25 September 2011

A Year Later

I know I was telling my vegas stories but I wanted to take a break to mention some current life stuff.

Its been a year since I got custody of my daughter. In some ways it feels like the year flew by but when I sit an think about everything that has happened since that day in court I realize its been a LONG year. I have to take a moment and remind myself of all the events.

So what have I learned? The most recurring lesson I have learned is that GOD is good. Every one I encountered was brought into my life exactly when I needed them and they were all wonderful. From the court clerks and social workers to my lawyer, my ex and my family. Hell even the readers of this blog. Everyone was really supportive and positive even when I was down. It could have all turned out very different. I was blessed to have those people come into my life exactly when they did.

I've also learned that I don't have to do it all, I have a support system who is happy to help. I was planning to go back to school shopping and my sister calls up and volunteers. My mom buys and makes LMS clothes. My friends offer to do her hair even though I've gotten pretty good at it. In short people love me and LMS and are happy to help. Once I opened up and let people in my life got easier.

I learn how to deal with my baby momma. Before every interaction would stress me out, I would try to rationalize with her so she could understand. Now? I ignore her, she emails me and I don't reply, I barely even speak to her. There is no need, she is who she is and I can't do anything about that. Truth is she is still bitter about our relationship, not about the custody stuff but our relationship that ended 5 years ago. That's her issue though. I've learned that you tell someone something over and over but you can't make then understand. I wish we could work together to address problems that LMS has but she isn't interested in that. She wants to point blame and call names. I'm over all of that. I've grown up.

Lastly I've learned that I went thru all this because I was able to. It sounds weird but if I wasn't who I am I would have gone crazy in all this. There are days I am stressed out and wonder if I actually did the right thing, if I am built to raise a little girl full time. Then I remember that I have been through plenty adversity even before I had a kid. This is just another chapter in my book. I went through all that stuff to prepare me for this and I go through this to prepare me for whats next in life.

So its been 1 year and I'm still here, my daughter is doing great. I'm grateful for everything I've been through and I'm looking forward to whatever adventures await us in life.