19 May 2011

Canceling Christmas

I don't know if I ever mentioned it but my BM has a son, hes like 14 now but when I first met him he was 7 I think. He was having some behavior problems that might have been linked so the issues between BM and his dad. See like my daughter he lives with his dad too, I got a chance to get some first hand experience on how "broken" homes effect kids. While I was watching BM try and get a handle on her son's behavior she threatened to not buy any gifts for christmas. I knew it was a empty threat and I'm pretty sure her son did too since it did nothing to change his attitude, I suggested that she go through with it and just cancel christmas, no gifts, no tree, no candy canes, NOTHING! I promised her that he would shape up once he realized she was serious. 1 chirstmas lost will send a life long lesson. Of course she didn't listen and till this day she battles with him over his behavior and grades. By the way, hes a good kid just in a horrible situation where he acts out because hes stuck in the middle of alot of BS.

This leads me to dealing with LMS behavior problems. Shes not bad per say she just likes to talk. All the time actually. You can imagine this is a problem in the classroom. Thing is while she is running her mouth she is getting excellent grades. When shes quiet and listening her grades fall. Its like she can do 1 or the other but not both. Even at home she has her moments. Moments where she wants to talk back and raise her voice at me. So over the last 2 weeks I've been in lock down mode. I realized I have to be extra strict because as much as I'm trying to provide the structure she was lacking I'm also trying to reverse her bad habits. So this past weekend she was on punishment. My belt made an appearance and all fun was put on hold until she shapes up. I even packed up most of her toys that she decided she didn't want to clean. wait, side story....

So she left a bunch of toys out in the basement. I asked her to clean them up and our convo went something like this:

Me: Clean up your toys
her: I don't want too
Me: Clean them up or I'ma whoop your butt AND throw them out, if you don't want to clean them up that means you don't want them.
Her: I DO want them!
Me: then clean them *walks upstairs*
*5min later, LMS walks upstairs*
Her: I don't want to clean them, you can just whoop me.
Me: *shocked* you sure?
Her: yeah
Me: ok

Then I spanked her... she didn't even cry, it was the oddest thing ever. After that all the toys that were on the floor found their way to a trash bag.

It was a LONG weekend for both of us.

I explained to her that if she can't shape up for this last month of school this will be the boringest summer ever. There will be no beach, parks or six flags and the ONLY fun she will have will be at summer camp. No eating out or getting treats. In effect I will be canceling summer. Hell her acting up will save me plenty of money.

Truth is I hate being the bad guy and fussing at her but I refuse to fail her and be dealing with this the next 11 years of school. She will learn how her actions have consequences, both good and bad. The sooner she learns the happier we both will be and the more fun we will have.


Berry said...

My mom has canceled Christmas before. She also canceled a class trip out if town for me when I talked back. It helped me figure out life quick! Stay strong, these things work.

Jazzy said...

my mom cancelled a school trip once...she'd found out I had changed my grades on my report card O_O (two 55's became 85's). funny enough, her cancelling the trip did NOT force me to realize it was my fault. instead i blamed her for being selfish and not wanting to pay for the trip LOL - yeah, I was a mess.

LMS is quite the headstrong lil kid though. It's so odd that she has excellent grades while not paying attention, but when she's quiet, they slip. I'm sure you'll find a way to get her balance that out.

Alovelydai said...

Oh sweetie she's hasn't even reached puberty yet. You haven't even bought her a box of pads yet. This is gonna to get soooo much worse before it gets better but I promise you it will. "Fidge" is 14 and is starting to settle into herself. So prepare yourself for those days when she hates everything for reason at all. It's coming. Have fun!!!

Cas... said...

Good luck parenting. It's not an easy job. You'll do some wrong things but you're both learning.

I was an extra chatty kid too. The teacher sent notes, gave punishments and my parents punished me too. When I think back to my childhood I realized one thing. I was bored a lot. I also didn't have enough social activities in my life too. I was kind of an only child (my brother is mentally handicapped and he didn't stay at our home from the age of 9). So I was a bit lonely.

I suggest you find something challenging that would get her interest fast. Either physical or mental. It may help.

Just a thought

Be encouraged...

RealHustla said...

I once told my son "since you think you grown, you can do like the grown folk do and watch the baby open presents while you open nothing and just be happy that she's happy." I think it worked. Never had that same problem with him again.

ShaBoogiesince1982 said...

Daaaaaaaayum son! She said 'F them toys, I'll take a spanking' #gangsta, lol. Looks like you're going to have your work cut out for you Dave. But, seems like you're not being a pushover which is a good start. My hubby is sometimes a huge softie with his daughter. I remember the first time he had to give her a spanking, he took a shot of rum to get her nerve up, ha!

Monique said...

This is funny but not funny. I wish my parents would have given me an option. I got spanked and the toys thrown out regardless.

I think LMS is still in that testing you phase. She's a girl and trust me, we are going to push you like no other. Stand firm in the punishment. Like you said, you are trying to undo a couple of years of bad ways. Hang in there.

The Jaded NYer said...

Child... she ain't phased by the belt? SMH Good luck with allllllll that!

I even say the word belt in a regular sentence and my kids fall into a fit of tears LOL

With school... pay close attention to that because it could be a bigger issue (yes, the dreaded ADHD), but I'd wait a while bc it could also just be her age.

And yeah, undoing whatever parenting style her mom had will take a hot minute. Just let that child know who's boss. What grade is she in? If she's old enough to talk back, she's old enough to scrub the floors, on her hands and knees, with a toothbrush.

I'm just sayin...

Love & Balls,

luvlymskrissy said...

I think you handled it right. I would have done the exact same thing!

Anonymous said...

Good for you, stick to your guns with her. As a mom, an educator, and just a citizen, I wish there were more dads in this world like you. I don't always agree with the way you handle stuff with the BM but, I totally agree that you need to set rules and make her follow them. It may be the first time she has had some consistency in the discipline area. You will find that doing it now will teach her the skills for getting along in life.

Creative1k said...

I understand completely it is hard to be what's considered the bad parent when all you're trying to do is raise a future productive member of society. Often at times, it eats me up but it must be done otherwise I'll regret it in the end.

Keep on keeping on, the best is yet to come. Just think like this, if all parents did what we're doing with ours. There wouldn't be alot of this chaotic behavior, we see within our families, communities, and relationships.

We're all in the same gang, trying to do what's best for our babies.

Jla_B said...

oh how i could share so many related stories such as these with you. I usually lurk via reader but i had to get to you on this one. Right when I had all I wanted to type to you i realized that im at work and well can't. But trust and believe I've been there. I've canceled "LIFE" before as in eat/breathe/sh*t/Sleep was the only thing allowed. I can respect LMS's gangsta with the "just beat me cause I aint cleaning" situation lol. Its not funny but...damn.

The Real Mz. Jones said...

sorry I was a lurker for so damn long. I admire your parenting style. She will learn soon enough. she reminds me of my daughter whom is also stubborn. shes only 4 and i took away her room. she has to sleep in my room on the floor in her sleeping bag....until she learns to follow rules.

anyways, keep up the goodwork!

bayoucreole said...

Stick to your guns. My daughter was stubborn like that...told me the exact same thing once.She took the whoopin too. She's still stubborn but, she knows not to play with me. She tried slamming her bedroom door once...I kicked it down! She went without a door for 2 years! Never had that problem again.
She's 17 now and it's been pretty much smooth sailing. Just hang in there!

Chatterbox said...

She is testing her boundaries for sure!! Good job Dad on showing her the line on this one! I cancelled Christmas once for bad report cards. They could not believe it. It worked though.... for a little while..

BlackLiterature said...

Look up love and logic. It is a parenting style that may work for your child since she seems perfectly capable of making decisions adn evaluating consequences.

The deal is, you wnat her to make good decisions on her own without you threatening her. Plus, it looks like the threat didn't work for you.

Anonymous said...

Keep spanking her. When she grows up she will look for a boyfriend, husband, or man who beats her too.