Anyway I in one of the comments in my last post someone mentioned the post "I saw her" Wanna here something crazy.... I had blocked that day out of my head until the commenter mentioned it. It was one of the worst days in my life... not THE worst but like top 5. I had not thought about it for a long time and it happened over a year ago. When I read that comment I began to relive that day and it pissed me off. Some things just trigger bad memories.
So with that day and the anger of that day renewed in my brain my Baby Mommas Mother (BMM) asked me if LMS could come over and pick up her easter basket. Mind you BMM and BM are close. BM spends everyday over her house. So I haven't allowed LMS to go over there since I got custody. I'm worried if I left her over there my BM might do something crazy, Also I have no interest in being over there since last time I was there my BM maced me.
It being a holiday I agreed to take LMS over to pick up her basket. They were not home on easter so I ended up going during the week. Before we pull up I explain to LMS that she can't stay long because she has homework to do and I have dinner to cook. We pull up and of course my BM is there, LMS jumps out the car and I stay in with the engine running. BMM and Baby momma Dad (BMD) come out and say thanks to me for bringing LMS. Then BMM asks if I'm coming inside..... I decline but I'm confused as to why she would even ask knowing damn well my BM was inside. She even seemed shocked that I declined and remained in the car. So I'm chilling playing with my phone when BMD walks up to my car and reaches out to shake my hand... I shake his and he says "No hard feelings"....
I was speechless. I mean my first reaction was "no hard feelings towards who?" I mean I didn't do shit to this man, he shouldn't have any hard feelings toward me. Its them that supported their daughter as she was acting a fool. Between him saying that and the memories of the school day in my head, I instantly realized I hate these people. Like really and truly hate them. Not just my BM who I knew I hated but her parents too. Not only were they right there in my BM's corner for every court appearance but now they are smiling in my face trying to be my friend. We've had our disagreements before and I knew they were shady people but I'm just amazed how they want to be friendly now.... like I'm just supposed to forget everything that happened and how they were involved. MAYBE if they started with an apology I'd be open to the idea but right now its just not going to happen.
Heres the thing. by nature I'm a jerk. I don't really express a lot of emotions. I work hard to overcome it and let people know how I feel about them. I've tired to let people knmow how I feel about them rather then just live and not say anything. Its hard to do because its not in my nature. I know my BM's parents have no idea I hate them, granted they should have an idea based on whats happened but I have never explained it to them simply because I didn't feel a need to, They didn't count to me. I never aired out my baby momma either but that was more because I didn't want to give her any ammo for court. Well that and I'm sure anything I tell her will get twisted and misunderstood. When it comes to them I just smile and wave. No amount of fighting will change the facts of what happened. I have no desire to argue with them but they seem to think that my calmness means I'm open to being their friend.
This post was actually supposed to me about me realizing that I'll have to forgive these people at some point. Not today or tomorrow but some point. I can't remember the last person I actually hated besides my BM. I generally cut people loose before I get a chance to hate them. That feeling of dislike is enough for me. But these folks are in that hate zone... one day I'll be able to forgive them and soon after that maybe just maybe forgive my baby momma.