31 May 2011

A Breakdown

My friend was telling me how she had a breakdown. Not a quiet all alone one but a full blown in the middle of the club crying on some random dudes chest breakdown. As she told me the story I laughed because that's what I do, and it was funny. We talked about it and I knew she was happy it happened, she had mentioned months earlier that she needed a good cry. Her soul needed to let some stuff go.

Honestly even though I laughed I was kinda jealous. I’m jealous that she got that release. A chance to let everything out and wake up the next day with a fresh emotional state. Sure she probably freaked some dude out as she went from dancing to crying in 10 seconds but that was just the time her soul decided to reboot. I’m sure the next day she felt like the world was new, she left some unneeded baggage in that club.

There are days when I wake up and feel like its all to much too fast. Life gets overwhelming and I try to focus on 1 good thing to get me thru. 1 good situation in this crazy mad house I call my life. For the better part of this year I’ve been nursing a hurt knee (yeah I went to the dr) I can’t tell you the last day where it didn’t hurt at all. The physical pain contributed me just being drained mentally. So combine my knee with a chores list that continues to grow because my knee hurts to the point I just want to come home and sit on the couch and a child who decided that talking too much in class was the new black and my days become a crazy blur. I mean its JUNE!! when did that happen? I haven’t even planted stuff in my garden yet. Spring came and went.

There has been more the one day I’ve just sat in my car looked up and just took a long deep breath, Like if I just focus on breathing everything else will handle itself. Only thing is I need to do more then just breathe, I need clean my emotional state so I can see my world with fresh eyes and handle things in a new way. In short I think a breakdown will do wonders for me, It might help me better adjust to this new life help focus on exactly what I want. Just as long as its not a “spend a year roaming Australia and change my name to Da’Varius” kinda breakdown.

So if you see me somewhere crying don’t trip just let my lay on your chest (ladies only) and know that I’m cleaning my soul and I’ll be better afterwards.