20 September 2011

Vegas pt 2


I know this story is hella late but I got busy with life and I didn't feel like typing this up. With that said here is my 2nd trip to vegas....

My second time in Vegas I went with my lil cousin. It was his 21st b-day and I figured he should have the same experience I did. Now this is my cousin who is also the photographer for www.cookinwithdave.com. For the sake of this story we will just call him cousin.

So this trip was just me and him, it was actually our first time going out of town together, it was also my first time seeing him drunk. In retrospect I should have known this trip was going to be interesting.

My goal this trip was to create more memories. Last trip I was drunk 90% of the time and really can’t remember huge chunks of time. I also wanted to make sure I ate something. It sounds silly but I swear my 1st trip i ate like 3 times in 4 days. Lastly I wanted some kind of souvenir. like I said it was about memories.

The first night there we hit up a huge souvenir store. Got some big foam cowboy hats and a bunch of other crap. We caught a cab to the store and ended up having to walk back to the strip. let me tell you something about Vegas. the strip is mad cool but about 3 blocks away is the hood. You don’t want to be wandering around too much. After we made it back to the strip we got some drinks and decided to hit up a strip club.

In Vegas they have all nude clubs and topless clubs. The nude clubs don’t sell liquor. the topless ones do. you have to decide whats more important, liquor or seeing vagina. For me? its liquor, I don;t really need to see vagina i aint having sex with. I’d rather have vodka.

Since it was my cousins bday i went to a nude club, I’m not sure he had ever been to a strip club before. So we asked a cab driver for a recommendation and headed out. By the way cab drivers in Vegas are crazy. always remember that. We end up at some club I can’t remember chilling in really comfy seats drinking juice and watching some flat woman dance on stage. I was highly bored. I’m used to black clubs where there is ass and bullet wounds. This was far from that AND I was sobering up. Not a good look. Just when I was about to order an O’Douls in hopes of killing myself the DJ announces that they have a sister topless club and were offering free shuttle rides to it. DING!!! were outta here.

I should mention that earlier when we were souvenir shopping cousin picked up some mardi gras beads that he was wearing around. So we hop in the “shuttle” which was actually an Esclade and head to this other club. While in the truck we get to chatting to the driver and he tells us how the old Vegas mayor wanted to chop peoples hands off for stealing or something like that. I mention its cousins bday and the driver hands me a folder and begins to try and sell us “the perfect bday gift”. In the folder was information for a bunny ranch (a ranch you can go have sex with women at). At this point this is the best cab ride I have ever had. Like seriously this guy is awesome in my book.

We decline the bunny ranch offer and arrive at topless club. As soon as we walk in we are greeted by a girl swimming in a giant martini class. Daddy’s home!!! this place was already 10x better then the last place. So we go in find a seat and get a couple drinks. I end up talking to this Asian chick who worked part-time at the GAP and was in school of course. As were there the first moments of what happened to by me and cousins downfall happened. A dancer walked up to him to see if he wanted a dance, he proceeded to tell the dancer that she could dance for beads. the same beads he bought earlier in the day. once again I was in Vegas, at a strip club with some fool trying to pay for lap dances with something other then cash. Only this time the stripper stands up and says “Aint nobody dancing for no beads!” I bust out laughing because hell shes right. Number 1 rule of strip clubs is the women are there to make money. Everyone should realize this.

So after that me and my Asian chick go off and leave cousin to do whatever him and his beads were going to do. I can back after an hour or so and hes still at the table. I proceed to clown him about the beads for the rest of the night. Good times

Next day we get some breakfast with mimosas and decide that neither of us were ready for liquor just yet. While we sobered up we went shopping. As we were walking thru the shops my cousin sees this shirt he has to have. I’m not sure what the shirt is called but its the same type of shirt that the dude in last dragon wore. Then it has this on the back



This lead me to call him Bruce Leroy for the rest of the day.

After I shamed him into taking the shirt off we decided to start drinking again... I got a ½ yard frozen margarita and cousin decides he wants to walk around with this....


That's a yard margarita, yes you can bring open liquor in the malls. Needless to say he wasn’t drinking anything else the rest of the day.

That night we decided to hit another all nude club because cousin figured that was the best. I was already drunk so I agreed. Once in the club I start to sober up. Its kinda empty and I realize there is no liquor. I find a seat near the stage and get some cranberry juice and a bottle of water. I’m not going to lie this one dancer was on her shit. She made sitting near the stage worth it. cousin found some dancer he liked and went off to get a couple dances. I got a couple and went back to our table only to find that cousin was not back yet. he was still in the back with the dancer. So I’m chilling at the table slowly sobering up and realizing that this place isn’t as nice as i thought it was. I actually got bored watching these naked women, Just when I was getting restless and ready to leave cousin walks up and tells me that hes going to wait for the girl he was just with to get on stage. When I ask why he explains that she wants him to put his number on a dollar and give it to her.

Dude.....

He continues to explain that she is from DC and blah blah blah. I’m like dude if she wanted your number you could have given it to her while she was sitting in your lap! by this time its like 2am, I’m sober and ready to leave. He wants to stay so I do what any normal person would do. I left him. Yep I told him good luck with all that and that I’ll meet him back at the hotel.

Next morning I decided I needed so space and headed out alone. He was getting on my nerves about stuff before the whole stripper thing so we needed a break. I went and drove a sports car around a race track, a hummer off road and ate at Emeril’s restaurant. I did a little gambling and had a overall great time. Might have been the most fun i had during the day ever in Vegas. Cousin had fun too he went to a gun range and did some other stuff.

By the time we left he had so many souvenirs that he had to buy a extra suitcase to carry them all. I have a couple but nothing like him. By this time LMS was born so I brought her back some stuff. Overall it was a good time and I learned that spending too much time with cousin isn’t a good thing.