (plus wife) and I could also see myself being 42 with a kid in college and the rest of my life in front of me. I'll be free to do whatever and move wherever. I mean LMS is growing and do I really want to start over? The older she gets the harder it will be for me. I think my cut off is when shes 10. If I don't have another kid by the time she is 10 I'll just forget about it. I mean she will be more then halfway out the door!

That said I think it will have more to do with who I marry, If I get married and my wife wanted to have kids I would do it. I wouldn't deny someone the joy of parenthood because I've already been thru it. Kids are awesome and I'd love to raise one without the drama. Now if she says she wants like 6 kids we might have a problem.
Lets be clear though, there is no way want another baby momma. After all I've been thru with my current one I would be crazy to go that route again. So if I never get married you can be sure I won't have anymore kids. Now with my luck I'll get married have a kid then get divorced lol

The good part of this is I don't have to use "do you want kids" as a factor when dating. On the imaginary list of things you look for in a mate Ion't have a line item for it. Either way I'm good, which is nice because I often meet women whos answer changes 3x a month depending on hormones and their physical proximity to babies.

So in short, I have no idea if LMS will have a brother or sister by me. Maybe her mom will get knocked up again.

28 July 2011

Updates and Such

So whats new in Baby Daddy Land?

- LMS started spending alternate weekends with her mom. 1st time was last weekend, I wish I could say I did some crazy wild shit but I just stayed in the house. My first free weekend in over 9 months and I sat on the couch. It was over 100 degrees everyday that weekend, it felt good to chill in the quiet. Besides I'll have plenty more weekends to do ignorant stuff.

- Speaking of those weekends it went off without any drama. LMS had a good time and besides an email from my baby momma that I just ignored, it was uneventful.

- LMS turned 7. We had a party at her summer camp, I bought cupcakes because making them for 44 kids didn't seem like fun. Kids don't care if a cupcake is store bought or homemade. I also made gift bags, this is huge you have no idea.

- My mom came over with some dresses she made for LMS... I love my mom but this Obama dress was a bit much. She said she was making it for the 4th of July but got behind.

I don't even know where she found Obama fabric from! In other news I might sell it on ebay during his re-election campaign lol

- I bought LMS a Nintendo DS for her birthday. By far the best gift I have ever gotten her, its awesome and holds her attention. Having that around adds to my sanity.

- I had every intent to take the baby to Ocean City this summer buy my knee is still bothering me and walking the boardwalk is the last thing I want to do. Its getting better though so it still might happen. I think she would love it.

- Its Back to school time and I have a list of school supplies. I pray this year is smooth sailing since all the custody drama is behind us. I need to do a better job being active at the school and letting the teaching know who I am. 2nd grade should be fun.

23 July 2011

The Growth - Happiness

I might ramble in this post a little bit. Only because I feel this is an important topic. See if you ever meet me in person you will most likely see me laugh. I laugh at everything, partly as a defense mechanism but mostly because life is funny. Its funny when you can see the angles and how things work and more importantly laughing is better then crying. Its ALWAYS better to be happy.

Being happy isn't that easy though, you have to learn how to be happy, its not taught in schools. You have to figure it out or as the book "Eat, Pray, Love" put it:

"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it."
— Elizabeth Gilbert

In short, being happy is work. constant work, you have to learn how to focus on whats important and ignore the rest. Happiness is truly the art of knowing what to overlook. It took me a long time to realize this, I focused on the wrong things for so long. The other day I was talking to my cousin about what he wanted to do in life. Hes in a quarter life crisis and I explained that one day I decided I wanted to be happy. Seemed simple enough but I didn't know how to go about it. So I began to read about happy people, successful people, I read self help book after self help book until it all just sunk in. I knew how to be happy. I was able to apply the lessons I had learned and prioritize better, more importantly not let little things take my happiness. Even in the bad times I kept my happy things. Yes much like Peter Pan I had happy thoughts that got me thru. Then of course the custody battle started and it got all shot to shit lol. Actually thats not entirely true because I had plenty of happy moments then that kept me sane. They were just harder to hold on too.

I told my cousin "figure out what makes you happy and do that" which is a pretty simple statement unless you have no idea what makes you happy. That's a much bigger issue with people. Trying to figure out what truly makes you happy. Once you find out what that is you can just repeat it till happiness becomes a habit. A beautiful habit.

Here a story I printed out and put on my cubicle wall in 2002 when I was trying to make happiness a habit. Its crazy that I had a cube then and now I don't. That's another story though.

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full?

They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar
was full.

They agreed it was. The students laughed.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
"Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognise that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.
The sand is everything else, the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

13 July 2011

Entitlement Issues

I was chatting with my friend and I asked her what she was in school for. She says she wants to be a financial planner for young people. Well she said a lot more and I'm generalizing it but she wants to help people re-learn the rules of money and how to spend it.

This lead to us talking about how people have entitlement issues and spend money because they feel like they deserve it. They feel like they work hard and deserve something nice. So people spend big chunks of their income on things, things that get old and lose value. I'm guilty of this too, I spent my 20's enjoying a nice salary and spending it on stuff. Things I eventually donated because I got tired of them. I literally put over a $1000 worth of sneakers in a bag for donation when I decided I was over my sneakerhead phase. I've spent hundreds of dollars on watches that never get worn. I'd like to think that now that I'm older I know better whats a good use of my money but I still fall into the traps.

Take for example my on again off again desire for a new car. See I want a 2011 Jeep Cherokee. My math puts the car note at about $600 a month. Now in my head since I was paying $750 a month in child support for 6 years I'd still be winning right? btw I relate all costs to me paying child support now. $400 a month on gummi bears?? That aint shit to what I WAS paying. $300 shoes?? chump change...

Anyway I COULD afford the car but you know whats cool... saving money. $600 is still a lot of money and more then I've ever paid for a car note. My current car is fine, its 10 years old but it runs great and still looks fine. I don't NEED a new Truck I just want one. I want to stunt on these hoes lol, I want something shiny and new. I feel like I deserve to have something new after all the BS.

I DO deserve a new car right? I've been good, I go to work everyday I should enjoy my money.

The thing is its a dumb move. I KNOW better, I've taught myself better. I've seen person after person fall trying to live the "good" life or keep up with other people instead of building a foundation and accumulating wealth. We want to live like stars, we want the nice cars and expensive shoes. We want the world to know we made it. The thing is the richest people I know live like they are broke. They could give 2 shits if you know they have money. They don't spend a lot on clothes and cars. They save money above all else. They live broke so they can be rich. They view money different. I'm working on living like I'm broke, stretching every dollar and reversing my thinking that I deserve nice things because I can afford them.

Its a mindset really, you have to change your definition of wealth looks like. I always felt like I'd rather be the millionaire next door then the one high on the hill. I'm simple like that, expensive things are nice but I'd rather have the money in my bank account. Its about retraining yourself about whats important. Thinking about long term happiness instead of short term. You have to tell yourself that you don't "deserve" something for working hard because your SUPPOSED to work hard. You work and get paid, that's all you deserve.

It starts young too, my daughter told me she "deserved" some candy because she had a good day at summer camp. My first thought was ITS SUMMER CAMP!!! everyday is good! but then I realized she thinks she should be rewarded for everyday stuff. I had to explain that being good was expected and I wouldn't be rewarding her for what I expected her to do.

That's what its really about. Teaching myself that I don't deserve Cherokee because I've only done what was expected. I deserve it when I can pay cash for it. I deserve it when I can take a month off work unpaid and just drive around in it. Right now all I deserve is to collect my paycheck and pay off some debt that I accumulated while buying stuff I felt like I deserved in the past.

On another note I'm posting over at www.cookinwithdave.com again.

04 July 2011

The Festival

This weekend I decided to check out the African American festival in Baltimore. I live about 30min away from baltimore and rarely ever go up there. I'm more of a DC dude. I actually ignored 2 warnings about this "festival" 1 it was African American and as much as I love my people you know how ya'll get. 2nd it was in Baltimore, The home of "The Wire". My best description of Baltimore is my boss (who lives in b-more) telling me that one day he saw a building getting fixed up. Turns out they were filming an episode of The Wire and the building needed to be upgraded to look like the hood. Yes the buildings in the wire were IMPROVED!! for TV.

I ignored these warnings and proceeded to check out this festival any way. Me and LMS need to get out and do something and this seemed like a good idea. When we got there around noon tables were still being set up and there was a huge stage with nobody playing. Also of note was a carnival in the back that was closed. I don't know if it was actually part of the festival or just happened to be in the same location either way it was closed... at noon.

There was a couple tents for natural hair and walmart was selling fresh fruit which was cool. We stopped for a snow cone at this trailer. A trailer that shook everytime the guy inside moved around, a trailer that was covered in ants. How does a mobile trailer get covered in ants? Of course I notice the ants after we get our snowcone. I ensure the cone was ant free and we went on out way.

This snowcone was ok, nothing special. Not all snowcones are created equal and so far the best one I have had has been from this lady who runs a SnoBiz stand. Its awesome.

For this to be an african american festival there was very little african american about it.... unless you count all fried everything as african american. Seriously there were like 15 places selling funnel cake and at least 5 places selling fried oreos and snickers. There were a couple soul food places that looked a lil less then hygienic. For there to be so many food vendors there was little variety of food. Oh and there were about 75 police officers roaming around. Actually there were more police then people in attendance.

About the people in attendance, it made me sad to be a black person. The best part were the women in booty shorts, actually I have never seen so many booty shorts and maxi dresses in 1 place. Its a shame they were all on unattractive women. I bumped into an old coworker (who lives in b-more). He was rocking some white jeans with a rip in them, white loafers and a terquise shirt. I have no idea if thats standard menswear in baltimore or not. Oh yeah I was rocking a "I Love DC" shirt. Then there was the couple riding around in matching hoveround chairs. The lady says "Hi baby!" in my direction. I tell LMS to say hi back and the lady says "I was talking to you baby" O_O!!! then she says "you don't remember me?" Now I know I've been drunk alot and made some bad decisions in the past but I can assure you I have never seen this woman in my life. I mean how many people do you meet in hoveround chairs? I'm pretty sure I would remember her. I shake my head no then she says "what about if it take my glasses off?" I still have NO idea who she is so she powers on.

So as were walking around someone from the health department offers me free HIV testing (i've already been tested) and we get a free bag of Crest toothpaste products. This whole thing was mostly food vendors and most of those foods are fried. The vendors who were selling other stuff were mostly jewelry and hair stuff, nothing for men. We ended up buying a hotdog and going about our business.

This festival was a disappointment. Turns out it didn't start till noon so that explains why the vendors were not set up and the lack of attendees. Maybe we just got there too early, I'm sure it picked up later in the day. That said I doubt I'll be back next year. There is too much to do closer to home to be venturing out to baltimore.

28 June 2011


Usually I don’t respond to comments which isn't really fair since ya’ll leave great messages. Like 98% of all the comments are positive, you really are some awesome readers. I even enjoy the 2% who disagree with me, that's just part of life.

That said some anonymous reader commented on my “Canceling Christmas” post and said:

“Keep spanking her. When she grows up she will look for a boyfriend, husband, or man who beats her too.”

Now everyone is entitled to their opinion and I welcome them all, I allow anonymous comments so anyone who wants to comment can. Feel free to continue to comment whether you agree with me or not.

The idea that a father can’t spank his daughter because it teaches her that love only comes from abusive men is ignorant to me. I’ve heard it before and ignored it before. Getting a spanking and growing up in an abusive household are 2 completely different things.

I don’t see the connection with dads using spanking as a disciplinary technique for their daughters and women seeking out abusive men. I’m not talking about abusive dads I’m talking about spanking a child who deserves a spanking. If I was a woman this wouldn’t be an issue. Its ok for moms to spank both sons and daughters. Hell I know some women who literally punch their sons in the chest. To my knowledge getting spanked by your mom never lead a dude to seek out abusive women to date. Hell EVERYONE I know got spanked by their mom. My dad used to spank me with this thick ass leather belt. It didn’t make me want to befriend a bunch of dudes who punked me around. Getting spanked by your parents has nothing to do with seeking abusive relationships.

Lets say it did believe that though and I decided I shouldn’t spank LMS. What exactly am I supposed to do when my daughter deserves a spanking? (note: kids need spankings, I’m positive of this. other punishments are only cool when they know it can be worse. If you don’t spank your kids more power to you.)

Ask her mom to come over and spank her? I don’t want that woman in my neighborhood much less in my house.

Maybe ask my mom? that doesn’t seem fair to have grandma be the hammer, i mean shes grandma a person who is supposed to spoil, not discipline.

Maybe a neighbor? That would be kind of awkward to ask your neighbor to spank your kid because you can’t but they say it takes a village right?

Oh wait I can add it to the list of a potential girlfriend “must be willing to spank my daughter since I can’t” yeah that will work

All these options undermine my authority in the house.

I think growing up in an abusive household is much more likely to make my daughter seek out a abusive relationship then getting an occasional spanking from her dad. I spank her as a last resort, not as a first option. I hug her everyday and tell her that I love her and she is my favorite person. She KNOWS I love her and that I get no joy from spanking her. If she grows up thinking that love is a man beating her then I’ll gladly accept that as my failure.

24 June 2011

10 Day Challenge - 1 Picture

Me and LMS making silly faces, the fun side of fatherhood.

23 June 2011

10 Day Challenge - 2 Songs

Joe Budden - Black Cloud: Although it sounds like a dark song its actually about being happy. you have to listen to the lyrics to really understand. I can relate to so many things he raps about on here.

Lyfe Jennings - Smile: Another song I can relate too, its simply about moving on and being happy. Not dwelling on the past and being bitter. My favorite verse from it is "I'm leaving all those grudges behind me, Throwing fear out the window So when these blessings come to find me, They will have room to breathe and grow"

Its crazy I picked 2 songs by 2 dudes who had baby momma troubles lol. I guess its just music I can relate too.

22 June 2011

10 day Challenge - 3 movies

Star Wars - All of them. when ever they come on TV I have to watch them, I just love them. I even read the books pick up the story where the movies end. I even got LMS watching them.

Pulp Fiction - “Wheres my Bad Motherfucker?” “English Motherfucker! do you speak it!!” that's all you need to know about that movie.

The Other Guys - One of the most slept on comedies I’ve seen in a while. I remember seeing the previews and thinking it was going to be dumb. Then I saw it one random saturday afternoon and was dying laughing. Every morning since I wake up and say “gator don’t play no shit, gator ain't never been about playing no shit!” Just watch this clip.

21 June 2011

10 Day Challenge - 4 Books

I 'm big on self-help/inspirational books. My life has enough plots and twists where I don't need to read fiction books. Here are some of my faves

The Jewish Phenomenon - I don’t even know who put me on to this book but it opens your eyes to culture and how it effects wealth

Do You - Good ole Uncle Russel actually put out a good book that will inspire you

Failing Forward - John Maxwell is one of my favorite authors and this book teaches you how to learn and grow from your mistakes.

Become a better you - The only Joel Osteen book i’ve read. much like his sermans its not overly preachy and gets you thinking about you daily mindstate and how you can improve it.