The Baby Daddy Diaries

The Growth... All Good Things

2011-11-29T08:00:00.004-05:00

Today is my birthday! I'm 32 years old. Also this is my last blog on baby daddy diaries. I started this blog back in October 2007. I started blogging just like I start most things in my life, because of a girl. I was dating a girl who had starting to blog and I got interested. She quit long long ago (or at least I think she did, we don't talk anymore) but I kept at it. Before I knew it here we are. I'm still suprised I stuck with it as long as this. I tend to lose interest in stuff quickly.

I never really considered myself a blogger but blogging has been extremely good to me. It provided me a place to vent and tell amusing stories about my life. It literally chronicled my life and growth for the last 4 years. I've made friends, fell in love and received great advice all from this little slice of cyberspace. I'm truly grateful for my time here and the connections I've made. I never really promoted this blog yet I still managed to get around 300+ people subscribing via RSS and 170+ google friends. I didn't even have that many people on my personal facebook page lol. I have no idea how many of you found my blog but I'm happy you did and you liked it enough to continue reading.

So why stop? mostly because I've lost my desire to blog, more so my desire to share. I have lots to blog about but I don't feel like sharing anymore. The idea of posting my life to the internet isn't near as appealing as it used to be. Maybe I'll just write a journal or something. I'm ready to close this chapter of my life and see whats next. Also my domain subscription is up lol

Lastly THANK YOU all for reading and all of your kind words of encouragement. I hope you enjoyed reading and were able to gain something from my posts. Even if it was just a laugh.

You can catch me on the twitter,yes THE twitter @davevanb

my other blog www.cookinwithdave.com

or you can email me at dave@cookinwithdave.com

Dating Life

2011-11-17T15:08:00.001-05:00

I had lunch with Sha Boogie last week and all she wanted to talk about was my dating like lol. Apparently I don't talk about it enough and she felt left out.

here's the thing about my dating life, its relatively boring and repetitive. See I was using my female friends as a distraction until they all got scooped up in Choosing Season. So then I had to actually go out on real dates. At first I completely hated them. I used to love first dates and all the sudden I wasn't looking forward to them. They were boring and I wasn't engaged at all.

After a while I started enjoying dating again but I was still just going through the motions. I just wasn't excited about any of the women I was meeting. Like I knew within the first couple days of knowing them that it wasn't going anywhere. That old saying "When a man knows he knows" is true. When I meet a girl I really like I'm all over it, there is no doubt about what I want. I don't have to force myself to have conversations or talk myself into liking her because she is a good woman. Lately I have been doing a lot of talking myself into women.

My whole dating life is just distractions, something to do when I'm bored. It gets me out the house and keeps my phone filled with lewd pics. Women come and go and I don't even care. Sometimes I wait to see just how long I can BS around with a girl before she realizes I'm not interested and moves on. You know the worst part? I can actually see myself doing this for a while, its kind of a comfort zone for me. It allows me the free time to raise LMS and still have female company when I want it. I don't have loads of free time anyway so it works. I don't have anyone I'm accountable to. I get to live life fairly selfishly and not think about "Us" or keeping another person happy. With Christmas coming up I don't have to buy anything for anyone I mean this could be considered an awesome situation. So for right now I'm chilling, no marriage talk. I'm enjoying the moment.

In other news I realized I hate the whole 21 questions thing that happens when you meet people. Or maybe I just hate when this one girl asks me questions. I tend to answer them with wild silly answers because its funny to me then I realize that she is sizing me up based on the questions. I'd much rather you get to know me by being around me than judging what kind of music I listen to. I actually don't like talking about myself, You kind just have to live a little life with me and either you get it or you don't.

I don't know if I'm growing or regressing.....

School House Adventures

2011-11-07T16:28:00.001-05:00

Its been a minute and honestly the though of quiting blogging crossed my mind a couple times. i don't have the same feeling towards it like I used to. I'm still around though. Let me share a couple parenting stories....

1. I get a call from aftercare that LMS stole 2 kids Halloween candy. I remember coming home with some candy but she said a little girl gave it to her. so now she stole AND lied. When I went to pick her up I explained how she was punished and I made her give the kids some candy from her Halloween haul. Then I threw out the rest (ok I saved the good stuff for me but she didn't get anymore). She was sad for like 15minutes then she went about life. My daughter is so much like me its scary, we both adapt to things crazy fast. Its hard to punish her because she isn't attached to anything.

2. I get a call from her teacher, apparently she pushed some kid into a wall. This is a kid she has been having problems with all year from what I gather the little boy has bigger problems than LMS so Ive just been telling her to ignore him. Well this day there were in line next to each other and I guess she didn't want him there so she pushed him. I'm not sure if I was mad or not, before I could decide a punishment....

3. In the same phone conversation the teacher mentioned that LMS was threatening another little girl in her class. telling the child that she was going to beat her up and then after her dad came to class to talk to the teacher about it LMS tells the little girl that she will get her AND her dad. And she will follow her to 3rd grade. The teacher wants to meet with me, LMS, the little girl and her parents. I agree and start thinking. I've never known LMS to threaten anyone, in general she is a happy kid. She's hit kids but that's just what happens on the playground. It just seemed out of character for her. So when I pick her up I ask her what happened. Ok actually I grill her on both the little girl and pushing the little boy. She confesses to pushing the boy but is fairly adamant that she didn't threaten the girl. Adamant to the point she starts crying and saying the little girl is lying. I believe her and decide to wait till after the conference when I can hear the full story.

Next morning we are at the conference and the little girl is talking, only she isn't mentioning anything about threats. She is talking about LMS stealing pencils and telling her to shut up (LMS is a smiling gangsta). In general its normal kids stuff. Then the dad interjects, he asks LMS whole name and says she is not the right girl. Apparently some other girl in another class was making threats and LMS got blamed. Just one of those things that happens when your acting up in class, EVERYTHING gets blamed on you. The counselor apologized, I spoke to the teacher we left.

I tell LMS that I'm proud she told the truth and stuck with it. Sometimes you just know your kids and what they are capable of. LMS might steal pencils and candy but she doesn't look for drama and confrontation. She just makes bad choices in the heat of the moment. Just one of the many things we work on.

Nobody said this was going to be easy....

Convos With LMS

2011-10-24T08:46:00.000-04:00

LMS: Daddy is Ask a bad word?

Me: Huh?

LMS: Like if I say "Can I ask you a question" is that a bad word?

Me *thinking REAL hard*

Me: OOOHHH, no baby ASS is a bad word Not ASK...

My poor baby is getting confused by you bammas not enunciating your words....

Rant Over

2011-10-17T14:13:00.004-04:00

1st I want to thank those of you who called/email/texted/@ me on twitter in regards to my last post. I realize it may have read like I was typing it on the edge of a building but I wasn't that bad off.

I've over it for the moment though. A couple things happened that changed my outlook. 1st I came across this picture:

I stared at if for a good 10 minutes in awe of how simple and awesome it was. Sometimes life is just that simple. Decide to be awesome.

Then I was chatting with someone and I mentioned this quote:

"It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something." - Theodore Roosevelt

Its actually one of my favorite quotes but I didn't apply it to my current position until I told it to someone else. Funny how things work like that. point of the quote is don't sit around dwelling on what didn't work. Admit it was wrong and move on. Most importantly do something. I decided that how I was dealing with my Baby Momma was wrong, I needed a different approach. We were in a different situation and I needed to address it as such.

Next my cousin read my post and said i might be going thru a mid-life crisis.... MID LIFE!!! like I'm dying at 62. Yo I read that in the middle of the night and got pissed. If this is Mid Life I can't wait till I'm 50. Corvettes and 25 year old strippers all around!

Then I decided to go to church. Yup, after 8 years I returned to a service that didn't include someone getting married, buried or someones kid getting baptised. I went just to listen to the message and I'm glad I went. The pastor was talking about what is your fight and what is God's fight. In short don't waste your energy on something that is out of your control. Let God fight them battles. In my case I'ma let God deal with my baby momma. I already won that battle no need to continue to fight and let it mess up my life. Its no longer my fight. He also mentioned the minute you let someone else control your happiness that person becomes your God. It was interesting and helpful, I might just go back.

So all that combined got me out of my funk. Back to our regularly scheduled randomness. Not to say I won't be down again but when/if I am i'ma look back and remember my life is awesome.... starting with a picture I took while crabbing with my buddy.

The Rant

2011-10-08T21:49:00.002-04:00

Settle in this is going to be a long post. Only because I'm going to cover a lot of stuff.

So whats up? I can't really explain it. I'm just uninspired to do anything. All I want to do is sleep all day and I refuse to do that because sleeping all day is lame. Does that even make sense? I force myself to do stuff just so I'm productive but my heart really isn't in it.

Examples?? Sure! Lets see it took me 2 days to clean 1 level of my house. I'd like to say I live in a house that's huge and it just takes that long but honestly its like a 2 hour job. I was just being lazy. My room has been a mess for 3 weeks, I don't even care. I'd much rather sit on my couch and watch TV. I forced myself to blog only because it had been a while. you can tell that Vegas pt3 post was mailed in. I go to work and just BS on gchat, I got a new project and I forced myself to dive into it not because I was so exciting but because I needed the distraction.

What else.... LMS has been acting a fool at school. I don't even know why, maybe she is acting out but she has been disrespectful to her teachers and just on some other shit. On friday she came home with a bad behavior grade, no shoe laces and a cut strap on her book bag. Like seriously was she just in jail?? She hasn't seen TV in 3 days and she don't seem to care. When we got home she asked if she could got to bed after dinner. she was sleep by 6:30pm. I don't even know what else I can use to discipline her. Other odd thing? shes getting all A's and B's on her school work. She just doesn't want to listen to any adults, she wants to do what she wants. I was talking to her therapist about it and she suggested telling her mom since LMS respects her moms opinion. I figured it was worth a shot so I told her she was having problems. Her response? "You have to consider her adjustment but of course you wouldn't" Now I agree this has been an adjustment for everyone but its been a year and I refuse to let LMS use it as an excuse for acting up in school. If I let her start making excuses now she will be making them forever. I wasn't really mad at her comment but I was mad that she didn't even ask LMS to do better. It was like it was all my fault and my problem, it just made me shake my head.

Speaking of my BM I'm pretty sure we will be back in court in the next week or 2. Why? because she decided she wanted to switch weekends so she could have both her kids on the same weekend. This made sense to me so I agreed. I wanted LMS to spend time with her brother. We switch weekends then my BM realizes that she would have had LMS on X-mas morning under the previous schedule. So 2 weeks after we switch she wants to switch back, I decline because I didn't want to have her keep switching whenever she felt like it. Instead suggest we work out a schedule for the holidays. I even sent a schedule that would give her more time with LMS then the court order currently provides (our court order has no mentions for holidays or summer breaks). I guess she figured she would force me to switch weekends by not showing up for her scheduled pickup. So last friday me and LMS waited for her and she never showed. We called and no answered. Cue crying baby and pissed daddy, so I took LMS out to dinner and to get some ice cream. We went home and my thoughts went from "I hate that bitch" to "Maybe something happened to her and she had a real reason". Then around 2pm on saturday she calls, LMS tells her she didn't show and she offers to pick her up in 30min. I agree to meet her since LMS was looking forward to it. Then LMS got super excited she was singing a song excited. I don't know why but this upset me, like the night before her heart was broken about and she was mad but now all is forgiven. LMS forgives but I don't.... so I meet my BM at the drop of location and she didn't offer any explanation as to why she was a no show the night before. Then 20min later I get a text saying that even though she picked LMS up that she wasn't giving up HER upcoming weekend . I calmly explained that this current weekend was hers and next was mine, this lead to her saying that the court order said different and she would have it enforced. So to recap SHE asked me to switch the weekends on the court order and then she wants to use that same order to switch them back. In the end this is what I get for trying to be reasonable with a unreasonable person. Lesson learned.... again

Back to being uninspired... so I realized that I don't even have the motivation to purse women. Like the allure of pussy ain't what it used to be. Whats wrong with me?? I have no desire to court and build anything with anyone. I just want to chill in the house. I went out a couple times and just got bored. Like with everything else my heart wasn't in it. I was just going through the motions. Motions I had been through countless times before. Do you know how repetitive it all is? I used to love that repetitiveness, now not so much. I was telling my friend that I didn't even like first dates anymore. Like I used to LOVE them. I'm sure its more then getting old, My mind is just trying to focus on other things. I have no idea what though, its all a blur. Have I mention this before? I have thought about it a lot but I don't know if I blogged about it.

Then there is work. I love the people I work with but I hardly feel challenged. I haven't put a real effort into finding a new job. I need to move on, just haven't felt like looking. I had a couple phone interviews but nothing serious. I'm not learning anything or expanding my skill set where I'm at. I've been there 11 years and the only promotion left is into management. I don't want to manage people, I've had a taste of it and I didn't like it. I enjoy being a worker bee. I'd rather just work at a place that challenges me.

Anyway I think there is something I'm supposed to be learning but I don't know what it is. Sometimes growth is hard.

ps... I didn't really proof read this, didn't feel like doing that either lol.

Vegas pt 3

2011-10-06T19:02:00.002-04:00

So I really wasn't going to write this post. My A.D.D had kicked in and I got bored with the topic. Then I started thinking about everything that happened on the 3rd trip and decided I should at least mention the highlights of the trip

So for my 3rd trip it was me Cousin (from pt2) and our other cousin who is like my brother so we will call him Brother. It was Brothers first time in Vegas.

- First night Cousin went to sleep at 9pm, I was annoyed with him early on lol

- After Cousin went to sleep me and Brother drunk way too much liquor, didn't eat and hit a couple strip clubs. If you have to swipe your card at many clubs it will show up as a restaurant on your bill. You know just in case someone else is checking it.

-first morning in Vegas we were awaken by what surely was a bear in the bathroom. Turns out it was Brother was sick and expelling liquids from everyplace possible. No way to wake up let me tell you.

-Brother spent his first day in Vegas in bed. He probably has alcohol poisoning but there was no way we were going to the hospital

- Me and Cousin left Brother in the room and went about our day. We came back to find him on the phone with prostitutes

- We decided to drive to CA to visit my dad. This was a great Idea till we realized it was a 4 hour drive across Death Valley. Death Valley is empty as you might imagine. On another note its a beautiful drive

- Had some amazing Mexican food at my dads house. Also learned how to play poker, one of the few things my dad taught me.

- Last night in Vegas Brother fell in love with this stripper who claimed that she was in the military and lived in Alaska..... ALASKA!!! I didn't believe her until Brother had us walking her to he car after her shift and she has Alaska tags and a DOD sticker *shrugs*

- Yes we walked a stripper to her car after her shift, brother was convinced she was going to give him some ass later on.

- We passed out in the hotel room and missed our flight back.

I said next time I go to Vegas I'll go with a girl. I'm sure at the very least I'll experience more touristy stuff.

A Year Later

2011-09-25T20:45:00.002-04:00

I know I was telling my vegas stories but I wanted to take a break to mention some current life stuff.

Its been a year since I got custody of my daughter. In some ways it feels like the year flew by but when I sit an think about everything that has happened since that day in court I realize its been a LONG year. I have to take a moment and remind myself of all the events.

So what have I learned? The most recurring lesson I have learned is that GOD is good. Every one I encountered was brought into my life exactly when I needed them and they were all wonderful. From the court clerks and social workers to my lawyer, my ex and my family. Hell even the readers of this blog. Everyone was really supportive and positive even when I was down. It could have all turned out very different. I was blessed to have those people come into my life exactly when they did.

I've also learned that I don't have to do it all, I have a support system who is happy to help. I was planning to go back to school shopping and my sister calls up and volunteers. My mom buys and makes LMS clothes. My friends offer to do her hair even though I've gotten pretty good at it. In short people love me and LMS and are happy to help. Once I opened up and let people in my life got easier.

I learn how to deal with my baby momma. Before every interaction would stress me out, I would try to rationalize with her so she could understand. Now? I ignore her, she emails me and I don't reply, I barely even speak to her. There is no need, she is who she is and I can't do anything about that. Truth is she is still bitter about our relationship, not about the custody stuff but our relationship that ended 5 years ago. That's her issue though. I've learned that you tell someone something over and over but you can't make then understand. I wish we could work together to address problems that LMS has but she isn't interested in that. She wants to point blame and call names. I'm over all of that. I've grown up.

Lastly I've learned that I went thru all this because I was able to. It sounds weird but if I wasn't who I am I would have gone crazy in all this. There are days I am stressed out and wonder if I actually did the right thing, if I am built to raise a little girl full time. Then I remember that I have been through plenty adversity even before I had a kid. This is just another chapter in my book. I went through all that stuff to prepare me for this and I go through this to prepare me for whats next in life.

So its been 1 year and I'm still here, my daughter is doing great. I'm grateful for everything I've been through and I'm looking forward to whatever adventures await us in life.

Vegas pt 2

2011-09-20T20:02:00.007-04:00

I know this story is hella late but I got busy with life and I didn't feel like typing this up. With that said here is my 2nd trip to vegas....

My second time in Vegas I went with my lil cousin. It was his 21st b-day and I figured he should have the same experience I did. Now this is my cousin who is also the photographer for www.cookinwithdave.com. For the sake of this story we will just call him cousin.

So this trip was just me and him, it was actually our first time going out of town together, it was also my first time seeing him drunk. In retrospect I should have known this trip was going to be interesting.

My goal this trip was to create more memories. Last trip I was drunk 90% of the time and really can’t remember huge chunks of time. I also wanted to make sure I ate something. It sounds silly but I swear my 1st trip i ate like 3 times in 4 days. Lastly I wanted some kind of souvenir. like I said it was about memories.

The first night there we hit up a huge souvenir store. Got some big foam cowboy hats and a bunch of other crap. We caught a cab to the store and ended up having to walk back to the strip. let me tell you something about Vegas. the strip is mad cool but about 3 blocks away is the hood. You don’t want to be wandering around too much. After we made it back to the strip we got some drinks and decided to hit up a strip club.

In Vegas they have all nude clubs and topless clubs. The nude clubs don’t sell liquor. the topless ones do. you have to decide whats more important, liquor or seeing vagina. For me? its liquor, I don;t really need to see vagina i aint having sex with. I’d rather have vodka.

Since it was my cousins bday i went to a nude club, I’m not sure he had ever been to a strip club before. So we asked a cab driver for a recommendation and headed out. By the way cab drivers in Vegas are crazy. always remember that. We end up at some club I can’t remember chilling in really comfy seats drinking juice and watching some flat woman dance on stage. I was highly bored. I’m used to black clubs where there is ass and bullet wounds. This was far from that AND I was sobering up. Not a good look. Just when I was about to order an O’Douls in hopes of killing myself the DJ announces that they have a sister topless club and were offering free shuttle rides to it. DING!!! were outta here.

I should mention that earlier when we were souvenir shopping cousin picked up some mardi gras beads that he was wearing around. So we hop in the “shuttle” which was actually an Esclade and head to this other club. While in the truck we get to chatting to the driver and he tells us how the old Vegas mayor wanted to chop peoples hands off for stealing or something like that. I mention its cousins bday and the driver hands me a folder and begins to try and sell us “the perfect bday gift”. In the folder was information for a bunny ranch (a ranch you can go have sex with women at). At this point this is the best cab ride I have ever had. Like seriously this guy is awesome in my book.

We decline the bunny ranch offer and arrive at topless club. As soon as we walk in we are greeted by a girl swimming in a giant martini class. Daddy’s home!!! this place was already 10x better then the last place. So we go in find a seat and get a couple drinks. I end up talking to this Asian chick who worked part-time at the GAP and was in school of course. As were there the first moments of what happened to by me and cousins downfall happened. A dancer walked up to him to see if he wanted a dance, he proceeded to tell the dancer that she could dance for beads. the same beads he bought earlier in the day. once again I was in Vegas, at a strip club with some fool trying to pay for lap dances with something other then cash. Only this time the stripper stands up and says “Aint nobody dancing for no beads!” I bust out laughing because hell shes right. Number 1 rule of strip clubs is the women are there to make money. Everyone should realize this.

So after that me and my Asian chick go off and leave cousin to do whatever him and his beads were going to do. I can back after an hour or so and hes still at the table. I proceed to clown him about the beads for the rest of the night. Good times

Next day we get some breakfast with mimosas and decide that neither of us were ready for liquor just yet. While we sobered up we went shopping. As we were walking thru the shops my cousin sees this shirt he has to have. I’m not sure what the shirt is called but its the same type of shirt that the dude in last dragon wore. Then it has this on the back

This lead me to call him Bruce Leroy for the rest of the day.

After I shamed him into taking the shirt off we decided to start drinking again... I got a ½ yard frozen margarita and cousin decides he wants to walk around with this....

That's a yard margarita, yes you can bring open liquor in the malls. Needless to say he wasn’t drinking anything else the rest of the day.

That night we decided to hit another all nude club because cousin figured that was the best. I was already drunk so I agreed. Once in the club I start to sober up. Its kinda empty and I realize there is no liquor. I find a seat near the stage and get some cranberry juice and a bottle of water. I’m not going to lie this one dancer was on her shit. She made sitting near the stage worth it. cousin found some dancer he liked and went off to get a couple dances. I got a couple and went back to our table only to find that cousin was not back yet. he was still in the back with the dancer. So I’m chilling at the table slowly sobering up and realizing that this place isn’t as nice as i thought it was. I actually got bored watching these naked women, Just when I was getting restless and ready to leave cousin walks up and tells me that hes going to wait for the girl he was just with to get on stage. When I ask why he explains that she wants him to put his number on a dollar and give it to her.

Dude.....

He continues to explain that she is from DC and blah blah blah. I’m like dude if she wanted your number you could have given it to her while she was sitting in your lap! by this time its like 2am, I’m sober and ready to leave. He wants to stay so I do what any normal person would do. I left him. Yep I told him good luck with all that and that I’ll meet him back at the hotel.

Next morning I decided I needed so space and headed out alone. He was getting on my nerves about stuff before the whole stripper thing so we needed a break. I went and drove a sports car around a race track, a hummer off road and ate at Emeril’s restaurant. I did a little gambling and had a overall great time. Might have been the most fun i had during the day ever in Vegas. Cousin had fun too he went to a gun range and did some other stuff.

By the time we left he had so many souvenirs that he had to buy a extra suitcase to carry them all. I have a couple but nothing like him. By this time LMS was born so I brought her back some stuff. Overall it was a good time and I learned that spending too much time with cousin isn’t a good thing.

Vegas pt 1

2011-09-03T18:33:00.001-04:00

So My homie Moe mentioned she was going to Vegas on twitter and asked for some suggestions on what to do. I offered some and she said I should blog about it so yeah, blame her for the next couple posts. 1 disclaimer though, none of these stories will be complete accounts. Just random events. I have to protect the innocent, mainly me.

I’ve been to Vegas 3 times. 1st trip was to celebrate my 21st birthday.

I went with one of my college buddies and a childhood friend who I had not seen in a while. My childhood buddy, lets call him “stretch” because he’s like 7ft, lived in North Dakota or somewhere so he just met us out there. We’ll call my college buddy “Shorty” because hes like 5’4. By the way I’m 5’8 so yeah we were an interesting group.

We arrived on my birthday and got settled, walked around got some drinks and what not. Pretty normal stuff. Let me say this your undoing in vegas is the frozen margarita. Them things are everywhere! you can’t be walking around and not drinking one. plus they are allowed in all the buildings (except some strips clubs, more on that next post). So after walking around and getting fairly drunk we decide to hit up a strip club. Stretch wanted to go to “Cheetahs” the place where the filmed “Striptease” you might remember that movie from years ago. It was a horrible movie and had zero on players club but whatever. We hop in the cab and go.

Lost of people have rules for travel and specifically rules for Vegas. Going into the trip I had none, I just wanted to enjoy my b-day. Then I had a moment of drunk clarity where I established my 1 rule for a vegas trip. Be very careful who you go with. See before I knew it my boy Stretch was getting shots from the dancers, not in glasses but having the dancers pouring liquor down his throat from the bottle. Then they were taking shots the same way. Now I was drunk but I KNEW that these girls were going to charge him for THEIR drinks. If there is anything you should never do in a strip club its pay for a dancers drinks. Honestly watching this dude get taken advantage of was better than watching the naked women. So after he had bought several shots and lap dances her utters the 1 phrase that has banned him from ever going to vegas with me again.

“Do ya’ll take travelers checks?”

Now if he was joking it would have be awesome, but he wasn’t. You see Stretch had decided to leave his ATM card in North Dakota and travel with ONLY travelers checks. Like Vegas was some 3rd world country and shit. It was at that moment I realized I might have made a mistake in picking traveling buddies.

Besides that our first night there was cool, the club was OK, I think I found a girl or 2 to mess with and everyone had a good time.

I’m going to skip what I did during the day because I have no idea what I did besides tour casinos. I don’t even remember eating, just drinking.

So the next night we decided to hit up some other strip club, this one was recommended to us by a local and turned out to be a co-ed club. One that had male dances on 1 side and female on the other. So while we were in there chilling Shorty finds an asian girl that he LOVES. He hits the ATM and goes back to the “Chamange room”. Stretch learned his lesson from the night before and was taking it easy, I was messing with random dancers. Everyone was happy.

After that club we end up on Freemont St, which is like ole town Vegas. We get some cigars and yard stick frozen margaritas and hang out. At one point Shorty mentions he can FEEL the liquor stopping in his throat because he was so full. Full on frozen Margarita because he hadn’t eaten. 10 min later he ad drank a good 20oz more of the liquor so I think nothing of it. At this point he had drunk more than ½ his height in liquor, I mean he could have been dying for all I know but he kept drinking so who cares right?

So sometime in the middle of the night when were sleep I hear Shorty throwing up. Only hes in the room not the bathroom. He throws up all over his cell phone and clothes and the chair in the room. Then This fool says “It smells like strawberries”

Word homie??? you explaining to me what your vomit smells like?? He was still drunk.

At this point its like 5am. I’m up and sober so I decide to do the only logical thing. Gamble! down to the blackjack table i went. After winning some cash I head back to the room and rest.

One of the days we decided to go see the Stratosphere Hotel. Its like a huge space needle where you can see all of vegas and it even has a roller coaster at the top. When me and Shorty mention going Stretch says hes scared of heights.... DUDE IS 7ft!! his whole life is heights! So me and shorty left him and went. That roller coaster is scary as shit let me tell you

Towards the end of the trip Stretch ran out of travelers checks. So when we finally decided to see a famous vegas show he says we should find a free one. By this point I knew bringing him was a mistake.

One the way back me and Shorty had a layover in some city. Only the layover was on the same plane so when we got off we left all our stuff on the plane. We hit up the food court and get to talking, before we know it the flight is leaving. We have to RUN to the plane and get there just after the closed the doors. Luckily the re-opened them for us.

In the end I came home with a bag of M&Ms and a M&M shirt and a Scarface drawing

This was my most boring trip.

Answers

2011-08-29T09:42:00.004-04:00

ShaBoogiesince1982:

I feel like I'm always the last to know when you're dating someone! Are you dating someone now? How long did you date LMS' mom? Do you want to get married one day?

Dammit Sha thats none of your business!!!!! lmao just kidding. I’m trying to stick to my word and not talk about women on the blog. At least not in a serious way, I’ll be sure to make light of my dating escapades. That said this blog would be the last to know if I was dating someone.

As far marriage i’d love to get married one day.

Bri:

Will she dislike her mother off the basis of what you have said, showed frustration in or the latter?

LMS Loves her mom and I wouldn’t expect her not to. I’m not expecting any real issues until the teenage years, her frustration comes more from being stuck in the middle of 2 people who can’t agree.

Do you think LMS will know how to love a man and be the helpmate of the household?

uuummm shes 7, she barely knows how to tie her shoes and add double digit numbers. I don’t think those are lessons she needs to learn just yet.

You are a great father but what have you taught her about being equally yoked in a relationship with a man?

Thank you, again she is 7 I have not taught her anything about being in a relationship. I’m trying to get chores down.

Would she actually know how to love herself or better yet love in general?

Knowing how to love yourself comes from self confidence. She has that in abundance, I don’t think it will be a problem. Plus she shows love to everyone, she is surrounded by more love then drama.

Dal:

What do you think about the black male psyche and his relationship to all things material based.

Its cool, I like stuff. You should too. I think the youth (me included) in general is too materialistic and I hate throwing labels like that on 1 segment when its a much wider group that’s effected. Its more of a generational issue then it is a racial/gender one.

Let's hear what you think is going to be good investment at under $30 and getting normally non investors investing.

Lets see, I’d take that $30 and buy 6 bottles of my BBQ sauce. That’s an investment in good eating.

Monique:

Let's hear about Cooking with Dave and the future direction of that.

Let me tell you about Cooking with Dave, every time I start working on it my cousin comes thru wanting to take professional pictures. We gather all this material and then I get stuck waiting on him to send it to me. Its hard work having a partner. My future plans are to sell BBQ sauce from the site, get rich and forget all about you bammas lol. Till then I’ll continue to post random things I cook. You might have t deal with some camera phone pics instead of DSLR ones though.

The Jaded NYer:

Who's this commentor Bri? Is that him in his avi? If so, HAWT! Tell him to check out my blog sometime *raised eyebrow*

*smacks nose with newspaper* Down girl!!! down!!! just once keep it in your pants, geez.

Jasmin...I mean...Anonymous:

After last year's Flaker debacle, are you still a fan? If so what in the world for?

Lakers for life bamma!!!! and last I checked the Celtics lost to a Model, A Cry Baby and an Ostrich so you shouldn’t talk. At least the Lakers got beat by the future champs. The real question is when will you jump on the lakers bandwagon? I’ll hold a seat for you.

sayitlikethis:

Do I have any questions......eh...... here's one. If you HAD to be on a reality tv show NOT about cooking, which one would you be on?

Jersey Shore, they party and make up crazy acronyms. I can get down with that. A close 2nd is Big Brother, I was forced to watch it last year and it seems like an interesting way to spend a couple weeks

What was your favorite cartoon as a kid? Did you ever want to be a Ninja Turtle?

G.I Joe and transformers. Ninja turtles were cool but I think i was too old to actually want to be one. I may or may not have ran around a military base in full fatigues with a hat that said “born to kill” though.

What's the last concert you've been to?

John Mayer.... I only knew like 2 of the songs lol

When will you allow LMS to get a cell phone?

I’m thinking 13... maybe sooner if she needs one. If anything I’d get her a simple one so she can call her mom.

Did you have a pager as a teenager?

Of course! I didn’t use codes though, nobody was that important that they needed a code.

What fashion trend did you join that you look back on and ask yourself what you were thinking?

I used to wear rayon shirts that my mom made me when I was a kid. Oh and I wore a lot of Hawaiian shirts in the early 2000s smh. Then their was the Ice Berg cartoon character phase, you know what lets stop there.

Anonymous:

When you start dating someone new how long before you let them meet LMS? Once LMS does meet them do you think it's appropriate for her to spend the night?

LMS kinda indirectly meets people I’m dating, I never introduce them as my “girlfriend” but she sees them at BBQ’s or when they come over. Its really no different then any of my friends coming over. Its not like we are bunned up on the couch. I don’t think its a huge deal unless you are explaining that this is daddy’s girlfriend. Otherwise they are just friends and she has met a bunch of my friends both male and female.

As far as spending the night, i’m not sure how long into the relationship I would think it was ok. In general I don’t see it as a problem as long as its not a different girl every week. The girl would have to be my official girlfriend. Hell LMS has invited women to stay the night before, I don’t think it would bother her. I haven't had to deal with it yet.

Does LMS have any other female influences in her life besides her mom?

She has 2 grandmothers that she is close to and my sister. Also my niece is 18 so I guess she counts.

Eccentric_Girl

WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO SHAVE??

Never!!!! I’m off that shaving life! ok backstory, I have not been clean shaven all year. It started with me being lazy over the winter and growing a beard. Then a friend of mine said it was cute and I should keep it. So I did, and it grew. Then I got bored and trimmed it but didn’t shave. I cut it down to stubble and let it grown back. I have repeated this cycle all year lol.

Blah/Questions

2011-08-25T11:33:00.001-04:00

I’ve been uninspired as far as this blog goes. I can’t think of anything I want to post about. I feel like I’d just be repeating topics I already covered. I like writing but not enough to babble on and on about the same things.

That said I’ll take this chance to ask ya’ll if you have any questions for me. Leave a question in the comment section and I’ll reply to them on monday. Just like last time I did this I promise to answer all questions. What I don’t promise is to give you the answer you’re looking for. Please ask away, maybe one of the questions will spark an idea for a post.

Also an anonymous commenter mentioned I suck at grammar and using “then” and “than”. Ok they didn’t I suck at it but you get the idea. I really do proof read my posts and I try to catch such things. Thanks for reminding me that I need to be better about it. I would hide behind the “I’m not a writer” excuse but I’m semi college educated and I know the difference in words. I can do better.

Bad Guy

2011-08-16T15:44:00.001-04:00

So I had a plan to blog about the car show I went to 2 Saturdays but I kinda lost interest in talking about it, plus my cousin took forever to send me the pictures so yeah.... maybe later

What I did want to talk about is my new title as "A Miserable Person"... at least thats what my baby momma likes to call me. Not to my face but when shes on the phone with LMS. I know this because LMS likes talking with the speaker phone on. Thing is I'm pretty happy. I have no idea where she gets the idea that I’m miserable from. Well that’s not true because when she is around I get stone faced and quiet. I’ve taken to policy to only speak when I have to. Its actually helped a lot, I’m over arguing with her over stuff, I’m working on moving on. I’m sure it seems like I’m always unhappy though. Anyway Lets ignore the whole “don’t talk bad about the other parent to the kids” rule and focus on the bigger issue.

I’m stuck being the bad guy. Answering questions like “Why can’t you be nice to mommy?” What hurts is watching your daughter cry and having no way to console her. I swear nothing makes me feel worse then thinking I’m causing LMS to cry. Not like “I want some candy and daddy said no” crying but the broken hearted crying. Crying because she wants to see her mom and I’m the reason she can’t. The other day was bad because when her mom came to drop her off she cried and cried how she did'nt want to leave her. Really if you would have been watching it was heartbreaking. A kid being taken from her mom and being forced to go with the mean man. I almost felt bad. This can’t be my life right? For the next hour I was consoling a little girl and I had no real response for her besides that she is better off with me. The truth is shes 7 and has no idea what I mean, I get that. All she knows is moms house is more fun and dad has all these rules. She doesn't understand how the rules help her function and how I'm teaching her how to be a responsible, functioning person. I understand why LMS’s gets sad... shes just a kid who wants her mom. I really feel for her but I have to do whats best for her.

Added to that is how my BM uses this as a way to make me look bad. She'll ask LMS questions she KNOWS i'ma say no too. She'll ask LMS to ask me even after I've told her no, like having LMS ask me will change my mind. So then I look like the asshole. Thing is I don't feel bad about it. I’m comfortable in the asshole role. It sounds bad but I honestly believe the less interaction she has with her mom the better.

One of my favorite quotes is “"I'm not telling you it is going to be easy - I'm telling you it's going to be worth it" by Art Williams. I often repeat it to myself and friends when they are going thru tough times. I have to remind myself that the happy times with LMS way out number the sad ones and even though I have to be the bad guy at times it will all be worth it.

Weekend Wrapup

2011-08-09T08:09:00.002-04:00

I haven't done a weekend wrap up in ages... mostly because my weekends have been a boring mix of kids activities and cleaning. Baby girl was with her mom this weekend so I decided I needed to get out and have some fun. Originally I was going see planet of the apes solo on saturday and sneak into Captain America. Yes SNEAK in have you been watching the Stock Markets?? shits about to get extra real in these streets I'm saving money where ever possible.

So I was discussing my plan with my friend The Cosmopolite and she suggested we go to the movies on friday. Only instead of seeing Planet of the Apes OR Captian America we ended up seeing "Stupid, Crazy, Love". I have to say this movie was WAY funnier then I was expecting and I actually enjoyed it for a number of reasons. 1 it made me miss dating, the whole awkwardness of getting to know someone. I miss it. Also it properly showcases what love does to you and how people try to move on from love or get over it and how hard it is. Oh and its just funny, I cant remember the last time I laughed out loud during the first 10 min of a movie.

So after the movie we hit up outback steakhouse for some dinner. Mind you I'm fresh off seeing the beauty of the dating scene in a movie, that high was quickly gone upon walking into this place on a friday night. We got a booth next to the bar, perfect people watching location. I mention to my friend how I wouldn't talk to anyone at the bar. I mean anyone! they were all unfortunate looking. granted they all seemed to be having a good time, just nobody I would consider my type. there was even this girl who could be best described as John Goodman looking. no really she looked like a female version of John Goodman, only shorter. She was sitting at the bar when this dude came up and sat next to her, it was obvious that he knew her. I don;t know if it was a date or just a "meet me at the bar" kinda thing but she was clearly flirting with him and he seemed open to it. My friend said they were going to hook up later. This same dude was eyeing this girl sitting in the next booth. Now the girl in the next booth looked horrible. Like super ugly... Jay-Z (not how Jay-Z looks but because he made a song called super ugly... nevermind). The whole scene concerned me, like is THIS whats left in the dating pool? is it so bad that this dude had to eye one bad looking girl while flirting with another one? I mean both these girls together would make a 5. And dude wasn't bad looking, Cosmopolite assured me he could have done better. There is a very real chance this guy just makes bad life choices. I mean I've been there before, I wouldn't flaunt my baby momma around as a dime so maybe hes just down on his luck.

So I'm explaining to my friend how this whole scene is disconcerting. I also said when she sees me with a rollie pollie john goodman look alike she should know I just gave up. She calmly replies "What about us? women are playing against these women and losing!" she also used the analogy of playing in the superbowl and constantly losing to the underdog. Which was classic in my book.

So in short "Crazy, Stupid, Love" was good, the dating pool in MD sucks, some guys make bad life choices and the underdogs stay winning at the superbowl.

On and this was just Friday... I'll blog about saturday and sunday next time.

Is 1 enough?

2011-08-03T19:58:00.002-04:00

I often get asked the question "do you want more kids?" and its an interesting question because depending on when I'm asked my answer changes. Some days I swear I want a son, You know someone to carry on my name and what not. Plus I know my mom would love a grandson and it doesn't look like my sister is having anymore kids.

Other days I think I'm good. I could see myself with another baby (plus wife) and I could also see myself being 42 with a kid in college and the rest of my life in front of me. I'll be free to do whatever and move wherever. I mean LMS is growing and do I really want to start over? The older she gets the harder it will be for me. I think my cut off is when shes 10. If I don't have another kid by the time she is 10 I'll just forget about it. I mean she will be more then halfway out the door!

That said I think it will have more to do with who I marry, If I get married and my wife wanted to have kids I would do it. I wouldn't deny someone the joy of parenthood because I've already been thru it. Kids are awesome and I'd love to raise one without the drama. Now if she says she wants like 6 kids we might have a problem.
Lets be clear though, there is no way want another baby momma. After all I've been thru with my current one I would be crazy to go that route again. So if I never get married you can be sure I won't have anymore kids. Now with my luck I'll get married have a kid then get divorced lol

The good part of this is I don't have to use "do you want kids" as a factor when dating. On the imaginary list of things you look for in a mate Ion't have a line item for it. Either way I'm good, which is nice because I often meet women whos answer changes 3x a month depending on hormones and their physical proximity to babies.

So in short, I have no idea if LMS will have a brother or sister by me. Maybe her mom will get knocked up again.

Updates and Such

2011-07-28T15:58:00.004-04:00

So whats new in Baby Daddy Land?

- LMS started spending alternate weekends with her mom. 1st time was last weekend, I wish I could say I did some crazy wild shit but I just stayed in the house. My first free weekend in over 9 months and I sat on the couch. It was over 100 degrees everyday that weekend, it felt good to chill in the quiet. Besides I'll have plenty more weekends to do ignorant stuff.

- Speaking of those weekends it went off without any drama. LMS had a good time and besides an email from my baby momma that I just ignored, it was uneventful.

- LMS turned 7. We had a party at her summer camp, I bought cupcakes because making them for 44 kids didn't seem like fun. Kids don't care if a cupcake is store bought or homemade. I also made gift bags, this is huge you have no idea.

- My mom came over with some dresses she made for LMS... I love my mom but this Obama dress was a bit much. She said she was making it for the 4th of July but got behind.

I don't even know where she found Obama fabric from! In other news I might sell it on ebay during his re-election campaign lol

- I bought LMS a Nintendo DS for her birthday. By far the best gift I have ever gotten her, its awesome and holds her attention. Having that around adds to my sanity.

- I had every intent to take the baby to Ocean City this summer buy my knee is still bothering me and walking the boardwalk is the last thing I want to do. Its getting better though so it still might happen. I think she would love it.

- Its Back to school time and I have a list of school supplies. I pray this year is smooth sailing since all the custody drama is behind us. I need to do a better job being active at the school and letting the teaching know who I am. 2nd grade should be fun.

The Growth - Happiness

2011-07-23T22:22:00.004-04:00

I might ramble in this post a little bit. Only because I feel this is an important topic. See if you ever meet me in person you will most likely see me laugh. I laugh at everything, partly as a defense mechanism but mostly because life is funny. Its funny when you can see the angles and how things work and more importantly laughing is better then crying. Its ALWAYS better to be happy.

Being happy isn't that easy though, you have to learn how to be happy, its not taught in schools. You have to figure it out or as the book "Eat, Pray, Love" put it:

"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it."
— Elizabeth Gilbert

In short, being happy is work. constant work, you have to learn how to focus on whats important and ignore the rest. Happiness is truly the art of knowing what to overlook. It took me a long time to realize this, I focused on the wrong things for so long. The other day I was talking to my cousin about what he wanted to do in life. Hes in a quarter life crisis and I explained that one day I decided I wanted to be happy. Seemed simple enough but I didn't know how to go about it. So I began to read about happy people, successful people, I read self help book after self help book until it all just sunk in. I knew how to be happy. I was able to apply the lessons I had learned and prioritize better, more importantly not let little things take my happiness. Even in the bad times I kept my happy things. Yes much like Peter Pan I had happy thoughts that got me thru. Then of course the custody battle started and it got all shot to shit lol. Actually thats not entirely true because I had plenty of happy moments then that kept me sane. They were just harder to hold on too.

I told my cousin "figure out what makes you happy and do that" which is a pretty simple statement unless you have no idea what makes you happy. That's a much bigger issue with people. Trying to figure out what truly makes you happy. Once you find out what that is you can just repeat it till happiness becomes a habit. A beautiful habit.

Here a story I printed out and put on my cubicle wall in 2002 when I was trying to make happiness a habit. Its crazy that I had a cube then and now I don't. That's another story though.

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full?

They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar
was full.

They agreed it was. The students laughed.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
"Now," said the professor, "I want you to recognise that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.
The sand is everything else, the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

Entitlement Issues

2011-07-13T11:30:00.001-04:00

I was chatting with my friend and I asked her what she was in school for. She says she wants to be a financial planner for young people. Well she said a lot more and I'm generalizing it but she wants to help people re-learn the rules of money and how to spend it.

This lead to us talking about how people have entitlement issues and spend money because they feel like they deserve it. They feel like they work hard and deserve something nice. So people spend big chunks of their income on things, things that get old and lose value. I'm guilty of this too, I spent my 20's enjoying a nice salary and spending it on stuff. Things I eventually donated because I got tired of them. I literally put over a $1000 worth of sneakers in a bag for donation when I decided I was over my sneakerhead phase. I've spent hundreds of dollars on watches that never get worn. I'd like to think that now that I'm older I know better whats a good use of my money but I still fall into the traps.

Take for example my on again off again desire for a new car. See I want a 2011 Jeep Cherokee. My math puts the car note at about $600 a month. Now in my head since I was paying $750 a month in child support for 6 years I'd still be winning right? btw I relate all costs to me paying child support now. $400 a month on gummi bears?? That aint shit to what I WAS paying. $300 shoes?? chump change...

Anyway I COULD afford the car but you know whats cool... saving money. $600 is still a lot of money and more then I've ever paid for a car note. My current car is fine, its 10 years old but it runs great and still looks fine. I don't NEED a new Truck I just want one. I want to stunt on these hoes lol, I want something shiny and new. I feel like I deserve to have something new after all the BS.

I DO deserve a new car right? I've been good, I go to work everyday I should enjoy my money.

The thing is its a dumb move. I KNOW better, I've taught myself better. I've seen person after person fall trying to live the "good" life or keep up with other people instead of building a foundation and accumulating wealth. We want to live like stars, we want the nice cars and expensive shoes. We want the world to know we made it. The thing is the richest people I know live like they are broke. They could give 2 shits if you know they have money. They don't spend a lot on clothes and cars. They save money above all else. They live broke so they can be rich. They view money different. I'm working on living like I'm broke, stretching every dollar and reversing my thinking that I deserve nice things because I can afford them.

Its a mindset really, you have to change your definition of wealth looks like. I always felt like I'd rather be the millionaire next door then the one high on the hill. I'm simple like that, expensive things are nice but I'd rather have the money in my bank account. Its about retraining yourself about whats important. Thinking about long term happiness instead of short term. You have to tell yourself that you don't "deserve" something for working hard because your SUPPOSED to work hard. You work and get paid, that's all you deserve.

It starts young too, my daughter told me she "deserved" some candy because she had a good day at summer camp. My first thought was ITS SUMMER CAMP!!! everyday is good! but then I realized she thinks she should be rewarded for everyday stuff. I had to explain that being good was expected and I wouldn't be rewarding her for what I expected her to do.

That's what its really about. Teaching myself that I don't deserve Cherokee because I've only done what was expected. I deserve it when I can pay cash for it. I deserve it when I can take a month off work unpaid and just drive around in it. Right now all I deserve is to collect my paycheck and pay off some debt that I accumulated while buying stuff I felt like I deserved in the past.

On another note I'm posting over at www.cookinwithdave.com again.

The Festival

2011-07-04T12:46:00.003-04:00

This weekend I decided to check out the African American festival in Baltimore. I live about 30min away from baltimore and rarely ever go up there. I'm more of a DC dude. I actually ignored 2 warnings about this "festival" 1 it was African American and as much as I love my people you know how ya'll get. 2nd it was in Baltimore, The home of "The Wire". My best description of Baltimore is my boss (who lives in b-more) telling me that one day he saw a building getting fixed up. Turns out they were filming an episode of The Wire and the building needed to be upgraded to look like the hood. Yes the buildings in the wire were IMPROVED!! for TV.

I ignored these warnings and proceeded to check out this festival any way. Me and LMS need to get out and do something and this seemed like a good idea. When we got there around noon tables were still being set up and there was a huge stage with nobody playing. Also of note was a carnival in the back that was closed. I don't know if it was actually part of the festival or just happened to be in the same location either way it was closed... at noon.

There was a couple tents for natural hair and walmart was selling fresh fruit which was cool. We stopped for a snow cone at this trailer. A trailer that shook everytime the guy inside moved around, a trailer that was covered in ants. How does a mobile trailer get covered in ants? Of course I notice the ants after we get our snowcone. I ensure the cone was ant free and we went on out way.

This snowcone was ok, nothing special. Not all snowcones are created equal and so far the best one I have had has been from this lady who runs a SnoBiz stand. Its awesome.

For this to be an african american festival there was very little african american about it.... unless you count all fried everything as african american. Seriously there were like 15 places selling funnel cake and at least 5 places selling fried oreos and snickers. There were a couple soul food places that looked a lil less then hygienic. For there to be so many food vendors there was little variety of food. Oh and there were about 75 police officers roaming around. Actually there were more police then people in attendance.

About the people in attendance, it made me sad to be a black person. The best part were the women in booty shorts, actually I have never seen so many booty shorts and maxi dresses in 1 place. Its a shame they were all on unattractive women. I bumped into an old coworker (who lives in b-more). He was rocking some white jeans with a rip in them, white loafers and a terquise shirt. I have no idea if thats standard menswear in baltimore or not. Oh yeah I was rocking a "I Love DC" shirt. Then there was the couple riding around in matching hoveround chairs. The lady says "Hi baby!" in my direction. I tell LMS to say hi back and the lady says "I was talking to you baby" O_O!!! then she says "you don't remember me?" Now I know I've been drunk alot and made some bad decisions in the past but I can assure you I have never seen this woman in my life. I mean how many people do you meet in hoveround chairs? I'm pretty sure I would remember her. I shake my head no then she says "what about if it take my glasses off?" I still have NO idea who she is so she powers on.

So as were walking around someone from the health department offers me free HIV testing (i've already been tested) and we get a free bag of Crest toothpaste products. This whole thing was mostly food vendors and most of those foods are fried. The vendors who were selling other stuff were mostly jewelry and hair stuff, nothing for men. We ended up buying a hotdog and going about our business.

This festival was a disappointment. Turns out it didn't start till noon so that explains why the vendors were not set up and the lack of attendees. Maybe we just got there too early, I'm sure it picked up later in the day. That said I doubt I'll be back next year. There is too much to do closer to home to be venturing out to baltimore.

Spanking

2011-06-28T09:44:00.002-04:00

Usually I don’t respond to comments which isn't really fair since ya’ll leave great messages. Like 98% of all the comments are positive, you really are some awesome readers. I even enjoy the 2% who disagree with me, that's just part of life.

That said some anonymous reader commented on my “Canceling Christmas” post and said:

“Keep spanking her. When she grows up she will look for a boyfriend, husband, or man who beats her too.”

Now everyone is entitled to their opinion and I welcome them all, I allow anonymous comments so anyone who wants to comment can. Feel free to continue to comment whether you agree with me or not.

The idea that a father can’t spank his daughter because it teaches her that love only comes from abusive men is ignorant to me. I’ve heard it before and ignored it before. Getting a spanking and growing up in an abusive household are 2 completely different things.

I don’t see the connection with dads using spanking as a disciplinary technique for their daughters and women seeking out abusive men. I’m not talking about abusive dads I’m talking about spanking a child who deserves a spanking. If I was a woman this wouldn’t be an issue. Its ok for moms to spank both sons and daughters. Hell I know some women who literally punch their sons in the chest. To my knowledge getting spanked by your mom never lead a dude to seek out abusive women to date. Hell EVERYONE I know got spanked by their mom. My dad used to spank me with this thick ass leather belt. It didn’t make me want to befriend a bunch of dudes who punked me around. Getting spanked by your parents has nothing to do with seeking abusive relationships.

Lets say it did believe that though and I decided I shouldn’t spank LMS. What exactly am I supposed to do when my daughter deserves a spanking? (note: kids need spankings, I’m positive of this. other punishments are only cool when they know it can be worse. If you don’t spank your kids more power to you.)

Ask her mom to come over and spank her? I don’t want that woman in my neighborhood much less in my house.

Maybe ask my mom? that doesn’t seem fair to have grandma be the hammer, i mean shes grandma a person who is supposed to spoil, not discipline.

Maybe a neighbor? That would be kind of awkward to ask your neighbor to spank your kid because you can’t but they say it takes a village right?

Oh wait I can add it to the list of a potential girlfriend “must be willing to spank my daughter since I can’t” yeah that will work

All these options undermine my authority in the house.

I think growing up in an abusive household is much more likely to make my daughter seek out a abusive relationship then getting an occasional spanking from her dad. I spank her as a last resort, not as a first option. I hug her everyday and tell her that I love her and she is my favorite person. She KNOWS I love her and that I get no joy from spanking her. If she grows up thinking that love is a man beating her then I’ll gladly accept that as my failure.

10 Day Challenge - 1 Picture

2011-06-24T12:46:00.003-04:00

Me and LMS making silly faces, the fun side of fatherhood.

10 Day Challenge - 2 Songs

2011-06-23T13:56:00.003-04:00

Joe Budden - Black Cloud: Although it sounds like a dark song its actually about being happy. you have to listen to the lyrics to really understand. I can relate to so many things he raps about on here.

Lyfe Jennings - Smile: Another song I can relate too, its simply about moving on and being happy. Not dwelling on the past and being bitter. My favorite verse from it is "I'm leaving all those grudges behind me, Throwing fear out the window So when these blessings come to find me, They will have room to breathe and grow"

Its crazy I picked 2 songs by 2 dudes who had baby momma troubles lol. I guess its just music I can relate too.

10 day Challenge - 3 movies

2011-06-22T16:46:00.002-04:00

Star Wars - All of them. when ever they come on TV I have to watch them, I just love them. I even read the books pick up the story where the movies end. I even got LMS watching them.

Pulp Fiction - “Wheres my Bad Motherfucker?” “English Motherfucker! do you speak it!!” that's all you need to know about that movie.

The Other Guys - One of the most slept on comedies I’ve seen in a while. I remember seeing the previews and thinking it was going to be dumb. Then I saw it one random saturday afternoon and was dying laughing. Every morning since I wake up and say “gator don’t play no shit, gator ain't never been about playing no shit!” Just watch this clip.

10 Day Challenge - 4 Books

2011-06-21T15:41:00.004-04:00

I 'm big on self-help/inspirational books. My life has enough plots and twists where I don't need to read fiction books. Here are some of my faves

The Jewish Phenomenon - I don’t even know who put me on to this book but it opens your eyes to culture and how it effects wealth

Do You - Good ole Uncle Russel actually put out a good book that will inspire you

Failing Forward - John Maxwell is one of my favorite authors and this book teaches you how to learn and grow from your mistakes.

Become a better you - The only Joel Osteen book i’ve read. much like his sermans its not overly preachy and gets you thinking about you daily mindstate and how you can improve it.

10 day Challenge - 5 Foods

2011-06-20T15:44:00.003-04:00

I'm skipping day 6 because I can't think of 6 interesting places. yeah I know i'm slacking, but its my blog I can do what I want!

5 foods

Pepper Bacon - Not any pepper bacon but the stuff at my local Amish market. its what pork dreams are made of.

Chicken - its so versatile, its the one protien I buy when ever I see it on sale and keep in my freezer

Pulled Pork - I’ve been wanting to make some. I tried it once and it was just ok. I’m a much better BBQer now so I think I’ll try again.

Milanesa de carne - Me and my boy used to go to this place off columbia ave in DC and get this for lunch. Its like the simplest most awesome thing you can eat.

Masitas de Puerco - I had this at Lauriol Plaza in DC. I remember eating it and thinking “I need to learn how to make this” I’ve tried a couple times and I can’t get it right. Maybe I’ll just let them handle it. Its amazing.

10 Day Challenge - 7 Wants

2011-06-19T10:37:00.002-04:00

1. A new car - A truck to be exact, I’m not thrilled about paying a car note again so I've been in no rush.

2. A week long vacation to another country - I've actually never been out the country but I’d love to start traveling.

3. To get married - I’d like to share my crazy life with someone

4. Another kid - This goes with #4 since having another Baby Momma would actually be a fear lol. Ideally I’d want a son but another girl would be cool too.

5. Financial Independence - if #1 and #4 happen this would probably take longer but that's a trade off I’d make.

6. To go deep sea fishing - I was actually hoping one of my boys would want to do this as a bachelor party thing but it didn't happen. I’ll have to push for this to happen

7. A matte black sports car - like THIS. It doesn't have to be a Lambo, a Vette would work just as well for me. That's in the “money to blow” folder, you know after the wife and kids are taken of OR if I don’t get married after LMS is in college.

btw I'm already tired of this challenge. Its kinda boring... I'ma finish tho, because I'm no quitter lol

Also Happy Fathers day to all the Dads out there also to the Uncles, Brothers and Boyfriends who fill the Dad role.

10 Day Challenge - 8 Fears

2011-06-18T17:32:00.002-04:00

1. Wasting my talent - “The saddest thing in life is wasted talent” its one of my favorite Bronx Tale quotes and its really true. To watch talent go unused is a sad thing.

2. Not being around to see my daughter grow up - I’m excited for her future and I want to be around to see it.

3. Watching my mom pass away - for obvious reasons

4. Working a "regular" job when I'm 50 - By then I want to be working for myself or at job that feels less like actual work.

5. Snakes - This fear back to my childhood. I just don’t mess with them

6. Failing as a Dad - although I don’t know what the definition of failing would be.

7. Being Unemployed - Not that its the worst thing in the world I just aint trying to know that feeling

8. Having a mentally handicapped kid - When my BM was preggers ALL I asked for was a healthy child, I didn’t care whether she was a boy or girl, light or dark. Who's nose she had or anything like that. I just wanted a healthy kid.

10 Day Challenge - 9 Loves

2011-06-17T09:53:00.003-04:00

1. My Daughter - Shes an amazing kid, even if she drives me crazy

2. My Mom - She raised me to make my own choices and never once criticized me for making mistakes. She gave me the room I needed to grow.

3. My Sister and Niece - My sister is 6 years older then me and my niece is 13 years younger then me. So really its like having 2 sisters and I’m the middle child. They keep me humble.

4. My Cousins - These are like my brothers, I’m both a mentor and mentee amongst them.

5.Watches - You rarely see me without one and its the one piece of “jewlery” I wear

6. Cooking - Its relaxing and gives you an almost instant feeling of accopmlisment. When its good of course.

7. My Friends - I don’t have many real friends but they are always there for me when I need them.

8. Learning - If you stop learning you stop growing and when you stop growing you start dying.

9. Laughing - If you ever meet me in person you know I laugh at everything, Life too short not to enjoy yourself. I crack my self up over little things, I can’t count the number of times I end up being the only person crying laughing at the smallest thing.

10 day Challenge - Day 1

2011-06-16T15:53:00.004-04:00

So I decided to do this 10 -day challenge. Mostly because I couldn't think of anything interesting I wanted to blog about. I figured it would be easy but this is actually going to be work. Anyway heres Day 1 where I list 10 secrets which are probably not even secrets.

10 secrets

1. I haven't been in a fist fight since I was 16. I lost it.

2. I haven't spoken to my dad since he replied to this email

3. I'm pretty sure I could give up drinking and not miss it

4. 10 months ago I was making plans to buy my ex a ring. Instead I bought some furniture and a new TV.

5. I'm beginning to hate my job even though I love the people I work with

6. Sometimes I flirt with girls who I'm not attracted to out of sheer boredom

7. Sometimes I look at my daughter and wonder "whos child is this" not because she doesn't look like me but because she doesn't acts like my polar opposite.

8. My best and worst quality is my ability to quickly adjust to my situation/enviorment.

9. I often do things for my own enjoyment regardless of how the other person might feel.

10. At 31 I've had an incredible life and sometimes I don't like to talk about it. I don't want to feel like I'm bragging.

The Dumb Test

2011-06-09T19:28:00.004-04:00

I had this long post about me and my ex and what happened but after writing it and proof reading it I decided I didn't want to share. Its just one of those things I don't like talking about, call it a open wound of whatever but I doubt I'll ever devote an entire post to it. Instead I'ma post about a conversation me and LMS had.

We were driving home after school/work and LMS asks me "Daddy you want to take the dumb test?" Me being the genius that I am figured this would be simple. It went something like this.

Me: Sure
LMS: Ok, What color is your hair?
Me: Black
LMS: Whats you eye color?
Me: Brown
LMS: What color pants are you wearing?
Me: Tan
LMS: What color shirt are you wearing?
Me: Blue
LMS: What color is my shirt?
Me: White
LMS: What was the 1st question I asked?
Me: What color is my hair
LMS: NOPE!!! I asked do you want to take the dumb test! *evil laugh*
Me: .......

Honestly I felt dumb. Shes almost 7 and she already out smarted me! Send help I'm in trouble.

The Only Constant is Change...

2011-06-07T20:32:00.002-04:00

I've officially entered into the next stage of my court life.... Custodial parent. I went to court and for the first time I was on the other side and let me tell you its a hell of a lot less stressful. Usually in court I'm nervous, today I was cool, more irritated that I had to take off work then anything.

See BM was understandably unhappy with the visitation arrangement, I mean how do you explain to people why they NEVER see you with your daughter? oh wait I know how since I had to do it.... never mind. Hell I was unhappy with the arrangement too. One can only sit in the car and "supervise" for so long before you go crazy. Especially once that summer heat hit. The last couple times I ended up going to a bar across the street from chuck e cheese while they visited. Wait did I mention that we had a schedule that was a mix of 3 hours at chuck e cheese and 2 hours at the library? yeah it was cool but I hated waiting. When we first arrange the schedule I suggested we could re-visit it once school was out. Since that time is here it was time to change.

She put in a motion to have visitation changed to unsupervised and we agreed on a schedule that will gradually give her more time until she has every other weekend by the time summer is over.

Short story from court.... as were waiting for out case to be called these parents are before the judge, this lady owes 20k in back child support and the dad wants her to get locked up. The lady says "I'm disability" and tells the judge how she is bi-polar and only gets $500 a month from social security. She is supposed to pay $200 a month for her 2 kids. So as they are talking my lawyer nudges me and says thats going to be me in the future. It was funny because it was true. Only my BM is smarter then this lady. Which is bad for me.

Anyway, part of me is worried about LMS spending more time with her mom but reality is there is not enough in her past that would prevent her from having unsupervised visitation. Even shitty parents get see their kids on the weekend if they want to. I could have dragged it out a couple more months but really whats the point of that. I'd rather start this schedule during the summer so by the time school starts back up we are all settled.

So with this change I'll have more idle/bored time, which means that sometime after I finally start pushing my BBQ sauce I'll probably start dating again. Me and boredom don't mix well and the best cure I have for boredom is dating. So ya'll can look forward to crazy first date stories. This should be an interesting summer.

A Breakdown

2011-05-31T20:02:00.000-04:00

My friend was telling me how she had a breakdown. Not a quiet all alone one but a full blown in the middle of the club crying on some random dudes chest breakdown. As she told me the story I laughed because that's what I do, and it was funny. We talked about it and I knew she was happy it happened, she had mentioned months earlier that she needed a good cry. Her soul needed to let some stuff go.

Honestly even though I laughed I was kinda jealous. I’m jealous that she got that release. A chance to let everything out and wake up the next day with a fresh emotional state. Sure she probably freaked some dude out as she went from dancing to crying in 10 seconds but that was just the time her soul decided to reboot. I’m sure the next day she felt like the world was new, she left some unneeded baggage in that club.

There are days when I wake up and feel like its all to much too fast. Life gets overwhelming and I try to focus on 1 good thing to get me thru. 1 good situation in this crazy mad house I call my life. For the better part of this year I’ve been nursing a hurt knee (yeah I went to the dr) I can’t tell you the last day where it didn’t hurt at all. The physical pain contributed me just being drained mentally. So combine my knee with a chores list that continues to grow because my knee hurts to the point I just want to come home and sit on the couch and a child who decided that talking too much in class was the new black and my days become a crazy blur. I mean its JUNE!! when did that happen? I haven’t even planted stuff in my garden yet. Spring came and went.

There has been more the one day I’ve just sat in my car looked up and just took a long deep breath, Like if I just focus on breathing everything else will handle itself. Only thing is I need to do more then just breathe, I need clean my emotional state so I can see my world with fresh eyes and handle things in a new way. In short I think a breakdown will do wonders for me, It might help me better adjust to this new life help focus on exactly what I want. Just as long as its not a “spend a year roaming Australia and change my name to Da’Varius” kinda breakdown.

So if you see me somewhere crying don’t trip just let my lay on your chest (ladies only) and know that I’m cleaning my soul and I’ll be better afterwards.

Canceling Christmas

2011-05-19T09:33:00.002-04:00

I don't know if I ever mentioned it but my BM has a son, hes like 14 now but when I first met him he was 7 I think. He was having some behavior problems that might have been linked so the issues between BM and his dad. See like my daughter he lives with his dad too, I got a chance to get some first hand experience on how "broken" homes effect kids. While I was watching BM try and get a handle on her son's behavior she threatened to not buy any gifts for christmas. I knew it was a empty threat and I'm pretty sure her son did too since it did nothing to change his attitude, I suggested that she go through with it and just cancel christmas, no gifts, no tree, no candy canes, NOTHING! I promised her that he would shape up once he realized she was serious. 1 chirstmas lost will send a life long lesson. Of course she didn't listen and till this day she battles with him over his behavior and grades. By the way, hes a good kid just in a horrible situation where he acts out because hes stuck in the middle of alot of BS.

This leads me to dealing with LMS behavior problems. Shes not bad per say she just likes to talk. All the time actually. You can imagine this is a problem in the classroom. Thing is while she is running her mouth she is getting excellent grades. When shes quiet and listening her grades fall. Its like she can do 1 or the other but not both. Even at home she has her moments. Moments where she wants to talk back and raise her voice at me. So over the last 2 weeks I've been in lock down mode. I realized I have to be extra strict because as much as I'm trying to provide the structure she was lacking I'm also trying to reverse her bad habits. So this past weekend she was on punishment. My belt made an appearance and all fun was put on hold until she shapes up. I even packed up most of her toys that she decided she didn't want to clean. wait, side story....

So she left a bunch of toys out in the basement. I asked her to clean them up and our convo went something like this:

Me: Clean up your toys

her: I don't want too

Me: Clean them up or I'ma whoop your butt AND throw them out, if you don't want to clean them up that means you don't want them.

Her: I DO want them!

Me: then clean them *walks upstairs*

*5min later, LMS walks upstairs*

Her: I don't want to clean them, you can just whoop me.

Me: *shocked* you sure?

Her: yeah

Me: ok

Then I spanked her... she didn't even cry, it was the oddest thing ever. After that all the toys that were on the floor found their way to a trash bag.

It was a LONG weekend for both of us.

I explained to her that if she can't shape up for this last month of school this will be the boringest summer ever. There will be no beach, parks or six flags and the ONLY fun she will have will be at summer camp. No eating out or getting treats. In effect I will be canceling summer. Hell her acting up will save me plenty of money.

Truth is I hate being the bad guy and fussing at her but I refuse to fail her and be dealing with this the next 11 years of school. She will learn how her actions have consequences, both good and bad. The sooner she learns the happier we both will be and the more fun we will have.

The Dating Game

2011-05-13T06:23:00.003-04:00

I've been asked like 4 times in the last month if I was back dating yet. From everyone to my boys to my daughters therapist. It seems I'm not allowed to take a break. Somehow me not resuming my dating adventures baffles people, they make me feel like I haven't gone out in 7 years when reality is its been like 7 months. I know single moms who are too consumed being a mom to date. They make excuses and hide behind the label "mom". Trust me, I'm not them. I'm still adjusting to this juggling act of being a single dad and trying to reprogram this little girl. I don't want to add dating to it, I have more to worry about then finding a mate.

Besides I don't even miss dating. The whole idea of it isn't as exciting to me as it once was. I used to look forward to all the awkwardness of it, the reading of body language all the unsaid rules. It was fun, now? blah I'd rather get some extra sleep. When I mentioned it to my friend, we'll call her "Cosmopolite" just google it, she said "I just assume you have a lot of female friends, they fill in the space of what you want from women now and when you feel like it, you'll actually look for a real gf" Ahh how my friends know me so well lol. Its important to have friends who understand you but that's a different post. Cosmopolite is right, I have enough people around me to fill in most the gaps of not being in a relationship. the gaps that are not filled I'm not that interested in filling right now. Honestly I can't see me fostering a relationship right now, my head just isn't in it.

Its funny to see other peoples reaction though. When a woman says she isn't dating, people comment that its a good time to reflect on the men she choose and give her a chance to grow. when I say it people tilt their head to the side like I've been possessed by something. I get offers to be hooked up and questioned about what I'm doing to meet women. Like I'm new to this dating thing, they just can't seems to grasp that I'm good.

In life I've learned that all things happen when they are supposed to. I'll get back to the dating adventures soon just let me have a minute to get things right at home. Besides did I mention how awesome my dishwasher was? All I need is a maid and I'll be set! lol

Mothers Day Dilemma... pt2

2011-05-11T09:41:00.000-04:00

So I'm sure your wondering what ended up happening on mothers day. Well I a week before my mom told me to make sure LMS got her mom a card. My mom is much nicer then me and I figured that was a sign since I never discussed anything about mothers day with her. So i went to the local arts and craft store and bought some poster paper (8x11 not a huge poster) and let LMS make her mom a card. She gave the card to her mom the thursday before mothers day when they met. As we were leaving me and the BM had this convo

BM: Can LMS come past my moms house on sunday?

Me: Naw, we already have plans

BM: I can't see her on mothers day?

Me: No, were busy

BM: whatever...

Now I'd lying if part of me wasn't like "Yeah FUCK YOU BITCH!!!" but me and LMS really did have plans to go out with my mom. I already did 100% more then she would have done for me with the card. Then on mothers day morning I asked LMS is she wanted to call her mom and wish her a happy mothers day, usually she never wants to call but this time she did. So I gave her the phone and they spoke for a little while.

Just another day in paradise.

The Peep Show

2011-05-05T14:06:00.002-04:00

I feel like this blog has gotten way too serious. What happen to my random stories about foolishness? where are the random thoughts posts? Where the fun? Maybe I give those stories/thoughts to twitter now. let me share a story I didn't tell on twitter....

I went to a Burlesque show.... it was one of those things that crossed my radar recently and wanted to checkout. I had never been to one and when I saw a local place hosted them I knew I had to hit it up. A friend of mine agreed to go with me since I rarely ever do anything alone. The venue was on H st in DC. A place that 5 years ago you wouldn't go to unless you HAD too and 5 years from now will probably be nothing but bars and hot spots. Right now is a insane mix of the locals who have lived there the last 20 years and a new element that is slowing moving them out. Its gentrification in progress.

The show was being held above a bar... We walk into said establishment and there is a cat sitting there behind the bar just chilling. It was disturbing and I'm pretty sure a health code violation, but we can feel safe that there are no rats at this bar right? once we make it upstairs I realize there are no seats... this is a standing room only performance. I mean the tickets were only $15 so you can't ask for TOO much but damn could we at least get some folding chairs? Maybe a stool? Anyway we decided to move up front since I'm not the tallest dude and my friend is shorter then me. We secure a spot close to the stage with the other short people when this 7 foot woman comes up front. This group of women in front of us were pissed! She towered over them and blocked their view. Luckily our view was unobstructed by the amazon woman. We figured once the show started she would move back so the regular people could see but nope, she stood her ass there the whole show. Even the Host made a remark that she should move to the back.

So the show starts, the first girl comes out and has some amazing legs, seriously she had a bunch of tattoos but her legs were great. She did a couple moves that suggested she worked at a strip club at some point... and not any strip club but a black strip club. With her body I could see it working for her *shrugs*. As she takes her clothes off and the tasseled titties start spinning the crowd cheers. I'm thinking this is going to be a good show despite having to STAND thru it. Then the next girl comes out and she isn't that attractive but still entertaining. In between the acts the host did random things to pass the time. My favorite was when he drove a nail into his head thru his nose. My friend couldn't watch but I was all for it! it got even better when he pulled out a electric drill and drilled into his nose. He even swallowed a sword and asked an assistant from the crowd who was WAY to eager to be on stage to remove it. Did I mention he was drinking whiskey the whole show? yeah drunk hosts are the best.

Back to the girls though... by far the first girl was the most physically attractive but the others preformed well including some girl who's nickname was "legs" I mean she WAS leggy lol. So despite the thick thighs and tasseled titties what really stole the show was the 2 dudes dressed in drag preforming a musical about Lot's wife... you know from the bible. They remixed "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Taylor (google it) to tell her story. It was completely blasphemes but let me tell you I was dying. The song has been stuck in my head all week.

There was also a intermission... during which the performers came around with a bag asking for tips. They were also selling posters, head shots (pictures, don't get nasty) and hand made tassels. My friend mentioned she wanted to get some tassels and I had to explain to her that they are a good idea on women with smaller breasts. Once you get over a C cup its too much to be trying to spin! you could hurt someone.

So in conclusion... it was a great show, did I mention we had to stand in 1 place for 1.5 hours?

The Growth.... Forgiveness

2011-05-01T16:51:00.005-04:00

So for those that might be new to the blog I title any post that deals with me growing as a person "The Growth"... I added a link to the different ones on the right if you want to browse them. They will be the only posts that actually get a label.

Anyway I in one of the comments in my last post someone mentioned the post "I saw her" Wanna here something crazy.... I had blocked that day out of my head until the commenter mentioned it. It was one of the worst days in my life... not THE worst but like top 5. I had not thought about it for a long time and it happened over a year ago. When I read that comment I began to relive that day and it pissed me off. Some things just trigger bad memories.

So with that day and the anger of that day renewed in my brain my Baby Mommas Mother (BMM) asked me if LMS could come over and pick up her easter basket. Mind you BMM and BM are close. BM spends everyday over her house. So I haven't allowed LMS to go over there since I got custody. I'm worried if I left her over there my BM might do something crazy, Also I have no interest in being over there since last time I was there my BM maced me.

It being a holiday I agreed to take LMS over to pick up her basket. They were not home on easter so I ended up going during the week. Before we pull up I explain to LMS that she can't stay long because she has homework to do and I have dinner to cook. We pull up and of course my BM is there, LMS jumps out the car and I stay in with the engine running. BMM and Baby momma Dad (BMD) come out and say thanks to me for bringing LMS. Then BMM asks if I'm coming inside..... I decline but I'm confused as to why she would even ask knowing damn well my BM was inside. She even seemed shocked that I declined and remained in the car. So I'm chilling playing with my phone when BMD walks up to my car and reaches out to shake my hand... I shake his and he says "No hard feelings"....

I was speechless. I mean my first reaction was "no hard feelings towards who?" I mean I didn't do shit to this man, he shouldn't have any hard feelings toward me. Its them that supported their daughter as she was acting a fool. Between him saying that and the memories of the school day in my head, I instantly realized I hate these people. Like really and truly hate them. Not just my BM who I knew I hated but her parents too. Not only were they right there in my BM's corner for every court appearance but now they are smiling in my face trying to be my friend. We've had our disagreements before and I knew they were shady people but I'm just amazed how they want to be friendly now.... like I'm just supposed to forget everything that happened and how they were involved. MAYBE if they started with an apology I'd be open to the idea but right now its just not going to happen.

Heres the thing. by nature I'm a jerk. I don't really express a lot of emotions. I work hard to overcome it and let people know how I feel about them. I've tired to let people knmow how I feel about them rather then just live and not say anything. Its hard to do because its not in my nature. I know my BM's parents have no idea I hate them, granted they should have an idea based on whats happened but I have never explained it to them simply because I didn't feel a need to, They didn't count to me. I never aired out my baby momma either but that was more because I didn't want to give her any ammo for court. Well that and I'm sure anything I tell her will get twisted and misunderstood. When it comes to them I just smile and wave. No amount of fighting will change the facts of what happened. I have no desire to argue with them but they seem to think that my calmness means I'm open to being their friend.

This post was actually supposed to me about me realizing that I'll have to forgive these people at some point. Not today or tomorrow but some point. I can't remember the last person I actually hated besides my BM. I generally cut people loose before I get a chance to hate them. That feeling of dislike is enough for me. But these folks are in that hate zone... one day I'll be able to forgive them and soon after that maybe just maybe forgive my baby momma.

Mothers Day Dilemma

2011-04-20T10:34:00.002-04:00

I was going to do a whole post about the whole "washing dishes" thing ya'll had a field day with but I decied not to. I will say this though I find it hard to beleive that you woun't wash a dish in your boyfriends house knowing his dishwasher is broken. Not some dude who invited you over to "watch movies" or that dude you only call when your lady parts need attention but your MAN, the one you shack up with on weekends. You wouldn't wash a dish in his sink? come on you aint gotta lie to kick it lol.

Anyway on to real issues, besides I have a dishwasher now I don't need no woman to wash my dishes lol. My current moral dilemma is whether I should make arrangements for LMS to see her mom on mothers day. Its falls on a non visit sunday so we would either have to switch weekends or make special plans. Since I'd actually like to see MY mom on mothers day and not spend it at Chuck e cheese she might be out of luck.

Besides she wouldn't go out her way for me if it was fathers day, wanna know how I know? because last Fathers day I didn't get a call/email/text/carrier pigeon... nothing. Oh wait my girl at the time made me breakfast, but nothing from my daughter. I'm not sure if I'm bitter about the whole situation with my baby momma but I know for sure I ain't doing her no favors. The holiday isn't about children its about moms and honestly she is a shitty mom... wait that sounds bitter lol. Its true though, she lacks all kinds of common sense. I really try to not talk too much shit about her but trust me I could.

Back to mothers day, I'm sure 1 of you will say "Be the bigger person" but why? this is the same person who literally tried to ruin my life, why exactly should I be nice to her? Yes she gave birth to LMS but that was 6 years ago AND I thanked her for it. This isn't a "whats best for LMS" situation, its strictly about her. Just like if it was her b-day I wouldn't do anything. Besides that the only reason I'm even remotely nice is the fact that I think being mean would block my blessings. You know the whole do unto others thing. That saves me from being a complete asshole to her. Maybe you can tell that I simply don't like her lol. So I figure I will ask LMS if she wants to call her mom on mothers day but I'm not about to buy a gift to change my plans top accomadate her.

Now the hard part is to figure out what my mom wants to do for mothers day....

A Dishwasher Tale

2011-04-16T14:34:00.002-04:00

So about 2 years ago my dishwasher broke. I had sears come out to fix it and this bamma said it was a broken pump and would cost $340 to fix. Now I paid $400 the washer when I bought it 2 years before that. I declined his offer and decided I would just replace it.

Around the same time the dishwasher broke I got my roof replaced so money was kinda tight... a dishwasher was a luxury and I didn't put it high on the "to do" list. I mean growing up I never used one so I was used to washing my own dishes. So a couple months turned into a year and any extra money I had to replace a dishwasher was going to pay my lawyer so I just continued to was dishes by hand.

It was actually kinda interesting to see who would wash dishes and who wouldn't. Some people come over see the dishes in the sink and just start washing them, others just add to the pile. Also if your dating a girl who wont wash your dirty dishes you need to dump her.

So I finally got some cash to buy a dishwasher. Me and my cousin installed the current dishwasher but I didn't feel like dealing with it again so I decided to just let home depot handle it. I buy a washer that was nice and on sale, schedule a delivery and wait. When they show up 2 guys come in take a couple measurements and tell me my new dishwasher is too big.

Keep in mind I have a dishwasher the exact same size currently in the space so I'm confused. They tell me I need some other washer that is 1/2inch smaller and go about their business. After looking at the space I realize they measured it wrong since I have hardwood floors and the washer sits on the sub-floor not the hardwood. Simple mistake I'll just reschedule the delivery. Delivery #2 goes exactly like the first... only this time before they came out I tried to remove my old dishwasher and guess what? Its stuck and I mean STUCK! I have no idea how this thing fit into this space to begin with. I wrestle with it for 30min, say fuck it and try to put it back only it wont go back. It was stuck in in between being out and in. The delivery guys come and explain again that the new one is too big and they can't install it. This time I try to convince them that it will fit since they are measuring wrong. no dice, they wont do it. They leave and tell me the model name of the washer that will fit. I grab my keys and head down to home depot to see it in person.

I sit with the sales lady and go thru every GE, Matag and LG dishwasher they carry and only like 3 of them are the size I need. So I end up ordering a new one based on a picture since they don't carry it in the store. Delivery #3 ended up being with the same guy from delivery #1. Him and his partner walk in as I'm watching Bourne Ultimatum. Do you know these bammas stopped and started watching it. They hadn't even got to the kitchen yet! They make it to the kitchen, do the measurements and deem this new washer will fit. Then they try to remove the old one which was still halfway stuck. It took them 15min to get it unstuck, I really have no idea how we got it in there to begin with. So as they are installing the new washer I am playing "go fish" with LMS. I hear them doing stuff then it gets quiet. after about 5min of quiet i poke my head around the corner and these bammas are watching Bourne Ultimatum again! They see me then get back to work.

End the end it took 2 years, 3 deliveries and 2 returns for me to get a new dishwasher but let me tell you something.... its AWESOME!! its so shiny! lol it is smaller then my old one but unless i replace my counter tops I can't do anything about that. I've been washing dishes every other day since I got it. Now all i need to do is teach LMS how to load it and turn it on.

Paying it forward

2011-04-04T12:38:00.002-04:00

I've mentioned a couple times how I've been blessed. My 1 new years resolution was to give back whenever I could. I've done this a couple ways. First by hosting Dinners/BBQ's at my house where I invite anyone who wanted to come. People come, eat and laugh and leave happy. Everyone seems to enjoy it, even LMS asks when the next one is every other day.

I've also just tried to be more supportive to my friends and family. If they have a event and ask me to come out I try my best to make it and show support. I also help those in need. At work we have Job Corps interns. These are kids who for whatever reason end up in the jobs corps program. They usually come from bad situations and are using job corps as a way to learn a trade and gain stable employment. They are unpaid interns and are given brown bag lunches. They wear salvation army clothes, basically they are poor kids trying to do right. So when one came in dressed in a shirt, slacks, tie and the most busted dress shoes I've seen in a long while I decided to buy him some new ones. Why? because he needed it, hes a good kid who has to endure sitting near me and all my jokes. Trust me that's like a separate job lol.

This is how I know I'm getting old. Before I would have just made jokes but now I feel compelled to help. In a different life (before fatherhood) I was a selfish bastard, before I had a kid my mom was worried I was too selfish to manage it. I didn't understand it then but now I do. I'm much more of a giving person now, always being focused on yourself gets old. Or as one book I read put it "Me Me Me, is Dull Dull Dull". At some point you realize that you really do get satisfaction from giving. As corny as it sounds just making people happy really is a reward. One key point of it is to never expect to get anything in return. If you loan money, never expect to see it again just consider it a gift. If you buy someone a gift don't sit and wait for them to get you one. You have to do stuff just because you want to, not because you want that person to owe you. Don't keep score, your only reward has to be that feeling that you did well and that person is happy. Hell sometimes they don't even say thanks! even then you have to just be happy that you tried and move on.

Being Great

2011-03-28T12:55:00.002-04:00

Its funny how things come around. I wanted to write this post a couple weeks back but I got busy with other things and it never happened. Then last night I was chillin watching TV and got reminded of it.

See both times I was watching Good Will hunting. Its been in rotation on some movie channel for the past month and every time its on I watch it. I've seen it before but I recently just really got the point of the movie. I'll skip the synopsis of the film and assume you have seen it, if not keep reading but hit up netflix and watch it.

The underlying theme of the movie is that Will Hunting is scared to be great. He has all this potential and he is scared to tap into it because it will take him far from his comfort zone. He spends his days getting drunk with his buddies because its safe and familiar. Even when he knows he can do so much more. He even backs away from a woman who challenges him to do more with his life because he is scared of what leaving his comfort zone means.

In short he was scared to be great.

The thing I've realized about life is that change is hard. Its hard not only to decide that what your doing isn't working but to also make that leap in deciding to change. All change is met with resistance whether its from yourself, your friends or your family. Some people just don't want you to be great. They want you to stay in their comfort zone because it makes them feel better about being scared.

In Good Will Hunting it wasn't until his best friend explained that he was wasting his talent and it was ok for them to leave and do something great that Will was comfortable with the idea of leaving his comfort zone. Even though it was a message he had heard before, when it came from his friend it meant more. True friends are like that, they want to see you shine. They call you out when your wasting your talents and don't try to hold you back so you can struggle with them.

Anyway don't be afraid to try new things and shake up your life. Be great.

6 months

2011-03-22T06:30:00.000-04:00

Ok I'm back! I decided to switch things up and do a video post... enjoy.

Break Time

2011-03-07T09:39:00.001-05:00

I'm going on a blog break. Its not that I don't have plenty of ideas for blogs, I just don't have any desire to type them down. Or I type it halfway out and it makes no sense. I just can't focus on it right now.

Thing is I'm stressed and I need to take a while to decompress and refocus, maybe find a new stress reliever since my usual combo of women and liquor don't seem to be cutting it anymore.

Anyway give me a couple weeks and I'll be back. Bigger, better and with more stories.

Later

Weekend Lessons

2011-03-03T09:31:00.003-05:00

Heres just a couple of the things I learned last weekend

- When your cousin offers to take your daughter to the movies and keep her overnight they might get offended if you send your daughter with money.

- Mechniacal Bulls are not for big people. Trust me nothing is worse then trying and failing to get on it 6 times while people at the bar laugh at you. Then when your ready to quit having the whole place to chant "one more time.. one more time" knowing damn well we... I mean they just want one more chance to laugh at you on your birthday. #truestory

- Sometimes the term "live band" means 1 dude killing popular songs with his gutiar. If this happens this same dude will allow you to come on stage and sing for him.

- Some people have crazy fears... like being scared of giants

- Some how I always end up hanging out with people who either love Hooters or have never been to one. So I'm either forced to go or feel obligated to show people this place thats famous for the wrong reasons. Hooters waitress are not what you expect and the food is blah its still an entertaining place.

- There are people who get so drunk they interview thier friends with no microphone. They just use their hand as a mic at the table. Then when they notice the girls at the next table laughing at them they awkwardly go and hit on them. Those same girls explain that they need not only their bills paid but also their friends who just happens to be the waitress. Then when the drunken people leave the manager prays it was not his establishment that servered them that much liquor.

- Some people come into Hooters with fake UFC championship belts. Then take the posters off the walls.

- My neighbors kids sit in the car at 3am listening to music. I'd understand if the car was full of smoke.

The Joys of Contracting pt 2

2011-02-25T07:00:00.000-05:00

Let me start this by saying I love my job. I love what I do and who I work with. There are things that just suck about it though. See i'm a federal contractor as being a contractor you have to accept that whenever your contract it up you may or may not have the same deal on the next contract. My contract was up and it was a huge mess, I ended up with a new company doing the same work. Thats the good part, the bad part is my health insurance doubled and the coverage isn't as good. Since I'm at a new company I get less leave and I'm starting at zero. So any time I have to take off means I'm either working over to make up the time or taking leave without pay. Lets just say that last month my check was $700 short because of snow and sick days.

So despite working on a new contract one of the other benefits of working on a government contract is sitting back and listening to the news talk about a government shutdown. Have you heard about this? If congress doesn't agree on a budget by March 4th then the govt shuts down.

Whats that mean? Well for government workers it means they will get a couple days off, unpaid. At least until a new budget is agreed upon then they will get back pay thanks to the union. As a contractor we get nothing. We get sent home on a nice unpaid vacay. At least it will give me some time to look for a new gig.

I'll take this time to remind myself that I'm blessed to be able to weather these storms and not lose my mind or my house.

Sick Day

2011-02-23T14:10:00.000-05:00

Over the weekend LMS developed a cold. I'm 95% sure it was a cold and not allergies, green muscus and all that. So even though her nose was a never ending facuet she had a vist scheduled with mom at a family fun center. I gave her some meds and for a couple hours she ran around and had a good time. We left and all was good.

The next morning (monday) baby had lost her voice. I chalked it up to running around screaming while sick. The good news was her cold was going away. I sent her to school with no vice, i mean she usually gets in touble for talking too much anyway, this can only help right? Tuesday morning same thing, cold almost gone but no voice. I picked her up from school and she was eating some candy (leftover from v-day) we sent to the store and headed home.

I figured I'd make my world famous black beans and rice since I already had some leftover roasted chicken. As i was cooking LMS comes up and tells me her stomach hurts, this is universal kid code for "I'm hungry". I brush it off and explain that im cooking dinner and she can eat in a few. I fix her plate and she barely eats anything, this is really odd for LMS as she loves to eat. I think that maybe she had more candy then I thought and she just was full. We get ready for bed.

Once in bed she continues to say her stomach hurts, and it only feels better when she is sitting up. I know what that means so I try my best to get her to go to sleep. Hoping that some sleep will settle her tummy, then it happens...

Before I could tell her to go to the bathroom she had threw up on the carpet and sheets. She made it to the bathroom for round too so it wasn't that bad. The funny part in all this was that apparently if was the first time LMS had vomited in her memory. Being such she had questions. questions I wasn't prepared to answer like "How did I do that?" Then she carried this new accomplishment as a badge of honor and wanted to tell everyone how she couldn't stop spitting up.

I ended up taking 2 days off to stay with her, shes got better and I learned what the BRAT (Banana Rice Apple Toast) diet was. The other part of this was a couple days later I was up all night vomiting. Kiddie germs are the worst. I tell LMS that I'm sick like she was and her only response was "My belly doesn't hurt anymore, can we get McDonalds for breakfast?"

At what age do they start to care for you?

Mush pt2

2011-02-12T17:32:00.003-05:00

So where I left off with my Ms. Mush post, my baby momma refused to pay for the supervised visitation at this center. Since then here's some of the fun stuff that's happened.

- My baby momma got a lawyer! This was actually a blessing because it created more of a buffer between us. I have no idea how she is paying for it and really don't care.

- the lawyers agreed that chuck e cheese was a suitable visitation place because they stamp you and your kids hand so my baby momma can't run off with LMS. It's not ideal but it's a controlled environment so it works.

-My baby momma tried to bring a live dog into the chuck e cheese because she felt like it missed LMS.

- Baby momma tried to bring the same dog to LMS's school.

- speaking of school, baby momma has been limited to 1, 45 minute visit a month. Even with that she is causing problems and they want to limit her to just lunchtime visits. I'm kinda out of that because they pulled a no trespassing order out on her. They have this open door policy for parents regardless of custody.

- She asked if we could meet at a ski resort 2 hours away so she could take LMS tubing..... Yeah, no.

- Other visitation locations she suggested were: starbucks, the movies, museum and cheesecake factory. When I suggested a book store she said it wasn't age appropriate despite them having a kids section.

- Speaking of the book store, when I suggested it she called the corporate offices and asked if they handle visitations..... Of course they said no like any smart business would.

- Did I mention LMS was going to therapy to help her adjust to all this? Well the therapist wanted to meet Baby Momma. I invited her to the session, and she came. I left the Dr, LMS and BM to talk and lets just say the Dr felt it was a learning experience but doesn't want to meet with her anymore.

With all this it's only a matter of time before we go back to court on visitation. Thing is I feel like either way I can't lose. If we go back and a judge orders overnight visits then I have a built in break from being daddy. This will give me time to rest, work on side projects and date. Hell even a supervised visitation with a court ordered scheduled would be good. If things stay the same then LMS won't have so much exposure to her moms brand of crazy and hopefully will not display it.

Either way I can see the bright side. For now I have to try and create a reasonable visitation schedule with an unreasonable person.

Doubts...

2011-02-07T09:50:00.002-05:00

Report cards came home the other day. Baby girl is a solid C student, granted its only 1st grade but seeing it on paper got to me. Just another thing I have to add to my list of things to work on. Its becoming a long list, between her faults and my own I'm beginning to wonder if I can actually do this. What if I can't? what if deep down I'm not cut out to raise a child alone?

I'm scared....

See I'm scared that I'm going to mess this up. What happens if I can't reach her? what if I can't get her to focus and teach her the value of hard work? What if I'm just can't do this? The moment I start to slip my baby momma will run up to the court house waving a report card and saying how I'm failing as a parent. I don't have much room for error. So on top of everything else I have to instill some kind of work ethic into this lil girl. Our daily schedule has to be adjusted because obviously we are not spending enough time on schoolwork. LMS is a smart girl, shes just not motivated. All she cares about is playing and candy, I know thats top priority for kids in general but she applies it to everything. So unless she's getting a instant reward she doesn't apply herself, You have to stay on her to keep her focused. The thing is I'm the same way, I lose focus all the time. So how can I teach her stuff I haven't learned? I need her to care.

She started a karate class a couple weeks ago, and its rare that I get to see her in a class environment since usually when she is in class i'm at work. Watching her in class I realize she barely focuses on anything thats not fun. She is much more concerned with having fun then paying attention. She is a ball of energy and I have to figure out how to help her focus it in 1 direction. So going back to her grades, its not that she doesn't know the work. She just doesn't want to do it because its not fun, its work. Learning is fun, quizzes and tests are not. So when she encounters something thats hard and she doesn't want to do she makes up reasons to get out of it. She suddenly gets a tummy ache or has to use the bathroom, it's actually impressive how she has learned to manipulate people to avoid doing hard work.

It's impressive but it has to stop. I have to be harder on her, explain that I expect more. Me going easy is easier for both of us but it isn't helping anyone in the long run. I have to find a iron fist to run my house with.

in the mean time does anyone know if they have a age requirement for scared straight?

The Thirst

2011-01-31T18:26:00.003-05:00

So theres this girl... she likes texting me. This usually is good but in this case she is just SO boring. Like I've never been so bored texting a girl in my life. Not only is she boring but she just doesn't seem to get that I'm not interested.

Lets rewind like 6 months. I'm chatting with my god-sister about random stuff when she asks "Did ___ call you?" I'm like "who?" She proceeds to explain that my god-mother gave my info out to this girl in a effort to hook me up. I kindly explain to my god-sister that I have a girlfriend and she should tell my god-mom that I don't need the dating help. Before that message could make it back up the grapevine the chick adds me on facebook. She sends me a message about how I'm so handsome and my daughter is so beautiful. I say thanks and again explain that god-mom was mistaken and I'm not single and not interested.

So a couple of weeks ago she texts me, something innocent like "hey how are you" or something like that. Then she asks how my love life is going and I instantly regret changing my relationship status on FB. So we test for a while and I realize that its just a boring convo. Like nothing about it was holding my attention and if I wasn't sitting in a parking lot bored I wouldn't have entertained it. Heres a sample of my boredom

Her: Can you swim?

Me: Nope I never Learned

Her: R u 4real Dave?

*note: it bothers me when grown ass people shorten words like that. this aint twitter.

Me:Yup I'm for real. I never learned.

Her: I learned when I was 5

Another convo:

Her: What r u & LMS doing tonight?

Me: Nothing.... watching TV and surfing the net

Her: Its my niece's bday. Im @ red robin with the fam

*note: I didn't ask what she was doing or where she was at! I really didn't care.

Me: aww thats cool... unlimited fries! have fun

Her: Im on a diet so im getting a salad

Me: oh ok... well enjoy that

Her: I will

Her: Im going to my first pole party 2morrow. Im so excited

*note: again I didn't ask her anything about this... This is actually a continuing theme with her, she answers questions I never asked.

Then this:

Her: Is it ok if i call u sometime or im i doing to much?

*note: Seriously?? you gonna ask permission to call me? granted we have never had a phone conversation but still this just reeked of no confidence.

Me: Naw you can call... I'm not much of an on the phone person though

Her: oh ok

Her: Do u have verizon?

Me: Nope Sprint.. why?

Her: Just asking

And Finally:

After our snow storm, me and LMS were outside sledding.....

Her: Just came back in not to long ago. I love the snow!!

Me: Sweet.. were headed in now. About to make some hot cocoa

Her: I'm drinking some now.

10min later...

Her: Letting you know the roads r good.

Me: Cool, thx. Do you make your hot cocoa from scratch?

Her: No. Do u?

Me: lol.. yup

Her: Maybe u can teach me how someday.

Me: No Problem.. it's really easy

*note: You crazy if you think I'm really going to show a woman how to cook, I did it 1 time and now she is cooking great dishes for her new man. I'm not about to help anymore dudes out like that. Also this is a death blow, You're the woman! you should just know these things. If not you could google the shyt like I did! really its not that hard.

I could go on and I'm sure this girl is a very nice person but she bores the hell out of me and despite how nice I am about it she just doesn't seem to understand that I'm not interested. Shes asked me out like 3x and all 3x I've explained that I don't have time. She's even dropped hints about how she was in my neighborhood, like I'm going to invite her over O_o yeah NEXT!!! lol

The Tooth

2011-01-30T18:26:00.001-05:00

A couple weeks ago my daughter brought to my attention that her tooth was loose. I looked at the tooth and it didn't appear to be loose but she insisted that it was going to come out that day.

Fast forward 2 weeks and 2 billion reminders about this loose tooth and I pick her up from school and she reminds me yet again that it's going to come out today. Granted it was looser now but at this point I wasn't paying it any attention. So we go out for dinner and while eating the tooth finally comes out. It's the smallest tooth i've ever seen, LMS was soo exited. She was dancing around with it in her hand talking about the tooth fairy and all I could think of was her dropping and losing it. I asked her to give it to me so I could keep it safe. I started to put it in my pocket but it's was so small that I was worried it would get lost in the lint. So I kept it in my hand as we walked to the car.

As I was getting into the car the inevitable happens...

I drop the tooth.
In the street.
At night.

Did I mention it was like 20 degrees outside? Now I have to look in the parking lot for a tiny white tooth. You ever really look at the street? It's nothing but white specks. So I'm outside in the cold looking for this tiny tooth, after about 30 minutes of looking in a parking lot the cold starts to sink in, my legs are freezing and my brain is starting to curse me out. I get in the car, look at LMS and explain that I can't find the tooth but I will let the tooth fairy know about it so she can get her money. Cue the waterworks..... she starts balling about how she wants it. I feel like crap and get back out the car to look. Every now and then something happens that lets you know god loves you.... As soon as I got out the car and look down I see a small white object, I pick it up and its the tooth... Sweet baby jesus its the tooth!!

I get in the car, blast the heat and had LMS the tooth. I'd rather he lose it then me, of course she doesn't lose it and in the end the "tooth fairy" gives her $2 for it.

Them Rules...

2011-01-21T10:35:00.001-05:00

I was chatting with my friend about this relationship article she read and how every one seems to have "rules" about how to find a partner. While these rules are good to read they don't really apply to everyone, your much better off just doing what makes you happy and not changing or conforming in hopes that it will help you find true love. What worked for your friend isn't likely to work for you.

This "everything don't work for everybody" theory also applies to parenting. I get people giving me suggestions on how to handle and raise LMS all the time, mostly from women and occasionally from women with no kids. While I'm always open to suggestions and ideas I'm well aware that what worked for you and your child might not work for us. Kids are their own people and just like everyone else in the world they react to things in their own way. Part of parenting is learning what the best way to reach your child is and doing that. There is a quote that best describes it

"Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester"

Its not a perfect science and the more you buy into certian "theories" or "rules" for raising kids the more likely you are to miss out on the fun of it all. I'm still learning what works best for us and I'm sure it will be a continous process. As she grows and changes I will have to change how I interact and teach her.

Much like with realtionships there is no magic set of rules that will work for everyone. What your parents did might not work for you because you're not your parents and your kid is not you. The general idea of what they did might work but you have to apply it your own way.

Anyway while looking for that quote from John wilmot I came across this quote that I liked:

The guys who fear becoming fathers don't understand that

fathering is not something perfect men do, but something

that perfects the man. The end product of child raising is

not the child but the parent.

~ Frank Pittman

Hustle Shop pt 2

2011-01-17T11:30:00.002-05:00

So you may remember this post I did way back when about barber shops and all the amazing stuff you can find just by hanging out in one..

http://babydaddydiaries.blogspot.com/2008/10/bring-it-back-tuesdays-hustle-shop.html

I have a hustle man story that that beats that one. So I was chilling in yet another new barbershop (my barber keeps changing shops) when this dude walks in. My back was to the front door so I couldn't see his face but it looked like he was carrying something. He walks up to one of the barbers and chats with him, all I heard was "do you think anyone wants one?" the barber replied "I don't know but you can ask". His back was still to me so I still couldn't see what he was holding.

So the dude walks into the middle of the shop and says what sounded like "Does anyone want to buy some pot?" At first I was in shock for 2 reasons, 1 he said "pot" instead of weed. This was really odd to me, second NOBODY in the shop seems phased by this dude selling drugs in the middle of everyone. Then one barber walks up to him and says "Naw that one is mine!" the barber proceeds to take something from the guy. Turns out it was a PUPPY!!! dude said does anyone want to buy some Pups! not Pot.

This made more sense until I realized dude was trying to sell puppies in a damn barbershop. I've seen all kinds of stuff being sold in the shop but never a live animal lol. People were even considering buying one, asking him if they had their shots and what not. Of course they didn't have no shots... they were being sold in a barbershop! I swear the recession is real folks! even the hustle man is expanding business in a effort to beat it.

Bullying Hits Home

2011-01-13T13:33:00.002-05:00

I was taking the baby to before and after care the other morning when she was saying how she didn't want to go. They whole ride there she said "I don't wanna go, can't you just take me to school?" this is odd because it had never been a problem before. As I inquired why she didn't want to go she said "Because Raekwon is mean to me"

Now I generally don't get involved with kids beefs especially girls ones. I know too many grown women who hate thier friend 1 day and are best buds the next. Plus I feel like LMS should learn how to handle these situations without me, in life there will always be someone who teases you or isn't nice to you. I explain to LMS that if he's mean tell him to leave you alone or let the teacher know. She says no because hes "much bigger". By this time we are at the after care center... only she refuses to go in the room. Mind you I have no idea who this kid is. The before care room is a place where kids from different ages and schools gather and wait for the bus. So it could be any kid in there, only LMS won't point him out.

I tell her I will talk to the teacher about it because I can't afford to go to jail for beating up some Wu-Tang lovers kid. LMS refuses to let me talk to the teacher because Raekwon is friends with some other kids who are her friends and she doesn't want to come off like a snitch (not her exact words). Now I'm frusterated, I should be headed to work but instead I'm going back and forth with my baby. Nothing I say will make her want to go in the room and she doesn't want me to fix it. I have issues with problems I can't fix. Why bring me a problem if you don't want me to fix it?

Anyway after a couple more minutes of debate I agree to just drop her off at school. We get back in the car and drive to school, we get there super early so we have to wait in the car... while waiting we talk about everything and decide that I'll let the director know about the lil boy that way nobody in her class will know I said anything. So that afternoon I go to talk to the director and I call Raekwon a "little boy", the director say no he's big... O_o, my mind rewinds and I recall seeing a kid who HAD to be a teenager in the before care room... I mean he was too old to be in before care but I figured he had some mental issue. Some how this changed things for me, I can't jack up a kid BUT a teen??? oh yeah I can scare the hell out of a teen, shyt he might need it. He has no business teasing a 6 y/o. The director assures me that I won't have to worry about it anymore so I take him at his word.

Next day LMS is telling me how Raekwon was being nice to her....

Me... Charity??

2011-01-09T21:19:00.004-05:00

Sorry for the lack of posts.. my laptop got hooked on crack and I had to send it to rehab. Unfortunately in rehab it did some soul searching and decided it didn't want to be a working laptop anymore.... long story short I had to get another one.

So anyway a little before christmas I was chilling at work surfing the net when my cell rings. It's my daughters school. I'm sure all parents get worried when the school calls in the middle of the day, my mind started racing as to what it could be. Was my daughter hurt? My Baby Momma acting a fool? Is there a bomber at the school? Its funny because when they call the first thing they say is "Your daughter is fine" then the lady proceeds to tell me that LMS has been selected to receive a gift from a teacher and they were sending it home in her bag.

I was like cool, thats nice of them but there is no way you can send my daughter home with a wrapped gift and not expect her to open it asap. So after she tells me about the gift she mentions that they are also sending home some "gently used" clothes... *record scratch* this lady just said she was sending USED clothes home with my baby. Why on earth would they do that? Does my baby look like she needs clothes??? I couldn't decide if I should be offended or not.

Wait let me explain a couple things.. my daughters school requires uniforms. White polo shirts and blue khakis to be exact. Its not like her shirts or pants had holes in them or were dirty hand me downs. Now she does constantly spill stuff on her shirt but shyt so does every other kid there. Even if she looks dirty by the end of the day she looks good to being it.

When I got home and saw the clothes it was 2 skirts and a shirt. 1 skirt was broken, the fastener didn't work but they other skirt was cool. Since they sent skirts I started to think that they were clothes the school couldn't use since it was winter. They keep backup clothes at the school just in case the kids have accidents. Since its like 30 degrees outside you can't just randomly send little girls home in skirts. That said they decided LMS could use them... Maybe they felt bad for her since they know all the drama between me and her mom but whatever the reason I was offended even if they didn't intend too.

I went out and bought LMS new uniforms, tossed the broken skirt and just decided to pretend it didn't happen lol

2010 Highs and Lows

2011-01-01T18:42:00.002-05:00

10 bad things (no real order besides #1):

10. Spending days in court: Sitting in court makes you realize something somewhere in your life went very wrong. I spent a good 30 days in court for various custody/baby momma related things last year.

9. Lawyer fees: If my lawyer has kids I'm sure I helped pay for their college. If he doesn't I might have put a down payment on a new boat.

8. Contracting Blues: My job went from super secure to "eeehhh maybe" in short I've learned more then I ever needed to know about how govt contracts work.

7. Daily Drive: My daily drive to work turned into my personal therapy sessions, it was where I had my breakdowns and realizations.

6. Home Improvement: One day after work I was chilling In my basement when I heard water dripping. I look up and water is coming from my celing! Turns out my kitchen faucet was leaking and wand dripping downstairs. Good news is I learned how to hang drywall.

5. Not the shoes!: I was pretty productive doing house projects last year. I decided to paint my basement but first I wanted to put primer on the walls. So one fateful day I was in lowes checkout line wit a gallon of wall primer when I dropped it on the floor, it bust open and covered my $130 sneakers.... Odd thing was even though it upset me I had so much more going on it almost seems sureal. I cleaned the shoes in the parking lot and now you can't even tell.

4. Money problems: I spent a good part of 2010 broke. Not homeless broke but I wasn't saving any money and ate through the money I did have saved. I've mentioned it here before but I hate being broke. Cash = options. Not having options isn't a good way to live.

3. Make ups to break ups.

2. Falsely accused: I was accused of some horrible shyt and I had to just suck up and just defend myself without planning revenge.

1. Quality Time: Most of the year I didn't get to spend any quality time with my daughter. Do say it sucked is a serve understatement.

10 Good things (again no real order besides #1):

10. New faces: I got to meet some cool bloggers in NY and DC I'm too lazy to link ya'll but you know who you are. It was a pleasure.

9. Family: I reailzed my family and friends are much more supportive then I could have imagined. They really are awesome.

8. Winning!: The Lakers winning back to back championships. Winning over the celtics made it even better

7. Blizzard 2010: The huge snow storm was fun for so many reasons including pissing my neighbors off by smoking ribs between the 2 storms.

6. Boy meets grill: I discovered a BBQ sauce recipe that everyone seems to love. I've also gotten worlds better at grilling all kinds of food.

5. The Growth: I've learned more about myself and what i believe this year. When you go through tough times you find out if you really stand on the things you believe.

4. The Blog: Having a blog has been a interesting thing. I've seen lots of bloggers come and go but for whatever reason I've been able to continue to blog and gain readers all year.

3. Twitter: I was more active on twitter in 2010... twitter is a crazy social experiment and it's cool because you can have several circles of people you follow who all do different things. getting on twitter made me not care about facebook.

2. New me: I lost a good 20lbs in addition to the 30 I lost in the last part of 09. I look better and feel better.

1. Custody: of course the best thing to happen to me in 2010 was me getting custody of my baby girl. My life changed in so many ways.

btw... I jacked the idea for this post from lyfesimplified.wordpress.com

My Chritsmas

2010-12-27T11:28:00.004-05:00

Merry Christmas folks... I hope you had a good one. Heres my christmas adventure.

This was the first christmas where LMS would wake up at my house. This meant I had to hide gifts and wrap them after hours. It was cool, I never really got to experience christmas morning thru her eyes before.

Before I get to that though let me touch on my tree. Now I have a beautiful fake tree. it's pre-lit and wonderful. This year I let my sister borrow my beautiful fake tree and decided to go all out and buy a real one. As a adult I've never had a real tree but thats no reason LMS can't enjoy it. So one cold windy day we went to the tree lot to see what they had. After walking the lot and explaining to LMS that a 15ft tree simply would not fit in the house we settled on a 8 ft tree. I think it was 8ft I don't know for sure, it was definitely too big to be straped to the top of my car. Wanna see? Here you go:

Yeah I know I need a truck... So As they were tieing the tree to the roof I realized that I might need some help getting it in the house. So I called my lil cousin and told him to meet me at home. After driving 10mph all the way home I was able to carry the tree to the door. For whatever reason I didnt realize how wide the tree was, I swear it didn't look that big in the lot. Maybe because the lot didn't have doors and a celing. Anyway cuzzo gets there and we carried it in the house. We propped it up against the wall while we set up the stand.

Once the tree was in the stand the damn thing would not stay up... it kept tilting over so we put it in the corner till I could figure out a solution. I was perplexed as to why it wouldnt stay striaght till I realized the tree was crooked. Not put in the stand crooked but the trunk was crooked! I ended up shimming the bottom of the stand to the damn thing would stand straight. So now I had a tree in front of the window but no lights. Remember my fake tree was prelit so I never worried about lights. I bought a box of 100 LED lights, they were cool looking but 100 lights isn't enough to really do anything. I bought another 100 and was still not happy with my trees brightness. By this time I had spent $150 a tree and tree extras and I refused to spend another dime. 200 lights would have to do. Besides LMS didn't care she just wanted candy canes.

Then there were the pine needles.... I've been sweeping up needles for weeks. I can't stand it, I cut the bottom of the tree and it has plenty of water but the damn thing keeps dropping needles. I can't wait till I can take it down just so I can shake the shyt out of it and watch the needles fall. I'm happy it lasted till x-mas and if I get another real one next year I'll do a better picking one.

A couple days before christmas I was talking to my sister and asked where we were having dinner. She said that my mom said dinner was at my house.... oh really?? well I'm glad someone told me... smh thats family for you. So I quickly put together a menu: Hickory Smoked Ham, mac and cheese, brussel sprouts, cornbread stuffing and mashed potatoes. I suck at managing my time when cooking for large groups so the mashed potatoes got shelved, everything else came out really good though. I used a Neely recipe for the ham that involved smoking on the grill it and making a glaze with Jack Daniels. Anytime I can get on my grill and put liquor in my food I'm happy.

Christmas morning was fun, LMS woke me up around 7am and we went downstairs. She got lots of barbie stuff and some girly legos. My mom got her Just Dance Kids for the wii.... I got my neice the MJ experience so the rest of the day was spent playing dancing games. Overall it was a great time.

I hope everyone enjoyed the holiday as much as I did!

That Love thing...

2010-12-20T12:07:00.002-05:00

Yesterday my cousin paid me a visit. This was odd because he lives in NC and I had no idea he was in town. It was a welcome surprise though, so as our kids were running around playing ee were chatting about family, parenting and me moving to NC. Then the convo went to everyones favorite subject.... Love.

I'm sure I've mentioned it before but Love is the one thing us Van Burens suck at. He like me just recently broke up with his girl so we shared stories about love and love lost. Its funny because I could see in his face the feeling I get in my stomach everytime I talk about my ex. We all get the same feelings, its hard to know if its you who has the problem and you want too much or do you just keep choosing the wrong women. Either way its your problem right? breakups always involve a period of reflection. Everyone handles it different, last time I bounced to another girl. That didn't work out too well. This time I'm chillin... I don't have the time or energy to start a new relationship, so many other things require my attention.

Anyway heres the thing about love. Nobody gets it. Nobody really understands it and how it works, we just know that you either want it, have it or miss it. We fall in love with imperfect people and ignore their flaws. Love is blind in the sense that it makes the positives shine brighter then the negatives. Honestly life is easier if you don't have love. Well its easier if you JUST have the love of your family and friends, That love is easy and satisfying. The love of a mate is harder to get and maintain. See over time love lets you see more and more of that person, your eyes adjust to the brightness. You see the person for who they are, sometimes the brightness didn't do the person justice and once your eyes adjusted you realize they are even better. Other times you needed that brightness to keep loving the person.

My point is that love is a fickle beast that nobody truly understands and no book, TV show or movie will be able to explain how it will effect you or who you will fall for. Its one of the few things in life you just have to roll with.

Thats Not Cool....

2010-12-14T09:07:00.004-05:00

So my buddy sends me this video and says that it remindes her of her ex boyfriend:

I instantly laugh because it's a funny video about overbearing people and I like the name of the website "thatsnotcool.com" I just want to say that to people when they do stupid shyt... "Thats not cool". Instead I'd parcial to saying "Seriously?? thats how we going?"

Anyway I always find it funny when people stalk/harrass people they care about. I've never been the back-to-back calling type but I've defintly been with girls who were. I usually just call, leave a message and let it be. You have to let yourself go a little to be SO concerned about another person. Shouldn't you be busy living YOUR life and not have time to harrass your mate? Maybe I'm selfish but if someone tells me they are going to the club I say ok and leave them alone the rest of the night. I might check to see if they got home ok but thats about it. I don't need to send countless texts and calls to make sure they are where they say they are. Hell I don't even call out people when I know they are lying to me. If you wanna lie to me about something thats more your issue then mine. Usually its not even a big enough deal to be lying. So I just say "ok" and go back to living my life.

If you care so much about someone you should be able to respect thier space. Even in a age where everyone has a facebook, twitter or blog you have to repect peoples privacy. I usually don't follow people I date on twitter or if they have a blog I don't read it... why? because you can easily read something and misunderstand it or twist it to mean way more then it was intented to. I figure if your close to someone and they want you to know something they will tell you. Nothing worse then letting your online life disrupt your real life.

I saw all that to say stop harrassing your girlfriends/boyfriends, thats not cool.

Good Cop/Bad Cop

2010-12-12T18:20:00.000-05:00

I'm a patient person. I've learned how to sit and wait my turn, wait for the sun to shine my way. My daughter isn't patient. I'm not sure if it's because she's 6 or just that shes a girl or maybe she inherited it from me or her mom. I'm not sure but this lil girl has zero patience. On top of that shes lazy. how are you lazy and have no patience? I mean being lazy should make you able to wait for anything right?

Anyway her lack of patience eats away at mine, usually when I encounter someone who is lazy or impatient I laugh and ignore them. It's thier issue not mine, except when it's me being lazy or impatient. This time it is my issue though. I have to mold this lil girl into a functional member of society, I refuse to let her be lazy and expect that life is just given and she doesn't have to work for anything. So while I'm usually laid back and relax when dealing with her I have to be proactive. Shes learned that crying and complaining are a effective ways of getting whats he wants. So I'm fighting a daily battle to change her habits and re-mold her.

Its a balance of having fun and rewarding good behavior and punishing bad. I'm not a fusing/yelling kind of person but I find myself doing it more because its effective. It seems to be the only thing she responds too. So until she realizes that things can go smooth if she just listens to what I say and does her part I have to be a drill seargent.

My day

2010-12-06T12:16:00.001-05:00

They say one of the important things to do with kids is create a schedule. Little did I know that my daughters schedule would dictate my life. Heres a average week day in my life:

5am: alarm goes off. They allows me 2 options, wake up or BS in bed and think about life for 30min. Usually I BS in bed.

5:30am: I wake Baby up. This begins a "who can get dressed the fastest" game. I don't care who wins as long as she is dressed lol

6am: breakfast, not for me but for the baby. I can't eat that early it throws my system off.

6:15am: Hair, unless her hair magically surived the day before or somebody else put it into a style that I can't duplicate I redo her hair.

6:30am: leave house.

6:40am: aftercare dropoff (it's still dark outside)

7:30am - 4pm: A little place I like to call the corner.

5pm - aftercare Pickup (it's dark out, in the winter I don't really see her while the sun is out)

5:10pm - 6pm: cook/eat dinner

6pm - 7pm: homework/play time, depends on if baby finished her homework at aftercare or not

7pm: bathtime

7:30: bedtime

The rest of the night consists of laying out the next days clothes, packing lunch, excerising and watching sports. Its all really repetive and while I like order and things to happen on schedule it gets SUPER boring lol. Thing is if I change the schedule nothing else works. When LMS was taking tennis classes it was a rush to get her to bed by 8 and if she's not sleep by then waking up in the morning is a pain. The whole thing is like a row of dominios.

Biggest problem with this schedule is the weekend. Since the baby is used to the schedule she is wide awake at 6am and worn out by 7pm. This means I don't really stay out late or get to sleep in. I've taught her how to go get her own breakfast on the weekends though because there is no way I'm getting out of bed before 8am on a saturday unless it involes money or fishing.

The Growth... pt 31

2010-11-29T06:30:00.001-05:00

Well hello there... Today is my 31st b-day. Give me a minute to let that soak in, 31.... geez I joke alot about how I'm old but truth be told I don't feel that old. I actually feel pretty good.

I have no idea what will be consided my "prime" or when a man hits his "prime", actually let me google it real quick....Ok according to this TIME magazine article a mans prime is 33. So I'm right in that range.

I'm at a age where I have a good mix of youth and wisdom, I feel like I'm old enough to have learned from my mistakes but young enough to know I will make more. I'm young enough to know all the games but old enough to know I don't have to play them. I can see the angles in situations because I have been there before. I don't panic when things go wrong because I know i can work it out. I'm just at a point where I know when take life as it comes and know when I need to press the issue. I feel like the guys in that Viagra commercial, Like I'm in the Age of knowing how to get thing done. Of course I'm not at a age where I need viagra lol

I'm sure I've mentioned it before but this year went by pretty fast, I think I improved as a person over the past year. I'm better at applying lessons and challenging my comfort zones. I've always been good at adapting but now I'm better at adapting and improving.

Anyway, 31 should be fun. I'm looking forward to new adventures and seeing whats next for my crazy life. Hopefully it will be drama free but even if its not I know I can handle what ever gets thrown at me. Lifes not perfect but I know how to enjoy the bright spots while I tend to the dark ones.

Victory Lap

2010-11-23T09:06:00.001-05:00

I was talking to the baby's therapist and she asked if all the court drama was over, I said yeah there is nothing on the horizon. A little later i was thinking about it and realized that for the frist time in a long time I have nothing circled on my calender (besides birthdays and such). I free to focus on other aspects of life. The natural question is whats next? All year I was going to treat 2011 as my victory lap, a year where I progress to make up for the last 5 years of sitting still. So what will I be doing?

- A Book: like 5 people have said I should write a book about this whole experience. Even my lawyer said I was going to be the first chapter in HIS book lol. So I just may gather my thoughts and get to writing, don't worry if I end up on oprah I'll be sure to thank all of you.

- BBQ Sauce: My BBQ sauce is awesome, I've sold a couple bottles of it and I plan on moving that into full drive. I got a name and logo worked out, next year I'll hit up some BBQ fests and get the word out. Hell I might even be able to sell it in whole foods as a local product. I don't know how it will all work but I know I'm tired of watching talent sit on the shelf. It's about time to put it to work.

- A new house: I love my house, its a town house thats close to the school and it has enough space for me and LMS. My thought was that I would stay in it till I get married then move into something me and my wife picked together so it would be "Our" house instead of "My" house. Thing is the woman I want to marry doesnt want to marry me so that plan would have to be put on hold. Instead of waiting till I get married I might just spend 2011 stacking my money for a single family home, it will be more space then we need but I want a yard and a garage plus LMS wants a dog.

- New Car: I don't NEED a new car but I want a truck. This will happen in the spring or so.

- Get in Shape: I've been doing a good job losing weight, I'm going to continue to keep it up. No real goal weight I just wanna keep working at it.

- New Job: So if ya'll remember I was about to be laid off a couple of weeks ago. A new company won my contract and gave me a raise so I'm not as active looking for a new job now. My job is pretty cushy and affords me the time and opprotunity to do other things. It's also a low stress enviorment which I've learned counts for alot. Unless I find a gig where I can work from home or not have to commute into DC I'll stay where I'm at.

Point of all this is I have a little freedom that I haven't had in a long time. Even with a kid to raise I have a chance to do great things.

Ms. Mush

2010-11-18T12:17:00.002-05:00

So lets see, last we left My Baby momma had supervised visitation. I'm not sure if I mentioned how that works or if I talked about that experience so I'm going to take a minute and explain how it all has played out.

When I first got custody my BM (I decided I'll call her Ms. Mush because everything she touches turns to mush... see Bronx Tale) wanted to do supervised visitation at playgrounds and Chuck E cheese. The only problem I had with this was that there wouldn't be a neutral party there to ensure nothing crazy happened. I ended up finding a center that handles visitation, the place was cool because I could drop LMS off 15min before Ms. Mush got there and come back 15min after she left. No chance would have any interaction with her and the whole visit would be supervised by a consoler to ensure Ms. Mush didn't ask LMS questions about anything she shouldn't.

Only issue with the place was it cost money. When I first met the director I had to pay a $35 intake fee and she explained Ms Mush would have to do the same. In addition Ms. Mush would have to pay for the visits which could range between $25 - $54 depending on your income. So I figured if we did visits every other weekend it would cost Ms. Mush $50. Thats not unreasonable right? I know she is unemployed but she is renting a townhouse, paying bills and feeding herself so she has income from somewhere. $50 shouldn't be a problem, if all else fails her parents could pay it.

So Ms. Mush meets with the Director and we agree on a date and time frame. 1st visit would be for 5 hours. I droppped LMS off, everyone was nice and welcoming. When I came to pick her up the Director informed me how Ms. Mush refused to pay. Ms. Mush claims I should have to pay since she has no income and since I set all this up.....

Lets rewind for a minute, I didn't HAVE to do shyt. I could have gotten custody and completly ignore any and everything about this woman. Her visitation didn't have a schedule so if she never got it nobody could have said anything. I put in the effort so LMS could see her mom in a positive enviorment. The last thing I was going to do is pay for her visitation, thats money I could spend on LMS. I was already making time in my schedule for it, giving time and money wasn't going to happen.

So the Director says that this visit will be free but the next one won't be. I explain that I understand and me and LMS leave. About a week and a half later we are coming up on the 2nd visit. I call Ms. Mush's mom and ask if she knew if the visit was going to happen, she says she thought it was and that she was going to pay for it. Cool so I tell her LMS will be there. I don't talk to Ms. Mush on the phone because it never ends well, we email each other and even those end badly. Anyway later that day I get a email from Ms Mush saying that she refused to pay for the visit and wasn't going... Since her mom agreed to pay for it I was a little confused but I just said ok and explained that if she had a better location that provided the same service to let me know and we could do the visitations there.

Long story short my baby momma just can't work with anything that isn't 100% under her control. Since most of life is about working with other people I just don't know how she can be productive. All this happened weeks ago and I have yet to hear anything new about places for visiation. Currently LMS only sees her mom for about a hour at school 1-2 times a month. While I feel bad for my baby, I know I tried to make it happen and if her mom ever gains some senses she can be a bigger part of her life.

Random Thoughts Sunday

2010-11-14T17:45:00.000-05:00

All my posts been random lately huh... on well welcome to my life lol. This is just going to be random thoughts that I'm not going to expand on *shurgs*

- I didn't realize I have the BMW of health care till now... I'ma miss it.

- Its had to be the only happy person in a group of upset people. Even harder when you can't tell them why your happy.

- I would have been lost it, if I didn't have so much to lose.

- Its hard to force someone to see your vision, I wish I could do inception.

- As a naturally lazy person, when I give my all I expect others to do the same

- I don't have all the answers... but I have taken the test a couple times.

- Looking back at my life, I've done pretty good for myself. Things could have turned out very different

- My problems are mine because I was built to handle them, you know the saying... your never given more then you can handle.

- Baby I love you but if you ask me 1 more question I'm going to lock you in your room... with love

- I've shown you all the water I know... your going to have to drink on your own.

Double Life...

2010-11-10T11:47:00.002-05:00

I was thinking about what I could blog about. See I have plenty of topics in my head I just don't feel like typing them out. I could blog about my relationship, I could blog about how my baby momma got my daughter kicked out of aftercare or how the school pulled out a no trespassing order against her. I could even blog about my job and how I might be laid off come monday. See I COULD blog about all of that but I wont. Why? because this is about ME and not of that other stuff lol.

I was talking to my cousin about going out and he plainly reminded me "But dude you don't like people"... this got me thinking about who am I? what happened to old Dave? Maybe the biggest change that happens when you have kids is you start to lose yourself. You lose a sense of who and what you are. You get consumed with being a parent and it begins to define you.

So I was sitting and thinking about what exactly I did for fun before all the drama. I've been so focused on LMS and creating a positive environment for her that I've sacrificed my own fun. I need to create Dave time thats not daddy time. Kinda like how married people need to still date each other. I need to keep having non-kid fun. The past 2 weekends me and LMS have looked at each other all weekend. I think its driving her crazy lol. She needs a break from me as much as I need one from her.

I know women whos whole life is being a mom. It's a easy trap to fall into, your spend most your day caring for someone that you forget about yourself. Some parents are living thru the kids and forget that they have a life to live too. Of course there are the other people who forget they are parents but we wont mention them.

I guess my point is that I need to remember that I was Dave long before I was Daddy and just because I'm a dad doesn't mean Dave is dead.

A Support Issue

2010-11-08T11:48:00.003-05:00

I think today I'll pose a qustion to the readers, Should I go for child support?

Its not really that easy of a question. On one hand my baby momma doesn't work so it's not like I'll be getting anything. It would be more about the principal. She lives off the govt and I'm pretty sure if you owe child support all those benifits stop. If she did get a job I'm sure I won't get much since I'd make more then her. I don't "need" the money, sure I could use it. Free money is free money right? I could use it for one of the baby's activites or even just put it in her college fund. In talking to my cousin (the only other person I actually know who has custody of his son) he says I should take her for support just because she would and did take me. There shouldn't be a double standard.

On the other hand I don't want anything from that woman, not even cash. I want to just delete her from my life and move on, receiving support will just create another link between us. Another reason to go to court, another reason for her to contact me. Even though I know we don't HAVE to talk for her to pay support it will be a reason for her to talk to me. Its another reason for her to be bitter and upset about life, another thing she will blame on me. Honestly I can do without it, I want to let her be and go about living my life. I'm trying to cut ties not create them.

So what do you think?

on another note, just when you think I'm the only dude on earth going thru this I'm introduced to Foshead who runs http://notthehuxtables.blogspot.com/ go check it out and see that there are more single dads doing good then the media would let you think.

Halloween wrap up

2010-11-03T12:10:00.003-04:00

Sooo I had my first halloween with the baby in a long time. Last time I went trick or treating with her she couldn't walk and me and her mom were together lol. Instead of hitting up my neighborhood I decided to take her to the mall. My neighborhood is wack when it comes to giving out candy and I knew my boy's bike club was at the mall giving out candy. Since LMS knows the Bike club Prez she was sure to get plenty of candy lol.

We went to Forestville mall, I know most of ya'll don't know where or what that is but trust me when I say it's HOOD! so hood I was ready to leave after we hit the bikers up. LMS wanted to walk to all the stores and collect candy. I saw plenty of horrible, lazy costumes. We stayed for about 20min got half a bucket of candy and rolled out.

btw... if your sending your kid out with a plastic bag to collect candy just stop. a orange pumpkin bucket is like $1. You can do better

Next Stop was a churches "Hallowed One's Day" festival. It was my co-workers church and everyone was really nice. Only down side was its location. It was in Woodbrige, VA. About 40min from my house in that place we call the commonwealth. We all know how I feel about visiting VA lol... Even though it was in VA we had a good time and LMS got to play on the moon bounces, get a bag of candy, make some friends and run around. Then the sun went down and it got cold. That was our cue to leave. By the time we got home the kids in my neighborhood were out and I let LMS go to a couple houses.

In the end she got a bunch of candy and had a good time. She even made it to bed ontime. Here is her in the Princess Tiana costume my mom made.

Random ish...

2010-10-28T09:40:00.003-04:00

Whats good people, I feel like I never blog anymore. Not because I don't have time but because everything I want to talk about is stuff I don't want to blog about lol. Its one of the Side effects of your blog being so open. Anyway heres a little update...

- Currently the hardest part about being a full-time dad is dealing with LMS crying for her mom. I'm sure I mentioned before I'm not the best when it comes to empathy and when she cries how she wants her mom I'm perplexed on how to handle it. I console her, tell her it's ok but part of me wants to tell her the truth. That her mom is bat shit crazy and she's better off not living with her. I try real hard not to talk negitive about her mom in front of her though.

- I enrolled LMS in a tennis class. I'm not sure if she likes it or not. Everytime I mention is she says she doesn't want to go, but when it's time to go she is excited. I think we'll do swimming next.

- I need a vactaion in the worse possible way. Like I need a couple days where I don't do anything. Hell someplace with no clocks would be perfect.

- Speaking of clocks I feel like my whole life is being governed by it. Keeping a child on schedule means you have to be on the same schedule. So I'm constantly looking at the clock figuring out how much time I have to get stuff done. Funny thing is once LMS is in bed and I have "free" time I don't even know what to do. I'm so tired I just want to go to sleep myself.

- I've had LMS a little over a month, it feels like so much longer though. Over all I think i'm doing a good job, nothing spectactular but I'm managing it. In football terms I'm a QB who manages the game well, but not a superstar.

- I realized I get stressed the most over money. Women, BM drama and LMS crying I can deal with. Looking at my bank account when I'm broke depresses me like nothing else. I need to be able to provide, feeling like I can't puts me in a bad mood that carries over to everything I do.

- My b-day is a month away... I'm not even excited about it, I'll be 31. No parties planned and since it's on a monday I'll probably just come to work like any other day.

- In good news I started losing weight again. Eating with LMS makes me eat healthier and in smaller portions. So I dropped a good 10lbs. LMS has maintained her weight but she looks slimmer, overall eating and excerise are going well.

- My mom has been a huge blessing thru all this. She made LMS a princess dress for halloween in like 3 days. I'll post a pic after halloween.

Ummm, thats about it. I'll try and post more but in the mean time go check out www.cookinwithdave.com I've posted a couple things over there.

The Love Triangle

2010-10-20T10:10:00.000-04:00

I was going to post some serious stuff but I figured I'd give ya'll a daddy tale...

I was playing barbies with the baby. She has a boy barbie who is dancing with a girl barbie.. I'm holding a girl one when the baby wants me to tap the boy barbie (ken) on the shoulder and ask him why he is dancing with this other chick. I proceed and the baby makes ken say "I'm not with you anymore, I'm with her"....

This plays out as my barbie getting mad and proceeding to dance with another dude. Then Ken getting jealous and storming over to start a fight. I play along for a minute because I don't get to watch Maury and this is as close to this kinda drama as I get. Finally I stop playing and ask "Where did you see this?" The baby looks at me then answers "At grandma's in the Disney movie".

hhhmmm I'm not sure when Disney started putting this kind of drama into movies but Ill be sure to pay more attention to what message they are sending the youth lol

Needless to say barbie playtime was over and I went back to watching ESPN.

Being The Bad Guy

2010-10-09T20:42:00.002-04:00

First let me apologize... I had like a million lurkers come out and congratulate me on getting custody of LMS and I didn't even acknowledge it... Thank you for your kind words and support! I'm still amazed that so many people read my little slice of the internet.

I find myself feeling like the bad guy. See it's like I'm the last one to really realize that LMS's mom is crazy. I don't mean regular "unstable creature" woman crazy, I mean "the lady who did our psych exams even said she had issues" crazy. I continue to give her the benefit of the doubt even though she continues to show that she is unreasonable and unstable. Case in point....

I have sole custody of LMS, and her mom has supervised visitation. Only that visitation is not scheduled so really she has NO visitation until one of us schedules it. She also has no real rights to how and were LMS is schooled. When I registered LMS for school I gave the school a copy of our custody order and I told them to let me know if her mom ever showed up. One day LMS's mom called and LMS was crying how she missed her. So my BM told her she would come up and visit her at school. When the school called and informed me she was there I told them that it was ok if she visits with her but she could not take LMS anywhere. My thoughts were that if her mom sees her there that is a controlled environment and everyone is happy. This was my mistake because what I didn't consider was my BM is crazy and would show up at her school EVERYDAY!

So on wedensday LMS's teacher says that we should limit visits to 1-2 days a week so she could have a good idea of how LMS was doing in class. After all its hard to grade a kid who has thier mother sitting next to them as they do school work. So I agree, let my BM know that she can't show up everyday via email. She replies with a email about how I'm bitter that SHE doesn't want to be with ME??? I mean I really, really wish I could just post some of our emails because they are so crazy it's just silly.

So on thurday my BM shows up again at LMS's school... Both the principal can teacher call me and say that it's getting out of hand. So I tell them I'll just stop it all together.

I take Friday off and go down to my local police station. I show them my court order and ask what would happen if I banned BM from LMS school... They say it shouldn't be a problem. So I call the school and tell them if she shows again call the police.

Now, at this point I'm thinking about LMS and her schooling. She's not going to learn if her mom shows up in class everyday. I mean who does that? people who have absoloutly nothing else to do thats who! even stay at home moms don't go sit in thier childs class 4 days a week.

So Friday afternoon I get the call... BM came up to the school, told the staff that she had rights and stormed off into LMS's class. They called me then the police. Since I was off and I live around the corner I came up to the school and waited with the principal in her office for the police. The principal calls thier lawyers just to double check that what I'm saying is true and my BM has no right to be up at the school. They agree and once the police show up the school staff lets LMS come into the office, the police suggest I leave before a scene is caused and I heed their suggestion. As me and LMS are walking out my BM follows us.. I ignore her keep walking and leave it to the police and the school.

LMS didn't really react to any of it, she was excited to see police officers and was worried that I wasn't going to let her go play at after care.

The reality is that I'm stuck trying to figure out whats the best situation for LMS to visit with her mom. I've called the county visitation centers but I couldn't get in touch with a person who I could actually schedule the visitation through. I've also looked into therapy for LMS. I'm sure she has plenty of emotions about all of this and she needs to learn how to deal with them. Her mom could possibly visit her during therapy that way they both can get some help.

My other option is to just cut her mom out of her life, Not that I want too but I don't think her mom brings any positives to her. She is self absorbed and needs professional help. LMS seems to have issues whenever she is around. That said she still is her mom and I'd hate for LMS to grow up not having a relationship with her. I just don't want her to be exposed to crazy anymore then she has too.

So while I figure it all out her mom is call and sending rants via email. She called while LMS was hanging with my mom, I didn't answer. When I picked LMS up I asked her if she wanted to call her mom back.. she said NO. So I didn't push it and we went about our business. When she does talk to her mom, LMS makes up reasons to get off the phone. She tells her mom that I have to use the phone or she is about to eat dinner. I mean she just doesn't seem interested in really talking to her mom anymore.

So while we settle into a schedule we also need a schedule on how I'm going to deal with my BM. She's stuck on that I'm bitter and playing games because she doesn't want to be with me and I have no desire to try and explain that I want nothing to do with her and I'm trying to create a better life for LMS.

As the smoke clears

2010-10-04T09:24:00.003-04:00

So now that the baby lives with me I have several issues that need addressed:

Her Mom - lets see it's been about 12 days since the court date and her mom has called 2x. Every now and then LMS cries how she misses her mom but says she loves living with me. Her mom has yet to ask to see LMS though she just calls to talk to her. Reality is I have no idea how this will play out, part of me wishes my BM would just disappear but that's unfair to LMS. Her mom is still her mom and she's going to miss her and want to see her. Mommy is mommy even if her mom was messing her up. LMS told her mom she wanted to see her, so I'll leave it up to my BM to schedule something with me.

The Basics - When I went to LMS's old school to get her transfer papers her teacher told me how she was having problems wiping herself after she used the bathroom and how she often had accidents on herself. Her teacher felt this was a cry for attention and she used it as a way for her mom to come pick her up from school. The first day LMS was with me she used the bathroom on herself. She was also peeing the bed. So she needed help with basic potty training, she had regressed in basic skills. I sat her down and explained that it had to stop, she was just being lazy and I wasn't going for it. She knew when she had to use the bathroom and she should just go instead of trying to hold it till the last second. I also spent 10min in the bathroom re-educating her on how to whip herself clean. I didn't want her starting a new school and having basic problems, kids are mean and she is already overweight. No reason to be smelly too. After 2 days she was fine, no accidents, no problems at school and once she adjusted to her schedule she stopped peeing in the bed at night. Score one for consistency.

Health - LMS is overweight, she has been most her life. I went to see a nutritionist a couple years ago but it was pointless because while I made changes, they were negated by what her mom was feeding her. Not to completely blame my BM for her weight because when LMS was young I had my fair part in feeding her junk, but I changed my habits and started eating better, her mom didn't. She didn't create a schedule for LMS or make sure she got all the sleep she needed. Her weight got out of control. So with her under my wing I'm in control on her diet and exercise. Luckily she loves veggies, so I cut back on her snacks and sweets, limited portion size and started giving her dinner before 6. This lets LMS get to bed before 8 and get 9-10 hours of sleep. In just 1 week she lost 5lbs, She's not starving and she's not complaining about missing anything. It's working out well.

Behavior - This one will be the long term battle, LMS talks to much in class. She's friendly and likes to play even when it's work time. I've talked about it to her repeatedly but I know it will be a issue. while i'm happy she is being interactive and not a recluse given all that's been going on she still needs to learn how to focus on schoolwork and not the bad kids making jokes.

So it's like I'm starting from scratch with a lot of things, I have to mold her into the child I expect her to be and set the foundation that she should have had all along. She is responding better then I could have imagined, She adapts to change like I do. which is good, it's not going to be easy or quick but it will be worth it once everything settles.

All Dad All Day

2010-09-29T10:58:00.003-04:00

So where were we? ummmm I was granted custody and leaving the courthouse. My lawyer explained that the order needed to be signed to be official and that should happen in the morning. He also said I could get the police to help me get LMS. He gave me a couple numbers to the shierff's office and sent me on my way. As I walked to my car I made a couple calls to spread the good news, then went home and let it all soak in.

I was chilling at home with my girlfriend around 8pm when I get a call. It's my Babymomma, she says I can pick up LMS right now. I was taken off guard and said "ok" and hung up. After I think about it for a minute I decided that it's better for me to wait till I have the signed order in my hand just to avoid anymore drama. I call her back and say I will pick LMS up the next day. She replies "No, this is your game, if you want her you can have her... I will just drop her off" click. Fast forward 20min later and my doorbell rings. I ignore it, it continues to ring, I continue to ignore it. Then I hear the door open! I left it unlocked!!! I run upstairs and LMS is standing there with her grandfather, she runs in and gives me a hug and he leaves.

At this point my mind is mush, what just happened. I woke up that morning hoping I would get custody and thinking I would have some transition period till I had LMS full time. Now I'm standing in my living room at 9pm looking at LMS in her granddads shirt and some underwear. I tried to gather my thoughts and figure out what happens next. My girlfriend headed home and I put LMS in the shower and made a plan for the next day.

The next morning I planned to go buy LMS a new backpack and some shoes then take her to school then try and track down my signed order. (remember she was dropped off with nothing, no clothes, no backpack, just her beat up torn up shoes) Then my BM emails me and says she is going to withdraw LMS from school.

sidebar *LMS was in a school about 20min from my house, I had every intention to keep her there so she didn't have to deal with even more change in her life. Even though I have a school 1 min from my house.*

So once my BM said she was going to withdraw her from school I figured I'd try and talk to the school to see if she could stay. Otherwise I would have to transfer her the school near my house. Also if I was ever unsure that my BM didn't care about LMS this confirmed it. This only hurt LMS, I have no clue why she did it but I'm assuming she felt like she was getting back at me. Creating more work for me to get LMS settled. Either way LMS was now not in school.

Thursday... We went up to her school and they explained that she couldn't continue to go there. I lived outside the schools zone and she had already been withdrawn. Also school was closed on friday. So I a day to get her enrolled in a new school and figure out what I was going to do for aftercare. I spent the day running all over town, dragging the poor baby in and out of the car getting court docs, enrolling her in school, buying new shoes and groceries. Plus we went to like 5 aftercare places, None of them would work. Either they don't pick up from her school or they had a waitlist. Just when I was about to say f*ck it and be a stay at home dad selling weed brownies out my house like the chick on WEEDS I found a lady in the neighborhood that does daycare. We went over there to check it out and it seemed to be ok. It wasn't perfect but LMS like it and instantly started playing with the kids. Plus the hours are good and they do homework with the kids. It's a good place.

Luckily the school I put her in is the same one she was in last year until her mom withdrew her. When we walked in everyone remembered her. Its good that even though its a different school it's not a brand new one and she seemed excited to be back. Besides being tired from me dragging her around all day.

Friday... My sister agreed to watch LMS while I ran more errands. The new school requires everyone to wear uniforms. I had none, so I had to go shopping. I swear I came home with more bags over the weekend then I have all year. I found GAP uniform shirts on sale for $3.46 a piece, I cleaned them out then went to find some pants and jumpers. I found pants but they were all too long. I was tired of shopping, I HATE shopping, I just like new stuff, I want it to magically appear in my house. The whole process of shopping is overrated. Reason #25785 why I need a wife.

So after I spent a bunch of money, I went to go pick up LMS from my sisters house. luckily my sis cooked dinner and she had eaten, we headed home and went to sleep.

Saturday... I promised LMS we would do fun stuff since the we had not done anything but run around. We went to buy some play shoes, a raincoat and ran around chuck e cheese for a while. Then we got some frozen yogurt and life was good. I still had problems finding uniform jumpers but I figured I'd do that on sunday, my mom agreed to watch LMS for a lil while and hem her uniform pants. I also had a long back to school list of supplies I had to fill. I ended the day taking out LMS's braids... this took me like 2 hours to do half her head, she was tired and so was I.

Sunday... We woke up, ate breakfast and I finished taking out her braids. I knew I had to wash her hair and my GF gave me instructions on how to condition it. She offered to come over and blow dry it for me. LMS had never had her hair blow dried before so after some crying and negotiations it got done. My mom came over and took LMS out for ice cream, me and the GF went uniform and school supply shopping. I finally found a spot that sells jumpers and bought a bunch of them. LMS officially has more clothes then me. now she needs hangers for them all.

In the end the weekend was kind of a blur, LMS got everything she needed to start school on monday. While I felt a bit overwhelmed with how quickly it all happened I'm lucky to have a support system of people who love me and LMS enough to help. She's been with me a week today and we are starting to settle into a rhythm that can work. Besides she seems to be really happy to be with dad.

Then it All Changed

2010-09-27T10:50:00.003-04:00

Last week I went back to court to conclude my custody hearing. I had a billion things on my mind. I had no idea how it was going to turn out or how the outcome would change my life. All day I ran scenarios thru my mind and none of them ended with Busta Rhymes lol.

I was worried my baby momma wouldn't show, that she would find a way to drag this out longer. That I wouldn't get custody, That I would get custody and not be able to handle it, That I would get custody and it would ruin my relationship. Basiclly I was worried about everything. when I get nervous I just kinda zone out, I prepped for that day and I need to just stop thinking and live in the moment.

When I got to the courthouse I had to wait... we waited over a hour before our case was called. The judge took us last because he knew we were going to take a while. If you remember the last time we were in his courtroom things didn't end so well, he was in a bad mood and was having a horrible day. Thankfully he reconigzed that and apologized for it. He explained his actions and we progressed on with the case.

After about 4 hours of talking and testomony the judge went into his ruling. As I sat there I had no idea how it was going to go, the more he talked the more unsure I was. I sat and tried to figure out what I was feeling, I was sacred, happy and worried all at the same time. It wasn't till towards the end that I had a idea where he was leaning....

He mentioned how me and my baby momma could not agree on anything and it's like we are coming from different planets. Due to that he said Joint legal custody was impossible

*sidebar: Legal custody is who has the rights to make life choices for the child. Like school, doctors, church. Things like that. Most people have joint legal which means the parents have to agree on choices. Physical custody is who the child lives with a majority of the time.*

So with joint legal custody off the table he began to talk about physical custody. He mentioned how if things didn't change LMS would lose her relationship with me. Her mother had no interest in making sure I was a part of her life. I should mention that my Baby momma interupted the judge like 3 times while he was talking. If you have ever been in court this is a big no no. Anyway the judge mentioned that uprooting a child from one home and moving them to another is a huge decision and not something he liked to do personally or professionally.

After all that he said "I grant sole legal and physical custody to the plantiff (thats me!)" then he proceed to lay out a visitation schedule for my baby momma. *Here's when the drama starts* As the judge is saying she would get every other saturday - sunday she stands up and yells "That will never happen!! I gave birth to her!" and proceeds to storms out of the courtroom. Once she stood up, the judge adjusts his ruling and says she can have supervised visitation and he was going to forgo the exception period and make the order offical first thing in the morning. It was a crazy couple minutes and it took me a minute to realize what happened. I walked out the courtroom and everyone was gone. We were there till 6pm and court ends at 4:30pm. I mean the only people in the halls were cleaning folks. I hugged my mom and my lawyer (which might have made him uncomfortable lol) I held back tears of joy and tried to focus on what he was telling me.

So what happened? I got sole custody of my baby and her mom basiclly has no visitation. In order for her to visit with LMS she has to schedule it with a approved visitation center. No overnights, no trips anywhere. Just meet and play in a monitored place. Its like a complete 180 from everything that was happening. I went from no kid around to kid all the time.

I can't explain how excited I was, I got a sense of releif that finally I could move on to the next chapter of life. I knew my work was far from over but this was a huge step in creating a better life for me and LMS. Let me end it here, I'll continue the story of my first weekend as full-time dad later.

Thanks to everyone for your kind words and prayers, God is good and prayer works. You just have to be patient and realize things workout in thier own time not yours.

On The Radio pt2

2010-09-21T09:02:00.001-04:00

So ya'll remember when I said I was going to be on the radio? Well I actually did the interview and it went well. If your interested in listening head on over to

http://www.wrightontheedge.com/archives.php and click on the Sept 11th show. I'm on for the 1st 40 minutes or so. I only got 1 caller but he was great, honestly in my love of all things random I could not have asked for a better caller. It's not till the end but it's worth it. I was dying laughing on the inside.

If you listen to the interview and have any additional questions or comments please feel free to leave them and I will actually respond. Either in the comment thread or in a seprate post. I know I suck at responding to comments. I did a ask me anything post a while back and kinda regretted it but I figure while I'm answering questions I might as well give everyone a chance to ask.

Thanks to Wendy Wright for having me on, I had a good time and I wasnt nearly as nervous as I thought I would be.

Cooking with Dave

2010-09-20T09:35:00.002-04:00

In a effort to expand my empire and better use my talents I'm starting my cooking blog back up. No videos this time though, just pictures of good food and recipes for them. Hopefully it will inspire people to cook. So if your into food (who isn't?) you can check me out at www.cookinwithdave.com Also I kept my old videos just in case you missed them from before or wanted to watch them again.

Dinner with the parents

2010-09-14T13:57:00.000-04:00

So friday was my uncle's birthday. My uncle helpped raised me so he's more like a dad then uncle. That said I went over his house to wish him a happy birthday. I kikcked it for a while when my aunt(his ex-wife) showed up. Even though they are not married anymore they are like best friends. By best friends I mean the argue ALL the time, it's both funny and annoying. They might as well just stayed married.

So i'm riding with them to the resturant, chillin in the backseat like I'm 5. The last time I rode in the backseat of a car it was because my mom refused to let me drive (actually it's a funny story). I had a brief glimpse into what life as a loser must be like. Spending your friday night riding in the backseat going out to dinner with your parents smh. Anyway dinner was cool but the best part of the night was this convo....

Aunt: What happened to Tommy?
Uncle: He's dead.
Aunt: What?!? You piece of shyt! why didn't you tell me!
Uncle: He died a couple weeks ago I thought you knew.
Aunt: How would I know! if I woulda known I would have went to his funeral
Uncle: They buried him way out Virgina somewhere
Aunt: You aint shyt!
Uncle: Well next time he dies I'll let you know.
Me: *dead*

No really I was quiet until then, at that moment I busted out laughing. Every now and then I forget where I get my sense of humor from and moments like this remind me.

On the Radio

2010-09-08T11:32:00.005-04:00

Have you ever wanted to hear what I sound like?

Don't remember my voice from the cooking show?

Want to know why my NY readers think I'm from Philly or the country with a K?

Want to ask me some random question hoping I'll actually answer?

Well here's your chance!

This Saturday at 1pm I'll be doing a interview on the radio show "Wright on the Edge". I'll be discussing all things baby Daddy related and answering as many questions as I can. So if your free please tune in. In DC is going to be on WOL AM1450 or you can listen live online at http://www.wrightontheedge.com/listen_live.php Of course I'll post a link to the archive.

The waiting game

2010-08-31T06:57:00.003-04:00

I feel like this blog has gotten depressing as of late... really if I had more funny stuff happening in my life I'd blog about it. Thing is my life is the equilvlent of sitting in a waiting room.

When you in a waiting room you look around, you might read a book do some people watching or even spark up a convo with the people around you. You just want to pass the time while you wait. Thats me, I'm just sitting and waiting. I've done winter, spring and summer cleaning. I've painted rooms, moved around furniture I even created a idea folder. All in the interest of passing the time.

I'm not here alone though, naw I brought people close to me into the waiting room, so they are forced to wait too. My mom wants to spoil her grandbaby, so she's waiting. My sister wants to spoil her only niece (she bought LMS a b-day gift that she still hasn't been able to give her) so she waits. My girl wants to open a new chapter in our relationship but I can't because I'm not done writing this one, so she waits. Hell even this blog is waiting, I'm sure ya'll want me to get back to funny random stories. So everything in my life is on hold.

While waiting I've realized something, waiting sucks! really who is happy in the waiting room? Oh its fine when you first walk in, maybe after 5 min you grab something to read. After 10 min you start looking around to get a idea of what going on. After 30 you start getting mad, if your forced to wait over a hour your ready to curse someone out. Now imagine waiting over a year... it zaps the life out of you. All of 2010 has been a blur, I look up and it's september. I have more gray hair and for the last week I've waken up sore, and my body aches for no real reason. My body just wants to lay in bed or on the couch but my mind won't allow it. I find myself not wanting to talk to people and just being in a bad mood. I try and force myself out of it most days but some days I just want to be a asshole. I'm suprised people even deal with me lol.... In short I'm tired of this waiting room.

1st day

2010-08-24T08:03:00.004-04:00

As a flip side to my venting post every now and then my BM can put in some effort to making LMS look nice. She just needs a reason, like the 1st day of school. This week LMS started 1st grade and she was more then happy to be there!

I had to fight crowds of parents and park 2 blocks away from the school but I was able to see LMS off on her first day.

Venting

2010-08-20T08:53:00.003-04:00

I realize a good 80% of the people who read this blog are single mothers and another 15% are women. So when I feel like blogging about things like child support and how children are treated I know I'll get some backlash. That said this blog is about my point of view which isn't a mom, a single mom or even a woman. I'd like to think ya'll read this blog exactly for that view.

That said I just feel like my baby momma doesn't care about LMS. I truly think she is selfish and only focused on herself and how she can get over. She looks at my baby is her source of income. For example, I took this pic last week and this is typically what LMS looks like on a day she's with her mom.

granted she is and always be beautiful to me but when I look at the picture all I see is how she has on clothes that I bought last summer, her hair is never done, how her mom buys the cheapest shoes she can find and she has gained something like 10 pounds in 9 months (but thats a whole different post). To me she just looks dare I say dirty and uncared for... she just isn't thriving like she used to. I can't stand how I pay child support and watch it not go to my daughter. This year I have paid over 5g's in support this year and when I see my baby she looks a mess. (before ya'll get on me about how much kids cost understand that LMS doesn't go to daycare or a summer camp. without childcare costs the least a kid should have is new clothes) I can't think of a woman besides my BM who wouldn't do their daughters hair. Even if I get past the clothes thing and knowing my money is being mismanaged fact is that doing a child's hair has nothing to do with money and everything to do with patience and effort. She doesn't have any patience for children and she only shows effort in finding ways to get money out of me.

I just want whats best for my little girl and it's heartbreaking to know that she's not getting it.

Quotes for life

2010-08-12T11:55:00.001-04:00

I have this file full of quotes that I like. I browse it for gchat statues or when I need some inspiration. I was looking thru it and came across a couple:

"One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." -- Andre Gide

This actually describes how I've been feeling. I left my comfort zone in search of a better less stressful, more functional life. Me deciding to try and get custody of LMS was like looking out into the ocean and imagining some new land somewhere. A land where I was free to make better choices for both me and my daughter. I had no idea if it was possible but I knew I couldn't stay on the shore of that land anymore.

The shoreline of that world is long gone, I couldn't go back even if I wanted too. At times I miss it, it was familiar even if it was ripe with dysfunction. It wasn't till I realized that I wanted to be married that I really knew how dysfunctional it was. When it's just you living your life you kind of make excuses for how things are. When you think about bringing someone else into your world you have to do a line by line audit of your life. You have to really see if you can combine your life with someone elses. I knew I needed to do better, my life then wasn't conducive to growth and expansion. I need to make some changes in order to move my life to a different level.

"I’m leaving all those grudges behind me, Throwing fear out the window, So when these blessings come to find me, They will have room to breathe and grow" - Lyfe Jennings

This has been a long year. I've had plenty of time to second guess just about everything about my life. I have a mental list of countless things I did both right and wrong. I found new faults in myself that I might have never realized. So as I continue to go thru this custody battle I know it's something that I needed to do for my growth as a person. I'll be a better person after this is over. I needed to get knocked down so I could better appreciate getting up. i took for granted so much stuff in my life. I forgot what feeling helpless felt like, I needed this reminder. I've grown alot the last 12 months and I Luckily I've been blessed to have awesome, supportive, patient people around me. Without them I'd probably would have snapped by now.

#sidebar: I should update ya'll on some things. My court ordered visitation was only until july 9th. So currently I have none. when I asked the judge to extend it on the 9th his exact words were "ya'll need to work it out" did I mention he was in a horrible no good mood that day? My BM refuses to let LMS go anywhere with me. She wants "supervised visitation" even though 2 judges have told her that there is no reason for it. She's grasping to have control of something. So I've only seen LMS twice in the last month. I didn't even get to throw her a proper b-day party #endsidebar

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win." -Mahatma Gandhi

Oddly this is exactly how I think this will all play out. Last year when I first filed my BM ignored the court papers. For months she didn't read them, thought they were just for visitation and not custody. Then when she realized what I wanted she laughed, called me names. Then she fought back, lied on me, Tried to ruin my name. Now all I need is to win.

When A.D.D goes wrong...

2010-08-02T12:18:00.002-04:00

Let me share my weekend story. See it started on a quiet saturday afternoon. I was chilling with my lady friend, watching TV when I mentioned how I need to go to the grocery store. She says "ok, lets go" and away we went.

Before stopping at the store I wanted to go look at dishwashers, you see my dishwasher has been broken over a year and I was considering finally buying a new one. After leaving the applience place we headed up the road. She mentions how it's a beautiful day and it would be nice to go to the beach, I say the beach is 20min away and we could go. Away we went.

While chilling at the beach (mind you we had NO beach stuff so we just walked the pier) we get some ice cream look at the water then hopped back in the car. Away we went.

Finally we arrive at the grocery store, maybe 1.5 hours after we left my house. I'm picking up some fruit and trying to decide if I want to make lemonade with fresh lemons or lemon juice in the bottle when my mind begins to work...

lemonade.... didn't I just make sweet tea? wait I was GOING to make sweet tea, put the sugar and water on the stove... wait... did I? oh shyt!!!!!

I LEFT A POT OF BOILING SUGAR WATER ON THE STOVE!!!!

you see before we left I had started to make sweet tea, we both completely forgot that the pot was on the stove and just left out. I had to get back home asap... Away we went..

About 20min later when I got home I was relieved not to see a firetruck in front of my house. I also noticed my neighbor sitting on the porch like it was a normal day and didn't hear any smoke alarms blaring. All signs looked normal. It wasn't until I got to the door that I knew something bad was inside. The smell was like burnt candy and I could smell it from outside the front door. Once I got inside I saw something that can only be described as a lava rock... I survey the damage and decide that everything is just too hot to handle. I also notice we left the TV on, i mean how excited about going to the store were we?? anyway I cut the stove off and head back to the car, after all I STILL needed to go grocery shopping lol... Away we went.

When I got back I was re-greeted with this:

It was SOLID!!

Thank god my house, stove and even the pot survived. The lesson as always is don't let your A.D.D get the better of you.

Freecycle

2010-07-21T08:12:00.002-04:00

Have you heard of freecycle? It's like craigslist but for free stuff. You canpost ads offering things or requesting stuff. I signed up a couple weeks ago in the hopes I would come across something amazing that some fool wanted to give away. While I have yet to find anything worth picking up, I have been amazed by the amount of crap people decide to try and give away. A few examples are:

- Large sturdy lawn mower box. Usually you throw away the box that stuff came in. especially a lawn mower, This guy felt the box was too nice to throw away.... sad part is someone picked it up lol.

- Egg shells. Some lady wanted egg shells to complete some craptastic project. who keeps egg shells around? I mean I can understand saving them if your going to use them but just having a bag ready to give away? #hoarder!

- 3 pampers swimmers. really? you want to give away 3 diapers? would you really drive somewhere for 3 diapers?

- 2 bags of chips. 8.5 oz bags of chips, not even name brand but Food Lion brand. I don't even have a joke for this....

- Digital camera. someone requested this and I was amazed. granted I'm sure someone has a camera they don't use anymore but damn why just give it away? you can try and sell it on craigslist. even sell it for $10 thats still a couple drinks at happy hour.

Those are just a few... Now I can say that if you want free kittens, fabric or old couches this is the place for you. Also there are lots of baby products. I've yet to see anything I want but if you like free stuff you might want to check it out.

Tagged again... Versatile Blogger award

2010-07-16T14:55:00.003-04:00

You may remember a LONG time back the big thing in blogging was to tag everyone. Back then I refused to participate in such mess and actually I'ma continue to not tag other bloggers. That said Kingsmomma tagged me as a Versatile Blogger. In honor of this award I have to list 7 random facts about me. I feel like I have mentioned millions of random things (well at least 100) about me but I'll list 7 more. If theses are repeats forgive me.

1. I rarely check facebook... I've grown out of my addiction to read people's statuses and view they pictures. My aunt told us she stalks me and my cousins pages, hearing that made me not want to update anything lol

2. When I'm truly upset about something I work. I do odd projects, doing manual labor enables my mind to clear and focus. When I feel like I can't control things I focus on the stuff I can.

3. I have several physical "tells" that I know about AND know when I do. I yawn when I don't want to talk about stuff, scratch my head when I'm gathering my thoughts, etc. That said I make no attempt to hide them.

4. I'm not good with empathy, if you have a problem and just want to talk about it without hearing a solution then i'm not the guy you should call. Case in point my cousin called me to complain about getting a speeding ticket, I talked to him for 3 min then suggested he call one of his women and bitch about it to them. lol

5. I don't eat mushrooms, bell peppers, avocados or sour cream. I will just pick around them.

6. I talk in my sleep, or i've been told I talk in my sleep. Sometimes I pat the person next to me, I have yet to get up and walk around though

7. I hate walking around barefoot. idk why but I like having slippers, flip flops or shoes on even when I'm in the house.

*this list of 7 things took me 3 days to compile. Please don't expect any more lists from me lol

Random pics..

2010-07-14T12:51:00.006-04:00

I was going to write up a recap on my non-court adventures then I remembered I have a ton of pics!! so yeah this is a pic post in no real order settle in and enjoy (fyi if you follow me on twitter you might have seen some of these)

I've been grilling:

Damn right I put bacon on the grill! bacon cheeseburgers 4life lol

Steaks, corn and grilled green tomatoes (the tomatoes are on the plate with the corn)

pork chops, corn and brocollini (google it bamma)

As well as cooking inside:

Lamb and black bean chili

yes I grind my own chili powder...

Working on home improvement projects:

Kitchen sink sprung a leak and flooded my basement ceiling, I had to rip out a bunch of wet drywall

Cut my leg in the process

Almost like new

I've been going out:

it's spring so you know I went crabbing

Me and her went to....

Baltimore Oriole game... FYI they let you bring your own cooler into the park, I wish I knew this before I got there lol

Thats just a lil bit of what I've been up too...

All In... pt 2

2010-07-09T17:48:00.003-04:00

My day at court didn't go as I expected, I didn't lose but I didn't win either. At best it could be described as delayed. Long day and story short the judge didn't have time to hear the whole case and was more interested in starting his vacation than deciding custody. A case that was scheduled for 3 hours was given 1.5 hours. He stopped the hearing short and decided to continue it in September...

Thanks to everyone for your well wishes, while I'm sad as I type this I'm not discouraged. All good things come in time, I've been waiting a a year And as usual "nobody said it would be easy, only that it would be worth it"

Anyway its going to be a LONG 3 months...

All In

2010-07-09T06:00:00.000-04:00

Today I go to court to find out if I get custody of LMS... Just about 11 months after I started this process I'll finally get some resolution. Sooo much of LMS and my future depends on this decision, I feel like I'm shoving all my chips on the table at a poker tournament. If I lose I'll be crushed, if I win I can't even explain how happy and relieved I will be. While I'm 90% sure I will win custody I still ask that ya'll send up a prayer for me. Win or lose Thanks to everyone who reads this blog an provides kind and encouraging words, Ya'll are really the best readers ever.

Hood Flashback

2010-07-06T12:58:00.003-04:00

Did I ever post a pic of my neighbors yard? The ones I think are hoarders I know I posted it on twitter but I'm not sure if I mentioned it here... anyway these are my neighbors....

notice the fridge, mattress and other random crap? yeah they have lived there a lil over a year. HOARDERS!!! I mention this not because my neighbors provided me a funny story this weekend.

See I was minding my business in my room watching TV when I heard alot of talking outside, at first I ignored it but after someone says "that's crazy" 20 times you kinda get curious. So I peep out the window and notice 2 police cars in the parking lot. I also hear a police officer saying "You can either apologize or go to jail" he was talking to my neighbors son/cousin/brother (some young dude that lives there,I should mention that like 8 people live in this 3br house). Anyway his parents/guardians were out there too, The kid (he's 19) finally apologizes and they all head back in the house. As the parents lecture him on how dumb he is and how he was about to be locked up I'm left confused.. I had no idea what just happened or why he was apologizing or even WHO he was apologizing too, I just couldn't see the whole situation from my window. I shrug my shoulders and go back to bed.

The next day... I'm outside wrapping up some yard work and the mom/guardian asks me if I noticed drug traffic in and out her house... I mention that I see lots of teens but I never noticed a drug sale. She mentions how her son/dependent went out to a party, got so white boy wasted that he passed out in the back of our neighbors car. not HIS car, not even his parents car. NO out neighbors car! she must have left it unlocked and dude felt like the backseat was comfy. Our neighbor came out in the morning saw a strange 5'10 black man with dreads sleep in the back seat of her car and called the police lol hell I don't even blame her.... So that's what all the apologizing was about, dumbass.

So that was my #hoodflashback moment of the weekend....

Random but Not

2010-06-30T07:56:00.002-04:00

I've been kinda uninspired to blog. Its not that I don't have stuff to talk about it's just that I don't want to mention it here. I have this low level fear that my BM will discover my blog and try to use it against me. It might be unfounded since I don't really talk bad about her. Plus I've been blogging 2+ years and she hasn't discovered it yet, plus she is not much of a innanet person. Anyway so much goes on that I don't wanna blog about maybe one day I will actually write a book about all of this and include the extra stuff that doesn't make it to a post. Really my life is crazy.

I was telling my co-worker about the custody stuff and he offered to say a prayer with me. He had been praying for my daughter all year, he knew something was bothering me but didn't know the extent. So I chatted and prayed with him and he prayed that I receive patience and guidance. This was crazy because thats all I ever pray for, patience and guidance.

I'm way more religious then I realize, all the principles I live are things you learn reading the bible. When people are foul and petty to me I just let it go, it's not my job to judge them or exact revenge. I just know it will come back in some way or form. Karma levels the world, you reap what you sow, I believe all that. Carrying that hate in your heart will only block you from growing and being successful. In the end I realize that even though I don't like my BM no part of me wants to get "payback" for some of the stuff she has pulled. I just want whats best for LMS and to put all this behind us. I'm not a petty person, see i care HOW i win or achieve things. It's nice to get it but I care that I was honorable and achieved it with my head held high. I have faith I don't have to stoop to doing low things to have favor. Above all I have faith that it will all work out.

Thru all this I've been trying to figure out what exactly is the lesson I need to learn (besides not to sleep with crazy women). I'm one of those "there is a lesson in everything" kinda people. I've settled that I needed to learn that I'm not a island and I really should share more of myself with people. I have family and friends who love me and sometimes I shut them out, I need to be more open with my life.

Let me end this with something funny. I was outside my job minding my business when I noticed some Federal Police locking up 2 gentlemen. Now seeing the real feds is not unusual since I work in a federal building and they like to hang out around here. 4 suburbans with all black tint surrounded these 2 dudes and a delivery van. Then I realized that they were locking up were the dudes who deliver the printer toner. They had them pushed up on the van and taking off they shoes, it was a sad sight. I watched for a couple minutes then headed back to work. As soon as I walk in the office I see someone with a invoice from the same company that just got locked up. I ask if they were planning on meeting the dudes because they might be busy lol. Turns out they had just left them. So between delivering toner and getting back to the van they committed a federal crime. I have no idea what they did but I'm sure they will not be making anymore deliveries anytime soon.

Also let me mention the BET "awards". First this can barely be called a award show since I watched it for 2 hours and saw them give away 3 awards. They should just call it a annual concert and consider the awards giveaways lol. Hell you could raffle them off. Anyway the best part was seeing Wacka Flacka!! what? you missed him? He was out there with Diddy! how could you not notice him? They were the only 2 people on the stage! ooohhhhh maybe it was because he was engulfed in smoke! Say what you want about Diddy but dude knows how to steal the spotlight while making you think he's helping If you missed Wacka playing ghostly hype man you can check it here

Group Sessions

2010-06-18T09:52:00.001-04:00

So I made it thru the therapy sessions. My solo one was cool, I sat with the Dr for about 40 min then answered a personality test that was 300+ questions. I didn't break down in tears or anything... all in all it was a pretty easy session. The group session was a different story....

I got to the appointment 1/2 a hour early, I'm usually early to things it's just how I was raised. I was prepared to wait a lil while in the car but I noticed BM's car in the parking lot. Now she is NEVER early to anything so I was curious as to why she was there. My first thought was the dr wanted to talk with LMS.

I'm already nervous, anytime I have to be in the same room as BM I get nervous, I just don't expect it to end well. I walk in the office and neither BM or LMS are there, now I'm sure that LMS is being interviewed. I take my seat and start praying. The Dr walks past and confirms that they are talking to LMS and she will be with me shortly. At this point I feel bad for my little girl, she has been exposed to alot thru all this. Despite that she is always happy, kids are amazing.

About 10 min later as I'm playing a game on my phone and trying to calm my nerves my BM walks around the corner. She looks at me and gives me the most stankiest of stank faces! for some reason this relieved all my nerves, It was like as soon as I realized it was time to go all my worries left I was calm, cool and collected, ready for anything. I couldn't help but smirk, It was funny to me. She spends so much energy hating me not realizing that it's pointless. As we walked towards the stairs I tried to let her go first, you know trying to be a gentleman and let ladies first and all that, she insisted that I go ahead of her. She don't even want to accept that small token of nice from me. Once we sat down it was a huge back and forth. Actually it wasn't that huge she did most the talking, I spent my time shaking my head and pointing out untruths. My BM has a habit of being long winded, the best example of her is that Crazy chick on Real Housewives of NYC (Yes I've seen way more episodes then I should have) In the end the Dr seemed to get frustrated and said we were done. I was in and out in less then a hour, So combined I spent about 1.5 hours with the Dr. I'm not sure if it was worth the $1000 but I guess I'll know when I get a chance to read her evaluation.

I want to thank everyone on who sent a prayer up for me. It was definitely appreciated. Unless something new happens I just have to sit and wait for July.
I hope all the dads out there have a Happy Fathers Day!

Party Time...

2010-06-16T10:09:00.002-04:00

No big stories today, I actually just have a question for ya'll. LMS b-day is coming up and I want to throw her a party. Is it wrong for me to have a separate party from whatever her mom is planning? Honestly I don't want to be in the same space as my BM and I think any joint party we throw would have more tension then fun.

Considering everything thats going on I think this would be a good time to start a 2 party tradition. I don't think LMS would object to having 2 parties a year, provided her mom throws her one. So what do ya'll think? anyone out there already do this? how does it work out?

Thanks

Provider

2010-06-10T07:56:00.004-04:00

I've been thinking alot about what happened. Like how did I get here. At some point in the last 5 years I changed. When before I would fight and work harder then everyone to get the life I wanted. Lately I realized I lost my desire to fight for it.

When I was like 17 I remember going to places like cheesecake factory and thinking "people eat in places like this all the time" see I didn't, I had never been to a restaurant that nice before. My mom just couldn't afford it. It wasn't until I started making my own money that I was exposed to how the other side live. It was a side of life that loved. It's not even that they were rich they were just middle class and I wanted it. I worked hard to get a middle class life that I was proud of and I just got lazy. Maybe you wanna call it comfortable, I lost that drive that got me to the middle, not even to the top lol. Worse part of all this is I feel like i'm not providing like I used to, Like I fell off. Men need to provide, it's our job. I feel like a sucky ass provider right now. That might be whats bothering me the most. The idea that I failed to really provide everything my daughter and family needed.

When someone I love needs something I feel obligated to provide it. I'm the man of the house, if something is needed I need to get it. As of late i just feel like I've been unable to do that. My mind has been all over the place and my finances are in the shyt hole. I should have BEEN handled all this mess years ago but I was just too lazy. I lost my fight. I just wanna apologize to people for letting them down, for it taking me this long to get back to the man I once was. I know I didn't really really let them down but Its just how I feel.

I usually handle problems head on. In this custody case I just waited and waited, kept digging my own hole instead of attacking the issue and doing what needed to be done. Anyway I'm glad it clicked for me and I found my drive, I love my middle class life but now I realize I still have to work like hell to keep and improve on it. As usual nobody said it would be easy just that it would be worth it.

Keeping it in your pants

2010-06-07T10:00:00.000-04:00

I know a couple people either complaining about not getting any action or just giving it up to anyone. I even know some women who choose to be celibate and receive flack for it. Like they are letting a prized wine go to waste. Truth is I've been on both sides of that coin. I went to a phase where I slept with some women I'll never claim and I went thru a phase where I didn't sleep with anyone at all. Yup I was celibate.

After LMS was born and I broke up with my BM I was celibate for like 2-3 years. I didn't even count the months/days. It didn't even bother me, I didn't miss sex, I wasn't complaining about not being able to get any booty. I still went out on dates I just didn't have any desire to have sex. Its not that they weren't attractive I was just focused on being a dad. Going on dates was just a hobby, not something I was serious about. Plus I was a little shook from getting a girl preggers. I never wanted 1 baby momma much less 2! Some dudes are controlled by the power U, the idea of not having a girl on deck drives them crazy. Hell even some women are consumed by the D and having a "maintenance" man. While it may seem like I'm always dating someone trust me it's not because I have to. The time I spent celibate was productive and I learned alot about me and about women. When your not trying to get in someone's pants you can actually learn alot about them. It forces you to have a real conversation. Trust me when I say if you take a moment to listen, people will tell you everything you need to know about them. Plus when your not focused on sex you put that energy into other things. Just don't trade sex for drugs for liquor.

Short story short, anybody who says you need to be getting some is lying to you. Any dude who's acting like you not giving him some is the end of the world is a lame-O and your better off without him. nobody should be using the lack of sex in their life as a excuse for anything. Being celibate is perfectly fine and now a days it might just save your life.

Blah.... part duex

2010-06-03T09:32:00.001-04:00

I'd like to blame twitter for my lack of posting but the truth is I have not been on there much either. Honestly I just haven't been feeling very social. Besides hanging with my lady friend and LMS I have not been doing much. I left facebook months ago, right after I realized my aunt was stalking me and my cousins profiles for updates about our lives info lol. Alas don't worry this is not a post about me taking a break, I won't be leaving blogging or twitter anytime soon i just recognize I'm in a funk.

While the temp is rising and the sun is shining I'm back to just wanting to chill in my basement. Maybe its depression but this whole custody thing is definitely taking its toll on me. It's financially and emotionally draining, It feels like everyday something about it needs my attention. Life is stressful and this has been both a learning and growth experience, If a divorce is half this stressful you can bet I'll never get one lol. Actually as I write this I think I have blogged about it before, no matter.

While I'm happy that now I get to see LMS every week I can't wait for this to be over. I want my life back, I want to get back to feeling normal. Even if I don't win custody at least there will be some resolution. Although if I don't win I'm sure I'll be depressed for the rest of the summer.

My latest focus is on a psychological evaluation. I'm pretty sure my baby momma is bi-polar or something, some days we can talk like normal people and other days she is coming from left field on me. I can't even explain it. After my lawyer met her he suggested the eval, it's sad that you can spend 1 hour with someone you have never met before and think they're crazy lol. Thing about the evaluation is that we both have to get one. So I have to pay $1000 for a shrink to ask me questions. She has to pay it too but since she's unemployed I'm sure she qualifies for a wavier. Anyway I'm just hoping I'm not really crazy lol. I mean this could completely backfire on me. What happens if I just breakdown in the office? I've never been to a Psychologist before, I have no idea what kind of deep down issues she might uncover.

Anyway this is going to be a interesting summer between court, being broke and my mini stretches of depression. Regardless of how it all plays out I'll be a better and stronger man for it.

Randomness

2010-05-26T09:47:00.003-04:00

• I finally got some court ordered visitation. Of course the first day of it BM was 2 hours late. At least she showed, I was expecting her to ignore the court order. So me and the baby hung out some this weekend, we had fun she finally got to play with that barbie I bought her from NY. Remember last post when I mentioned her having on basketball shoes? on here is what I mean:

They are P Miller's... MASTER P!! does he even make shoes anymore? I doubt it because LMS mentioned she got them from her brother. Her brother is 8 years older then her so again these are just old ass shoes. Notice the one on the left doesn't even have a tounge.... After I dropped LMS off to her mom I went and picked her up some girls shoes.

• I beginning to like musicals. My Neice asked me to take her to see Susical the musical.

She's all into preforming arts and a couple of her friends were in the play. I'm not going to lie I liked it! it was put on by a local preforming arts group and they did a pretty good job. granted it wasn't perfect and they messed up a couple times but I enjoyed it. Between that and being forced to watch Glee, I'm starting to come around to the whole musical thing. LMS will be in preforming arts in the fall.

• I was on a closet cleaning kick this weekend. I cleaned 2 of my closets and ended up with 4 30 gallon trash bags full of trash and a 30 gallon bag stuffed with clothes to donate. Yup I'm a hoarder! The amount of clothes that I have that both fit and I'd still wear is small. I ended up donating half my clothes, I need to go shopping.

• Speaking of hoarding I saw on the news this black couple was trapped in their house for weeks after rubbish fell on them. They were 70 y/o hoarders and when the trash fell on the wife her husband tried to help. Only to have it fall on him too. Thing is they are still alive! weeks stuck under trash and they lived. I need to hear how they did that.

• I smoked some brisket not long ago. Came out pretty good, I might try it again this summer and see if I can't perfect it. I know it looks like a burnt chunk of meat but trust me it was good.

Be on the lookout for Dave's BBQ truck on a corner near you!

• My plants are growing pretty good. I used miracle grow on them and that stuff works wonders. Only thing is my mint plant (bottom left) is in a crappy pot so I might need to move it.

Standard Of Living

2010-05-20T08:58:00.001-04:00

Ever since my baby has been born I've been responsible for 90% of her clothes and shoes. I'm not complaining about this because I know it just comes with being a parent. If she needed it I just went out and got it, her mom got used to it and expected me too. I did this on top of paying child support again it's part of being a parent.

Fast forward to end of last year. Her mom starts calling me a dead beat and mentions how LMS new needs shoes. I was broke and mentioned that she should just go get some with the child support money. Mind you I pay $700+ a month, a $40 pair of shoes should not be a big deal. Apparently to her mom it was.... she flips on me and insists that I don't support LMS. A little later I noticed LMS had on new shoes. That was great except they were boys shoes and were too big. Which got me thinking if they were bought or given. Usually by now i would have just bought her some new ones but since I have not really seen her I have not had a chance to even see what size she wears now.

Since January the last 3 times I have seen LMS she had on old clothes (clothes I bought last spring/summer) and old shoes. Shoes that either are boys shoes or simply no longer fit. During our latest court hearing my BM brought LMS with her, I was excited to see her and I could tell she was happy to see me. Here's what bothered me though, it was a rainy day and LMS had on a superman rain jacket. A rain jacket that I remember belonged to my BM's older son when he was a kid. That jacket has to be around 8 years old. And she had some run down boys basketball shoes on. All I could think was all that money and you can't buy some shoes and a $15 rain jacket at target? it don't have to be GUCCI or even GAP just something nice and from the girls section.

I'm not sure what my child support money goes too since LMS doesn't go to aftercare and she apparently isn't getting new clothes/shoes. I doubt she eats $700 worth of food a month. Actually I do know where is goes, it's my BM's lone source of income so it goes to household bills. I wouldn't have a problem with this if LMS was taken care of first. I understand that bills are apart of a childs expenses. I just expect that the child's basic needs would come before the household bills. To me clothing and shoes are more important than cable. Child support shouldn't cover rent because you would be paying rent even if you didn't have a kid. The whole "roof over their head" idea should account for the roof I provide too. A child doesn't really use up any extra electricity, maybe more water but thats about it.

Long story short when you hear people complain about child support it's not always because they don't wanna pay it. It's just the idea that we can't control what it gets spent on. If the court said you have to spend X amount of dollars a month on your child I'm sure more people wouldn't complain about it. If I could just buy clothes, food, give LMS some spending money and put whatever's left in her college fund I'd be alot happier.

Parenting 101

2010-05-11T16:04:00.003-04:00

In my county they require anyone involved in a contested custody case to attend 2 parenting classes. Although it's required they still charge $125 which kinda pissed me off but anyway. Originally when I was scheduling the class I said I didn't care if me and BM were in it at the same time, my lawyer objected and said to make it separate classes. My thought was "I'm not scared of her" but after being in the class I fully understand. I didn't expect this to be a happy place but damn....

First off this class was in the basement of the library. I didn't even know libraries had basements. There was this big room with about 150 chairs, the place was packed. So packed people had to stand in the back. Before class you had to sign in, 15min after the class started they removed the sign in sheet but they still let people come in and attend the class. What they didn't say was that if you don't sign in you don't get credit for coming, even if you stay for a majority of the class. There was about 20 people pissed to learn they would have to repeat the class because they arrived too late to sign in and get credit lol

As soon as I walked in I noticed how packed it was, I was expecting maybe 30 people. This place was so packed I had to get a spare chair and find a place for it. I found some empty space on the side near the back next to this cell phone that was charging on the floor. I didn't move the phone because it was there first lol. I can never be one of those people who carry wall chargers everywhere I go. If i can't charge it in the car then my phone can just go dead.

The class was scheduled to be 3 hours long. Here are some random observations from my time...

- It started at 6pm so I decided to just eat dinner before I went. A lady showed up with her teenage son and took a box of KFC out her purse, I kinda wanted to ask if she had a double down in there but I decided against it.

- Within 10 minutes of being there I realized that this class is geared towards folks getting a divorce. They talked about grief and family transitions it was actually pretty interesting. They discussed how people and children deal with loss and what emotions they might be going thru.

- As I looked at the crowd I noticed lots of young people. Like high school kids, i'm not sure if all of them were court ordered to go but I can't see any other reason to be there. These kids need to stop fukkin.

- There was this dude sitting near me who I swear looked just like Cutty from The Wire, he was eyeing up the lady who brought in the KFC lol.

- Once the speakers started asking for crowd participation I realized that there were alot of angry people in the room. They started asking questions and talking about their specific situation and you could tell some were still bitter towards their ex and the situation. It was then that I realized I'm completely over my BM, I don't have the same anger when I talk about her that these people have. Even when she does shyt that should drive me crazy I've learned to just ignore it. These lots of these people are still in the anger stage.

- One presenter began with "I don't have a degree for any of this"... At least she was upfront about it.

- 2 people recognizing each other who live in the same neighborhood. Guess you private matter just went public lol #awkward

- Dude in class in a wife beater on. Not saying you should dress up but damn.

- There was a mother and daughter in a custody battle. They were in the same class and got into a mini-argument trying to get the speakers to side with each of them. That's when I realized that you shouldn't be in this class with the other party, I could easily see a fight breaking out.

I Saw Her... pt 2

2010-05-06T12:10:00.002-04:00

So when we left our story I had seen LMS at her school crying and being dragged to a car. Fast forward almost a month and a couple court filings later, my BM offers to let me see LMS under "supervised" visitation. When she originally said this I explained that I didn't need to be supervised but I would be happy to pick her up. BM balked at the idea and insisted that it be supervised. I decline since our court date was in a couple days and I figured I'd be granted a visitation schedule anyway.

BM decides not to show up for court... again. So instead of the judge just granting me what we requested they re-schedule for yet another day. So that weekend I hit BM up and reluctantly agree to "supervised" visitation. I mean at least I'll be able to spend time with my baby even if it's under a less then ideal conditions. We agree to meet at a park, she brings LMS, 4 other kids and her dad (LMS granddad). I guess he was there as the "supervisor".

Seeing LMS was great, we played around and had tons-o-fun, minus her mom being there it was just like before. She asked about a couple of her toys and remembered a promise I made about buying a dog... lol, She ignored her friends for the most part and just wanted to be around me. I almost forgot what it's like for someone to yell "daddy" every 3 minutes. She mentioned how she missed me and how she was crying for me. I told her that I missed her too and it would be over soon enough. Funny thing is that my lawyer mentioned since I had not seen her in so long that it might take some adjusting for her to get used to being around me again. While I understood his logic I knew that it wouldn't be a problem for us. She is my baby, a couple months wouldn't change our relationship. I only played with her for a hour before her mom decided to leave but that hour recharged my batteries, seeing how excited she was just have have me around was exactly what I needed.

Next I'll share the story of my court ordered parenting class I attended... it was great for all the wrong reasons lol

My Weekend in Pics

2010-04-28T14:12:00.004-04:00

I apologize to everyone who follows me on twitter and has probably already seen these pictures.

Friday I decided to plant some veggies and herbs. Ya'll do remember that I garden right? yeah in pots on my deck lol.

Here's the plant breakdown. I got yellow cherry tomato, a heirloom tomato, Lemon Boy tomato, cilantro, basil, cinnamon basil, Habanero peppers and mint. i really should have taken a "after" pic but oh well.

Now if you know me you know I can't resit random things so when I saw Lemon tomatoes and cinnamon basil I had to get it. I have no idea what I will use them in though.

Saturday was kind of a chill day, I did spot this at the bank

yup, zebra pajama pants... Damn kids.

Then I went to go fix this ladies computer, She's a nice lady but I was a little worried when I saw this on her door

uuummmm yeah.... Luckily it was a very easy fix and that translated to easy $$$.

On Sunday I went fishing for some rockfish. First time this year, it was such a beautiful day...

Yeah I was FREEZING!!! I always under dress to go fishing and I always end up being cold. After 6-7 hours on the water we didn't catch anything. Not 1 bite, normally I don't mind if we catch anything since I like being on the water but shyt I was cold lol. Only saving grace was no other boats caught anything either. The storm from the night before must have scared the fish.

That was my weekend in short...

damn! I finally have 100 people following me on google, I guess I'll have to blog more to make sure ya'll don't get bored and leave me lol.

RIP Dorothy Height

2010-04-23T07:30:00.003-04:00

After causing so many of ya'll to tear up hopefully this post will bring a smile to your face.

I'll be real with you. I didn't really know who Dorothy Height was before she died. This is sad since I walk past the National Council of Nergo Women headquarters everyday on my way to work. That said I busted out laughing when this pic flashed across my TV during the news...

*laser side eye* (c) @shesayswhatever

Now tell me she not giving MLK a serious side eye! My first thought was that she was thinking "This nigga here..." lmao. I mean she leaning over to side eye him! I can not explain how funny it was to me. I almost felt bad for laughing about it.... almost.

Any way RIP to a wonderful lady who spent her life trying to make our society a better place. We need more side eye wielding people like her.

Have a good weekend folks